Hi, I will unfortunately have to go on an indefinite hiatus. Iâm sorry, but I have a lot to focus on irl right now. Thank you for the patience. See yâall soon <33
Hello! I hope you're having a great day/night! I just recently discovered you and I think I just struck gold! đ Could we maybe get a fluff/angst of Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x reader? Maybe about having a deep conversation with him just talking about the scars each one of them got from being in the military, maybe a soft moment where reader gently touches the little scar on his face and calls him beautiful. I'm such a sucker for soft angst , it's one of my guilty pleasures đ
- please consider it only if you have time, don't overwork yourself and don't forget to drink water !!! đđđ
anarchy (Gaz x GN!Reader)
gif by; @sgt-gaz
word count; 1,108
masterlist; here
summary; War leaves deep wounds, mentally and physically. Gaz shares stories about his time in the military through scars. [title taken from âanarchyâ by Egg.] [reader is gender neutral!]
a/n; thank you!! i did have some water during this <3 and thank you so much for the compliment, feel free to request more!! I'm also sorry this took a while, a lot of life stuff happened, and it needed my full attention. iâm also sorry if there is a story for gazâs facial scar. iâm also sorry again because i wrote half of this a few weeks ago and just now finished it.
Gaz doesnât particularly hate how he looks, in fact he understands that heâs actually considered quite attractive, but thereâs moments where he doesnât feel like he is. When his body aches after a long day of work, when his wounds are finally turning into scars. Thatâs how he finds himself standing in front of the full body mirror in his bedroom that he shares with you, running his fingertips over some of his scars. Deep dents in his skin, lighter than his usual skin tone. Some of them are raised and still pink from healing. Gaz tends to lightly run his fingertips over the raised scars more often than the indented ones, although one of his gunshot scars are an exception.
The cool wind from the open window flows through the bedroom and against his warm skin. The light-colored curtain flows from the wind, a barely noticeable noise from the fabric rubbing against itself. Gaz's eyes glance down to where a long, yet thin scar runs against his lower right abdomen; a hand to hand fight he will never forget. Gaz hears your soft footsteps coming from down the hall, but he doesn't feel the need to hide from you. He isn't that self-conscious, and he also trusts you with every part of himself. You enter the room and glance at him with a soft smile, confusion written all over your face. "I thought you went to bed, Kyle.." You murmur. Gaz turns his head to look at you before looking back in the mirror, his fingers tracing some of his own scars. "I tried," Gaz responds. "I kept waking up."
You hum from this information. It's not like Gaz has terrible trouble going to sleep, but it definitely isn't easy for him to do so. Neither is staying asleep. You walk over to him and look at his figure through the mirror. Your eyes trail to where his fingers are on his abdomen, and you keep your voice light and quiet. "How did you get that one?"
Gaz fingers motions pause for a moment before continuing, his own eyes scanning the scar. He chuckles from your question. That isn't usually a question people like to be asked, Gaz is no exception (because it's rude) but he knows you mean no harm. He hums before answering, his eyes looking over the tour of scars over his body. "I got into a hand-to-hand fight with some guy on a stakeout," Gaz starts, moving his fingers so you can see the scar in detail. It looks fairly old, a good couple of years old. "He was very drunk, blew my cover. I was in a bar I think it was, scanning the area for my target.â Gaz chuckles at the memory, at the details of the mission that he can remember. âI was going to bust a drug trafficking ring. However, the guy pulled out a knife and got me real good with it.â
You donât respond to his words, but you snake your arms around him, your fingers brushing against his near where his scar is. You glance at him again through my mirror and you move your fingers to a different scar; this one is more jagged, like whatever caused it? It was definitely not a clean cut. Your thumb caresses the jagged and raised skin. This one is fairly new, maybe a year old by this point. Gaz doesnât tell you everything that happens on missions, especially if it considers his well-being. It took Price calling your number for you to find out. Honestly, when you saw âJohn Priceâ flash on your phone screen, your heart stopped. You answered at the last ring because you one hundred percent expected a death call. You press your lips into a firm line before opening your mouth. âThis one?â
Gazâs eyes trail down to where your fingers are and his abdomen tenses up under your touch and realizing which scar it is. He forces out a chuckle that holds no humor or amusement, and he ever so slightly shivers involuntarily. Your fingers are tracing a gunshot scar, a nasty one. âI took a bullet for John MacTavish.â Gaz utters as your wrap around arms around him from behind. He canât help but melt into your touch, almost if youâre two objects with energy and youâre taking away the negativity. Your warmth seeps into his skin, settling into the inner most part of his bones. âYou remember him, donât you?â
Youâre rest your head against his shoulder/back area and you nod. âMhm, I remember him. Soap, right?â
Gaz smiles softly when you murmur his teammate and best friendâs name. âYeah, he goes by Soap. We were in a firefight in an enemy zone. Escaping wasnât easy, and of course no one could escape unscathed.â
Gaz was not specific, but you never expect him to be. In his line of work, he must go through a lot of traumatic events, day and night. You nuzzle into his shoulder, smiling after you give his skin a kiss. âWell, I think your scars make you badass.â
Gaz blinks and a slight amused smirk rises to his lips. âOh? You think so, do you?â
You unwrap your hands from him and grab his shoulder, leading him to turn around. Your shoulders relax from seeing his beautiful face and you canât resist cupping his cheek. You feel his stubble scratch your hand as you caress his cheek with your thumb, the tip rubbing over the scar. âYouâre so beautiful, Kyle,â You murmur, your eyes scanning his face. You love the way his nose curves, how his eyebrows naturally turn downwards from being at work so much, you admire where his lips start and end. You drink in his appearance like itâs the first time you met him. âYouâre gorgeous.â
Gaz swallows spit that collected in his mouth and he lets go of a breath he didnât know he was holding onto. He says nothing as his hand rests over yours that still remains on his cheek.
You both know your words have a double meaning and he just melts from your reassurance. Gaz knows you love him for more than his looks, but at times, heâs worried thatâs all you stay for. You smile and gently pull him into your arms, one arm around his torso and your other hand cups the back of his head. Gaz wraps his arms around you, just holding you as close as he can possibly manage. If he could, he would fuse his atoms with yours. You say nothing as only your soft breathing fills the room along with his.
btw i write for myself, i write what i wanna write. if you donât like my shit, donât read it. if i actively write something harmful and i donât realize it though, let me know. i quite literally do not care if you donât like my stuff, itâs not like i do this shit as a job :| like, i donât care if u think itâs cringy. unless itâs harmful, donât waste your energy on me because idc
Oh My, I'm just lost for Gaz. Can we get some more headcannons on him?
(take as much time as you need to write)
Calming Gaz Down (Headcanons)
gif by; @sgt-gaz
warnings; descriptions of panic attacks
a/n; this is lowkey a fanfic in bullet points lmao my bad
ââââââââââââââ
War has no mercy on anyone, no matter your age or what youâre fighting for. It tears everything and everyone apart that lays in itâs way.
Thereâs no exception for Kyle and while he isnât usually wracked with nightmares and flashbacks, sometimes a certain smell will randomly take him back, or his mind torments him right when heâs on the edge of sleep; or the opposite, deep in it.
Kyle never really let anyone help him calm down when his body went cold from panic, when his lungs forgot how to function and when he felt as if his heart would burst behind his rib cage. When he would feel the familiar buzz in his fingertips, the sudden weakness in his knees, he would excuse himself to the bathroom.
Kyle doesnât see panic attacks as a weakness, no, but he just.. finds himself embarrassed. He doesnât even understand why heâs embarrassed either, he doesnât find it embarrassing for anyone else.
He doesnât immediately let you help him due to his embarrassment. You know he suffers from these panic attacks, but heâs never once let you see him go through it. Until he had to excuse himself to the bathroom of a fancy restaurant; dinner with the team.
You and Price are the first to notice; you exchange wordless glances. Price sips his drink and gives you a subtle nod, and youâre on your way to the menâs bathroom. You open the swinging door and the room is lined with stalls, the room smelling of hand washing soap and cleaning chemicals. The speaker plays soft music, a song from a few years ago, probably. You glance around the room looking for any sign of him, of Kyle.
Your own chest is tight, your fingers temporarily going cold from anxiety every now and then as your eyes go over the bottom of the stalls, looking for Kyleâs shoes. Youâre silent and you donât hear anything; the bathroom seems empty. You sigh and you turn around, your hand reaching for the bar to push open to open the door; but thatâs when you hear it.
You almost donât, but you hear the hitch of a gasp and thatâs when you knew. You quickly turned back around, worry in your voice. âKyle?â
You find him in the biggest stall, the door cracked open. You slowly open the door and your heart absolutely breaks at the sight. âOh.. Kyle!â
Kyle is a mess, curled up in the corner, one leg near his chest and the other spread out; one hand on his chest and the other feverishly grabbing the tile of the wall in an attempt to ground himself. Heâs wheezing and hyperventilating, a crazed and dazed look in his eye as heâs thrashing around.
You immediately run over to him and itâs like you knew what he needed. Your hands cup his cheeks, your thumbs brushing over the skin. Your voice is low and gentle, looking into Kyleâs eyes. Even as you speak, you can tell heâs staring right through you. âHey, heyhey- Kyle, whatâs wrong? You have to breathe,â You breath out. âKyle, look at me, honey.â
Why are you here? Nononono, you canât be here, youâll get hurt and itâs going to be because of him-
He coughs and his hand on the tile on the wall flies to your sleeve; his fingers gripping your sleeve. âI-Iâm lookinâ-â Kyleâs voice is wrecked, laced with fear and sadness. You shake your head and bring your face closer to his. âNo, Ky, look at me.â Kyle blinks as tears well up into his eyes and he focuses in on your face; now heâs looking at you, but heâs so.. far away. Your stomach churns at the fear in his gaze.
You guide the hand thatâs gripping your sleeve to your own chest before cupping his cheeks again. âBreathe with me, Kyle.â You murmur, and you begin to over-exaggerate your breathing. âIn for 4âŠâ Shaky Inhale. âHold for 4âŠâ He whimpers for a moment before holding in his breath. âOut for 7.â Shaky Exhale. Itâs better than before.
Your touch burns him and he canât decide if itâs a good or bad feeling; his body is so cold, so numb from panic but your hands are like warm cookies on a December night after coming in from the cold, like stepping into a warm shower after a cold swim.
Kyle swallows some of his spit in the midst of his sobbing; he wants it to be good, your touch. He decides itâs a good feeling. Your lips are moving, but your words are still barely reaching him. â..nEed, need you-â
You press your lips to his forehead before pressing your forehead against his, looking into his eyes. All Kyle can see is you. All he can feel is you.
Kyle needs physical touch during these times, he needs you to completely take over his senses in any way possible. He needs to see you, touch you, smell you, everything. Anything to escape whatever couldâve triggered him, or just in general; you make everything feel okay for him. Your breathing exercises really help him and he appreciates that you guide him every time from now and in the future.
He also appreciates that you donât immediately hug him; when he tugs you into one, thatâs when you apply firm and comforting pressure. Kyle sobs into your shirt and his breathing isnât as bad as before, itâs manageable now, but he truly knows he will turn out okay with you here.
I only have one thing to say for this... sorry đ„Č
Evan 'Buck' Buckley x Fem!Reader
angst with a happy ending
summary: Reader gets shot on a job. When she flatlines on the way to the hospital, Buck is worried she won't make it out alive.
POTENTIAL TW
It was times like this that Buck wondered why he did what he did. Everyone was silent as they sat at the dinner table, no one bothered to try and say anything, no one looked up either. They all focused on their shiny black shoes, not having the courage to look up and see her empty chair.
He hears people say, "it all happened so fast," but when the shot rang out and watched the blood spread on her shirt, everything was in slow motion. The shot echoed in his ears. He was too shocked to scream as her body fell slowly to the ground. Realization hit when he felt her blood on his face, and everyone rushed to her aid. It was like someone shocked him, like he jolted awake from a nightmare. Only, when he woke up, she wasn't better.
"No..." He said. "No, no, no!" He screamed, rushing to her.
Bobby and Eddie held him back as he fought to get to her, Hen and Chim working with shaky hands.
"This can't be happening..." He whimpered.
She looked at him, a weak smile on her bloody face, blood pouring from her gut."It's okay. It'll be okay." She muttered fraily.
She nodded, as if trying to convince herself as well.
"Please- let me go!" He yelled desperately, "please! I need to go to her!" His eyes watered as he begged Bobby and Eddie to let him go.
They too were on the verge of tears, trying to hold them back for his sake. It wouldn't have made much of a difference, though, all his focus was on her.
Once they got her loaded into the ambulance, they let him go. He ran to her side and sat down. He took her hand, brushing the stray hairs that fell from her braid away from her eyes. She looked up at him with watery eyes, swallowing thickly because she knew it wasn't good. A bullet wound is supposed to hurt. It isn't good when it doesn't.
"Try not to move, okay?" He said shakily.
She nodded, squeezing his hand to assure him. She felt somewhat guilty that she was even trying when she knew she wouldn't make it to the hospital. She couldn't bring herself to lie to him, she couldn't find the words to tell him how much she loved him either.
"You're gonna be okay. You have to be." He said firmly, denial dripping from his tongue.
She shook her head. "No." She whimpered out. "I'm not."
He shook his head defiantly. "Don't say that. Say anything but that." He said, his voice cracking.
Hen and Chim had to choke back the words 'she's right', because they themselves didn't want to believe she wasn't going to be okay. They wanted to believe she'd be okay like Buck did.
"Okay." She said. "Then I need to tell you something. Before I don't have the chance. I-" She started.
But he cut her off with a shake of his head. "No, you can tell me when your better." He said.
They all knew what she was going to say, but no one said anything. Everyone, including each other, knew about their feelings for each other. Y/n was afraid of it all going sour, however, and she didn't have the courage to take the plunge and risk losing her best friend. Evan, he wanted to save them both the heartache in case it didn't last. Mostly himself, if he was honest. He knew they'd come back from it, but it'd never be the same. They didn't want to take that chance, and everyone thought it was stupid. Anyone with eyes could see they were crazy for each other. Absolutely head over heels.
"You can't leave me. Please don't leave me." He said desperately, tears streaming down his blood stained cheeks.
She reached up and wiped away his tears, her hand lingering when he leaned into her. "You'll be okay." She said sadly.
"No." He croaked. "I won't." He shook his head, placing his hand on hers.
"You'll have Maddie, Bobby, Chimney, Hen, Eddie, and Christopher. You'll be okay." She tried to convince him.
"But I won't have you." He whispered. "You can't give up yet. You have to fight." He said defeated.
"I'm so tired." She said weakly. "I'm sorry." She said, struggling to get the words out.
"I know it hurts-" He said, but she cut him off.
"It doesn't. It doesn't hurt." She whispered.
"Please, it's not supposed to end this way, I still need you. We still need you." He said.
She smiled weakly, wiping his tears once more. She gasped, her chest heaving, before she stilled, her eyes going blank. For a moment, her hand remained against his cheek, but he knew she was gone. Her smile faded, her mouth agape as blood spilled from the corners. Her hand fell, and Buck never knew silence could be so loud. The constant beep, the solid line, seemed to taunt them. Hen angrily shut it off. Chimney slowly took his hands from her wound where he attempted to stop the bleeding.
"No." Buck said, getting up and starting cpr.
He wasn't ready to give up on her. Henrietta shut her eyes tightly, fighting back tears of her own. Chimney shook his head, determined to see her smile again. To see them finally happy together. To see her in a white gown as he watched his best friends say their vows. To see little baby Buckleys running around with Jee-yun. He reached into her wound, closing off the source of the bleed. Hen sniffled as she turned the machine back on, the consistent beep sounding again. What was a taunt became motivation to them, and Buck continued to try recesutate her.
"C'mon..." He said. "C'mon!" He yelled desperately.
Tears mixed with the dried blood on his face, but he hardly noticed either. Hen tried not to look because seeing one of her best friends lay lifeless on the gurney, while another desperately tried to bring her back, would be too much. She knew that would break her. Break her faith in the job. She needed to try to remember why she did it instead of seeing a reason not to.
As Chimney ran beside the gurney, Hen filled in the doctors and nurses, but Buck didn't hear. He just heard a ringing in his ears, the gun shot echoing in his head. Her lifeless eyes stared back at him, the blood still spilling from her mouth. It gave him a little hope, though, because if she was totally gone she wouldn't be bleeding... right?
"Sir, we can take it from here." A nurse said, easing Buck from his position above her as he tried to get her heart beating again.
Chim was eased into paper blue covers as they rolled them into surgery.
They hadn't been ushered away yet. They could see nurses starting chest compressions and giving her O2. They could see the doctors gently ease Chim's hand from her wound. They could see the blood pour from the wound as a result. As the minutes droned on and her heart didn't start, he felt his own shatter.
It wasn't quick. It was slow. Painful.
Hen could see her blood spilling onto the floor. Her hope quickly diminished seeing the amount.
Finally, Buck could see her heart re-start and her chest rise, and he released a breath he wasn't aware he was holding.
Then, Buck finally broke down. He fell to his knees, sobbing. Hen knelt down with him, pulling him into her embrace, but it offered neither of them comfort. Bobby, Eddie, and Athena rushed to them.
Athena's face fell. "She flat lined. Didn't she?" She said sadly, defeated.
Hen nodded weakly. Eddie dropped to his knees, hugging Buck as well.
"I'm gonna get this son of a bitch." Athena growled, storming out of the trauma bay.
Bobby hung his head, unwillingly letting the tears fall. None of them could bring themselves to leave. None of them wanted to.
It wasn't until Chim finally returned, covered in blood, and said they wouldn't know anything for several more hours.
It took some convincing, but they finally got Buck to leave to finish his shift. But none of them truly left the ER.
Buck had an empty plate in front of him, but he couldn't bring himself to eat. Not when he saw her blank expression every time he closed his eyes.
Their families all came out to support them, the community coming together to put out candles and figures of good luck and healing, hoping and praying for the firefighter and her family and team. Praying for good news. The sight was bittersweet.
Buck couldn't stand the silence. He stood abruptly and left, heading to the locker rooms.
He had to choke back a sob. He didn't want to live without her. He didn't want to love anyone else but her. He didn't want to do this job if she wasn't beside him.
"Evan, you were made to save a life."
His mother's voice rang out in his head.
Then why couldn't I save her?! He thought.
He wanted to scream. He wanted to sob. He wanted her back.
He missed her smile, he missed her laugh, he missed the stupid jokes she'd tell to cheer everyone up on a hard day. He missed her warm hugs, and how she smelled like roses and lillies: her favorite perfume. Her hair always smelled fruity, and her skin was always so soft. He missed her giggles, and the way she'd gently caress her face. He wanted her back.
He wanted you hear from the damn hospital. Wanted to hear them say she made it through. It was nearing six hours after the shooting, and it felt like the longest six hours of his life.
He stood in the locker room, leaning against the metal doors, his head down. He squeezed his eyes shut, desperately trying to think of her in anyway that wasn't the lifeless look in her eyes. Even if she made it, that sight would haunt his nightmares. He mentally kicked himself for not telling her he loved her sooner. He knew she knew, he'll, everyone else did too. But he needed to know she heard it. And right now, he was praying for any miracle. He was praying that he'd get the chance to tell her, kiss her, hold her, anything.
He screamed, hitting the lockers to try to ease the pain in any way. He punched and punched, angry and distraught and so many other things. He wanted order, he needed something to ground him. Right now, that was the stinging pain in his knuckles. He punched the doors again and again, until his fist was as numb as he was inside. He fell to his knees, crying weakly.
Maddie came in, silently sitting next to him on the floor. She didn't try reassuring him that she'd be okay, because truth be told, she was terrified too. She also knew nothing she said would help ease his pain. So she simply laid a gentle hand on his cheek, turning his face to her. She smiled softly, bringing his face to hers, placing a gentle kiss to his forehead. He leaned on her, laying his head on her shoulder as he sobbed tiredly.
"I just need to know that she's okay." He croaked weakly. "I just need her to be okay." He sobbed enervated.
"Shh," she cooed softly, "I know." She whispered. She held his shoulders, letting her own tears fall.
"I'm not going to lie to you and say it'll be okay. I don't know if she's going to make it, and I won't try to pretend that I do. But I know one thing: she is incredibly strong." She said, pulling him away just enough to look him in the eye.
"She's got a lot of fire left in her, still got a lot of fight left. She doesn't give up easily, and I refuse to believe that this time is going to be any different. She's too stubborn and bull headed to let someone else decide when it's her time to leave. And I have that to hold onto." She said.
He smiled faintly. "Thank you." He whispered. "That helps." He said, nodding as he closed his eyes.
"You need to go home and rest." She said concerned.
He shook his head. "I can't sleep without knowing she's okay." He said defiantly.
Just then, Chimney ran in, Jee on his hip. "It's the hospital." He panted. "They've got news on Y/n." He said.
Maddie and Buck shot up from the floor, running out to the main floor where Bobby was on the phone with the doctor.
"Here they are, I'm putting you on speaker." He said when Maddie and Buck approached.
"I'm relieved to call with good news. Ms Y/l/n made it." He said relieved.
A collection of cheers sounded throughout the firehouse. And for the first time since she was shot, Buck felt all the tension leave his body. "Thank god." He muttered to himself.
"She suffered slight head trauma when she fell, and with the pain medication she's on, she'll probably be out for a while." He said.
"When can we see her?" Hen asked antsy.
"You can come down now if you'd like. Visiting hours are over, but I'll make an exception this time." He said.
"Thank you. Thank you so much." Bobby said.
Before he even ended the call, Buck was running to his jeep. He sped to the hospital, probably breaking several traffic laws on the way, but at the moment, he could care less. All he could think was, 'She's alive. She's really alive. She's okay.' In that moment, nothing else mattered to him. She was alive. That's all that he cared about.
He ran up to the receptionist, and as soon as he had her room number, he was running up the stairs.
The elevator might've been quicker, but the burn in his legs and the sharp jab in his gut as he took the stairs two at a time reminded him that he was awake, that it was real. She was really okay.
He saw her through the large window in the wall, the door slightly ajar. All the air left his lungs, he couldn't describe the immense relief any other way.
He rushed to her side, dropping into the chair beside her bed. The back of her gown was open, the bandages peeking through. Before he even registered it, he was tucking the blanket over her exposed skin. He took her hand in his, feeling her warm skin against his. He sighed, leaning his forehead against their intertwined hands. Up until now, he hadn't realized just how tired he was. His face was probably all red and puffy from crying, but he didn't care all that much any more. He'd hang the moon if it meant she would be okay. He'd hold the sky up for her if it meant he would see her smile again. He didn't care, all that mattered to him was that she was safe.
She groaned, squeezing his hand in hers. "Hey, Buckley." She croaked out with a dry throat.
He smiled, remembering when she would call him that when they first got to know each other. At first, it was because she was bad at remembering names and relied on the name tags, then it became a way for her to tease him because she knew he didn't like it. He would always respond with her last name too, but it was only her and a few other people who he allowed to call him that. The few other people being Hen, Chim, Bobby and Eddie. And of course his sister, but she only really did when he was about to be reprimanded for something. Other than that, no one else was allowed to use his full name. She was even allowed to call him Evan, but only when it was them and as long as it wasn't hostile.
"Hey, Y/l/n." He responded softly. He gently handed her the cup of ice water from the table beside her bed, helping her sit up slightly so she could take a drink. She nodded when she was finished and he set it down.
She smiled at him fondly. "You were right." She said. "Maybe I was being a little dramatic." She joked lightheartedly.
Maybe he wasn't in the mood, but that struck a cord with him. "You weren't being dramatic, Y/n, you flatlined. You almost died." He said seriously.
Her eyes widened and she sat forward slightly. "I- what?" She asked shocked.
His eyes began to water, and his had shook slightly. "You were dead. I thought you were gone. I was so scared." He whispered meekly.
She frowned, pulling his face to hers. She rested her forehead against his, gently wiping his tears away. "Hey, I'm right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere anytime soon." She whispered.
"You almost died. I didn't know what I was going to do if you didn't make it. I wasn't sure I could live with myself." He said softly. "I need you here. I've never loved anyone the way I love you." He admitted. He wasn't too particularly happy with the time and place, but he couldn't wait any longer. He needed to know he told her, he needed to know he said it.
She kissed him deeply, putting everything she was trying to tell him in it. That she was real, and she was alive, she wasn't going anywhere. That she loved him too.
"I love you. God, I've wanted to tell you for so long but I was too scared." He said.
"What made you not be scared anymore?" She asked.
"Oh, I'm still scared. I'm scared if we go all in and it ends badly, that I'll lose my best friend and the best thing that's ever happened to me. But, seeing you lay lifeless on the gurney, and that constant beep that showed your heart stopped, it scared me way more. I'm still scared, but not as scared as I was when I thought you died." He said.
Her face fell. "Oh, God, you saw me flatline?" She said, a mix of emotions crossing her face. He just nodded sadly.
"I saw through the window. There was so much blood. It's something that's going to haunt my nightmares for the foreseeable future." He said.
She stroked his cheek gently. "You said I could say it when I was better. Can I say it now?" She asked.
He closed his eyes and nodded. "Please."
"I love you, Evan Buckley." She said smiling.
He smiled relieved. She leaned her forehead against his again. "I love you so much." She whispered. "I love you, I love you, I love you." She said, peppering his face with kisses until he finally smiled. "There it is." She said softly.
"I'm never letting you go again." He said, gently pulling her into his chest to hug her, just wanted to hold her for a little while.
"Well, that's good, 'cus I'm never leaving your side." She said, sinking into his embrace.
Eventually, after a grueling 30 minutes of being stuck in traffic due to a pileup, the team finally made it to the hospital, only to find Y/n and Buck asleep.
Y/n lay back, the bed sitting up slightly, but not much. Buck lay right next to her chest, her arm over his shoulders, and their fingers entwined. It looked like they fell asleep talking and watching 'Gone With The Wind' on some channel. They all smiled at the sight, happy to see the two finally relaxed.
Each one took a seat somewhere and eventually fell asleep themselves. They weren't about to leave without giving Y/n a hug and reminding her how much they love her. Besides, they were all exhausted, physically, emotionally, and mentally. The hospital wasn't the best place to sleep, but they weren't about to leave their youngest member alone in a hospital room, let alone let Buck be there by himself. And maybe it was to make themselves feel better because they were all worried sick about her, maybe it was for her and Buck. All they knew: they weren't leaving her alone again.
Adler does not show affection in front of anyone. He knows what the consequences could be due to his line of work.
I feel as if Adler is stoic 95% of the time, you get blank faced Adler a lot. You will manage to rip chuckles and smiles out of him, but if he is hurting? You are the last person to know.
When itâs just you two, Adler definitely seems like his love language is acts of service and words of affirmation. Adler does not mind touch, but God this man has a hard time expressing his love. Adler has been through so much, and heâs trying to show you how much he appreciates you; through loving words and a good, home-cooked meal.
I imagine Adler doesnât date someone in his profession, but perhaps he makes an exception.
If youâre a civilian, he leaves all the baggage at the door as youâre his safe space. Adler cooks you meals to make up for lost time. You really donât expect him to know how to cook this well either, considering how much time heâs spent on missions
âWhat, you donât have faith in me?â He says with a sly smile on his lips.
If you work for the government like he does, itâs not often that you two get to work together. Youâre in different divisions, different assignments, different levels of security clearance.
But when you do get to work together, he treats you like any co-worker or partner. Adler does throw you longer-than-necessary glances often, but if anyone didnât know any better, you two had no personal connection outside of work.
I donât think Adler would be too big on pet names, but he would call you âHonâ on occasion. Saying your name is pleasant to him enough.
Adler likely doesnât care for physical touch, but I imagine he doesnât dislike it, either. Heâs more casual with his touches with you; an arm around your waist, maybe leaving a lingering hand on your shoulder.
Adler hates cuddling when heâs trying to sleep because he overheats from other sources of body heat, so donât expect him to spoon you to sleep.
You get all of the blankets while you two sleep because this man is only in his boxers, sleeping on simple tight fitted sheets. He is a heater.
Omggg i loved you're middle eastern ask could you maybe make something similar with an Italian reader, only if ur okay with it tho đ
Gang Members React to Italian!GN!Reader
gif by; @purpledragongifs
masterlist; here
a/n; itâs no problem! ty for your patience. i actually took italian as a language class for a couple of years, so some of the italian is from me :-) also there will likely not be a part two to this because thereâs a lot going on in my life rn, t iâll put my whole soul into this!!
included members; arthur, john, charles, javier.
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Arthur Morgan
He isnât really too affected by your accent, spending enough time in Saint Denis got him used to Italian accents. One thing he never got a good grasp on was your language; English isnât his strong suit either, so donât be surprised when you speak Italian and he questions you.
After Sean nearly blew your head off, you screamed, âImpara a mirare, stronzo!â In an angry tone. Arthur looked at you as if you had two heads. âSay what now?â
Arthur likes hearing about the different dishes youâve had in the past, how different the food is from the States compared to Italy. Of course, there arenât many differences, but some dishes that are called the same thing arenât too similar.
He listens to your rants; your angry ones, your confused ones, everything.
âLasagna here is very different than the lasagna back home!!â
He sees your reactions to culture clashes in real time and he thinks itâs a bit funny. When you greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and then did the same thing to Tilly, he was confused.
After you explain the culture side of it, he understands. Arthur lets you do it to him as a greeting and a goodbye afterwards.
Arthur is used to hearing Italian, but he never learned it as a whole besides the basic phrases. I imagine he never learns how to properly speak it, but he learns to understand it to an extent.
John Marston
He thinks your anger is funny. He thinks your accent is funny. Very very funny. Your accent tends to get thicker when you arenât thinking about it, so he canât contain his laughter.
John is used to your accent, but still finds it funny nonetheless. He doesnât understand a lick of what you say in Italian, but he tries to guess by your tone.
âVai a farti fottere, DutchâŠâ âYou said what now??â
John is a little dense, so he doesnât care much about the conversation for food but your family is very big on the food; you canât help but follow in their footsteps and force John to try some when youâre able to make it.
That being said, thereâs a lot of food you grew up with that he didnât.
âWhat the hell is.. Spaghetti??â
âLasagna?â â He complete pronounces it wrong as well, somehowâŠ.
When you first greeted him in such a.. personal way, he short-circuited. He didnât know that you did not mean it in a flirty way until Arthur smacked him upside the head, teasing him. âThose wolves truly did eat all your brains huh, Marston??â
He never learns to speak your language, nor does he learn to understand it. Except when you swear- he knows what that means because I can imagine a lot of your anger is directed towards him when he does something stupid.
John is stupid and he teases you, but overall he enjoys when you embrace yourself.
Charles Smith
He, like the others, isnât really too affected by your accent. Him and Javier are naturally more respectful to your traditions, your language, your foods.
Charles likes hearing your language. I can imagine he also has a problem, has a hard time grasping your language but itâs because of the environment you two remain to be in.
Like John, he begins to understand a lot of phrases. He learned a lot of Javierâs phrases as well. Charles canât speak Italian, but he sure can understand you.. most of the time.
You have little patience for some people and it concerns him. Not your behavior, but he gets concerned for the people you get angry towards. (Except Micah.)
You two take some time to talk about dishes together and traditions. Due to how Charles was raised and how his childhood went, he isnât the most educated on his own culture but he shares what he knows.
He takes the time to listen to your culture and traditions. Charles was shocked at your greetings, but he soon got used to it when you explained it to him. I can imagine you two spend a lot of time together, a unexplainable bond. As well as Javier.
After meeting Angelo Bronte, he joked that maybe you are also controlling Saint Denis. Thatâs when you explain the Mafia crime families that control different areas. (Heâs concerned on how you know all of this, but he doesnât question it.)
Javier Escuella
He is likely to have the least obvious reaction to your accent. Maybe a remark at first with a tease, but he knows how it is when someone makes it a big deal. Especially during these times.
Like Charles, you two get along pretty well. Surrounded by people who donât speak your native language, who donât share your culture and traditions, itâs pretty obvious why you and him flocked together; some sort of familiarity, even if you donât share the same exact traditions (although they are similar).
Italian and Spanish are highly similar languages so I can imagine thereâs some confusion surrounding some of the words. Your cultures are a bit similar which leads you to go down conversations of comparison and jokes about whoâs is better.
Javier teases you a lot, purposely getting on your nerves. He knows when too much is too much, but in a way like John, he finds your anger funny.
He gets nervous when you get into it with Micah, but hearing your angry Italian after the fact is 100% worth it.
My rules for requests are fairly simple and no has broken them so far!
Do not request smut. I am 17 years old, a minor. I turn 18 later this year and only then I will be comfortable writing and posting explicit sexual material! I am comfortable writing something mildly suggestive, thatâs it at the moment.
If I donât have a masterlist set up in my pinned, do not request it!
Be patient! I am a human being and have school and other life important issues, I will get to you, I promise!
Do not request intense scenes of self-harm/suicide!!! Iâm only comfortable doing moderate scenes of self-harm related things, but I will rarely write out a character acting it out. Some people genuinely seek out fics that contain that type of stuff to purposely trigger themselves and Iâd just rather not.
I choose what I write. This means I do not have to write your request! If you donât get the notification that I answered your request, thereâs a chance I scrapped it or I just havenât gotten to it yet.
hi friends,,, iâm sorry for not uploading or updating anything that would be long for a bit!! some personal stuff happened and Iâm still getting used to it. you may see me answer requests that arenât very long/take a long time to write as iâm getting back into the swing of things. i appreciate the patience. thank uuu <3
is black ops content something anyone is related in seeing? black ops is my roots and iâll probably write it anyway, but i would like to see :-) (excluding black ops 3 and 4)
I saw wondering if we can get another Gaz x reader ( I adore the way you write him ) just about domestic time together like lazy days or doing skin care or cooking together ANYTHING PLEASE - IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN AND HE IS SUCH AN UNDERRATED KING đ
-thanks for feeding this thirsty nation đȘ
Those Eyes (Gaz x GN!Reader)
gif by; unknown
word count; 1,560
masterlist; here
summary; You and Gaz spend some well deserved time together while heâs on leave.
a/n; THANK YOU ANON I LOVE YOU!! iâm really happy you are enjoying my writing, please feel free to request more <3 gaz deserves all the kisses!! heâs also called Kyle in this one! [title is taken from âthose eyesâ by new west.]
[tags; pure fluff, domestic life, my gaz being a simp agenda!!]
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It wasnât too often Kyle was home for longer periods of time, an effect of being apart of Task Force 141. Usually, he was off on a mission or on base for something elseâjust something always relating to his job. Thatâs why he made it a point to be spend nearly every single second together whenever he had a day off, or like this; during his leave. It was moments like this that gave him happiness; the quiet sound of your spotify playlist whistling through the kitchen as you used your tongs to flip the bacon. Kyle loved when you made breakfast, reminded him of home; of you, when he was on base.
The sun shines through the semi-opened curtain that covers the window over the sink. You hummed quietly as you used the tongs to remove the cooked pieces of bacon and lay them on a paper towel that covered a plate, so it could soak up the grease. You grabbed a few more pieces of bacon with your tongs and laid them down on the pan evenly, the sound of the grease sizzling getting louder. You donât jolt at all when strong arms wrap around your waist and chest, a warm torso pressing against your back. You feel his head on your shoulder, his rough morning voice filling your ears. âYou didnât wake me.â He whispers in your ear, making you smile softly. You couldnât see his face, but you definitely could see the pout in your head. âI know,â You murmur as you lean into his touch, but keep your eyes trained on the bacon. Youâve had too many incidents of the bacon grease popping on your skin. âYou got back around 2 am last night, Kyle. You needed that sleep.â Kyle huffs and presses a lazy kiss against your jaw, and then another up to your ear. You feel goosebumps raise as he does so. âI donât need sleep when Iâm with you, love.â You smile as you feel your face heat up; his flirting always gets you, even after being together for this long. âOh, shush. Now that youâre up, why donât you grab a cup of coffee and get the eggs and milk out?â
Kyle makes a quiet noise of acknowledgment but he doesnât move yet. âIn a minute, jusâ.. need to hold you.â Sometimes Kyle just needs a moment to hold you, to process youâre with him and it isnât a hopeful dream heâs having while in reality, heâs sleeping on a shitty tarp in a worn down house in the middle of a war zone. Thereâs no sirens, no explosions, no smell of gunpowder. Thereâs just you, the smell of your cooking, the smell of your home. Kyle couldnât ask for anything better, as heâs convinced youâre the gift heâs been begging God for. âI love you.â He whispers, his tone fragile like if he speaks too loudly, his reality will crack and shatter back on to a battlefield. You hummed, murmuring, âI love you too, Kyle. Now get those eggs!â You push your body against his playfully to push him away, which he chuckles and lets go of you. He walks over to the fridge and rubs his eyes so he isnât as sleepy.
Kyle opens the fridge and hums along to the song you have playing, a song heâs heard so many times now. He listens to it on base so he feels more at home. He grabs the milk and eggs, using his foot to close the fridge door. âGood, now crack âem and put âem in the bowl, honey.â You glance over at him as you flip the bacon, watching him blink away the tiredness as he sets the jug of milk and carton of eggs on the counter. âYes, maâam.â Kyle teases, bending down and grabbing a bowl from the cabinet below. He uses his foot to shut the cabinet once again and grabs a fork, and the. Kyle drags the trash can over to the counter. You laugh as you watch him, his face scrunched up. âYou work in the military, yet you can barely handle the feeling of egg yolk?â You poke fun at him which causes Kyle to turn to you, his lower lip pouting out ever so slightly. âHey! Everyone has their icks, darling.â
You turn back to the bacon and quickly remove the cooked pieces onto the plate like before and then you switch the stove top off for now, putting the pan on a different burner that isnât hot. You put the tongs on the same plate and after that, you look over at your boyfriend. God, your boyfriend. Kyle Garrick, your boyfriend. You never could stop repeating that the time you guys got together; âThis is Kyle Garrick, my boyfriend!â
You watch him open the carton of eggs and grab one, gently cracking it against the edge of the bowl. You watch the way his face scrunches up when he realizes he has to use his thumbs to properly open the egg and you canât suppress a giggle when he squints when he finally feels the yolk of the egg against his skin. You love the way his features are, the way heâs so incredibly expressive about what heâs feeling. You love the small rolls of skin on his nose between his eyes, you love how it scrunches up when he feels something gross or hears something distasteful. You love the way the top of his gum line shows when he smiles widely, you love how his laugh bounces off the walls when heâs truly amused, you love how he looks at you. Oh, how he looks at you. Kyle looks at you as if youâre the only person left on this Earth with him, as if no one else exists. You love the way his body relaxes in your arms, as if heâs leaving his baggage of the day at the door. You love the way he flirts with you like he just saw you for the first time, even after a few years of being together. Kyle is so gentle and kind, despite his job and physique. Thereâs no one else you could imagine sharing a life with, and youâre sure Kyle feels the same. He kisses you as if heâs starving and youâre the only thing that will satiate him, he holds you as if youâll slip from him any moment. Kyle keeps all of your letters, every time you send one to him on base, he has a folder in his quarters. When heâs lonely, he rereads every word, every confession you send him.
You quietly come up behind him and repeat what he did to you earlier, although your hands slowly go under his shirt, your hands feeling his abdomen and chest. You hum and murmur lowly in his ear, âHey, pretty boy. You got a lover?â Kyle bursts out laughing, an intense contrast from the quiet sounds of his humming and the music. You canât help but let out a giggle, but you try to stay in character. âDonât laugh at me, answah the question.â
Kyle snorts as he tries to keep his hands steady as he cracks open another egg, leaning against you a bit more. âMhm, I do. Theyâre quite smashing, Iâd say.â Kyle responds, his voice dripping amusement. Itâs your turn to snort, your mouth contorting to mock his accent. âSmashing!â You mock, not being able to finish your word without laughing. Kyle elbows you lightly. âHey, now! I just complimented you!â He pouts but you roll your eyes, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. You arms wrap around his properly and you begin to pull him away from the counter, a yelp leaving him. âHey, Iâm not do!-â
âDance with me, Kyle.â You murmur, spinning him around to face you. Kyleâs face held bewilderment before contorting to amusement, your arms wrapping around his neck. âIs your favorite song on?â He replies softly, his hands avoiding touching your shirt. âI still have yolk on my fingers, love.â You let out a soft psshhh and lean closer to him. âI donât care, I can always get a new shirt from your closet.â You giggle softly, making eye contact with him. Kyle laughs in reply, his hands grabbing onto you and pulling you closer as you swayed back and forth softly. Kyleâs eyes radiate pure love and adoration; he again stares at you as if his sole purpose was just.. you. They shine in a way they only do for you. Kyle leans forward and presses his lips against yours, keeping the kiss slow and soft. Your lips move against his in sync. Thereâs no hidden agenda behind the kiss, no second-hidden intentions; itâs just two people loving each other, kissing for the sake of intimacy.
Your kisses are always something he craves back on base or during the missions he goes on, and he always motivated to come back home to you.
You gently pull away and his lips attempt to follow you, but your finger rests on his lips to stop him. Kyleâs eyebrows furrow in confusion and neediness. You smile and cup his cheek instead. âThere will be plenty of time for that later, okay? We need to eat.â
As far as Kyle knows, youâre all he needs, but okay.
summary; After drunkenly making out with Kyle, things have taken a turn for the best and you just canât seem to stop yourself from kissing him again.
a/n; THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN. Here is a very requested part two <3 i recommend listening to chase atlantic during part 1 and 2, as the title is derived from a song of theirs! i would love to kiss gaz too hehe. heâs a bit out of character but we will not acknowledge that for the sake of our sanities
After that night of hushed and rushed kisses with the taste of alcohol on your tongue, you havenât been able to keep your eyes off of Gaz. Stealing glances at the man from across the meeting room table, catching each others eye when the other isnât looking, everything. Your private exchange didnât make anything awkward, in fact, it made everything better between you two. The air felt heavy between you two; something everyone felt but no one acknowledged directly. Johnny often exchanged glances with Price every time that feeling settled in between you and Gaz. You always had a habit of applying chapstickâyou hated the feeling of dried and cracked lips, especially during a mission. Just because you were away from home did not mean your lips had to be miserable especially during the colder climate missions. Now that you and Gaz had your moment, he finds himself staring at your lips when you apply it. He watches you uncap the stick and press the pink wax against your top lip and spread it to your bottom lip. Gaz feigns forgetfulness in his head, because he so desperately wants to know what you taste like again.
You didnât notice all of his staring, but you definitely noticed it when you applied your chapstick. Sometimes, you had the balls to meet his eyes and hold eye contact for a second two long; it always caused Gazâs breath to hitch. Were you thinking the same thing as him? Were you craving his touch as much as he was craving yours? Gaz needed to feel your lips against his, your hand cupping his jaw, he needed you to leave your mark on him in some sort of way, hell, heâd gladly kiss you if you had lipstick onâeven if that meant his own lips were tainted with your favorite color, smeared, fading under his bottom lip. Gaz would love to be drunk off your kisses again, he would barely register the way you would chuckle and use your thumb to run away the smeared lipstick from his lipsâ
âKyle, are you listening?â Priceâs voice cut through his thoughts and Gaz immediately jolts and turns to his captain with a bright smile on his face. âYes, Captain. I was listening.â Gaz blatantly lies to his captain. In reality, he did not know a lick of what was said within the last five minutes. Price gave him a look which screamed âI do not believe youâ.
He heard your chair squeak under your weight which immediately took his attention once again. Gaz watches you leave the room, giving him a glance with your hand on the door frame, dragging it along with you until youâre out sight, the last sign of you being your fingertips disappearing behind the wall. Johnny snorts quietly as he leans back into his chair as he watched Gazâs attention be ripped from Price so easily.
âIâm sorry Capâ, but I have to use the restroom.â Gaz said with a rushed tone, rising from his own chair and heading out the door. Johnny and Price shared a look, Price sighing as Johnny laughed loudly, absolutely losing his mind from the display they watched together. âFuckinâ kids.â Price hissed as he grabs the papers from the meeting room table.
Gaz wandered the hall he saw you exit the room to, his eyes searching around for you. Gaz felt pulled to you, like you had him on a leash, or youâre connected by a string and all he can do is let you pull him along to where ever youâre going. Gaz walks by a different hallway and a hand reaches out and grabs him; eliciting a gasp from him. Gaz goes for his gun as he finds himself against a wall, running on pure instinct until a pair of lips are on his; within seconds he tastes you and knows it just you.
Gazâs shoulders relax from their tense form, pressing lips against yours so needily. The taste of your chapstick has him hooked again. One of his hands comes up and grabs your waist, pulling your body closer to his own. Your arm comes up and wraps around the back of his neck, forcing yourself even closer to him. Gaz letâs out a quiet noise that gets muffled into the kiss, although you feel the vibration through his chest. Gaz tilts his head ever so slightly and his other hand rests on the upper part of your back, as if to hold you in place; against him. Gaz kissed you as if you were apart of the necessities for survival and you went wild for it. His rushed and rough kisses made you feel needed, his gently squeezing hands made you feel wanted. Gaz takes a slow breath through his nose as he opens his jaw ever so slightly, deepening the kiss which ripped a groan from him. Your other arm slowly wrapped around the back of his neck and you leaned forward against him, and he was leaning against the wall, not daring to move from the position you got him in. Your heart jumps as he leans into your touch and your body; he welcomed you with open arms in this kiss.
You pulled away but not too far away; your noses brushed against each other, your lips parted as you quietly panted. He took your breath away so easily and you did the same to him in return. Gazâs eyes flutter back open to look at you, finding himself falling in to the color of your eyes. You laugh so quietly, your voice coming out as a low whisper. âSeems like youâve been wanting that as much as me.â
Gaz smirked, his chest rumbling as he spoke. âMuch more than you think, babe. Couldnât stop thinkinâ about you, about that kiss. Tell me..â He trailed off, his eyes darting to your lips and then back up to your eyes, leaning forward slowly until your lips brushed against each other, until he could smell the mint on your breath with the faint cherry chapstick smell. Gaz voice lowers to a whisper, speaking against your lips. â..Did it mean anything to you, love?â
You press your lips hard against his, keeping an arm around his neck and the other cupping his cheek. Gaz letâs out a surprised noise as you nip his lower lip with his teeth before consuming him into another rough kiss. His hand squeezes your waist again, his other hand coming down and going under your shirt to your waist. You lean into the skin on skin contact, his warmth enticing you to lean closer. A soft noise leaves your lips as your hand against his cheek twitched. With every press of your lips, Gazâs thoughts slipped from his mind. Work was no longer on his mind, he couldnât think of anything that didnât involve you. Gaz pulled his head back from the kiss, gasping quietly before speaking. âW-wait-â You pressed your lips against his again, giving him yet another taste and that was it for him; nothing mattered except for this, your lips, you, this kiss.
After a second you pulled away from his lips, panting. You canât help but smile from Gazâs shocked and hazy expression, his lips parted from the kisses roughness. His lips were shiny with rubbed off chapstick and some spit. âDid that answer your question, Garrick?â You murmur quietly, your thumb brushing against the small semi-healed cut again, just like you did that night. Gaz swallows and his adamâs apple bobs and it takes him a good second to register your words. âYeah,â Gaz responds, his lips curling up into a smile as he looks into your eyes. âIt answered it, alright.â
Gaz found himself chasing your lips again, giving you a soft kiss before pulling away, murmuring, âGo on a date with me.â You blink at his requestâmore so demand and then you begin to smile again, leaning close to Gazâs face again. âDoes that include more of this?â
Gaz chuckles, his voice vibrating your chest as he does, his other hand goes under your shirt to grab at your waist too, his thumbs brushing against your skin. âOh, it includes a lot more of this, sweetheart.â
You hum as if youâre debating it, but you both already know your answer; âOf course, Kyle.â And with another needy kiss, you sealed the deal.
