AnasAbdin
Cosmic Funnies
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@prettythinguglylie
Havven | 23 | anime (mostly) sideblog .
He/him gay transman .
Multifandom completely — major interests are attack on titan , my hero academia , jujutsu kaisen , ajin : demi-human , beyond evil , horror movies , teen wolf , percy jackson-extended universe , one piece (mostly live action), and hannibal .
Twitter / X :
Archive of our Own :
https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettything_uglylie/pseuds/Prettything_uglylie
Discord :
prettything_uglylie
Jane Hollander x Calvin Klein
Like,,, I am kind of obsessed with Hollanov make up sex after a fight that is kind of just,,, an extension of the fight. In disguise. Like, they're making up but it's also very explicitly Rough Sex™. Just,,, I know Shane is a bratfailure so the only time he ever 'acts out' is when he has like,,, a just cause lol. But there's something about Ilya treating Shane's genuine upset as like,,, him throwing a tantrum,,, something about ilya magnanimously pinning Shane and being like "If I fuck you, will you stop being such a moody bitch?" HELLLPPPP
"If I fuck you, will you stop being such a moody bitch?" is taking me OUT. because like even if Shane wasn't actually being bitchy and had every right to be mad, ilya fucking him will basically make every thought melt out of his head and that is so fucking delicious it's not even funny. Shane who has every right to be upset but still letting it go bc the dick is so good
(in my world they do eventually figure their fights out but also in my world a lot of their fights are just fixed by them like. moving forward. is it healthy? not all the time. but they're happy)
also just loooove the idea of angry sex extension of a fight where ilya can't even really punish shane bc he will always like what Ilya does. what a shame
Shane going through life with that Watership Down mindset: All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you
shane hollander moaning fuck i love your cock when ilya pushes in. it never gets old to him, the stretch, how full he feels, how deep ilya gets. sensory heaven
Ilya finds out that Shane broke up with his high school girlfriend pretty much because of Ilya, so of course they have to roleplay about it immediately.
It's not that funny.
Mmh no no I think it is funny. Poor Jamie.
Her name was Jessica, which I know you know, asshole, because I literally just told you five seconds ago -
Yes yes, poor Jessica with her hot boyfriend who didn't like her.
Come on, that's not fair, I still liked her -
Oh? What did you like most about her?
She - well, you know, she was... Nice. And - oh my god stop laughing -
No no, go on, tell me more. This is incredibly high praise for Miss Jessica.
You're impossible.
I could have made you cheat on your nice little girlfriend, I think.
Oh my god, Ilya, that's awful -
Mmh yes, because I'm not nice. I'm terrible, such a bad influence on the golden boy. Would you have sucked my cock if I had asked? I think you would have. I think I could have convinced you.
How... How would you have convinced me?
Come closer and I'll show you, sweetheart
And the thing about mean dom Ilya is that most of the time, he has to manufacture reasons to punish Shane. Because Shane is such a perfect, sweet, obedient good boy, a total bratfailure who'd certainly never disobey an explicit order,,, so Ilya has to start setting Shane up to fail. Giving him tasks he KNOWS he can't do, literally sabotaging him,,, and then punishing him anyway 💕💕 Getting to listen to Shanes voice get all high and clamouring, pleading with him when he knows he's about to fail,,, getting to watch the slowly dawning dread across Shane's face as his baby realises he's not going to succeed, he was never meant to, he was doomed from the start,,, having his perfect, sweet boy sincerely beg Ilya for forgiveness for not being able to do the impossible,,, I know it drives Ilya WILD
And this is perfect for Shane, too!! Yes, he failed, but he was never going to succeed!! The odds were stacked against him from the beginning!! Failing a task that Ilya ACTUALLY wanted him to fulfill? Now that would devastate him. But failing a task that Ilya purposefully made up so he wouldn't succeed? Well, now Shane gets the catharsis of punishment without the full wretched agony of failure!!! Mr Perfect would LOVE to get to fail sometimes and be punished for it, but for his failure to have no other bearing once the punishment is done. How liberating!!
This was wholly inspired by @creamsiclemelt and their glorious mean dom Ilya posting
I love mean dom Ilya he is so dear to me and I love him even more when he surprises Shane with his meanness 💕💕 Like Shane comes home from a run and Ilya's all smiley in the kitchen like "Come here, baby~" and Shane grins, shyly pleased and practically skips into Ilya's arms and Ilya's hugging Shane from behind, one arm wrapped around Shane's torso, his chin hooked over Shane's shoulder and he murmurs in Shane's ear "Hey sweetheart, can you look at something for me?" and Shane's like of course so with his free arm Ilya switches on the phone that he'd been scrolling when Shane had walked into the kitchen and shows Shane,,, the time? And Ilya says "What does that say?" and Shane, kinda confused, goes "Umm, 10:15?" and Ilya says, still soso sweetly "Oh, so you can tell the time. See, I was confused because you said you'd be gone ten minutes and you left for half an hour, baby." And suddenly Shane realises how Ilya's arm is like an iron band across his chest and Ilya's basically got him pinned and he gets that gut swooping Oh Fuck! sensation he always gets when Ilya's voice sounds like that and he realises he's trapped in the wolf's den 💕 YAY! ✨✨
ilya rozanov who’s known to boston as the mysterious fuckboy from russia who chirps like he’s getting paid for it and is crazy good at hockey. one day a teammate is absent from a few games in a row and turns back up to practice with a fucking newborn and they’re all in their hockey gear fawning over this tiny baby. then once everyone’s said hi before practice, the crowd parts and ilyas just stood by the doorway, a literal deer in headlights staring at the bundle of blankets in his teammates arms and-
“do you wanna hold him?”
ilya’s moving forward before he can process the words and everyone’s holding their breath as he gathers the newborn into his arms, pausing to take his gloves off first. it’s a few tense seconds before the baby babbles and shifts slightly before tucking his head into the crook of his arm and swiftly falling to sleep.
ilya looks up to see his whole team stifling grins, “i think we’ve found the new babysitter” and he bites back a chirp because he doesn’t want to wake the baby he’s holding so delicately to his chest.
he’s stuck on the sidelines for the whole practice while he rocks the baby through the slams against walls, waving its little arm towards its dad when it eventually wakes up.
and yeah pictures surface soon after of fucking rozanov staring down at the baby in his arms with the fucking softest eyes and twitter has a field day proving he’s a softie at heart
@wholesome-animal-images
one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"
the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.
one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"
the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.
ilya's back appreciation post
Learning this was an intentional genocide changed me.
I know most of those following me know this, but just to make it super clear. An Gorta Mór (The Great Hunger/the Great Famine) was a deliberate genocide of the Irish people. There was enough food grown in Ireland to make sure everyone was alive and healthy and survived. Instead it was exported, sent to England and elsewhere for profit while men, women, and children starved in the streets. While the English landlords fucked off and evicted starving families who couldn’t afford rent. While babies were too weak to cry and died at the side of the road.
They tried to kill us, but they did not succeed. And we owe so much thanks to the other oppressed peoples, in particular the Choctaw Nation and the Masai, who sent money and grain to us.
Let me repeat that. The Choctaw Nation who had just gone through the Trail of Tears sent us money to try save Irish lives. It’s led to an understanding between Irish people and Native American tribes, most recently when we donated to the Navajo and Hopi fundraisers for COVID-19 relief, because while it may be a different tribe, Irish people will never forget those who helped us and we’ll help back.
The entire population of the island is less than seven million people. We’re still a million less on this island than pre famine. And it’s not that long ago. My grandmother’s grandparents lived through it. We’ve told the stories, it literally changed the DNA of the country. We have a national fear of renting, because so many people were evicted. People joke about Irish people always offering loads of food, but it’s because there’s that cultural memory of not being able to.
They tried to kill us, but they did not succeed. We will not let them take our lives, we will not let them take our language. We lost so much, but we will not lose it all.
This is why I get so angry when people say “it was the potato famine, it was because of monoculture/microbes.”
Nope. The potatoes were the only thing Irish people were allowed to fucking eat, because as pointed out, the rest of the crops they were growing were for their landlords to ship to England. So when the one “worthless” crop they were allowed to eat rotted in the field, the English crown, empire, landlords, all shrugged and carried on. People starved to death lying next to productive fields.
"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry
ilya being in a period of Bad depression and between playing games and going to practice he doesn't really have the energy to do much else and he just kind of collapses when he gets home and he hasn't shaved in days and his hair is unruly and he just feels kinda gross and ugly but doesn't have the energy to do anything about it so shane is like Not On My Watch so he drags ilya into the tub and washes his hair with his special curly shampoo and carefully shaves his face and lathers him in too much body lotion which means he has to stand stark naked in the bathroom for 10 minutes before he can put clothes on and shane tries his best to do his curly hair routine for him he gets the special towel and the curl cream and his eyebrows furrow in concentration as he scrunches ilya's curls to the best of his abilities and ilya sits on the toilet lid with tears in his eyes
