QueenNightingale

Chaos + Gay= me! 🏳️‍🌈

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 69 (masterpost here) (league days)

Damian: ok one more, quickly before Father shows up.

Dick: you should release this app y'no littlewing, it's honestly impressive that you coded it by yourself.

Jason: stop trying to get my league days app code, i told you i'm not letting you skip ahead.

Dick, whining: come on,,,

Tim: shut up and give us the next one.

*distant car alarm*

Jason: ...d'you reckon that's a robbery alarm or a 'pigeon just flew into my parked car's windshield' alarm?

Tim: i... *deep sigh* honestly my arms are really tired from pulling a double-patrol; let's just say pigeon alarm so i don't have to stand up again.

Damian: can't wait for that news article. 'Robin, Red Robin, Red Hood and Nightwing spotted sitting on a roof playing an ice breaker game while two streets away the Joker steals a car with a baby inside from it's weeping mother'.

Jason: *snort* 'when questioning Batman on his co-workers clear apathy to the suffering of Gotham's people, our great protector responded 'they thought it was a pigeon''.

Tim: *snicker*

Dick: well, i hear no screams and the Joker's dead, so i'm gonna go ahead and say we're good for the next few minutes. hit us, Day.

*long pause of silence*

Jason, wryly: why are you lookin' at me like that? what does it say?

Damian, audibly exasperated: 'i've always been quite pleased with the fact that nobody ever questioned my decision to be a vegetarian, because it's very embarrassing to explain'.

*another pause*

Tim: oh for fuck's sake-

Jason, already laughing: what- what's wrong-?

Tim, flat: no.

Dick: *amused* whaddya mean no,

Tim: no- because you know how unfair this bullshit is? i can't even decide if it's more helpful to play this game in person or just over the ear pieces, because they're- THEY'RE FUCKING LOOKING AT EACH OTHER,

Jason: *wheeze*

Tim: -LIKE WHAT DOES THAT FACE MEAN?

Damian: *quietly chuckling* i don't- it doesn't mean anything, Drake. it's fine,

Tim: no- that has to be, like, you're looking at him because you're pissed about how vague he made the lie. Jay made the lies and you made the truths, so if you're looking at him like that it has to be a lie.

Dick: don't- fuckin' *light wheeze* stop ruining the game before it even starts! even if it is a lie, are you not curious about what the fuck he comes up with?

Tim: no. i've learned, Dick. the best way to get out of this game calmly is to just use your instincts and shut it down straight away. it's my new strategy, ok? i'm hacking the code.

Dick: *wheeze*

Jason, fighting back laughter: well you don't- i don't think you can make that assumption, you know? letting Damian pick all the truths in the game is a big responsibility, who knows what he'd avoid writing down just to get out of talking about it. maybe i slipped a few more truths in there to force it out of him; maybe that's why he's glaring at me.

*a beat*

Damian: *wheeze*

Tim: no fuck off, you aren't just changing the way the game works, that's not allowed.

Damian: w- it's a made up game, Timothy, what are you talking about?

Tim: *incredulous huff of laughter* no! no, this is a lie. nay, end of, i'm out. you aren't getting me with this one.

Dick: pussy. Damian, why is it embarrassing that you're a vegetarian?

Damian: *snort* uh,

Tim, mocking: -oh do you not remember? shocking.

Damian: *wheeze* it's because i became a vegetarian after losing a bet.

Dick, curiously: wait so it wasn't your choice?

Damian: no, i actually used to love eating meat.

Jason: that's what she- *quieter* no i can't make that joke in reference to a young child, my bad.

Dick: *abrupt cackle* JASON.

Damian, also laughing: fuck you.

Tim: are you actually claiming you don't eat meat ever, all because you lost a bet as a child?

Dick: yeah, what fucking bet was this? what happened?

Jason: *snicker*

Damian: *sigh* so, Jason had to take some of his men to one of the villages near the compound, i'll admit i can't really remember why,

Tim: convenient.

Dick: *laughs*

Damian: -i just remember that everybody seemed to think the reason they'd been sent was bullshit. i'm fairly sure my grandfather had sent them and they were just going to make him stop talking about it or something? so they weren't actually doing anything, they just went to the village and were hanging out, talking to the locals and stuff. and Jason thought it would be a good opportunity to get me out of the compound for a few hours, so he snuck me out and took me with them.

Dick: this village- was this like, a normal village, or a league connected village, or…?

Damian: normal. or- er, *pause* i guess you could say league connected? it was basically- the compound was very far from modern civilisation, but although Grandfather didn’t want the world to know he existed, he did want to take advantage of some modern supplies,

Jason: -cause he’s a fuckin’ hypocrite-

Damian: -so you keep telling him- anyway, there’s quite a few settlements and small civilisations or villages within on-foot travel distance, and although they’re all local and technically not affiliated with the league, he does use some of those villages as supply drop offs or neutral meeting spots, so like… they are kinda connected but only in the way that an amazon warehouse would be connected to Jason’s phone. y’know?

Jason: leave me and my fucking amazon app alone.

Dick: ok so the people living there-?

Damian: not league employees.

Dick: got it. so you and Jason are at this village, not working.

Damian: exactly.

Dick: what happens next?

Damian: well, one of the most recent shipments Grandfather was having Jason’s men oversee was weaponry; guns and rifles and stuff. so, because they’re all childish idiots, Jason and his most trusted squadron start playing with the guns.

Jason: *snort*

Damian: one of the locals we were more familiar with used to make these clay statues, like little animals, y’know? and Jason blew i think, like, six months of his pay on ridiculously overpaying for a bunch of these little clay birds.

Tim: hold on- you actually got paid at the loa?

Jason: *disinterested noise* i mean i guess you could argue it was more my allowance, but yeah.

Tim: unbelievable. we don’t get paid.

Dick, dry: Tim you inherited millions from your parents.

Tim: still.

Dick: ok- anyway, what happened with the clay birds.

Damian: they were taking in turns using them as targets while trying out the rifles, you know- like clay pigeon shooting? and i decided i wanted to try.

Dick: shooting?

Damian: yes. i didn’t have that much practice with guns at that point, because Grandfather preferred i sharpen my more traditional combat abilities. but i was young, and i wanted to copy Jason and his friends, i guess.

Dick: Jason- what face even is that?

Jason: i’m- i’m *audible struggling not to laugh* just shut up- leave me alone, i’m not part of this.

Dick: uh- *wheeze* ok, so Day, did he let you use the gun?

Damian: he thought it would be a bad idea, but i was… insistent.

Jason: *whimper*

Tim, flatly: why the fuck wouldnt he want you using a gun? he gives you guns now,

Damian: when i was younger i was… more sensitive to animals, and i had a tendency to get attached. *pause* to objects. occasionally.

Dick: waddaya mean?

Jason, muffled, high pitched: ‘e ‘ad a pet rock,

Dick, in disbelief: what??

Damian: LOOK,

Jason: *wheezes uncontrollably*

Damian, over him: LISTEN. you already know i was like, never allowed out of the compound. i didn’t speak to people that weren’t assassins, i didn’t get much alone time, and attachments were very much not encouraged. i was… a little bit behind, on my emotional affection regulation, i guess. i wasn’t allowed to care about any pets or guards because, well, they could die at any time. so, i would get attached to objects instead.

Jason: -yeah, you say that; you did also get attached to the animals and guards around the compound, you just refused to fuckin’ admit it. it was like you thought you’d be punished for smiling at Isla in the kitchens, but screaming bloody murder any time any of us tried to separate you from the fuckin’ snake skull you found and decided was your friend—oh that was ok.

Tim, amused: you made friends with a snake skull?

Damian: your parents are dead and they hated you when you were alive, mind your business.

Dick: *abrupt cackle*

Tim: man, fuck you.

Dick: ok- ok stop, you still haven’t even said what the bet was.

Damian: *sigh* well Jason thought i’d get attached to the clay birds, and that i’d throw a tantrum when they then got shot, so he didn’t want me using the gun in case i got sad. and i told him he was being ridiculous, because he was, and i’d be fine. and we argued back and forth for a while until Jason eventually threw out something like ‘you’re so fucking sensitive to this shit, it’s a wonder you even eat chicken.’

Tim: stop laughing.

Jason, high pitched: m- trying,

Damian: and i think at this point i must have been like, seven. so i’m instantly like, ‘what are you talking about, chicken is great, you’re an idiot’. and Jason goes ‘yeah, chicken is great until you’re the one killing and preparing the bird, and that’s what this basically is you know, we’re shooting fake birds.’ and i’m a little rebel, right? so i get in his face and i’m like ‘i could do that easily, you’re just a coward.’

Dick: oooh~

Damian: yeah- by the way? *amused* i’m seven and he’s fresh out the pit. ‘in his face’ is him sitting on the floor cross-legged so i can reach him.

Dick and Tim: *wheeze*

Damian: yeah. and he goes ‘ok then, how about when you do get sad that the target is dead, you aren’t ever allowed to eat chicken again.’ and then he adds on ‘even better, you’re never allowed to eat meat again’. and i’m like, you’re on. and i take the rifle.

Jason: *barely audible snickers, clearly muffled*

Dick: see- i know you said about the ‘Damian didn’t know it, so clearly Jason wrote it and it’s a lie thing’, but i dunno if Jay would laugh this hard if it was a made up story,

Tim: are you kidding me? Jason thinks Damian’s the funniest motherfucker on the planet, he’ll laugh at anything Damian says, it’s honestly annoying. plus, if you think this is true then you’re saying you believe that the only reason Damian does not and will not EVER eat meat, is just because he said he wouldn’t get sad when a clay bird broke, and then got sad anyway.

Dick: …he has a point. like i know how good an actor Day is, there’s no way you couldn’t have just pretended not to be sad.

Damian: well- *snort* well hold on now, because i never said that’s what happened.

Jason: *weeps*

Damian: …i should probably specify that this wasn’t Jason’s fault. he didn’t know that it would happen, so he didn’t like- he didn’t set it up.

Dick: wait, what happened?

Damian: i had the rifle, and i aimed it up so one of Jason’s men could throw the clay bird and i could shoot it, right? except what we didn’t realise, was that one of the other locals bred and raised doves as a hobby,

Dick, gasping: no,

Damian: and one of them happened to get free,

Jason: *muffled choking noise*

Damian: so little seven year old me expected to shoot a piece of rock with no further consequences, hit a bullseye, and was suddenly engulfed in an explosion of blood, bird organs, and feathers. and the dove died in front of me.

Dick, in awe: oh my god???

Jason: *starts wheezing louder*

Damian, also holding back laughter: and so- and so- Jason fuck off, *laugh* and so i started crying, throwing up, just losing it—Jason had to take like forty-five minutes to calm me down and wipe the blood off my face, he had to pay for the dove,

Dick, incredulous: he had to pay for the dove-!

Damian: he took me back to the compound while i was clinging to his neck, and i just refused to be let down all day. Mother was furious with him, and i remember all of Jason’s subordinates taking turns trying to cheer me up while i was like, clinging to Jason’s chest.

Dick: oh my god,

Damian: yeah, and then after all that i sat down to dinner, still a little shaken, and we had boiled chicken. and i still remember reaching out my like, trembling hand to grab my fork—and Jason just slides the plate away, looks me dead in the eyes, and he goes ‘not for you, we had a deal.’ and-

Dick and Jason: *instantly lose it*

*loud, echoing cackles*

Damian, barely audible over them: -AND EVER SINCE THEN, I HAVE BEEN HONOUR BOUND.

Dick: THAT’S SO- *cough* THAT’S SO MEAN,

Jason: *noiseless wheezing*

Tim, flat: and again, it’s a nice story. creative, sure, but it is a lie.

*hands slapping against concrete*

Damian: Jason- shut up,

Jason: *high-pitched laughter-*

Dick: well- *cough* wait, hold on, Tim, Tim, because- *wheeze*

Tim: what.

Dick: it’s just- listen, i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but… do you remember like, a while ago, where we were talking about Damian not having friends growing up? and Jason was telling us about his closest subordinates? *pause* ……didn’t he mention that Damian shot a dove?

*silence*

Jason: *breathless gasps for air*

Dick: ‘cause that wasn’t part of the game, so there’s no reason for him to have lied. if this is- if this is that incident…. then what are the chances of it being true?

Damian: *snort* uh, i’m gonna need a yay or a nay from you both now.

*silence*

Dick: Tim?

*more silence*

Dick, amused: Tim, do you smell toast?

Tim, very quietly: don’t wanna play the stupid game anymore.

Dick: *mid-laugh* Tim-

Tim, abruptly, very loud: NO.

Damian: that’s what i said when i shot the dove.

Jason: *wheezes again*

*crashing sounds* *screeching* *yelling*

Tim: YOU CHANGED THE RULES-

Jason: GET HIM OFF ME-

Dick: TIM-

[stealingyourbones]

Submitted Prompts #123

One of those soulmate aus where you have the last words your soulmate says to you written on you.

Each time Danny goes to his Phantom form, he technically dies.

Someone is very confused about why their soulmate would decide to say "I'm going ghost" on their deathbed.

Danny decides to make his identity reveal more dramatic by using his old catchphrase.

[periswirl]

Hear me out. Danny decides that he wants to have fun with his catchphrases at one point and in true teenager fashion, completely forgets about the potential consequences of this and eventually it becomes habit so his soulmate could have words like;

"Whoops"

"Watch this!"

"Guess that's the end for me"

"Guess I'll die"

"What's that?"

And whatever would fit the zany shenanigans he could be involved in.

[halfghostwriter]

The options range from “hey, you wanna see something cool?” to “well that shouldn’t bend that way” to “did you just fucking SHOOT ME?!” to “ah shit here we go again” to “look, a distraction!”

Whoever has Danny as their soulmate just has this ever increasing list winding around their body in a rainbow of colors

Either that or they have a single phrase just randomly contorts and changes colors and words but stays in the same spot

The color of each phrase is dictated by nothing but this doesn’t stop the soulmate from trying to connect nonexistent dots

[rogueofsoup]

“I assure you, I am in perfect health” “Rosebud” “Die bitch” “You ready to die? Because I am” “This is safe for human consumption, right?” “Hey Tucker, wanna see if I can make this jump?”

To be perfectly honest Danny’s Soulmate might think he has some kind of item or something that lets him revive.

[pi-but-in-green]

i wish to add a few more to the list

"How far do you think i can kick this bucket"

"Technically the radiation is only at the bottom of the pool so"

"The femur's tough to break, good job!"

"I may have gotten too silly this time"

"Happy birthday grimace!"

"Is that a brick?"

"Mum this tastes different, did you put anything different in it?"

"Who's Joe?"

"Joke's on you, we're in the living room!"

[rogueofsoup]

"Who's Candice?"

"When you say 'predatory', how predatory do you mean?"

"AAH BOXY WHAT THE FUCK"

"Hey Vlad, ever tried 'updog'?"

"YOLO"

"YEET"

"Dude, seriously, I have a test tomorrow"

"If you eat my homework I SWEAR TO CLOCKWORK-"

[mkarchin713]

Tim’s soul mate has been driving him crazy for years. What did “You know what? You’re right. Who knows what kind of awesome, super-cool things exist on the other side of that Portal?” mean?

Tim had always hated the idea of soul marks, he thought they where cruel, you would never know if someone was truly your soulmate until you lost them forever. Some people spent their entire lives convinced they where soulmates only to find out they weren’t when their partner died.

Frankly if his soul mark didn’t mention a portal Tim would have probably just ignored it. But no Tim’s natural curiosity got the better of him which caused Tim to research portals at length, trying to find out what could kill his soulmate.

Everything changed one day when Tim felt the sharp pain coming from his soul mark. A pain he knew meant his soul mate had just died. Tim tried not to let it bother him, he continued patrol as usual, and went to bed that night refusing to even look at his mark and it’s fading color.

What Tim was not expecting when he finally gained the courage to look at his fading soul mark was a new set of words “anyone know how I did that cause I don’t”. Tim had heard of this phenomenon happening, it was becoming more and more common as medical technology advanced. The appearing of a new soul mark was believed to mean there soulmate had been brought back to life. Those that had a soul mate resuscitated where believed to be lucky, now they knew at what time their soulmate died which made them much easier to track. Some countries even had laws that required people who came back to life to be put on a registry with their time of death and final words so there soulmates could find them.

Tim was one of the lucky ones and despite not living in one of those countries he had access to the bat computer and death wish coffee, time to find his soul mate.

….

Tim had looked through the reports of everyone who had been died when he felt his mark burn. None of the last words matched. Maybe his soul mate was revived outside of a hospital, maybe he was in an area without hospitals. Tim even contemplated his soul mate not being on this planet. Tim was about to see if there was some kind of galactic registry of soul marks when he felt his mark burning again.

Tim’s soulmate had just died, twice in the same week. Tim scrambled to look at his mark. “Okay so if I do this I shou-“ was now branded on his skin. Before Tim had a chance to let the words sink in the burning returned and the words ripples green before his eyes. “So you really think a catch phrase will help me not -“.

…

Tim hasn’t known it at the time but this was just the beginning. Somehow his soul mate was dying and coming back to life multiple times a day. Most often his soul mates dying words where “Going Ghost” but other times, well they just got weird.

Tim has taken to photographing his soul mark ever time it changes, hoping to find some kind of pattern. He even made a scrapbook out of his favorites and the ones he considered most bizarre.

Some where mundane

“Whoops”

“Watch this!”

“Bet you I can”

Some where humorous

“Look a distraction”

“Who you gonna call”

“Happy Birthday Grimace”

Some where confusing

“All right Wes if you really want to know”

“Damn it Boxy I have a test tomorrow”

“Because of the three of us I am the only one who speaks Purple Backed Gorilla”

And some where just concerning

“That should not bend that way!”

“Did you just fucking SHOOT me?!”

“Oh shit, not this guy again”

…

Needless to say Tim was concerned about his soulmate. Whomever they where they died and revived more times than a comic book character. If it wasn’t for how short the time between deaths there were (current record was 6.2 seconds), Tim would think the Lazarus Pits were involved (he checked during his world tour of League of Assassins bases).

When Tim finally tracked down his soulmate he wound wrap the idiot in the strongest bubble wrap he could find and lock them in his secret Red Robin Cave (no Bart, it was not his secret lair for when he finally joined the dark side) where nothing could ever harm them so they would stop dying already.

Damn, Tim did not have time for this, he had to interviews for the new WE position, luckily Tam agrees to let him have them at his favorite coffee shop. Then he had to meet some relative of Jason’s lover, check out Duke’s new classmate who he thinks is a meta, help Damian track down a weird animal he saw, go to this goth circus with Dick, and all the other things his family tricked him into doing while he was sleep deprived.

Sigh. Today was going to be a long day.

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

This of course means we all have to come together as a Fandom and come up with funny/traumatic sentences to appear on Tims wrist

My contributions so far are:

I wonder what this big red button does

If I had a nickel for every time a girl I had a crush on turned into a dragon and I had to fight her id have two nickels

Im sure he was bluffing, see!

Now I just have to keep Vlad from killing Dad!

Not now Sam, My hellhound needs a walk

Cujo I will play with you if you agree not to eat my homework

Im borrowing mom and dads shrink ray!

Wolf accidentally tore a semi-permanent hole into out dimension again and I gotta go help him fix it

Oh, nuclear launch codes

You're the one who's been making all those children disappear?!

Thats a lot of snakes

Thats a really big spider

Im sure its perfectly safe

Fairies aren't real, its just a ring of mushrooms

Dont make me get the garlic count chocula

Is that a ninja?

Do you think I could just fill up a spray bottle with the "Lazarus waters" and threaten to spray the ninjas if they misbehave?

[mutteredmadness-ninjapanda16]

Throwing my two cents in:

"What is with people and mind control?"

"DAMN IT JAZZ! PUT THE GUN DOWN!"

"So when you say 'death ray' is that literal or-"

"Once again Vlad, I won't be your son!"

"I'm not interested in being adopted."

"What part of 'mum's not interested' do you not understand?"

"So you put the wire here?"

"Why is it always clowns?"

"You can keep you're creepy basement to yourself."

"I know Judo!"

"I am armed and dangerous."

"When you say poisoned..."

"Vivisection? Been there done that."

"I rate this experience a 0 out of 10."

"Eh maybe a 5, you're getting there."

"Now that's a 2 gotta put more 'bleh' into it."

"You want me to jump into that? Okay."

"...You know the saying, 'who died and made you king'?"

"Is this the 'Year of the Cults' or something?"

"PUT THE KNIFE DOWN DANI!"

[darkmodepls]

Tim has a composition book labeled "shit my Soulmate Says" that he updates with new phrases.

Jason gets his hands on it.

He thought it would be a wonderful source of blackmail, but now he has concerns.

The book is full of annotated quotes accompanied by dates, times, and handwriting analysis. It doesn't have any notes about the writer’s vernacular other than tallying how many memes get used.

Baby bird always struggled with literary analysis. Time for Jason to offer his assistance.

"Hey Tim, did you ever think of consulting the Linguist in the family "

(Note: Dick speaks just as many languages as Jason, but he's a math nerd and didn't bother learning why languages are the way that they are beyond complaining about English. Jason made "how other people speak," a part of his core skills and is capable of code switching between more than vigilante/civilian. Also, Dick uses a variation of his old stage persona at galas and has done so since he was 8. Jason had to build his high society mask from the ground up.)

[kizzer55555]

(This is me, Scrolling through the reblogs of this post to combine the best parts into one story-ish thing at 2 am).

"Bet you i can fly around the whole world in 20 seconds flat"

"Oh.. ive been impaled"

"Did you know i can just take my head off. Whenever?"

"Dude can a guy just enjoy a milkshake! Just once please!"

"FRUITLOOP!"

"Jazz! The hotdogs are revolting! .. again!"

"I live and die for chaos"

"Boo"

" you really need to get a cat vlad"

" im gonna go watch the meteor shower From space"

“Oh why the fuck is the sky green again”

“If you eyeballs don’t stop popping up in my closet and trying to make me ghost king-”

“Wait, no, DaNI nOt ThE FaCE”

“i swear to aragon’s smelly dragon toenails if someone tries to use the nasty burger sauce as an explosive again i will LOSE IT”

“SORRY JAZZ CAN’T STAGE AN INTERVENTION IF I’M DEAD LMAO”

“i can’t believe hiding things in the walls backfired on me.”

“everybody do the flop-”

“FOR THE LAST TIME SKULKER I’M NOT GONNA LET YOU SKIN ME”

“hey remember when my evil future self tried to kill us all?”

“Oh, buddy, if you’re not scared of me, you should be.”

“oop, ‘scuse me, gotta go eldritch terror for a mo’“

“ah fuck i knew i should have made it more difficult to summon me”

“alright who the fuck is john constantine and why does he owe me his soul like twenty times over?”

“ooh, a gecko- shit, fUCK NOT A GECKO NOT A GECKO”

“i need to start charging for rescuing people from liminal spaces.”

“jesus fuck those are big teeth”

"Oh hey Fruitloop I thought you were-"

"No Cujo I can't play right now"

"Oh look. The vultures are back."

"Shit shit shit I thought I fixed that"

I feel that Tim is crazy enough to purposely stop his heart and have it restarted just to chew out his soul mate for all the shit he put him through.

Danny has had the words "please stop dying" since he was a kid. Before the accident it seemed very concerning. But at one point at his start of his Phantom career, he realizes with his friends that his soulmate's probably seen a bunch of phrases in their wrist by now. That's what pushes him to start using puns. To try to calm his soulmate.

During a live interview, Tim winces, and the interviewer immediately realizes what it means and offers condolences. Tim shakes his head.

"Nah, it's fine. They die all the time."

"...Excuse me?"

"They die. Over and over again. Their record is 6.2 seconds between deaths."

"How?"

"I wish I knew."

"What does it say now?"

Tim shows them. The camera zooms in on Tim's soulmark, which says "Testing testing, 1 2 3."

The interview continues, but then Tim winces again and he checks the soulmark. It changes on camera to "Holy shit, that worked. My soulmate is Tim Drake."

Tim's jaw drops, and he quickly covers it. He refuses to let anyone see it until the interview is over and he can look at it again in private.

At the next Rich Person Event™ Lex tries to question Tim about his soulmark because what does it mean if Lex's soulmark changes too?

Lex had never given much thought to his soul mate. Lionel had drilled into Lex from an early age that soul mates where a weakness men of business should not have, that Lex could not have. It was easy to convince himself that Lionel was right whenever he saw his soul mark “Aaah! Bogus!” Whomever uttered that as their final words was obviously not worth Lex’s time.

Lex felt almost relieved when he felt his soul mark burn, at least now he wouldn’t have the weakness of a soul mate for his competitors to try and use against him. Unfortunately for Lex is appeared his soul mate was resuscitated shortly after and his mark changed. Lex found “I refuse to die in a place like this” much more preferable to his previous mark, though he did find it odd that his mark seemed to slowly fade over time, perhaps his soul mate was dying, how tragic, anyway-

Little over two years elapsed before Lex thought of his soul mate again. Once more his mark burned,once more Lex breathed a sigh of relief and once more the mark changed. “I refuse to be weak” was now engraved on Lex’s skin, now much more vibrant than it had been since it first changed.

Lex thought little of it, people where revived from the dead everyday, perhaps his sickly soulmate died during life saving surgery and was brought back, not that Lex cared about his soulmate. But the mark kept burning, kept changing, the words etched on his skin changed nearly everyday, this was not normal.

Lex did his best to ignore his soul marks peculiarities just as he planned on ignoring its existence when he was a child but he couldn’t help but note some of the phrases that decorated his skin.

“Cheese and Crackers!”

“Oh I think you’ll soon find I get everything I want”

“Do we have a deal”

Lex finally got some answers to what was going on with his soulmate the day his mark changed to “Imagine my surprise when I find you, the second ghost hybrid his foolishness created”

Ghost hybrid? What did that mean? And how exactly did you create one? Lex tried to shake these questions out of his head, soulmates always brought trouble and they could betray you in the end. He knew the second he heard his mothers final words and found them written on his father her killer’s skin.

So Lex did what he did best when it came to his soul mate, he ignored them, he knew it would hurt less to never meet his soulmate than to be inevitably betrayed by them.

Lex through all his attention into strengthening LexCrop and convincing the public that Superman could not be trusted. An alien with no connection to earth should not have that kind of power, perhaps if Superman was a human things would be different but if Lex couldn’t count on the loyalty of a soulmate, he was not going to trust the loyalty of a random alien to a planet not his own.

Lex would have kept on ignoring his soulmate until that blasted Drake had to reveal his own soulmate was dying and reviving regularly, that Drake’s soulmates ability to die on command meant they could communicate with each other, that they could find each other.

Lex blamed Drake because his own soulmate had apparently gotten inspired or at least was annoyed into doing this because when Lex looked at his mark the next morning.

“Fine if it will get you to stop bugging me I’ll do it, Hello my name is Vlad Masters and I am your soulmate, happy now?”

No Lex was definitely not happy now.

[kodedgeekthings]

Oh, you're good, leave us with a nice little cliffhanger of Lex Luthor and Vlad Masters being soulmates.

[siri-ike]

"I hope you weren't expecting me to just show up, now that I know who you are."

Tim's soul mark was bright pink,

"You have to find me, too, wink emoji."

He had started doing that. Tim always knew the message was for him when it ended in a description of an emoji.

It was time to really take this seriously.

First, Tim scoured his book of last words for anything specific.

He speaks Purple Back Gorilla, he's been attacked by a dragon, twice, his parents make strange technology, interdimentional concerns, he's been to a Lazarus pit, both his parents seem to be alive, or at least around, he dislikes clowns, people can owe him their souls, he's always wanted to go to space.

Notable places: Nasty Burger, a lab, a haunted castle, a "spooky dimention"

Names: Tucker, Sam, Boxy, Jazz, Dani, Vlad, Wes, Grimace, Joe, Candace, Cujo, Wolf, John Constantine.

The nasty burger clue turned out to be highly useful. It's a fast food chain only in Pennsylvania. A lot of the lines about Vlad make it seem like he's rich. Vlad Masters is one of the wealthiest men in the country, but he lives in Wisconsin. However, he does own a mansion in Pennsylvania. He was even mayor of a city called Amity Park. There are 13 public high schools in Amity Park, 7 of which can be ruled out for various reasons. That leaves 6. Afton charter school, Casper High, Monsters pre-university, Nosferatus high school for science and technology, Krueger Academy of metaphisics, and Rosebud secondary school.

Tim started by looking into Rosebud secondary schools student roster since that was one of the last words. He did find students there named Candice, Joeseff, Samuel, and Danica all in the same class, and the school is rumored to be haunted. The second most suspect was Nosferatus High School for science and technology. Going there would explain why he mentions labs so much. Then there's Afton charter school. Kids constantly go missing there, and he did mention missing kids.

Tim planned visits to these three schools under the guise of sponsoring a scolarship. Next week. Today, he's sneaking in dressed as a student. The class whose names matched weren't even friends and didn't go by the same nicknames from the messages. He got some hope when he found out Nosferatus was mind controlling its students, but none of them were free of it, so that was a bust. Aftons turned out to be nothing more than a mass meta trafficking scheme. So he ended up having to go to the other three, too.

Monsters pre-university was in another dimention the whole time, but all in all, they weren't doing anything too shady. Casper and Krueger jumped to the top of the list when Tim attended a football game between the two, and his soul mark changed to "Hey, sexy. Come here often? Kissy face emoji."

[raynewolferune]

Trigger Warning: Character Deaths (sort of but just temporarily)

Dick had always tried to imagine what led up to his soul mate's last words when he was younger until Jason died and left him filled with a sense of shame.

"Over my dead body, that's my baby brother."

The script of the letters were jagged shifting between black, dried blood, and a firey, blazing red at certain points. The letters looked as snarled out on his skin as he was sure they would sound coming from his soul mate's mouth.

Even when Jason came back, Dick refused to dwell on his words again. At his age Dick had resigned himself to the fact that he would probably never meet his soul mate before he lost them and as he sat with his family in the manor watching a live government broadcast of a pursuit he was horrified that he was right.

A young woman stood blocking the path of the white SUVs with long red hair pulled into a tight ponytail, a teal headband holding back bangs. Her sharp teal eyes narrowed with rage and her fingers curled around a pair of batons almost reminiscent of Dick's own escrima sticks. She stood straight backed and tall in her black flats, dress slacks, and teal blouse as the agents ordered her to stand aside. The woman's face twisted into a sneering and before she even began to speak he knew.

"Over my dead body," She snarled taking a step forward towards the agents and the guns they leveled at her. A twitch of her fingers and the batons she held crackled with green lighting. "That's my baby brother."

Dick let out a wounded cry as they shot her down as he watched it happen live on the TV.

~*~*~

Jason used to fantasize that his soul mate's last words were about him when he was young and stupid and thought that kind of thing would be romantic. Then he'd died. Then he came back. Now he prayed they they had nothing to do with him because there was nothing romantic about it.

Wish granted. He thought staring numbly at the screen with a burning arm, breathe stuttering and stuck in his chest.

"You'll have to go through me." The scrawny, tiny black boy had said in a firm, measured tone on live TV with a grim look on his face as he'd rapidly tapped away at the PDA in his hands without looking at it. A fleet of drones had assaulted the government SUVs and damaged them but the kid -man- had challenged them to run him down with their vehicles and they had.

~*~*~

Steph and Cass loved each other but they'd always known they weren't really soul mates. Steph had already died, even if she'd been resuscitated afterwards, and her last words didn't match Cass's mark. They'd decided they didn't care.

It looked like their soul mates might have felt the same.

On the screen there was a young female vigilante dressed in red riding a hoverboard with a gun wielding goth girl balanced behind her.

"How dare you attack my fellow hero?!" The red dressed vigilante had shouted at the agents on screen before taking a shot directly to the face.

Those had been Cass's words.

Cass had gone utterly still and silent beside her and Steph sobbed as she watched the goth girl -they both loved purple- roll out of the line of fire screaming at the agents for shooting her girlfriend. She hadn't said Steph's words yet but it felt almost inevitable now.

Steph's heart was cracking in her chest.

The goth girl's fun was shot out of her hands.

"Stand down." The agents commanded the young woman on screen. She glared back at them in disdain like they were less than the asphalt beneath her boots.

"Fucking shoot me. I won't stay dead."

They did and Stephanie screamed.

~*~*~

Bruce had been right outside the door to the living room when Dick made that first ungodly sound. His arms laden down with popcorn and snacks for the movie marathon they were supposed to be starting. His eyes had snapped to his oldest at that cry to see his child clutching his arm to his chest, shoulders curled inwards as if to shield it as he stared with teary eyes at the screen.

Bruce dropped the snacks and Batman snatched open his JLA communicator. He wanted answers NOW.

Damien reached to comfort his older brother as their father contacted his team, the pursuit continued on screen heedless of the devastation it had caused his eldest sibling.

Todd's tea cup slipped from his fingers and shattered on the floor as another person was gunned down on screen. Damien turned to look and stiffened at the glowing eyes and pale, distant expression on his face. Drake moved to lean against Todd's armchair offering closeness to ground him without touching.

The next two were killed on screen in quick succession and Damien and Tim were both horrified to see Steph and Cass reacting to the deaths of their soul mates as well.

Damien felt both shamefully relieved and bitterly angry as Superman slammed into the ground between in front of the agents on screen just as the goth woman fell. Too slow. Always too slow.

But at least his own soul mate wouldn't be next in their path.

Damien paid no mind to the vitriol the supposed government agents spewed at Superman on screen. He remained focused on his task comforting Grayson as Drake handled Todd and the girls cared for each other. Their Father could handle that for now and they could exact justice for their lost halves after the initial grief had passed.

A bright green glow drew his attention back.

Damian choked out a startled sound that had all of his siblings looking back up at the screen as well. Brown letting out a hiccuping laugh as the purple goth girl rose up again before their eyes on unsteady feet. Her eyes glowed a swirling green as purple vine-like markings slithered across her exposed skin. She grinned at Superman and the agents with sharp teeth as the red dressed vigilante began to rise behind her with a groan.

"I told you we wouldn't stay dead, assholes."

[bootslegionmarch]

Can you imagine the shock through Justice League Dark about this? Constantine runs and hides recognizing the location as a no go for him as a demon dealer (he was ejected last time). Deadman is just head in hands muttering “why the hell are there liminals now? We cleaned up the last portals.” The Zataras (Both father and daughter) are currently trying not to let a bunch of ghosts through their portal who are going to tell the GIW that Phantom is their enemy and no one else’s causing a war in the middle of the portal. Swamp Thing just moseys over and helps since clearly goth girl is connected to the green and must be protecting it (she’s not but welcomes help).

By the time most of the Justice League, both sides, arrive, the GIW is hanging from lampposts with signs saying “I shoot kids for fun”, “I love back assward thinking”, and “I shot the ghost king and all I got was being strung up like a piñata”. Superman is trying to corral the teens from hurting the agents too badly but wishes Captain Marvel wasn’t helping the teens make and hang the signs. It was equally disturbing Captain Marvel was being inducted into their group as a fellow “liminal” whatever that was. However the seriously happy expression on Captain Marvel’s face halted any major actions from Superman.

Batman arriving on scene immediately gets all the teens in order. Big dad energy.

It’s helped when J’onn arrives and all the kids are asking him questions for the ghost king who is 100% a fan of the Martian Manhunter and would need something to keep him happy in Frostbite’s care.

[cesiarune]

[marinebiologyshitposts]

the reason none of us can ever leave tumblr is because we've already evolved to having this be our only suitable habitat. we're the devils hole pupfish of people.

[marinebiologyshitposts]

me and my mutuals

[dcxdpdabbles]

Bruce: Damian was battling the ghost. He lost a lot of blood, and the blasted thing got away. Prep the medic bay.

Alfred: Right away sir.

Bruce: Hang on son.

Barbara from the Bat- computer screen: Is he going to be alright?

Bruce: Yes, once we get him some blood.

Barbara: Do you think he can give a description of the ghost he was fighting? I can start tracking him down so the others can avenge Damian.

Bruce: Let me check. Dami? What did that ghost look like?

Damian in a slurring voice: Sexy. White hair. Green eyes. Sexy

Bruce: It's no good. He's delirious.

Barbara typing rapidly: No, no, no. That's a good description. According to Amity Park's Top 10 Sexy Ghosts, we might be looking for number 1: Danny Phantom.

Bruce: Why the hell does a list like that exist?

Barbara: You shouldn't be surprised by what's on the internet, Bruce. Show Damian this picture to see if that's the right one.

Bruce: Damian, who is this? *holds up tablet with blurry image of Phantom*

Damian points to it: ITS SEXY!

Barbara: Okay, we got our target. I'll start tracking him.

Damian slurring: We'll have a Autum wedding.

Bruce: Barbara I don't mean to rush you but I need this ghost to be killed as soon as possible.

Damian: I'm gonna be the father of his children

Bruce darkly: He needs to die before daybreak, Barbara.

Barbara: I'm working on it, hold on!

[dcxdpdabbles]

Danny: ew its the Waynes.

Jazz: Be nice

Danny: I can't. They reek of wealth and insanity.

Jazz: That's good. We want rich customers. Just smile and get them to the back room for thier session. That's all you have to do.

Danny: Fine.

Dick: *Ringing counter bell* Hello?

Danny walking out with a fake smile: Hello! Welcome to Fenton Escape Rooms. Are you ready for a challenging fun filled hour of mystery?

Damian: This is idiotic. We will solve everything in five minutes.

Dick: Thats why we are each going in alone and going to beat each other's time.

Danny's eye twitching: The rooms are quite challenging

Tim pitying: I'm sure you worked hard on them. We just tend to breeze through escape rooms.

Danny uses his ghost powers to make the rooms and grows deeply offended: Really? If you're so sure, how about we make things interesting?

Jason: Oh that is interesting. What are we betting?

Danny: You take on our most difficult room as a group. If you can't solve it in an hour, I win, and you have to promote my business on your social media.

Damian: And when we win what do we gain?

Danny: Well what do you want?

Cass: A date

Danny: Pardon?

Cass smiling: You go on a date with one of us.

Danny: Who is the date with?

Cass looking around her group: I'm sure there are a few interested here.

Danny: Deal. Good luck to you all. The Ghost Zone is not a easy room to escape from

Damian threatening: This will be easy. Get ready to waste your time being treated like a King by my overly emotional siblings. They will romance you so well, we'll be planning a wedding.

Danny equal as threatening: I look forward to it brat.

[menacingangel]

some more mer au stuff

Idk what to do with it I just wanted to draw their full designs

[libraford]

Googled something about quick hydration and it suggested big jug of water, couple tbsp pickle juice, dash of lime juice.

Its surprisingly tasty????

[libraford]

Pleased to report that after a day of this i am not longer craving caper brine and my mouth is not dry as usual. There's some good suggestions in the notes too that I want to try.

-ancient roman posca: water, red or white wine vinegar, honey, salt, herbs (coriander, mint, thyme)

-switchel: water, ginger, vinegar, sweetener, lemon, salt

-ayran: yogurt, water, salt, mint

-Agua pepino: water, cucumbers, lime, sugar, optional mint.

[libraford]

I have been reminded of:

-shrub: vinegar, sida water, elderberry (or other berry), sugar.

[libraford]

I have now been informed of

-sekanjabin: honey, vinegar, mint, water.

[libraford]

"Wow, I wonder why this post was popular this week."

-sees the reports of the heatwave in Europe-

"... ah."

[pnglove]

[demonic0angel]

Tim: *talking ab Gotham City rogues* And as you know, we have really deadly villains. Like Catwoman, a conniving, wily cat thief who takes valuable things from others without hesitation.

Danny: Oh, the nice lady that feeds the stray cats and gives the homeless kids food?

Tim: Uh. Sure. There’s also Two-Face, a man who’s murderous whims rely only on a coin toss. 

Danny: Oh, that guy who donates his money to charity and sometimes helps defend people in court!

Tim: … are we talking about the same Two-Face here…? Okay, we also have Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze, two deadly people with abilities that can devastate the city.

Danny: The woman who’s taking care of Gotham parks and the man who really loves his wife? I’ve seen them sometimes. They’re cool.

Tim: …… uh huh. We have the Croc as well, an enormous, reptilian creature with sentience that lurks in the sewers. 

Danny: *nonchalantly* Waylon. He sometimes protects the homeless kids too. 

Tim: *sigh* Sure. Whatever. Well, the Joker is—

Danny: That fucking asshat who hurts people and doesn’t deserve his name because of his shitty, unfunny humor? I hope that bitch dies already, me and so many others have been praying on his downfall but that cockroach is still alive somehow.

Tim: 

Tim: You’re not wrong but like—

[nerdpoe]

"In other news, the newly discovered Infinite Realms, an alien dimension that sits right next to our own, has announced that they do not believe in America."

"...What?" Flash asks, protein bar halfway to his mouth. He's in the cafeteria of the Watchtower, and he's not the only one with his eyes pinned to the TV.

"I'm not sure I understand, Linda, can you clarify what they mean by that?" The male reporter asks, smile strained.

"Certainly, Todd. The Infinite Realms has stated that they do not believe that the United States of America is a real country, and as such, will not seek to make any deals or treaties with them."

Wonder Woman raises an eyebrow, leaning back in her seat.

"Then...then what do they think America is?" Todd asks from the TV, sounding a little desperate.

"Apparently, they view America as 'a collection of toddlers that bathe in money pretending like they own the world'."

Green Arrow starts laughing so hard he dry heaves.

[apatheticsunday]

Bad Driver

AKA "Danny Fenton accidentally hits the Joker with the GAV during a livestream. It quickly becomes a Gotham meme." DCxDP prompt! TW: Brief description of vehicular assault.

Pro tip: Don't drive while on the phone. You could hit somebody.

Okay, so Danny does ghost-hunting livestreams (endorsed by FentonWorks) and tours the most haunted cities in America. Gotham happens to be in the Top 10 Cursed Cities of America, featured by youtubers like Buzzfeed Unsolved and Netflix true crime documentaries. Danny just... capitalizes on that a bit. He needs to make money, okay?? His "ghost hunting" is mostly debunking supposedly haunted places, doing side quests for ghosts with unfinished business, and interviewing interesting people.

Anyways. Gotham City is confusing. The streets make no sense, half of the city is blocked off due to the latest Rogue attacks, and he's pretty sure he saw an ambulance smash through a barricade with zero hesitation followed by several cop cars. Danny's livestream chat is blowing up, begging to see what just happened, and he's fumbling with the dashboard phone holder when several groups of people in clown masks start swarming the street. They're surrounding the truck, actually shooting at him, a couple swinging baseball bats and crowbars. He takes his eyes off the road for one second just to check whether the GAV has its shield deployed.

One second is all it takes. He feels more than hears the thunk of something particularly human-shaped hitting his front bumper. And his stomach drops. Heart-stopping panic grips him and all he can do is grip the steering wheel and drive forward. He can vaguely hear shouts all around the GAV but shock blurs everything together until he's frantically driving away. He somehow ends up in a quiet one-way street that looks half-abandoned. His livestream comments are a mess of what just happened?? and r u okay?? and, notably: WAS THAT THE FUCKING JOKER?!

As Gotham finds out, Daniel J Fenton did, in fact, commit a hit and run on the Joker. The GCPD dismissed a vehicular assault charge as the livestream showed Danny being shot at during the time of the assault; judges would absolutely categorize the case as self-defense. The Joker unfortunately didn't die. Also unfortunately, screenshots of the livestream got leaked and now Danny's absurdly baffled and horrified expression post-hitting the Joker is trending on Gotham News.

A new trend of "Get Ready With Me to Hit The Joker With My Car" circulates, much to Danny's utter horror and mortification. Gothamites adore Danny. There's something hilariously ironic and slightly endearing about some out-of-towner hitting the only person in Gotham that everybody agrees should be dead with their car. Unintentionally, too. Even the Bats begrudgingly can't even be mad about it. The situation for the kid was clearly traumatizing and horrific.

(Although once Danny learns what the Joker's done and why everybody's so viciously gleeful, he feels a little less bad.)

[alien-slushie]

Phantom: *floats into the Watchtower with a baby strapped to his chest*

Batman: ...Phantom why do you have a baby?

Phantom: Oh, I was summoned last night and some lady sacrificed her baby to me, so I'm a dad now.

Superman: What?!

Wonder Woman: Oh? Congratulations.

Batman: You can't seriously just...keep them.

Phantom: Sure I can, anything thats sacrificed to me is mine to do with as I please. Got a puppy once, her name's Bugsy.

Superman: Do people often get sacrificed to you?

Phantom: Oh yeah, but most sacrifices are adults, so I just let them go back to their mortal lives. I'm working with Constantine to get the word out that I prefer nonhuman sacrifices, like food, or herbs, but its slow going.

Batman: Phantom we can't let you keep the baby.

Phantom: *tightens his hold on the baby and eyes falling into slits* And why not?

Superman: Well, you're a ghost and they're...living. I don't think you'd ever hurt them on purpose, but accidents happen, especially with babies.

Batman: A ghost is not equipped to raise living children.

Phantom: Oh, is that all you're worried about? Then- *transforms into living form and quickly puts on a mask* There! I'm human, problem solved. *happily walks away*

Superman: Did you know he could do that?

Batman: *shakes his head*

Wonder Woman: *nods her head* Phantom has many talents, tis why Pandora looks down upon him favorably.

[dcxdpdabbles]

Alfred: And this is the main sitting room. It's the one the family uses most, so always make sure to keep blankets and slippers in this cabinet.

Danny: Yes, sir.

Alfred: It helps to drop off a plate of snacks on Fridays. The children love it.

Danny: Are there any dietary restrictions I should know about?

Alfred: Master Tim is allergic to shellfish, and Master Damian is lactose intolerant. Miss Cass tends to avoid gluten-

Bruce: Ugh? Alfred who is this?

Alfred: Oh, Master Bruce. I didn't see you there. This is Daniel Fenton. My great-grandson.

Bruce: I- your what?

Alfred: My great-grandson. You remember my daughter, right? She had a child when she was fifteen that I never knew about. She put the girl up for adoption under my ex-wife's insistence. That child was Madeline, who went on to have children of her own. Daniel, here, is her youngest.

Bruce: I see. It's wonderful to meet you, Daniel.

Danny: You can call me Danny. Thank you for letting me stay here.

Bruce: Oh, of course. *shooting Alfred a confused look*

Alfred: Danny is a a situation green four.

Danny: I'm a what? What does that mean?

Bruce: You're part of this household now. That's what that means. Want me to show you around?

Danny: ugh, no, Great-Grandfather is already doing that.

Bruce: Alright! Have fun! I have some work to do but let me know if you need me. *walks away*

Danny: Did he seem nervous to you?

Alfred: No, he looks like that all the time. Master Bruce has a reputation you can say.

Danny heard everything about airhead Brucie: I guess that makes sense.

Meanwhile in Bruce's office:

Bruce hiding under his desk calling Dick: I'm serious. Alfred called him a situation green four!

Dick: *horrified gasp* Are you safe?

Bruce: Probably. The boy is young. I think Alfred is going to sick him onto Tim or Duke.

Dick: B. Listen to me. Get out of there. Get out of there now. I'll warn Tim and Duke.

Bruce crying: I thought Alfred stopped trying to marry us off, and now he brought his own flesh and blood to trap us in marriage!

[16-14]

as a vaporeon your only mission in life is to slap your biiiiiiiig damn tail and splash around

[16-14]

as a flareon your only mission in life around is to be fluffy and have an awesome attack stat

[16-14]

as a jolteon your only mission in life is to run around super fuckin fast and be spikey and cool

[16-14]

as an umbreon your only mission on life is to glow and lurch around and go "rrrreaerrr" and stare at stuff with your red eyes

[16-14]

as an espeon your only mission in life is to hear a whole lotta stuff with your big ears and make stuff float and bask in the sun

[16-14]

as a leafeon your only mission in life is to have dope defenses and go around in forests and be cool and green

[16-14]

as a glaceon your only mission in life is to walk around graciously in the cold and lay comfortably in the snow

[16-14]

as a sylveon your only mission in life is to go around joyously and hold onto stuff with your big ribbons and go "(whistling sound)"

[16-14]

as an eevee

evui

[dcxdpdabbles]

Jason: I'm bringing my boyfriend to dinner at this month's family game night. I need you all to be chill about this.

Bruce flipping a table covered in glass figures: YES! YES. BOYFRIEND! MY BOY HAS A LOVER.

Jason: Bruce this isnt a football game stop-

Dick pull out his phone: TIM GET THE FIREWORKS!

Tim on face time: What for?

Dick: Jay has a Boyfriend! ONE HE WANTS TO INTRODUCE TO THE FAMILY!

Tim: WHAT?! YES. GOD YES! I'LL GET MY GUY FOR THE FIREWORK SHOW READY IN A HOUR

Jason: Tim has spontaneous fireworks shows guy?

Damian: Of course, he does. He's not a barbarian. Why are we celebrating?

Jason: Oh, hey, Dami. Sorry to wake you up from your nap. Bruce and Dick are just being dramatic about meeting my boyfriend.

Damian: You have a paramour?

Jason: Yes I do. What's with the tone?

Damian: I'm just surprised anyone would agree to that type of relationship with you.

Jason: The hell is that supposed to mean!?

Damian: I hear you tell Harper once that you would only enjoy the pleasure of flesh and that you would never commit to a relationship. I assumed that meant you would only have brief lovers for debauchery.

Jason: Oh. Yeah I told Roy that but that was before I meet Danny. He's more then a one-night stand.

Damian: Hmm. What does this Daniel-

Jason: His name is Danny

Damian: No. What does this Daniel do for a living?

Jason: He's a brain surgeon

Damian dropping to knees and ripping his shirt from overwhelming glee: YEEEEEESSSS!!!! OH MY GOD, HE'S A BRAIN SURGEON!!! TODD IS BRINGING A BRAIN SURGEON HOME!!! THERE IS HOPE FOR THE BLOODLINE!! FATHER TELL DRAKE TO CALL HIS BOUNCR HOUSE DEALER. WE MUST CELEBRATE TO THE FULLEST!

Jason: This is why I dont bring anyone home. Bruce, you good?

Bruce foaming at the mouth: SON-IN-LAW BRAIN SURGEON.

Jason: Mmh-okay. You're too far gone. I'll have to put you down.

Dick: *Twitching on the ground overwhelmed by happiness*

Jason: This one needs putting down too. Damn, I liked that one.

[finebella]

[countmuri]

DP x DC (SPIT IT OUT)

Danny eating things he shouldn’t.

I feel like he’d be like one of those pets you’d have to pry their mouths open because he’s just so determined to eat it.

Ghost baby. Baby learns about the world by putting things in it mouth. It’s self-explanatory really. He’s eaten ectoplasm before so he’d probably think this is practically harmless in comparison.

Plus, it’s eco-friendly. Why just eat the chocolate bar when you could eat it with the wrapper. He’s being 100% efficient by eating his trash. No evidence and cleaning up after himself at the same time.

He’s able to digest almost anything because of his ectoplasm anyway, it’d be a shame not to take advantage of it.

Anyways, first incident? When Tim take’s Danny to go eat sushi, he just takes a bite of his chopsticks while eating a peice, they just get shorter and shorter until eventually he’s done. Tim watched in horrified silence, not really stopping Danny, wondering if he really didn’t notice he was eating his…utencils. At the end Danny just finished off the last piece of chopstick, no sushi.

Tim thinks it’s just wise not to say anything to his face but to instead bring this information to the cave, because who else is he supposed to talk to about what he witnessed??

Dick is the type to immedietly launch himself at Danny, holding his jaw and futily trying to pry his jaw open to stick his fingers down his mouth, panicking. Cause why is Danny eating an entire cup of plastic?? Spit it out!!! NO BAAAAD

I feel like Jason would be less willing to jump in but would reluctantly pry Danny’s mouth open if asked as one of his siblings does the routine of trying to fish something out of his mouth. It was metal once, took a bite out of it like a piece of hard sugar, there was a crunch and everything. Eventually though Jason would work up to just full on tackling Danny as soon as he chomps down on not food.

Cass just jabs two fingers violently to Danny’s stomach till he coughs it out himself. Steph coming up with a list of ‘things Danny has eaten’ and a ‘things I predict Danny will eat’, sometimes she’ll jump in on the fun of physically restraining Danny so they can get something out of his mouth, she can practice her headlock cause damn is he wiggly.

Damian is absolutely handing Danny things to eat when they’re alone, like just presenting something to him without saying anything. Once had him eat toxic paint (dolloped on the plate like a gorumat dish) and had him describe how it tasted—having Danny try all the animals' pets food to make sure they were satisfactory enough for each animal.

Duke wants no part in this, and by that he means he slides Danny his trash to do what he want’s with it because he just doesn’t want to put his hand down his throat… sometimes it’s just better to know whose trash he’s eating. Duke lies and say’s Danny snatches it from his hands.

Alfred can’t stop Danny, god knows anyone can, he supplements this by feeding Danny nonstop so he has no chance to even reach for something non-edible to eat.

Barbara helps by making a file of screen captures filled with Danny in the middle of eating anything, really. Edible, Non-edible, Impossible.

[menacingangel]

idiots who got deaged on patrol

bonus:

creatures