I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

Call me Prawn, or Alex, I don't really care which. Happily married, happy to chat. He/they, 36, Jewish, INFP, Libra/Snake, Sylph of Doom.

[manicpixiedreamkiller]

how many sharks does a tornado need to be considered a sharknado

1

2

3-5

10 ????

more ??????

other ????????????

Voting ended onMar 27

[manicpixiedreamkiller]

this is the level of analysis we’re looking for here people

[banchie]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

[byjove]

could you imagine if it happened this pride month

[cerastes]

People don’t even say w00t anymore.

[cerastes]

This sux00rz…

[monopole]

[prosperdraws]

been thinking about her cute lil dress

(other possibility is that Riché lent it to her)

[catboybiologist]

Imagine if a like 8 foot tall guy that looked kinda like an alien species just kinda showed up at the house you rent a room in and crashed on the couch and at first everyone hated him but you kinda just accepted this weird massive kinda-human alien species thing as a part of your group even though he's like twice the size of everyone else there

[catboybiologist]

Cuz that's literally happening to sea lions in San Francisco right now

[catboybiologist]

So there's two species of sea lion in North America: the California sea lion, ranging along California (including Baja) but not ranging into the north coast or into oregon

And the Stellar's sea lion, which are WAY bigger and live in Washington, British Columbia, and Alaska

A male Stellars sea lion showed up in SF like a month ago and just kinda. Didn't know what to do, and joined a colony of California sea lions, and is just kinda chilling there now.

[catboybiologist]

Weird vagrant species happen from time to time, but this is just a particularly funny instance of a highly social species getting very lost, and just trying to blend in with its closest nearby relatives

[hodgepodge-collage]

He’s so large!!! Here’s an NYT article about him

[polygonmari]

[silver-maggie]

Me: hey does anyone remember who made that song, dancing queen?

Power ranger that slightly misspells everything he writes:

[feldfrog]

If a fantasy world has an ancient tree of wisdom, that means it must also have young trees that are dumb as shit. Just giving terrible advice like, "the evil wizard is kinda hot"'

[cryptonature]

It’s really that simple.

Withhold time/resources from organizations building an anti-human future

[depsidase]

[jarl-deathwolf]

If anyone would like to read a thorough take down of Sparta as a state not worth emulating, then ive got just the series of articles for you!

[heroineimages]

Reblogging because pissing on Sparta is one of my hobbies. And yes, totally check out the link above. Brett has a lot of great discussion and scholarship on why Sparta was proto-fascist garbage, and he presents it with both snark and accessibility.

[redarmyscreaming]

Sparta is not something to be emulated. It is a cautionary tale.

Sparta was not militarily excellent. Its military was profoundly mediocre, depressingly average. Even in battle, the one thing they were supposed to be good at, Sparta lost as much as it won. Judging Sparta as we should – by how well it achieved strategic objects – Sparta’s armies are a comprehensive failure. The Spartan was no super-soldier and Spartan training was not excellent. Indeed, far from making him a super-soldier, the agoge made the Spartans inflexible, arrogant and uncreative, and those flaws led directly to Sparta’s decline in power. And I want to stress this one last time, because I know there are so many people who would pardon all of Sparta’s ills if it meant that it created superlative soldiers: it did not. Spartan soldiers were average. The horror of the Spartan system, the nastiness of the agoge, the oppression of the helots, the regimentation of daily life, it was all for nothing. Worse yet, it created a Spartan leadership class that seemed incapable of thinking its way around even basic problems. All of that supposedly cool stuff made Sparta weaker, not stronger. This would be bad enough, but the case for Sparta is worse because it – as a point of pride – provided nothing else. No innovation in law or government came from Sparta (I hope I have shown, if nothing else, that the Spartan social system is unworthy of emulation). After 550, Sparta produced no trade goods or material culture of note. It produced no great art to raise up the human condition, no great literature to inspire. Despite possessing fairly decent farmland, it was economically underdeveloped, underpopulated and unimportant. Athens produced great literature and innovative political thinking. Corinth was economically essential – a crucial port in the heart of Greece. Thebes gave us Pindar and was in the early fourth century a hotbed of military innovation. All three cities were adorned by magnificent architecture and supplied great art by great artists. But Sparta, Sparta gives us almost nothing. Sparta was – if you will permit the comparison – an ancient North Korea. An over-militarized, paranoid state which was able only to protect its own systems of internal brutality and which added only oppression to the sum of the human experience. Little more than an extraordinarily effective prison, metastasized to the level of a state. There is nothing of redeeming value here.

[stjohnstarling]

I watch a lot of old movies that nobody cares about any more, and this ends up filling in a lot of gaps in my cultural awareness. You would think knowing more about the world would make me more confident in my understanding of it, but you would be wrong.

The Barefoot Contessa (1954) is the life story of a poor Spanish woman who rises up to become one of the most famous actresses in the world. The movie does not bother to give her character traits beyond that she loves to have sex and also that she loves to run around barefoot (the fetishistic connotations are inescapable). She falls in love with a count and ultimately marries him. The big twist at the end of the movie is that her new husband had his dick blown off in the war and so they can't have sex (because, tragically, he never learned how to do hand stuff). Then he murders her for having an affair.

In 1978, Ina Garten bought a specialty food store that, for some unfathomable reason, someone had already named The Barefoot Contessa after this movie, which in 1999 became the title of her bestselling cookbook, which was then followed by a popular Food Network show. Now all of us need to deal with there being a TV cooking show called The Barefoot Contessa as part of the background radiation of our lives.

None of that makes any sense, and I am forced once more to confront the total lack of meaning in the world. It fills me with a terrifying sense of freedom.

[ultramanzer0]

i love this gif so much because its genuinely how it feels to hang out with that one uncle at the family function whos chill but never stops fucking talking

[midnitevulturezz]

[trochaic-mutant-ninja-tetrameter]

🎶Happy Ides of March, y'all! Et tu, Brute?🎵

[super-ion]

Concept: cursed blade rehabilitation center. Destroying a sentient weapon is expensive and highly unethical, so adventurers bring them to the center where highly trained staff can care for them and eventually find them forever homes. It turns out most cursed weapons are products of trauma and are not strictly evil themselves. Some blades turn out to be fiercely protective companions. Others don't even want to be weapons at all, finding joy in simple work like blacksmithing or farming. Most blades just need to be loved.

[super-ion]

A pack of bandits descend upon a seemingly undefended town. But the blacksmith's hammer, the farmer's scythe, the woodsman's axe, they have not forgotten what they once were, and they *will* defend the town that they have come to love.

[super-ion]

This sweet girl has been with us for seven seasons. She was forged in the heart of a volcano and would be ideal for anyone with a preexisting fire affinity (she's a cuddler and is guaranteed to keep you warm in winter). She still loves burning, but it turns out you can only reduce the world to ash once. She would be perfectly suited for forest management that regularly requires controlled burns.

[super-ion]

This weary old soul has grown tired of bloodshed and would much rather spend his days as an ominous decoration in a tavern or common room, a perfect fit for an adventurer looking to leave their dungeon crawling days behind. He likes peoplewatching with his single glowing eye, preferably from high, prominent locations with views of entrances and exits.

[flagellant]

While it's fair to say that most rehabilitated weapons are not recommended for first-time wielders, this +2 Defiling Dancing Greatsword might be an exception that proves the rule! Once tempered in the blood of orphans, Greta has had a past that she's sought to grow beyond, and is eager to take a more proactive role in protecting her future lifetime companions. We're looking to find her a forever home with a group of young, earnest adventurers or a single child destined to thwart the legions of evil darkness, where Greta's protective and motherly instincts can really do good and fulfilling work.

[down-sizing-redux]

For experienced swordbearers only! Lady is a 6-foot zweihander with severe abandonment issues after a previous wielder died in the lowest level of the Lich King's least-favorite summer crypt, where Lady went undiscovered for nearly 300 years. She is looking for a forever home where she can always be close at hand to her person. While she doesn't mind mowing down the odd bandit gang, she has taken surprisingly well to ornamental hedge trimming, and enjoys observing tai chi.

[ingridverse]

Sword that glows in the presence of its enemies now working as a child's nightlight now that it has accepted Darkness That Makes Children Scared as an enemy.

Darkness That Makes You Trip On The Way To The Bathroom is also an enemy.