He hasn’t been home in two weeks, partly for reasons of practicality, and partly because he can’t face her. Light has given Misa a gift, one that she won’t know to thank him for, one that he likely doesn’t deserve much thanks for. He gave her the gift of normalcy, and Misa received it with open arms.
When Misa received Light’s orders her heart raced- because she missed him, because it meant he was still talking to her, because it meant his being away for four days wasn’t her fault. Misa knew Light found her boring, but he loved her anyway- or, he was supposed to love her anyway. It didn’t stop racing once she read it, not out of anticipation, but because it meant the life she wanted could finally start. Misa didn’t know when she stopped caring about Kira- it must have been a long time ago. She knew Light too well to care about Kira now. The illusion had been shattered. She knew Light was not justice, she knew Light was not truth, she knew Light was not a hero.
Light was a man, a young man, one who had no friends he cared about, no person he wouldn’t betray if he had to, and a greater love for the power of being a god than for the justice she first loved him for serving. Light was different from the rest of the task force, and Misa knew them well. They would visit her, they were kind to her, they asked about her more frequently than Light did, they would use the skills they had to protect the ones around them and if she and Light were ever caught, they’d hand the two of them to the law with tears in their eyes and the belief that they could be redeemed if they were given a chance.
This order was the chance and Misa gave Kira up without hesitation. She would still love Light, the man, not the god, and he was the one she wanted to love.
Light didn’t know what he would say to her if he returned. These were thoughts he didn’t prefer to dwell on, but he needed to sleep at least sometimes and there were a myriad of things that liked to keep him awake. Misa wouldn’t know him- honestly, she never did, she loved him without knowing and she didn’t need to know. Before, they had something in common. Now, they were perfect strangers. This was the gift that Light had given her- to be completely separate from the Kira illusion, to be normal. Light had given her the gift of non-betrayal, for now she’d never need to be caught, her crimes erased and hope for a future, perhaps, lingering at her horizon. Light could not go home to her innocence, to her amnesia. Light could not go home to the reassuring words she used to give him at night- the only other person in the world who understood at least in some form what it was he was going through. The only other one.
Misa never hesitated to follow an order from Light, each word he spoke to her a gift undoubtedly. Light sometimes hesitated before he gave Misa orders, knowing full well he was giving her gifts and that he’d have to pay for them.
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