🌞 @practicing-sunshine - Tumblr Blog

somebody posted this Calvin and Hobbes strip and i cannot overstate just how topical this fuckin thing is

on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport the first person on the moon went there by accident and promptly died. The next dozen or so people also went by accident, and also died. Number 14 figured out that people who go to the moon die and very cleverly brought a sword and six weeks of travel rations. This did not help.

No one on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport ever figured out why people die in space because they don’t need airplanes and never found it particularly interesting to climb tall mountains. Astronomers use telescopes to take pictures of the ever-growing pile of corpses on the moon.

btc-official-deactivated2024071

“why don’t they teleport back” because they’re not on the planet where everyone can teleport anymore. try to keep up dumbass

retroactivebakeries

#this feels like a fable that would have some kind of moral but I’m not quite sure what#something about like hard work/effort/the need to be curious idk

the moral of the story is that a breathable atmosphere is important to one’s general well-being

power-handmaiden

when I was in high school I had a literature teacher who had a policy of unlimited extra credit. All you had to do was read a book by a notable author (his discretion) and have a little chat with him after school to prove that you read it. No limits, no need for variety (one month I decided I really loved Kurt Vonnegut and just read everything of his I could get my hands on).

Yes, I was tearing through books constantly, and talking to this teacher at least weekly. Because even though I always loved reading as a kid, literature was always a very weak subject for me in terms of a teaching-to-standardized-test school setting (I just do awful on "what color were the curtains" type multiple choice questions. Those details don't stick in my memory THEY JUST DON'T). But that didn't matter for this class. I could just read my way out of any bad test score. I have always had fond memories of how I "fudged" my way through that class and "abused' the extra credit policy.

I was thinking about it again today, and only just now realized that he absolutely tricked me into being well-read, while my teenage self thought I was totally getting away with something. THAT MOTHERFUCKER. I hope he's doing well.

cuunos

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

iusedtobecharming-deactivated20

Do we have a franz kafka diary entry for july 1st, i want to know what he thinks!!!

rehearsing

happy too tired July everyone

raelemond

you know I recently discovered that trial by combat was fully a thing in medieval europe

raelemond

not "going on a quest to prove your worth", not "honor duels", but "we are standing in legal court and the winner of a legal argument will be decided by who can wound and/or kill the other person first"

raelemond

there was trial by combat over land where people would go to court with some soil, touch weapons to the soil, and then hack at each other. loser gives up the land and pays a fine

raelemond

there were rules about trial by combat between husband and wife and fucking guides about what weapons each can use and how the husband has to stand in a pit to give him a handicap

raelemond

need a divorce fast? try Just Fucking Killing Him Legally

kosmogrl

phantomrose96

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

cosmonautroger

Uranus

sobearwolf

thethirdromana

The worst types of cookbook:

The Ottolenghi - it is vital that you use 1g of this very expensive ingredient. It comes from a 500g bag with a one-week shelf life.

The time machine - 15-minute recipe! First, leave to marinate overnight...

The dishwasher - one-pot recipe! Now decant your ingredients and wipe out your pot. And again. And again. And again.

The optimist - cook the onions until caramelised (2 minutes).

The kindergarten teacher - get one nommable little tree of broccoli and bosh that into boiling water. Delish!

The brand names only - ingredients: Ritz crackers, Philadelphia cheese, Cool Whip, orange Jell-o...

The 1950s palate - use one (1) clove of garlic and a small pinch of chili flakes (omit if preferred).

The why bother with a cookbook - to make beans on toast, gently heat a tin of beans and put on top of freshly buttered toast.

currentlycryingaboutlancelot

realized i have started texting like mr darcy

plasmalogical

storm-of-feathers

a severe thunderstorm warning that doesnt follow through is worse than orgasm denial

anton--rayne

India's carbondioxide emissions per person is half the global average, while USA's is 7× to 8× times higher than India, 3.5× to 4× times the global average, yet USAmericans are the ones comfortably sitting with air conditioners in their office jobs while Indians die in heatwaves in outside manual labor jobs

anton--rayne

And even then its the Indians who contribute the least who are the most vulnerable, it's not the Indians who own shares in oil companies being inconvenienced, it is the workers who work in farms under the sun, those who work in physical construction, outside in manual labor, the regular families who can't afford to move somewhere where there aren't regular blackouts. It's simply not fair, you understand

zulashur

Cider is like if beer transitioned and stopped hating herself

bgm05

People who live in big cities will say stuff like Well if youre bored why dont you take the public transportation to your local artisanal cheesemonger

deadgenerations

in more pleasant news: this year is seeing the biggest humpback migration in Australian history, bigger than it was PRE whaling. That's right, there are more humpbacks migrating off the coast of Australia than there were BEFORE industrial whaling started.

A huge, fat W for environmentalists and Greenies. what an achievement