Thoughts from a Overthinker

freeing myself through poetry and thought. here to share it

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For The Sensitive Child

By Priscian

You were born to be this way.

God has created you in the most special way.

Your empathic and compassionate frame.

Do not be blinded by the haze of guilt for what you have felt.

There is nothing wrong with you.

Many will have a lot to say.

You have an ability to love and see through others shame.

You aren't a sign of weakness but faith and strength.

Your optimism.

You will no longer be binded by the restraints of self doubt.

You will shine from inside and out.

You will  harness your power until the end of days and touch those who appreciate your grace.

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It takes work.

Im still trapped there.

Engulfed in a cocoon of dysfunction. It still lingers. Hiding behind smiles and lies is suffocating. I couldn't see it then.

This was our normal and this wasn't so bad I once thought. Things can be worse. Others have it worst, but this?

This particular thing belonged to me. It was destined to me. But this, this, has been branded in my design. There's no running or hiding. Only backed in a corner everyday of my life. Force fed ones projections on to me. This shit didn't belong to me.

Good times didn't last. Ending in loud blarring noises from angry frustrated voices. Sounds of glass breaking, cabinets slamming, pacing up and down halls.

Raised up confused. Mixed with laughs and cries. emotional abuse. Forced emotions that weren't even mine still have taken over my mind. This never belonged to me!

But yet I'm here with a heart of gold an iron flower inside of me blooms with love and certainty that spreading love was my destiny. But still stuck here a dead end. Giving my all and the result of my childhood I'm still here. Stuck. Being treated like shit. The past follows through me and unto thee. This shit is so hard. These restraints finally free from establishing boundaries that were never even taught to me.

Now I'm here.

I've have crumbled myself up into a ball in the process of healing many times. I choose me. I unravel myself out of uncertainty that the person I am meant to be will be created out of me.

Shedding over and over. ironing the kinks of dysfunction and the wrinkles of pain the strains.

I baptize myself in the waters . Washing away the very things that do not serve me trauma the anxieties it has cost me

although I know they'll still linger.

The honor of embarking on such a process I will still take because making the effort is so much worth it then just staying. Stagnant.

That's when I tear myself into pieces disintegrating in these baths of emotions these un wanted tokens. I am drained. I am strained. Laid out to dry as I'm awaiting to seek my next high on life. I lye there again ironing.

Rinse. Repeat.

Let go.

A constant defeat. The Rebirth has always been in me. This will no longer define me but refine me. The Rebirth takes work.

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A Heart Scorned

By Priscian

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Chalk work by me

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Whose Job is it?

I know mine. Its to make me happy. No one else. If I want to change my hair color wear a bold lip or wear a fake nose ring or express myself in ways that causes you to be uncomfortable?why not? Whose job is it to make me happy? I know who I am. What's not being yourself? I've been through the emotional trenches I know what's me. It took obstacles to get here. To know true self. It's still obstacles and twist and turns to go through to learn and unlearn. What does it matter what I do with my body or my image. Does it make you happy depending on what I do? Look in the mirror and ask yourself are you making you happy or seeking through others to find that happiness through others happiness by high key hating. wishing you could do the same?

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Motherhood;  you forced my hand and had drawn a path to my healing since the day I was born. 

Etched out onto the faces of my mother and her mother and their mother. 

Your nurturing spirit knew I wouldn't dare or have the capacity or desire to continue repetitive pathologies of my four fathers and mothers.

  They didn't have the strength or opportunities to fix them selves. 

They couldn't and some wouldn't.

Head on with survival; it was and still is you who gave them no choice.

Motherhood is what forces you to be.

 The skies opened up. And you a portal into a dimension where your faced with the monsters you've been trying to run away from[with] since childhood.

I still can't shake them[off].

It's you that with the ambition and angst to want to protect like a lion to its cub you are protecting me from myself.

Avoiding total destruction. You know me. You've allowed me to strip myself of my vulnerabilities,  freeing me to be the person that I've always been meant to be.

I can't dump parts of me onto my seed.So it's here where we meet with life and you give me life and provided me to see a different life for.. me.

Motherhood you leave me no choice

But to Heal.

-Priscian

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I need to take a mental and spiritual vacation. A leave of the mind. I need nothing but positive vibes. Do things on my own terms. My time to take the next step to learn. A new path. With no fear.

-Priscian C.

Circa 2015