CHILD ABUSE TRIGGER WARNING:
I did not deserve to have been exposed to unconsentual nudity. I did not deserve to have the traumatic memory of my mother's naked body pressed against me, just for her to laugh at my reaction. I did not deserve the severe and constant punishments. I did not deserve the violence, mind games, manipulation, insults, disapointments, negative comments and psychological torment. I got grounded, called a awful names and punched for leaving a bag of carrots open. I got hit in the head with a frying pan and I don't even remember why.
I got the crap beat out of me with a belt because my mom thought I may have gone over my texting limit. The next day she found out I hadn't and took my phone away anyways because she felt like I would still go over my texting limit. The only time she apologized was when she walked in on me in the bath, the same night as the beating and saw the large, dark bruises, most of which had lacerations on them. I did not want to be seen, I was naked and already feeling violated. I felt like my body wasn't my own. I didn't want to live in my body. I wanted to tear my skin off. I hated it. It was so ugly to me, I felt like I was ugly, I just wanted to die. I felt worthless. I felt unloved and unloveable. She asked me to please where long sleeves, it was spring time and by the end of the day it was hot, especially in most classrooms. She begged me not to let anyone see, she said I would be taken away from her and my life would be ruined forever. My friends saw. They were horrified and tried to get me to tell someone. I couldn't, I was too scared. Besides, some teachers had already seen the bruises and they didn't care.