no

welcome to cringe city (affectionate)

[certainly-april]

Ragebaiting my fat dog? More like master baiting my fat hog!!!!!!!!

[grimoiremanifest]

❗️Great Hog is displeased by this.

The kingly pig looks taken aback by this statement. "You claim to be 'baiting' our kind?.. A master of it, no less - after all the trust we hsve placed in you?"

- Your relationship with the Hog Society 🐖 is now Unfavourable.

[potted-plant-official]

hsve

[grimoiremanifest]

🗡 Your left leg took 99 Pig Damage!

🗡 Your right leg took 99 Pig Damage!

❤️ Your health is in critical condition...eat a 🍎 Healing Apple to restore it!

🗡 Your left arm took 99 Pig Damage!

🗡 Your right arm took 99 Pig Damage!

🗡 Your torso took 99 Pig Damage!

❤️ Your health is fucked. There's no hope for you!

🗡 Your head took 99 Pig Damage!

❗️You have died! Cause of death - 🐗 Hog Swarm

"yea u prolly shouldn make fun of big pig's speech impediment. where he says s insteas of A sometine. seems unwise idk" - Sun Tzu

[charlesoberonn]

How to tell if the scientist you're talking to is a chemist or an astrophysicist: Ask them if carbon is a metal

[charlesoberonn]

^chemist

[martindykewood]

im barely exaggerating when i say i think of this every single day

[thoodleoo]

every once in a while you'll be reading pliny the elder and he casually drops a mention of baby zoroaster having psionic powers because his brain was so huge

[earthdad]

ok but give me one good reason why you wouldn’t date Kermit the frog besides that he is a puppet and a frog

[turtlegirl521]

“miss piggy would make it look like an accident”

[unfavorableinstigation]

This keeps going past on my dash and I can’t let it go any longer. It’s time to see the record straight.

Miss Piggy doesn’t have a subtle bone in her floppy felt body. There is no possible way she could ever make it look like an accident.

Miss Piggy would make you into an example.

[hbmmaster]

tumblr staff adjusting a dial to fine-tune exactly how much they're imitating twitter while occasionally looking back at their userbase for approval except the userbase is just booing the entire time "we hate twitter" "why do you even have that dial"

[nutsacktorturer]

[dreg-heap]

We used to make posts about loki on here

[ferretteeth]

I love this post so much. “we used to make posts about loki on here” is the gentlest way possible to describe this website’s history. It’s like saying einstein dabbled in science

[dreg-heap]

We used to make posts about loki on here

[ferretteeth]

I love this post so much. “we used to make posts about loki on here” is the gentlest way possible to describe this website’s history. It’s like saying einstein dabbled in science

[godspeedyoublackemperor]

childaborting hips

[thewickerking]

day one after changing sheets: ok im gonna kick my bad habits i won't eat in bed or leave knives or scissors or lighters in bed I'll have only normal bed things in my bed and I'll change the sheets more often too

day two after changing sheets: oh yeah this half eaten bundt cake is sleeping with me tonight

[noknowshame]

I know we’re all like lawless nonconformists but you really can’t be texting and driving. that’s one of the ones you’ve gotta listen to for real

[aaaaaves]

There's several kinds of rules and distinguishing them is vitally important

-"don't touch the hot stove" rules that are for your own safety but don't really hurt anyone else of you break them

-"don't text and drive" rules that endanger you and others, important to follow

-"park closed after dusk" rules that as long as youre not being stupid, hurt nobody to break

-"don't strike without union authorization" rules that are actively holding back progress

[cosmovain]

how is it mario day and no one posted the essay

[cosmovain]

[despazito]

[tentacleteapot]

this has probably already been added in a reblog, but that tweet and this one are siblings:

[dorothylarouge]

[bisexualhunterbiden]

I need to remember that 90% of the people discussing politics on here are basically operating at this level of historical literacy.

[thancbread]

i love this reply in particular

[frownyalfred]

…you’re…welcome?