eve only ate that apple because it was funny

i queue like 99% of my shit. 25

[smoqueen-deactivated20251108]

if i was a drink, i’d be an ice cold beer.

[smoqueen-deactivated20251108]

or maybe some wine…

[smoqueen-deactivated20251108]

…i cant decide. lets call the whole thing off

[avvocarlo]

I can never count on you for anything

[capnsoapy]

people will have double-digit opinions on kink discourse and still manage to not know what BDSM stands for

[play-now-my-lord]

big dick super mario

[capnsoapy]

big dick super mario

[innerchildabortionclinic]

therapypilled deadbeat father: I really don't have the headspace for custody right now

[zedogica]

having a body made of meat sucks ass

[engygeron-deactivated20260524]

we're not made of meat! and we'll always be with you

[zedogica]

kill dorothy fuck the lion marry the tin man and i dont care about the other one

[tatters-the-bat]

[eebie]

i miss everyone

[eebie]

[andhumanslovedstories]

There’s an emotion only unlocked when you live in a house with multiple stories. I call it “the stair emotion” and it’s when you realize the object you need is on the other side of yet another trip up and down those goddamn stairs. It’s the closest I get to transcending the desire for material goods. Maybe I don’t need that notebook. Maybe I don’t need anything.

[medievaljournalist]

"ONLY DR PEPPER CAN BANISH THE DARKNESS"

-ancient inscription

[lillie-garden]

Never ever ever eat raw white onion and then smoke cigarette.

[helpeverythingiscats]

The gnomes beat the shit out of you again?

[lillie-garden]

The gnomes beat the shit out of me again.

[dreamlogic]

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

[tax--payer]

just turned a mouse into a single ounce of lead

[swagdinner]

[swordmaid]

when the root of the tragedy was love.

[doggiewoggiez]

Shit man, this soldier war is fucked. I just saw a guy kill another guy, with a gun. I gotta get the fuck outta here.

[jessiesjaded]

"How to get rid of the fucked up clown on your dashboard" I would never unfollow my mutuals like that :((

[sea--burn]

feng shui sabotage by placing thousands of tiny ball bearings in a bag under your couch you won't see them but you'll feel the clutter

[fishpondfish]

mymusician... oughh my little bug [remembers parasocial relationships are bad] [remembers infantilization is bad] this complete stranger is their own huge bug

[idc0o]

Somehow being a person does not come naturally to me

[chthonicillness]

my teeth were perfectly designed to tear abd rend the soft white flesh of the gentle beast known as the mozzarella