I haven't changed this blog since I set it up @puppieee - Tumblr Blog

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

filmnoirsbian

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

filmnoirsbian

I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job

this-is-a-name-dont-worry

gshsjb

armandology

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

disgruntled-neighborhood-wife

People who think sheep are killed for their wool are so hilarious to me. Does your barber slit your throat whenever you get a haircut?? Are you a returning customer to Sweeney Todd? Lmao it grows back, fools.

squareallworthy

This is completely ignoring the fact that the sheep's soul is stored in its wool. So sure, the body remains, but the spirit, the essence of the sheep, that's gone forever, and then as the wool regrows a new soul moves in.

storm-of-feathers

What

shadow-banned-the-hedgehog

Same for me, I get a new soul with every haircut. That's why my personality changes so much.

ovenroastedtwerkey

Tumblr citizenship means being completely unsure if the person posting about sheep souls is being 100% serious or is just taking the piss.

yoinky-sploinky

THEY TAKE THEIR PISS TOO?!?!?

ovenroastedtwerkey

Yup, stockpiling it in giant buckets to pour on the poor

gsunny6

It’s already there probably but fuck it @hellsite-hall-of-fame

vriskarune

"there's no way toby can wrap all this up in just 2 chapters!"

toby, preparing to drop chapter 6 chapter 1:

kidzbopdeathgrips

deltarune fans in 2031 sitting through chapter 6 chapter 5 intermission 25 when they thought the whole thing would be done three years ago:

complimentaryculler

transmechanicus

‘You should only send hearts to ppl you’re romantically involved with’

WRONG! BOUNDLESS PLATONIC LOVE, WARMTH, AND ENTHUSIASM BE UPON YE!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

everydaylouie

cat game

spaceshipsandpurpledrank

punissuer

ID / TL;DW: young Black man explains the history of voodoo dolls: they originated in England, where Black people where prohibited from learning to read or write, to help witches keep track of what ailed their patients. Eg., person goes to witch and laments headache, they treat their headache and make a small doll (called "poppet"), trying to represent them as good as possible, stick a needle in its head and put it up a shelf. When they return next week, the witch takes their poppet and asks about their headache. If it's gone, they remove the needle, otherwise they know they have to treat a rather persistent headache.

tartrazeen

I'm just gonna freeze-frame this for everybody:

dilfsisko

(Image ID: a screenshot from the above video of an excerpt of anti literacy laws from the Boston newspaper The Liberator, published on April 26, 1839.

It reads “In Virginia, should free negroes or their children assemble at a school, to learn reading or writing, any justice of the peace may dismiss the school with twenty stripes on the back of each pupil’ -Jay’s Inquiry, pg 23.

‘In Louisiana, the penalty for instructing a free black in a SUNDAY SCHOOL is, for the first offence, 500 dollars, for the second offence, DEATH.’” /end ID)

guinevereslancelot

in the next batman movie selina is back in town to con bruce wayne which he knows but he missed her so much and obviously he can afford it so he just lets her

guinevereslancelot

she reveals she's robbed him and he's like oh that's fine lol if you needed money you could have just asked :) and writes her a check for a million dollars and asks when he can see her again and she's like dang this guy is insane??

guinevereslancelot

he was terrified she could never love him for bruce wayne meanwhile selina's like okay edgy badboys are OUT rich himbos are IN but its the same guy

guinevereslancelot

she expects batman to try to stop her at some point but he never does so she concludes that he just really hates bruce wayne for some reason which makes him all the more attractive

guinevereslancelot

batman realizes she's falling for bruce for real and he's not even jealous he's just like "you really like him? 🥺 that's great 🥺" and selina's like wtf

guinevereslancelot

anyway she sneaks into bruce's study or whatever to crack the safe hidden behind the painting and it's full of roses, jewelry, bruce's blank checkbook and a little note asking her to dinner. he thinks that this is normal behavior btw

whispy-witch

he has never had a girlfriend in his life <3 selina can't decide if he's stupid or brilliant but he IS cute she was determined to hate him but he's actually really sweet and it drives her insane bc she likes him against her will suddenly she is pissed at batman for apparently hating him anyway i am rotating them in my mind <3 bruce is like this is great. i am getting a good grade in dating something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve and selina is like this guy is insane. i want to rob him. i want to study him like a bug. i want to kiss him in the moonlight

why would you hide that in the tags op

eclecticopposition

what is THE worst thing you've ever drank. all liquids acceptable. please tell me what it was, bonus points for why

carby

Hey whoa hi. Hello. I am looking directly into your ear canal. What do you mean you drank a tube of virus concentrate.

whyamiherewhosummonedme

So, I was working in a lab, right? My job in the lab was preparing a pure, concentrated enough sample of virus. This is tricky since, y'know, viruses require hosts to replicate, but you then need to get the host cells (and the pieces of the host cells that died!) out of the sample while still keeping the viruses. Once I'd finished and the samples had been sent to the database for analysis as well as a second one sent to be frozen for future reference, there was still some left over that needed to be disposed of.

I, knowing that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, waited carefully for the lab director to be deep in conversation with someone else on the other side of the laboratory. And then I took my chance.

Test tubes, as it turns out, are really bad as shot glasses. Their shape turns any liquid inside into a stream, so you really can't knock it back quickly - it takes a couple seconds. Additionally, the best way I can describe the taste of virus concentrate was "sterile rot". A very unique kind of bad! Made worse by the test tube's inefficiency as a shot glass.

(by the way we were studying bacteriophages, not animal viruses. these viruses are too specialized on attacking prokaryotes to even recognize our cells as targets at all, according to studies.)

(but also like. if the viruses managed to successfully switch hosts and killed me with a violent infection, itd still be worth it.)

(for science.)

violetthunderstorm

You have a fitting blog title

nico-the-overlord

this post is getting 50k easy

marlinspirkhall

notahorseindisguise

ALSO..some more masturbation facts about me. theres a nonsexual scene in a book where a kid gets spanked for some reason. it was set in like the 40s and he was in a boarding school i forget. but i think i either misread the scene . or maybr the author actually did write this and theyre just fucking weird. and i thought the protag got hit (with like a ruler or something). on the penis instead of on the arse. and i remember my 11 year old brain being like. i wonder why i think that would feel good.

and so my first ever "experiment" with masturbation was. slapping my dick with a ruler. and when that felt good. my first ever way of masturbating was. stacking heavy books on my penis. and then hitting the top book. so that the force was distributed down the series of books. into my penis. and of COURSE it didnt work i was punching books into my dick but it laid a strong foundation for a great gooning career . hey everyone PLEASE pretend you didnt read this post

notahorseindisguise

swagdinner

shmu-h

I got tired of never seeing love stories that reminded me of myself. so I made one. for myself.

shmu-h

can y’all stop reblogging this/responding to this with “this is so unrealistic?” I literally made it because it reminds me of myself and my relationship, and I see a handful of people saying that it reminds them of themselves and their relationships. I know being trans/queer can make dating and finding love seem impossible, but part of that is because nobody is making media about us and our relationships, hence why I drew this.

My partner loves me for who I am, but more importantly I love me for who I am, queer as fuck, and I know that if he didn’t respect me the way I wanted him to, there are literally so many good people in the world who would. I am perfect and lovable and valuable not in spite of being queer but because of it, and so are you.