ok y'all have been sorting pjo characters into hogwarts houses which would be nice if you were doing it right
itâs great that youâre trying and all but the thing is, I find a lot of them following the same pattern:
All the demigods are automatically in Gryffindor, because theyâre super brave. Octavian and Ethan Nakamura and Clarisse and all sorts of people the fandom doesnât like are obviously in Slytherin because, you know, Slytherin is hella evil. Then weâve got the stuck-ups in Ravenclaw and the background characters in Hufflepuff, âcause apparently itâs the potato House.
Since all this is hella stereotypical and not at all correct, I was like, well, what would I do? Well hERE IS THE ANSWER ASSHATS
*bill bye voice* pleaseâŚcOnSiDeR tHe FoLLoWiNg
Percy is a hella Hufflepuff, no denying it, not one bit. He doesnât care about a position or nothing, he is just a pure Hufflepuff inside and out.
Letâs talk about some major Hufflepuff qualities here:
⢠Dedication (yo my boy percy is pretty dedicated to the camp and to staying alive am i right i mean he was literally not at all tempted to join kronosâ army like ever soo yeah. also. consider a thing. have u even read the books. if they are a smol bean and he has met them at least 15 mins ago u bet ur lil ass heâs dedicated)
⢠Patience (percy has not decapitated a SINGLE god on purpose and they all keep coming back, i mean itâs bound to happen someday but CMON YOU GOTTA ADMIRE HIM FOR THAT. literally so patient. even by ADHD standards and its ok u can ask me i have ADHD but thatâs beside the point back to percy now)
⢠Loyalty (itâs his freaking fatal flaw wtf else do you want from him??? to jump into tartarus out of loyalty to his girlfriend??? you do one wrong thing to percyâs friend and he will mESS UP YOUR SHIT LIKE A TRUE HUFFLEPUFF DONâT EVEN PRETEND HE WONâT. remember nancy? I THOUGHT SO. FIRST FEW PAGES OF THE SERIES. AND IT ONLY GETS BETTER)
THAT BEING SAID: ALL THESE THINGS ARE DEF PRETTY IMPORTANT TO PERCY OKAY
Conclusion: HELGA HUFFLEPUFF IS HAPPY THAT SHE HAS SUCH A HELLA HUFFLEPUFF IN HER HOUSE WHERE HE BELONGS.
Donât try to tell me my girl Annabeth is a Ravenclaw because she ainât no Ravenclaw get outta my face and let me lay down some FACTS here
LOOK AT THESE SLYTHERIN/ANNABAE TRAITS
⢠Cunning (we all know what this means so lemme just throw down some hella rad SYNONYMS because those are just the bOMB DIGGITY: we got crafting, scheming, designing, and calculating rn. YOU KNOW WHO IS ALL OF THOSE THINGS? MY GIRL ANNIE. FIGHT ME. I GOT ANNABETH ON MY TEAM AND SHE WILL SLAY YOU WITH HER CLEVERNESS AND DECEIT BEFORE SHE EVEN TAKES OUT HER DAGGER. SHE TRICKED ARACHNE INTO WEAVING HER OWN DEATH TRAP FOR ZEUSâ SAKE)
⢠Resourcefulness (lil bby annabeth ran away from home in SAN FRANCISCO when she was SEVEN and met luke and thalia in RICHMOND which is in VIRGINIA. SHE WAS SEVEN AND SOMEHOW WENT FROM THE WEST COAST TO THE EAST COAST. GOTTA BE RESOURCEFUL FOR THAT. also remember that time when she broke her ankle, scolded it, then made a cast out of bUBBLE WRAP? BECAUSE I DO. AND THEN THE WHOLE WEAVING A BRIDGE THING. DANG GIRL.)
⢠Ambition (donât deny it this girlâs fatal flaw is pride and those two things are connected aS SHIT. SHEâS SO INTENT ON BEING AN ARCHITECT THAT SHE GOT THE GODS TO GIVE HER A JOB REDESIGNING MOUNT OLYMPUS AND THATS A BIG ASS THING IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF. reminder that this girl had the chance to get away from a sphinx but she challenged it instead because it was sorta insulting?? who else do we know is like this?? oh yeah fUCKIGN SLYTHERINS)
ANNABETH BAMF CHASE HAS ALL THESE QUALITIES AND SHE KNOWS IT. THATâS WHY SHE USES THEM TO HER ADVANTAGE SO OFTEN.
Conclusion: SALAZAR SLYTHERIN SAYS ANNABETH CHASE CAN SLAY HIS BASILISK ANYTIME THATâS HOW PERFECT SHE IS FOR THIS HOUSE.
LEMME TALK TO YOU ABOUT A THING HERE. A BIG THING. AN IMPORTANT THING. JASON IS A RAD LIL RAVENCLAW BOOGER AND HEREâS WHY. THERE ARE A WHOLE LOTTA RAVENCLAW TRAITS BUT IMMA GIVE YOU 3.
⢠Wisdom (yeah annabethâs mom may be the goddess of wisdom but if jason wasnât wise then how the heckity heck would he have survived long enough to be made a freaking PRAETOR. also you know what fight me. jason is the equivalent of a giant dog that is a floofer and goes boof and loves small children but that has nothing to do with wisdom anyway he is one of the smartest out of the seven)
⢠Individuality (yeah thatâs a thing go ask my girl JK. if jason isnât so Original⢠then explain to me please how he restored the Fifth Cohort to awesomeness?? he was a total badass who didnât take any shit and turned it around for the whole cohort thatâs how. this lil boi is an individual yis. one might ask how can one be a badass but also be a fluffball? well jason did it so stop asking ok)
⢠Acceptance (we are talking about the official mom friend and the founder of the nico di angelo protection squad what else do you want him to do, hug mother earth??? he wrote the song youâve got a friend in me because he loves everyone)
SEE HERE: JASON IS A TOTAL DORK NERD WHO POKES PIPER AND GOES âPIPER. PIPER LISTEN TO THIS THING I FOUND OUT TODAY. PIPER ISNâT IT AWESOMEâ
Conclusion: NOWHERE ELSE IS WHERE JASON GOES. HE WEARS THE RAVENCLAW DIADEM TO ALL OF HIS CLASSES. FIGHT ME. ALSO THE GREY LADY BC HE MAKES HER COOKIES AND SHE LOVES IT EVEN THOUGH SHEâS DEAD AND CANâT EAT THEM.
Consider yourself a thing. Consider all of the Gryffindor Piper things. JUST CONSIDER THEM.
⢠Recklessness (subtle reminder that Piper used her charmspeak to fuckign steal stuff even though she knew she would get caught. also consider yourself some other things. remember when she anNIHILATED A FRICKIN GODDESS WITH HER IMPULSIVENESS BECAUSE YES. remember when she and anniebell had to do the thing with the stuff that was all about feelings and shit but lil orphan annie over there was totally lost and all like âthis is hella illogicalâ and pipes was just all âwe just gotta dO THE THING ANNABETHâ and it was total badassery bc itâs the reason i live)
⢠Bravery (this girl went on her first quest like a week after she found out she was a demigod and would probably die a painful death bUT DID SHE STUTTER?? nah. REMEMBER WHEN SHE SCREAMED AT A CROWD OF ANGRY ROMAN CHILDREN WHO WANTED MURDER BECAUSE JASON GOT HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A BRICK AND SHE HAD TO PROTECT HIM??? BRAVE. went on her first quest knowing that her dad was probably gonna die and did all the things to make the giants angry and plan a rescue??? BRAVE AF.)
⢠Chivalry (HELLA amazing friend because sheâs just sO GENUINE AND KIND and you know that if someone hurts you she will CUT THEM WITH HER SUPER BADASS KNIFE THAT GIVES PEOPLE NIGHTMARES. stands by jason ALL THE TIME especially when he needs her and actually everyone can count on her for all of the things.)
SO: IF YOU DONâT THINK PIPER IS HELLA BRAVE THEN YOU ARE VERY WRONG MY DEAR FRIEND.
Conclusion: Piper would have defeated Voldemort by year 2 but sadly she was not the chosen one. GODRIC GRYFFINDOR SAYS HER FACE SHOULD BE PERMANENTLY ENGRAVED ON HIS SWORD SO THAT THE LAST THING THEIR ENEMIES SEE IS THE CUTE AND UNFORGIVING FACE OF PIPER MCLEAN.
On the subject of Leo: This child is a Ravenclaw through and through no evidence needed but jUST IN CASE I WILL TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE STUFF.
⢠Creativity (we are talking about a smol bean who makes tiny helicopters and stuff that actually works WHEN HE IS NOT EVEN LOOKING AT WHAT HE IS DOING OR PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO IT. remember how this child saw a terrifying bronze dragon that everyone had tried and failed to tame and just went âsweet, imma grab that so we can ride off into the Canadian sunsetâ??? yeahp. remember when apollo needed a thing so he just casually freaking iNVENTED A BRAND NEW INSTRUMENT LIKE IT WAS NBD??? I DO. BADASS)
⢠Originality (leo practically becomes famous for his abilities to come up with plans that are so ridiculously original that nobody figures out whatâs happening before itâs too late and if thatâs not good enough for you then idk what is. allow me to raise you the cyclops incident, right next to the robot eidolons thing plus that whole fiasco where he fuckign died, also did i mention the valdezinator or the fact that he was the only person to ever figure out how to return to ogygia?? this kid is a mechanical engineer already and heâs 16 im pretty sure baby eight year old leo sat through calculus classes at a local college and got the best grades tbh)
⢠Wit (leo is the master of comebacks and rash two-minute ideas that actually end up working like damn son this is a purebred Ravenclaw right here lemme just appreciate this. also hey remember that time where he got launched off of a flying ship and was hurtling downwards at a very alarming rate because you know thatâs what happens when you fall and he literally actually built himself a working helicopter so that he wouldnât die all while free falling from probably at least a few thousand feet in the air like damn son)
AS A FOOTNOTE: LEO CAN RIVAL ANNABETH IN KNOWLEDGE I MEAN HE IS A MECHANICAL ENGINEER WHAT MORE DO YOU ASK FOR
Conclusion: Leo and Jason share the diadem. Leo gets it on mondays, wednesdays and fridays and Jason gets to wear it on tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays and on sundays they surrender it to the marble bust of Rowena Ravenclaw in the Ravenclaw Tower who says that LEO DESERVES TO BE IN RAVENCLAW EVEN MORE SO THAN YOUR AVERAGE STUDENT COME AT ME BRO
ok well hazel is somehow both my child and my mom so Iâm not exactly sure how that works but anyway hERE ARE ALL THE REASONS THAT HAZEL IS A BEAUTIFUL, BADASS SLYTHERIN.
⢠Cunning (hey y'all remember that time with the cliff and the turtle and the feet?? terrifying huh?? yeah girl slay!! hazel will trick you and manipulate you and you wonât have any idea itâs happening until youâre being gobbled up by your own gargantuan pet sea turtle. Slytherins are also known for achieving their ends in any and all ways and all i could think of was how my child actually literally fuckign died so that she could stop the rise of acelonywhatever and the whole time she was 13 and staring death and gaea right in the frickin face and she didnât give any shits at all)
⢠Resourcefulness (letâs talk about that time when hazel was âcapturedâ by the amazons and basically had nothing so she did the only logical thing which was drown them in massive piles of jewelry from the warehouse and make them beg for mercy, also there was this horse thing that nobody could touch and she just casually goes âoh just a sec lemme summon a giant gold nugget that was probably at least a mile into the dirt because how else would it be this bigâ and he loves her and she rides him into victory. did i mention that hazel is my mom?? this is just one (1) of the sUPER RAD RESOURCEFUL THINGS that hazel manages to pull off)
⢠Ambition (hazel both believes and knows for a fact that she can literally do all of the things and she never once doubts herself like at all because she is AMAZEBALLS LIKE THAT. SHE WAS 13 AND THE AMAZONS WERE ALL LIKE âDANG GIRL WE WANT YOU ON OUR TEAMâ and she was like âi got this huge to-do list but nbd iâll get her doneâ like she is pURE CONFIDENCE AND. YES)
Also: SHEâS TOTALLY SUPER COOL WITH ALL THE THINGS AND IS NEVER FAZED. THAT IS MY GIRL.
Conclusion: HAZEL LEVESQUE IS SLYTHERIN AF AND WILL ALWAYS ACHIEVE HER ENDS NO MATTER HOW MANY GIANT SEA TURTLES SHE HAS TO FEED YOU TO. SALAZAR SLYTHERIN FRICKIN APPROVES AND THINKS THAT SHE IS JUST AS TERRIFYING AS ANNABETH.
Not gonna deny that my lil noob Frankieâs a tRUE PURE-HEARTED GRYFFINDOR. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD AGREE WITH ME.
⢠Chivalry (WEâRE TALKING ABOUT A CHILD WHO WILL TRIP OVER HIS OWN FEET AND PUNCH HIMSELF IN THE FACE IF IT MEANS HEâS SHOWING RESPECT TO YOU. my dude doesnât care who you are, he will literally always show you respect until heâs given a reason not to. everything he eVER DOES is because heâs PROTECTING SOMEONE or heâs GETTING A LIL BIT OF PAYBACK and if thatâs noT A GRYFFINDOR THING THEN DAMN SON YOU SHOULD REALLY SORT OUT YOUR PRIORITIES)
⢠Bravery (if youâre going to come into mY HOUSE and tell me that FRANK ZHANG ISNâT BRAVE then feel free to hit yourself in the face with a hammer because guess what losers?? this kid loses his mom and then his gma just goes âoh by the way youâre half god and you have a gift that you need to figure out for yourself and also hereâs this piece of wood, donât burn it or else you will actually die, now go with this pack of fuckign wolves to camp so that monsters wonât attack you and you wonât die, plus when you get there you have to beg forgiveness for this thing that your great grandfather did or else they might literally murder you. have funâ and frankie just rOLLS WITH IT AND KICKS ASS WHILE BEING A CUTE LIL CHUBBY BUNNY. LETâS NOT FORGET ABOUT HOW HE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED A WHOLE CITYâS WORTH OF MONSTERS to appease a stupid ass god and save nico and hazel from being forever plants and he gets back and trippy is absolutely terrified of him because omg heâs glowing red and he actually did the thing and oh also he kind of scared me so much that i sort of forgot i was a god and had power over him)
⢠Nerve (let me repeat how FRANK ENOUGH NERVE TO THREATEN A GOD WITHOUT EVEN THINKING OF THE CONSEQUENCES. IâM SO DONE WITH THIS. THIS IS MY SHIT THANKS. PLS APPRECIATE FRANKIE YOURE ALL BREAKING MY HEART. Also remember how he entrusted his real actual lifeline to somebody who wasnât him like daaang boi that is so pure)
Additionally: FRANK ZHANG IS THE REASON I AM ALIVE AND WELL. ALSO REMEMBER HOW HE BECAME PRAETOR?? I DO BELIEVE THAT IS THE MOST BADASS WAY ANYONE HAS EVER BECOME PRAETOR PLEASE AND THANKS
Conclusion: GODRIC GRYFFINDOR CRIED WHEN FRANK WAS SORTED INTO HIS HOUSE. GODRIC DOESNâT THINK HE EVEN DESERVES FRANK. FRANK CAN HAVE 4 OF HIS SWORDS.
THIS HAS BEEN A THING. A THING WITH HOUSES AND PJO. I HOPE THIS WAS ENTERTAINING AT LEAST. THANK YOU KINDLY.
