Heaven forbid that my heart is for sale

chronic fic author & fandom orbiter, recently returned to my tumblr era. currently enjoying One Piece brainrot and acute blorboism. NothingSoDivine on AO3 and cohost, @nsd_ao3 on twitter also I write self-insert drabbles by request at @not-quite-angelic

[asymmetryestablished]

NothingSoDivine's One Piece Fanfic Spoiler Master List (2nd Edition)

because the old version was unnecessarily long and dubiously accurate

also I reread all 77 of my OP fics for this. you're welcome

(last updated 2024-10-09)

This time, we're sorting by spoiler level (mild, moderate, major), and then grouping by timeline, to make things easier. (Timeline groupings are determined by the arc in which the last spoilers occur.) I'm also including emojis to indicate AO3 rating (🟢 General, 🟡 Teen and up, 🟠 Mature, 🔴 Explicit, or ⚪ Not Rated), approximate word count (🌒 under 1k, 🌓 1k–4k, 🌔 4k–10k, and 🌕 above), and ⚠️ presence or ✅ absence of Archive Warnings. Hopefully this will make things more navigable. (And as before, I'm marking AUs with asterisks, but giving no pairing or character information.) Word count indicators for ongoing fics are based on current word count, not projected word count.

Additional note: I prefer to err on the side of caution. Placement on this list is determined by the most serious spoilers involved, and then by the last point at which spoilers exist. So, for example, if a fic has major spoilers for an early arc, but moderate spoilers up to a much later arc, it will be categorized under Major Spoilers for that later arc, despite technically only having moderate spoilers for it.

Mild Spoilers

These are basically fine. Things like non-plot-twisty character introductions, island/arc names, basic worldbuilding concepts, etc. Normal people would not consider these fics to contain spoilers. As long as you've met all the major characters involved, you're safe (though you might be lacking context).

The following fics are spoiler-free at the point where OPLA left off (immediately pre-Roguetown): 🟢🌒✅ Strange Bedfellows (Strange Beds), 🟠🌔⚠️ Duet for Sabre and Musket, 🟡🌒✅ Coda: Reminiscence (Without Regret), 🔴🌓✅ (to be sung to the tune of Stacy's Mom)*, 🔴🌓✅ Two Masochists Attempt Wound Aftercare, 🟠🌓⚠️ Losing Body Parts to a Goddamn Fish, 🔴🌔✅ A Rendezvous at the Baratie, 🟡🌓✅ A Chance To Die By The Sword, 🟢🌒✅ Tomorrow Could Be*

East Blue: 🟡🌓✅ Familiar

Alabasta: 🟠🌓✅ Sanji Bi Crisis™, 🔴🌔✅ Kitchen Shenanigans

Water Seven/Enies Lobby: 🟢🌒✅ One AM in the Galley, 🔴🌕✅ Out Of His Depth*

Sabaody: 🟢🌒✅ One More Song

Marineford: 🟡🌒✅ Regret is the Skin You Shed (Just to Make it This Far)*, 🟠🌒✅ Revolving Door, 🔴🌓✅ A Study of Negative Space

These fics are set ambiguously or very shortly post-timeskip. If you're familiar with everyone's post-TS designs and/or abilities, you're good: 🟡🌒✅ Outlaw Red, 🔴🌓✅ don't ask me who's driving*, 🔴🌔✅ The Babygirl Problem*, 🔴🌒✅ Just This Once, 🟢🌒✅ Identical Sets, 🔴🌓✅ A Horny Interlude, Partway Through Some Training Montage*, 🔴🌒✅ On Their Altars You Lay Your Heart of Stone*, 🟡🌒✅ Equals, 🔴🌓✅ the thighfucking fic, 🔴🌓⚠️ Good Meat

Moderate Spoilers

These are things like character, relationship, and location reveals (where the reveal is plot-relevant); significant plot events; that sort of thing.

Roguetown: 🔴🌓⚠️ To Possess It

Marineford: 🟠🌓✅ They Grow Like Flames*, 🟠🌓⚠️ Mismatched*

Timeskip: 🟠🌓✅ Some Sort of Poisonous Cupcake*, 🟡🌒✅ An Eye for an Eye (Kuraigana, One Year In), 🟠🌓✅ Black and Fuchsia Sugar Roses*, 🟢🌒✅ Company Time*, 🟡🌓✅ Black Cherry Sangria*, 🟡🌒✅ Elsewhere, In a Different Training Montage*, 🟢🌔✅ Portrait of an Oncoming Storm, 🟡🌒✅ Vain Creatures*, 🔴🌔⚠️ Of Wine, Wild Roses, and Blood*, 🟢🌒✅ kiss the homies goodnight

Punk Hazard: 🔴🌓⚠️ Government Dog

Dressrosa: 🔴🌒✅ Lazy Morning Head*, 🔴🌓✅ Four Vignettes in Marine Uniform*, 🟡🌓✅ A Guy With a Pin (to Burst Your Bubble)*, 🟡🌓✅ Your Restless Dreams (I)*, 🔴🌔✅ A Necklace of Crocodile Teeth, 🔴🌓✅ Strings Around His Wrists, 🟢🌒✅ A Favour, 🔴🌔✅ Almost Tame, 🔴🌓✅ Drip*, 🔴🌔✅ Body Shots*

Whole Cake Island: 🔴🌓✅ Apology on Wood and Canvas, 🟢🌒✅ Pink and Gold, 🟢🌒✅ pervert faces [draft]

Wano: 🟡🌓✅ Smoke and Cherry Blossoms, 🔴🌓✅ King of Beauty, King of Beasts, 🟢🌒✅ A Particularly Sweet Red, 🟢🌒✅ A Private Moment (A Reunion), 🟡🌓✅ Shrimp Cocktail*, 🟡🌓✅ Sugar and Spice*, 🟡🌒✅ Home*

Major Spoilers

This section is reserved for plot twists and character deaths.

Marineford: 🟠🌒⚠️ A Study of Grief, I Suppose, 🟡🌒⚠️ Both Hands With a Heart to Hold*, 🔴🌓✅ A Treatise on Absence and Loss

Dressrosa: 🟠🌒✅ And the Devil Answers, 🔴🌕⚠️ With Every Wall Ablaze Around Us*

Wano: 🔴🌓✅ Fucking Pirates, 🔴🌓✅ Insubordinates, 🟢🌒✅ Bearer of the Sun God's Crown*, 🔴🌓✅ The Beast, the Man, and the Princess

[trying-trying2lyk]

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

[justatiredlittlesnail]

[erisivy]

[bizarrelittlemew]

but above all, one must not concern oneself with the opinions of people who censor the word fuck

[best-of-inspirobot]

[tearlessrain]

this is in perfect iambic meter and sounds like the first line of a weird poem

[tearlessrain]

Rule #2

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you see one on the street,

For decorum is essential when a lobster you must greet.

You may comment on the weather, compliment his choice of hat,

But crustaceans like their space if one should stop them for a chat.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you’re strolling down the coast,

Simply nod and give a greeting, or a handshake at the most,

For a lobster’s first priority is formal social graces,

And one seemes over-familiar if a lobster one embraces.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you meet one in the sea,

For a lobster’s spines and chitin make it difficult, you see,

And he might become self-conscious if you bring that fact to light,

So don’t ever hug a lobster, simply put, it’s impolite.

[supreme-leader-stoat]

[philosopherking1887]

These sound like the lyrics of a Gilbert and Sullivan song.

[escuerzoresucitado]

[thestoryofaslut]

about fucking time

[fluffylandshark]

Reblog to give the prev person some dopamine.

[anthropologist-on-the-loose]

The most useless dashboard warning light in your car has got to be the 'we slidin'' light. Like, thank you, but I am so very much aware that I do not have full control of my vehicle right now.

[super-ion]

Concept: cursed blade rehabilitation center. Destroying a sentient weapon is expensive and highly unethical, so adventurers bring them to the center where highly trained staff can care for them and eventually find them forever homes. It turns out most cursed weapons are products of trauma and are not strictly evil themselves. Some blades turn out to be fiercely protective companions. Others don't even want to be weapons at all, finding joy in simple work like blacksmithing or farming. Most blades just need to be loved.

[super-ion]

A pack of bandits descend upon a seemingly undefended town. But the blacksmith's hammer, the farmer's scythe, the woodsman's axe, they have not forgotten what they once were, and they *will* defend the town that they have come to love.

[super-ion]

This sweet girl has been with us for seven seasons. She was forged in the heart of a volcano and would be ideal for anyone with a preexisting fire affinity (she's a cuddler and is guaranteed to keep you warm in winter). She still loves burning, but it turns out you can only reduce the world to ash once. She would be perfectly suited for forest management that regularly requires controlled burns.

[super-ion]

This weary old soul has grown tired of bloodshed and would much rather spend his days as an ominous decoration in a tavern or common room, a perfect fit for an adventurer looking to leave their dungeon crawling days behind. He likes peoplewatching with his single glowing eye, preferably from high, prominent locations with views of entrances and exits.

[heron-knight]

Dark king Grütmore’s edge of annihilation consumed 10,000 souls in the first era, and as it turns out, statistically a lot of those souls heard stories that never got written down. It works in a library now.

The throngler, however, is just irrevocably fucked up. We put it in a stone in a forest and hoped nobody ever finds it

[thestuffedalligator]

I’m going to level with you. I have listened to The Devil Went Down to Georgia for most of my life. We were a country music household, this was a staple of my childhood along with Johnny Cash, Garth Brooks, and that one Chipmunks country album.

I have no idea what “Fire on the mountain run boys run/The Devil's in the house of the rising sun/Chicken in the bread pan picking out dough/Granny does your dog bite no child no” means and at this point I’m too scared to ask.

[dementian]

For once I can be of assistance.

Each of the lyrics comes from an old-time hickory song for fiddles, and is a lyric from that corresponding song.

"Fire on the Mountain" --> "Fire on the Mountain, run boys run"

Fire On The Mountain - Fiddle Player POV

"The House of the Rising Sun" --> "The Devil's in the house of the rising sun"

House of the Rising Sun

"Ida Red" --> "Chicken in the bread pan peckin' out dough"

Ida Red - Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys

"Granny Will Your Dog Bite" --> "Granny does your dog bite? 'No child, no'."

FTC #149 Granny Will Your Dog Bite

And for your furthered education, The Mountain Whipporwill.

Mountain Whippoorwill (aka How Hillbilly Jim Won the Great Fiddler's Prize)

[impossiblepackage]

this is the key part of the song, that a lot of people miss. people have this misconception that the contest between Johnny and The Devil is about who is the better fiddle player. but it isn't. its about who is the better fiddler.

in a time before things like radios and record players, every time you heard music was because there was somebody in the room with you playing an instrument. and many, many, many social events involved dancing, which requires music. so, if you're planning any kind of gathering in the american south or appalachia, you need to find a fiddler. and the fiddler's job is to play music that everybody knows and likes and can dance to.

the mistake The Devil makes in his bet with Johnny is that he misinterprets the contest as being about technical ability, so he has this big flashy song. he plays fast and impressively with a band of demons playing unfamiliar instruments in unfamiliar rhythms. he's definitely more skilled at playing than Johnny, and thinks he has it in the bag.

but Johnny wins because the contest is about being the best fiddler. the song uses these lines mentioned above as a shorthand for saying that Johnny is playing these songs. Johnny launches into a set of the most popular songs, played well, and that's what gives him his big win. A good fiddler knows all the hits, and can read the room to know what to play next. The Devil loses because he completely fails to read the room, and doesn't know the right songs.

[perception-filter]

staring at the dessert menu and twirling my hair and going "should I be baaaaddd" until the autistic girl I'm eating with says "there is nothing bad about eating dessert. it is a morally neutral action"

[millionsknives]

one of my coworkers has this sticker on his water bottle and it sends me into hysterics every time i see it

[asneakyfox]

one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN

[animentality]

[rubyleaf]

"Boy I sure wish there was a character who functions like me who's still made it somewhere in life!"

Commander Sir Samuel Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch:

[horsefriend]

[putnamspuppeteer]

For those who don't know: Ikumi Nakamura is the woman who was senior artist on Bayonetta, and designed the titular character along with Hideki Kamiya. Their greatest moment of bonding was over their insistence that Bayonetta keep her glasses on at all times. Nakamura cannot go to horny jail. She is the warden.

[brookietf]

[catgirlforeskin]

Happy pride month to her and her exclusively

[seraphiminn]

she made a comic about the experience on twitter

[catboybiologist]

happy pride

[ikindamaybewanthertositonmyface]

An Update from back in October I'm surprised wasn't added to this post. lol

[fleshengine]

I love the face of a woman having the time of her life.

[raecchi]

As much as I love Ikumi Nakamura, while she did work on the game Bayonetta, she didn't design Bayonetta herself. That was Mari Shimazaki:

Designing Bayonetta - PlatinumGames Official Blog

Hello. I’m Mari Shimazaki (Shimako), a character designer on Bayonetta. It seems that the Bayonetta blog […]

[homunculus-argument]

What would the evil opposite of eucalyptus be like?

What the fuck is dyscalyptus?

[maybe-the-real-language]

The "-calyptus" part means "covered", so eucalyptus's opposite would be something that's 1. naked and 2. bad at it

[foone]

A fun thing about computer skills is that as you have more of them, the number of computer problems you have doesn't go down.

This is because as a beginner, you have troubles because you don't have much knowledge.

But then you learn a bunch more, and now you've got the skills to do a bunch of stuff, so you run into a lot of problems because you're doing so much stuff, and only an expert could figure them out.

But then one day you are an expert. You can reprogram everything and build new hardware! You understand all the various layers of tech!

And your problems are now legendary. You are trying things no one else has ever tried. You Google them and get zero results, or at best one forum post from 1997. You discover bugs in the silicon of obscure processors. You crash your compiler. Your software gets cited in academic papers because you accidently discovered a new mathematical proof while trying to remote control a vibrator. You can't use the wifi on your main laptop because you wrote your own uefi implementation and Intel has a bug in their firmware that they haven't fixed yet, no matter how much you email them. You post on mastodon about your technical issue and the most common replies are names of psychiatric medications. You have written your own OS but there arent many programs for it because no one else understands how they have to write apps as a small federation of coroutine-based microservices. You ask for help and get Pagliacci'd, constantly.

But this is the natural of computer skills: as you know more, your problems don't get easier, they just get weirder.

[sreegs]

you know you've made it when you're googling problems and ending up with 0-9 results

[manyblinkinglights]

#you don't actually have to be good to have these problems#you just have to be obsessed with a micro-issue that no one else cares about

[teratocybernetics]

[xkcd-for-that]

Certified skydiving instructors know way more about safely falling from planes than I do, and are way more likely to die that way.

TV Problems

[ms-demeanor]

[janmisali]

oh I know how to make a poll's results look like the letter E watch this

what is the rightmost digit of the number of responses this poll has right now? (it should be visible before you vote.)

0, 1, or 2

3

4 or 5

6

7, 8, or 9

Remaining time: 5 days 1 hour