In January 2020, I attended Dr. Amy Cook's PLAY WAY seminar at Pasadena Humane Society. The seminar was about "social play" as a tool for rehabilitating reactive/stressed/fearful dogs.
"Social Play" has been defined as something different from playing with toys (tug, fetch, etc.) It is literally "goofing around" with your dog in a way that they like, that makes them happy. Body language responsiveness, movement and timing is everything.
Not only did we get to see some inspiring and entertaining video footage of Amy Cook playing with her dogs, some attendees had also brought their own dogs to play with, while Amy offered coaching.
We saw the Play Way live!
It was an amazing and delightful experience and I couldn't wait to get home to play with my 15 year old Boogie (now passed on) who hadn't been interested in Tug or Fetch in over a year due to his vision loss. The Play Way class was like learning a new language, a new vocabulary to play with my dog.
This infographic cannot possibly do justice to all the material covered in the Play Way seminar, which also focused on play as "therapy". For now, I hope this is enough to pique everyone's interest in the subject and how to be mindful and respectful of our dog's body language and of our own body language in conversations with our dog.
Also read: Whole Dog Journal article on The Play Way
Image description and text under readmore.
Description begins.
[image: Five pairs of dogs showing playful behaviors. From left to right: A dog playbows to another, a dog hipbumps another, a dog chases another dog that is running away, a larger dog rolls on its back, playfully wiggling to a smaller dog, and lastly, two dogs play bitey face.]
The Play Way with Amy Cook PhD. playwaydogs.com
illustrated by Lili Chin doggiedrawings.net
Social Play is an excellent way for a dog to be in a happy state of mind and to be physically relaxed or loosened up. Playing also lets us know if a dog is truly relaxed or concerned about anything, so we can more effectively help them feel better.
Good play is an INVITATION. We invite our dog when they are looking at us, not when they are busy. We don't pressure them, as grabbiness, pushiness, and nagging are a turn-off. Pause and greet again before making a new suggestion. If your dog doesn't take up your suggestion but is still attentive, try something new.
FLIRT! Use SUSPENSE.
Not all play involves touching, but good play will have an element of suspense! Take pauses. Do not rush.
Yes: Start with slower, softer energy.
Yes: Give your dog plenty of room to move around freely.
Yes: Invite, wait, listen to your dog's response (body language)
Yes: Take "no" as an answer. PAUSE. Try something different.
No: Don't make your dog feel trapped or overwhelmed.
No: Don't make your dog wrong.
You want your dog to feel SAFE to open up and play with you.
IF you touch your dog, use the 3-SECOND RULE. Pull back after 3 seconds, staying engaged. Does your dog come back to you?
[Image sequence: Greet: A human claps their hands then says hi and reaches their palms out towards a small dog, which wags its tail. Friendly Pause: The human pauses, kneeling on the ground gently reaching out towards the dog, which stands still, confused. The human leans back, bringing their arms back in. The dog orients to them, thinking: “maybe”. Greet Again, New Invitation: The human turns away from the dog, folding down towards the ground and turning their face to look at the dog from over their shoulder. They say, hello! The dog approaches the human. Then, the human taps their fingers along the ground, and the dog playfully investigates, thinking “interesting”. Finally, the human leans back up, still kneeling, playfully wiggling their fingers in the air in front of them, and the dog happily play bows.]
With SOCIAL PLAY, the use of toys or food is not essential because you are not teaching your dog how to play. You are playing with your dog and learning what they like!
[Image: A vertical gradient scale goes from a reddish 8 at the top to a yellow 1 down at the bottom. A dash-line box encloses the numbers 5, 4, and 3, and the happy faces of a human and dog.]
Be in your dog's ENERGY RANGE!
What is your dog's energy level?
If your dog is overexcited (eg, 8) slow down to a 6-7.
If your dog is unsure or shy (eg, 2) try 1-3.
Play is a CONVERSATION. Here are some ideas to develop a "play vocabulary" with your dog:
YOU are the PREDATOR!
* Stay on the floor
[Image: Four vertically aligned orange squares showing play moves: 1. “Claw” Hands- Hands outstretched, fingers curled into “claws”. 2. Flat Hands- Hand outstretched, fingers pressed flat together, wrist bent back. 3. “Bitey” hands- A variation on “claw” hands where the fingers wriggle to “bite”. 4. “HAR” mouth- a human with their mouth open in a bitey-face gesture.]
[Image: A series of play interactions between a human and a dog. 1. The human play bows at the dog, kneeling with their arms splayed out onto the floor, saying “I’m gonna getcha!” 2. The human holds claw hands out towards the dog- Suspense! 3. The human gently pushes the dog back on the chest, saying “Silly puppy!” The dog pushes back towards the hand. 4. The human uses bitey hand to gently grab at the dog’s muzzle, and says “Bite you!” 5. The human uses a finger to poke the dog’s butt. 6. “Head butt!” The human gets on all fours and butts into the dog’s side with their head. 7. The human uses bitey hand to grab at the dog’s butt. “Bite your butt!”]
YOU are the PREY!
[Image: Four vertically aligned orange squares showing play moves: 1. Hiding face- A human hides their face behind their hands. 2. Pulling away- A human on all fours leans away from the action. 3. Piano hands- a human dances their fingers across the floor. 4. Rolling, flopping over- a human rolls onto their back, legs in the air and arms folded into their chest.]
[Image: A series of play interactions between a human and a dog. 1. A human crawls away from a dog on all fours, then peeks over their shoulder at the dog, asking “Gonna get me?”. Then, the dog jumps up onto the kneeling human. The human rolls onto their back and celebrates with the dog, “You got me!” 2. The human kneels, folded forward onto the floor doing piano hands. They say “Hello”. The dog approaches, and the human hides their face from the dog. Then, the dog fake bites the human’s cheek, tail wagging. 3. A dog watches curiously as a human shakes out a blanket. The human then hides under the blanket and the dog climbs up onto them, thinking “You silly! I get you!”]
How is your dog responding?
[Image: a human kneels on the floor and watches as the dog walks away from them. It thinks “need to look.”]
If your dog disconnects from you and looks towards something more interesting or concerning (that is not too close), let them process the other thing. Don't pressure them to come back to you.
When you let your dog look and dismiss the other thing on their own, the more of their attention that you really have when you get it!
NOPE. You are being WEIRD.
[Image: four examples of a dog showing stress. 1. Look Away: A dog turns and looks away. 2. Shake off- A dog shakes off like they’re wet. 3. Stress yawn- A dog yawns. 4. Busy Sniffing- a dog sniffs the ground.]
At first you may get a lot of "Not Now"s. If your dog shows confused signals or becomes busy doing other stuff, hold back. (Especially with the “shy" dogs) Your dog may not understand what you are doing.
When they approach you again, check your energy level, greet again, and try something different.
[Image: A human wiggles their fingers at a dog, which play bows with an open mouth and says “Bite you!”. Another drawing of the dog play bowing facing forwards and panting, tail wagging.]
When you do something that your dog likes, they will keep coming back to you. Their bodies are loose and curved. They may roll around, jump on you, or fake-bite you. They may even laugh!
Now that you know what your dog likes, you can do it over and over again!
"I sometimes ask myself whether it will ever be possible for us to grasp the extent of the loneliness and desertion to which we were exposed as children. Here I do not mean to speak, primarily, of children who were obviously uncared for or totally neglected, and who were always aware of this or at least grew up with the knowledge that it was so. Apart from these extreme cases, there are large numbers of people who enter therapy in the belief (with which they grew up) that their childhood was happy and protected.
"...As a basis for a description of the psychic climate of these persons, some general assumptions should be made clear:
The child has a primary need from the very beginning of her life to be regarded and respected as the person she really is at any given time.
When we speak of "the person she really is at any given time," we mean emotions, sensations, and their expression from the first day onward.
In an atmosphere of respect and tolerance for her feelings, the child, in the phase of separation, will be able to give up symbiosis with the [primary caregiver] and accomplish the steps toward individuation and autonomy.
If they are to furnish these prerequisites for the healthy development of their child, the parents themselves ought to have grown up in such an atmosphere. If they did, they will be able to assure the child the protection and well-being she needs to develop trust.
Parents who did not experience this climate as children are themselves deprived; throughout their lives they will continue to look for what their own parents could not give them at the appropriate time - the presence of a person who is completely aware of them and takes them seriously.
This search, of course, can never fully succeed, since it relates to a situation that belongs irrevocably to the post, namely to the time right after birth and during early childhood.
A person with this unsatisfied and unconscious (because repressed) need will nevertheless be compelled to attempt its gratification through substitute means, as long as she ignores her repressed life history.
The most efficacious objects for substitute gratification are a parent's own children. The newborn baby or small child is completely dependent on his parents, and since their caring is essential for his existence, he does all he can to avoid losing them. From the very first day onward, he will muster all his resources to this end, like a small plant that turns toward the sun in order to survive."
--The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self by Alice Miller
Alarm Off perfec t time for put lying in bed to t/hink! Inside very Quiet and Peace thoughts very productive put in Alarm Off. Put Thinking in Alarm Off time. no problems ever lying in bedd with alarm off because good Contemplation and Eyes Closed for difficult deep thoughts about day. alarmOff yes safe place to close eyes lie in bed can trust not to fall back asleep. friend bed
they should make a video game where you play as an autistic character and there is a meter that shows you how close to a total meltdown you are due to the overwhelming stimuli and another matter that shows you how much of a weirdo you look like to others and you have to try to balance between having a meltdown and completely masking. and also you’re trying to solve a murder or something
tragic when a thing gets hate for being 'woke trash' and you look into it and its not even that woke. like cmon man i was promised monacle popping gay commie propaganda. this is just a video game with a woman in it.
many arguments I am seeing rn are boiling down to "look at these mean women though" boy have I got news for you. there's mean women everywhere. on the internet. at your local grocery store. there's mean local women in your area CLICK HERE NOW
instead of "aromantics can still date," take a moment to consider phrases like:
aromantics can do whatever they want forever
aromantics have as much choice in whether to date or not date someone as alloromantic people do
aromantics can have whatever relationship with romance confuses you the most personally
and likewise, instead of "asexuals can still have sex," take a moment to consider phrases like:
asexuals can do whatever they want forever
asexuals have as much choice in whether to have sex or not have sex with someone as allosexual people do
asexuals can have whatever relationship with sex confuses you the most personally
Edit of the variety that I always have to add to posts like these, apparently: This is a post about real-life aromantics and real-life asexuals, not fictional characters. "Aromantics can still date" and "asexuals can still have sex" are things that real aromantics and asexuals get told all the time, regardless of whether we've expressed a desire not to have these things. If your first thought seeing this post was "ah, this must be about shipping a-spec characters," then please reread it again with the knowledge that it's actually about a topic that directly impacts real a-specs in real life. The way fandoms treat a-spec characters does matter, but not more than society's treatment of real a-spec people, and certainly not to the extent that so many people should assume that every post about a-spec issues is actually about shipping!
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