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https://youtu.be/Z0nyrCknkao

Covert Emotional Incest - What is it?

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https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/8/16/17694356/how-to-make-friends-adulthood

“What a lot of people don’t appear to understand is that the single easiest way to make friends is to show up when it matters — and the single easiest way to lose friends is to, well, not.”

If you’re wondering why you’ve lost friends in adulthood, this is probably why

We all do it, and it’s probably doing damage to our friendships.

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“The mother wound includes the pain of:

Comparison: not feeling good enough

Shame: consistent background sense that there is something wrong with you

Attenuation: Feeling you must remain small in order to be loved

Persistent sense of guilt for wanting more than you currently have” - Bethany Webster ‘Why it’s Crucial for Women to heal the Mother Wound’

https://womboflight.com/why-its-crucial-for-women-to-heal-the-mother-wound

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https://youtu.be/ROKHtsfWk_U

Healing the mother wound for women - interview with psychologist Bethany Webster

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https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/criminal-law/domestic-violence

Domestic violence

The UK Home Office defines domestic violence and abuse as: 'Any incident, or pattern of incidents, of controlling, coercive, threatening beh

Click on the link and scroll down for the domestic abuse - lesbian and bi women resource

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Growing up gay and attachment wounds: impact on relationships

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Growing up gay and attachment wounds: impact on relationships

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THE 4 ATTACHMENT STYLES (AKA IT’S YOUR MOM’S FAULT YOU’RE A NEEDY DISASTER)

{Originally posted on onlulu.com.}

I was chatting with a therapist friend yesterday, and he brought up “attachment theory.“ I’d never heard of it, so I went home and did some research (whaddup Wikipedia) and found it completely fascinating.

According to the theory (which grew out of psychiatrist John Bowlby’s 1950s research), there are four kind of attachment. You can tell which one you employ based on which of the statements you agree with below:

1. Securely attached: “It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me.”

2. Anxious-preoccupied: “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.“

3. Dismissive-avoidant: “I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient. I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.”

4. Anxious-avoidant: “I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.“

The interesting thing is that your “attachment style” is supposedly decided in infancy. Barring later life trauma, the way your primary caregiver treats you during the first couple of years of your life determines how you will react to people in romantic relationships forever. Here is how your caregiver probably treated you, based on your attachment style:

1. Secure: Caregiver “responds appropriately, promptly and consistently to needs. Caregiver has successfully formed a secure parental attachment bond to the child.”

2. Anxious-preoccupied: Caregiver gives “inconsistent between appropriate and neglectful responses. Generally will only respond after increased attachment behavior from the infant.”

3. Dismissive-avoidant: Caregiver gives “little or no response to distressed child. Discourages crying and encourages independence.”

4. Anxious-avoidant: Caregiver exhibits “frightened or frightening behavior, intrusiveness, withdrawal, negativity, role confusion, affective communication errors and maltreatment. Very often associated with many forms of abuse towards the child.”

What do you think, dudes?  Does this ring true for you, or is it just a bunch of psychobabble?

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This is a helpful start to understanding different attachment styles. But I believe attachment styles can change over time with later experiences of rejection and traumatic experiences within romantic relationships. e.g someone’s attachment style can change after experiencing an abusive relationship. So your attachment style is not only the fault of mum or dad.

[venuschild]

“It is often difficult to recognize the connection between early-life feelings of imprisonment, and our subsequent need for space and distance in our adult lives. This can be manifest in many different ways: non-committal relationships, career indecision, a perpetual need to live alone, social avoidance, perpetual mistrust of the world etc. For a time, these manifestations can actually serve a counter-balancing purpose, as our spirits breathe a healthy sigh of relief after years entrapped. If all you know is engulfment, it is essential that you have a taste of safety and spaciousness. But, taken too far, our escape hatches can actually become a prison of their own, one that deepens our isolation and prevents us from forming positive associations with the world. Any imbalanced reality has an imprisoning quality. Just because our early-life environment felt like a prison doesn’t mean that we can’t create a different reality-one that is rooted in healthy connectiveness.”

— Jeff Brown

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[imrnortal]

first 60+ people to reblog get a promo

must be following me

reblogs only, likes will not count

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About

Pussy-heart is run by a 29 year old bisexual woman who only dates women, lives in London.

This blog intends to provide resources on love addiction/love avoidance and healthy relating, in order to encourage self directed healing and help improve relationship with self and others.

This blog is open to everyone to reblog from, should anything resonate with you. But the aim is to attract lesbian/bi women who may have experienced an attachment injury in relation to their sexual orientation, such as homophobic rejection or fear of homophobic rejection from primary caregivers.

“An attachment injury is characterized by an abandonment or by a betrayal of trust during a critical moment of need.” - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/11314548/

You may be a “love addict” / “love avoidant” or have an insecure attachment style if:

.You believe you’re excessively fantasising about meeting “the one” your “soul mate” “twin flame”

.You jump from one relationship to another with less than 6months remaining single

.While single you constantly look for/have a love interest

.The idea of commitment/cohabiting calling someone your girlfriend terrifies you/triggers anxiety

.You feel tempted to cheat whenever there is conflict in your relationship

.When the initial intensity/ “honey moon” period of the relationship dies down, you’re tempted to end the relationship or look elsewhere for romantic/sexual connection

.You feel anxious when your partner/love interest does not message you or return calls straight away

.You feel anxious being separated from your partner even for short periods of time

.You have a tendency to give up your hobbies/interests when in a relationship

.You have overwhelming thoughts of not being “good enough” for a relationship

.You have overwhelming/distressing thoughts that your partner will leave you

.You would describe yourself as hyper-sexual/overly flirtatious

.You feel you need constant reassurance from your partner

.When your partner reaches out to you for intimacy/emotional connection you feel scared/anxious/withdrawn

.You struggle to end relationships that you don’t want to be in.

.You end relationships you like being in out of fear of becoming “too close.”

(Please note I’m not a therapist! This is a list I wrote based on my own personal research)

This blog will not post more than once a day so as not to overwhelm followers with information and it also means you can check in everyday without missing anything.

I intend for this to be an non-judgmental therapeutic space. Anons are welcome but please note that I’m not a trained therapist.

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“One real danger in love relationships is that most people secretly believe that they must control the love object in order to feel safe in loving and being loved. The cause of this is simple—children are made to feel that they must "give themselves up" if they are to be loved. Thus, for most humans the act of surrender has meant the loss of autonomy or worse—loss of one's own mind.

Surrender is neither control nor morbid dependency and cannot be made contingent upon giving away one's "soul"; nonetheless, the person surrendering opens completely to the moment, and runs the risk of being deeply hurt. Sadly, in our society this is not uncommon and frequently serves to harden or embitter a person toward life in general. Or, on the other hand being deeply hurt in the act of surrender can lead to angry and painful "cries for help." When this occurs there is an insatiable and wrathful desire to be cared for as a child is cared for and the horrid fear of loss of independence.” - Sex Magic, Tantra & Tarot: The Way of the Secret Lover - Christopher S. Hyatt