thinking about Kira again (thanks to @cdr2002's lovely Kira appreciation post below) and doing so breaks my heart, as always. but her relationship with her parents - or, perhaps more accurately, with her memory of them - is a whole other level of heartbreak.
when it comes to "Ties of Blood and Water", i can see how being by Ghemor's bedside might have been kind of cathartic. being there, even after the whole emotional rollercoaster of finding out what he'd done, to see off this man who became more of a father figure to her than she imagined he could be. but i wonder if part of her residual resentment towards him in the end was in the fact that she didn't get to have this with her actual parents. that she didn't get to be there at their deathbeds as they took their final breaths. that the same fight that kept her from her parents' deathbeds led to her to that of a former oppressor. that she will know this part of the people who raised her.
the episodes centered around her parents - namely the aforementioned "Ties of Blood and Water" and "Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night" - are both ultimately about Kira's own disillusionment with her own beliefs, with these images of people she loves and no longer has. and how the truth erodes her own image of herself.
Kira is not presented to us as an idealist. she, of all people, should understand just how messy and imperfect true resistance is. she has seen and lived the same horrors she fought to free her people from. she is familiar with the feeling of hopelessness. she is familiar with the determination to do what it takes to survive, what it takes to devote your life to something far bigger than yourself.
but the Bajor she fought for is not the Bajor that is.
of course she put her parents, her fellow freedom fighters and the Kai up on shining pedestals - it gave her something to believe in when all hope was otherwise lost. and from what we see of the rest of her resistance cell, a lot of Bajorans did the same.
but the Occupation lasted for 50 years. not everyone could afford to feed the spark of rebellion she had, in the way she did. her reaction to her mother's involvement with Dukat is a pretty good illustration of where she draws the line between complicity and collaboration. she' has a hard time accepting that resistance, survival, looks different for everybody.
before "Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night", she had martyred both of her parents in her mind. it's a kinder, uncomplicated image compared to that of the truths they sacrificed for her and her siblings. and it makes it easier to justify what she forced herself to do and go through. the Occupation took everyone she ever loved from her. and she let herself buy into a narrative that stripped the circumstances of that loss from uncomfortable nuance. which, to be fair, so did her parents. and maybe that makes their actions a kind of hypocrisy she can't stand to reckon with.
when it comes to her mother, the internalized misogyny of it all really gets me. why is it that sleeping with Dukat is where she draws the line? when she saw for herself just how little choice Meru was given in the matter?
and i also know that isn't the full story. not for Kira.
i think that despite how often she views herself as a monstrosity born of learned violence and cruelty, Kira holds a certain amount of pride in knowing her monstrosity contributed to her people's freedom. again, it's not that she isn't aware that monstrosity is sometimes required for survival. but there's a difference in her mind between the monstrosity she is and the actions her parents took to protect their family. there is a difference in her mind between the selflessness she performed for Bajor and the selflessness her parents performed for her. and that difference is what she finds unforgivable.