in which! sarah confronts you about your feelings for jj and you are forced to come to a conclusion about your constant avoidance of a relationship with him
warnings! slight angst!! drinking. smoking. making out while drunk. (no smut) not proofread, there are probably mistakes
part 1 part 2
you and jj had been sleeping together off and on for 3 months. everyone knew about it, except for your boyfriend of course. it was a miracle he hadn’t found out, but you also felt like the worst girlfriend in the world for spending more of your free time with jj than you did with him. and maybe you were the worst girlfriend in the world, but you couldn’t bring yourself to call it quits with jj or leave your committed relationship. this was something you tried not to think too hard about, even though your life practically revolved around this subject.
one particular night, you were getting yourself ready for your boyfriend to pick you up for a date. in all honesty, you were dreading this date because all you wanted to do that night was stay in and not have to pretend like you enjoyed being around him. so that’s why you took a shot (or two) in order to ease your nerves before he got there.
you were penciling on your lip liner when your phone started buzzing on the counter next to you. you picked it up to see that jj was calling, which wasn’t unusual at this time of night and despite everything in your being telling you to not answer him, you did.
“hey,” his voice spoke over the speaker. “is this a good time?”
“not really,” you said. “my boyfriend’s picking me up in half an hour.” you thought you knew what he was calling for, what he was always calling for.
“shit, i should’ve called you before i came all the way over here.” he said.
“you’re outside my house?” you asked, quickly walking over to the window in your bedroom to see jj standing outside, his bike in front of your garage. he looked up at you once he noticed the movement of your curtains and that’s when you saw his bloody nose and busted lip. “what happened to your face?” you asked him, still speaking over the phone. you already knew the answer.
“my dad.” he replied. “no one was at the chateau, i just didn’t want to be by myself, but i can go if you’re busy, im sorr-“
“no, it’s okay, you can come in.” how could you say no to him now? “but move your bike somewhere he won’t see it.”
“got it.”
you hung up the phone and walked downstairs to unlock the door for him. when he entered, his eyes quickly caught the sparkles on your pink, low cut top and raked down to your little black skirt.
“jesus, where is he taking you dressed like that?” jj asked, but his tone wasn’t condescending, it was actually a little jealous. almost like he wanted to be taking you out dressed like that.
“we’re just getting dinner and drinks.” you said, as you quickly pushed him up the stairs and into your room in the off chance that your boyfriend came early. he sat on your bed and you went to the bathroom cabinet and grabbed alcohol and gauze. you came back to sit across from him and began to gently dab at the cut on his lip, his eyes lingering on yours for a moment but you were too focused to notice. “your nose doesn’t look broken at least.” you joked. he smiled just slightly and you felt that familiar guilt that only appeared in certain instances like this. “what was his issue this time?”
“he thought i was taking his beers, he was too drunk to realize the only person drinking all his beer was him.” jj said in a light hearted tone to cover up the fact that he was upset.
“i’m sorry.” you didn’t know what else to say. you had seen him like this a million times and it hurt you just the same in this instance.
"i'm sorry for showing up like this."
"if it's something with your dad, you can always come over."
jj would end up replaying those words in his head for the next week. he could only come over if he was injured, if he was in trouble, if he needed help. not just because he wanted to be around you.
you didn't realize a silence had fallen over you both, neither of you talking as you continued to clean up his cuts. you noticed a fresh bruise appearing on his left cheekbone. he noticed the dark liner along your lips.
he could kiss kiss you right now if you'd let him. if you wanted him to.
but once you caught him staring, he snapped out of it.
you stood up to put the alcohol away just as your phone buzzed. it was your boyfriend texting you that he was outside. at the sight of the message, you frantically threw on your heels and slung your purse over your shoulder.
you honestly wanted to get out of there as quick as you could because any vulnerable time you spend with jj where you aren’t actively touching each other makes you filled with so much anxiety that you feel like throwing up. you cant shake the guilt off your mind when you’re with him and the only time you actually can is when he’s inside you. you cant even talk to him normally, not like a friend anymore.
and maybe that’s because you thought of him as way more than just a friend. maybe that’s why you feel so sick at the thought of him just being in your room with his hands not on your body and maybe that’s why you needed to use another man to distract you from those feelings.
"um, you can stay here tonight j, if you want. i don't know what time i'll get back." you said as you rushed to the door, and for one split second you paused and thought about cancelling last minute and staying in with jj, but how much worse of a girlfriend would that make you then?
you came back home later in the night, slightly drunk. jj was already asleep in the guest room and he left in the morning before you even got up.
a few days later, you were in the living room of the chateau talking with sarah.
“so, how are you and your boyfriend?” she asks, lighting a joint for you to share.
you fought an eye roll at the thought of him.
“we’re good.” you lied. he maybe thought you were okay, but nothing about your relationship felt okay to you. “y’know, normal relationship stuff.” you cringed at your own words.
sarah nodded and brought the now lit joint up to her lips. “mhmm, and how are you and jj?” she asked, right before she inhaled the smoke.
you bit your tongue. she was obviously being sarcastic but she didn’t know that even his name brought up that familiar sick feeling.
“shut up.” this time you did roll your eyes.
“i’m just saying,” she said, as she exhaled. “the way you act around jj, if i didn’t know you i’d be shocked to find out you have a boyfriend and it isn’t him.”
your chest tightens. you knew that everyone else was aware of jj and yours arrangements, but what you didn’t know was how obvious you make your feelings for him.
“we’re just hooking up.” you take a hit of the joint. “that’s all it is.” you said that partly to convince yourself.
“i don’t think jj got that memo.” sarah remarks.
“what do you mean?” the nervous feeling in your stomach fades away as the weed hits your blood, but it’s still a feeling you can’t entirely shake off, even when you’re high.
“i haven’t seen him bring another girl around here in like… 3 months.” she says. “and you know jj, it was always a new girl every month for him.” she shrugs and reaches her hand out, asking for you to pass the joint that you didn’t even remember you were holding.
and now that you thought about it, you hadn’t seen him with anyone else either.
“and if it’s just between us, i’ve never even seen him look at another girl the same way he looks at you.” sarah takes another hit.
you tried not to allow her words to have any visible affect on you.
“me and jj— we’d never work out.” you said. “it would all blow up in my face some way or another and i’d never forgive myself for fucking up our friendship.”
“and you think whatever you have going on with two guys at once isn’t going to blow up in your face?” she replies, half sarcastically, to which you don’t answer because you know she was right. “i think you’re gonna regret wasting all this time with another man at some point.” she passes the joint back to you. “besides, if you’re worried so much about ruining your friendship, our friend group has all dated or fucked each other and we’re fine, aren’t we?”
which was true.
“not jj, of course.” sarah added. “he’s only had eyes for you. even when kie wanted him— i remember she was so mad because he wouldn’t stop staring at you all the time.” she giggled. sarah loved to talk when she got high.
you lightened up just slightly. “well jj’s never been in a real relationship before, i don’t think he would even enjoy a commitment like that.” you said.
“neither have you.” she said.
“uh,” you sat up straighter. “what am i in right now, huh?” it was half a joke and half not. you inhale more smoke, nearing the end of the joint.
“please, if you can even call whatever you have going on a relationship.” she puts the last word in air quotes. “you seem miserable around him.”
“he’s sweet, really.” you said, which was all you could say about him.
sarah nodded. “he seems sweet.” she agreed. “but that doesn’t mean he makes you happy.”
you were silent after that. you passed the last bit of the joint to sarah and she finished it off, then put it out on jj’s ashtray sitting on the coffee table.
“i think you should talk to jj.” sarah suggested. “and i think you should stop making excuses. you’re overthinking this whole situation.”
at some point, you would indeed have to confront what you were afraid of in order to stop feeling like you did.
“your boyfriend will get over it, if you’re worried about that too.” she said. “i don’t think you should tell him about you and jj though.”
the weekend finally came and your boyfriend made you spend your saturday night at a bar with all of his friends. you took a few shots to prepare yourself for the outing and then you got just a smidge too drunk at the bar.
he was barely giving you any attention as he was gathered around with his friends, watching some football game on the mounted tv. you snuck off to the bathroom at 11:30 and the first thing your drunk self wanted to do was call jj.
he picked up almost immediately.
“hey, what’s up?” his voice sounded over the phone.
you were in a stall, leaning up against the door.
“hey, do you mind picking me up at the bar next to hayward’s?” you asked, not really thinking.
“are you drunk?” he could tell by your slightly slurred speech.
“yeah.”
“you okay?”
“yes jj.” you said, with a hint of annoyance. “can you get me or no?”
“i’ll be there in ten.”
you smiled to yourself. “don’t come in, just text me when you’re here.” you hung up the phone and found your boyfriend back at the bar where you informed him that kie was coming to get you and you were spending the night at her place. he didn’t protest. you ordered another drink and finished it by the time jj had texted you. you told him not to walk you out so he wouldn’t miss a touch down and successfully made it out of the door and into the twinkie that jj had borrowed from john b.
“thank you.” you said, buckling up your seatbelt.
jj nodded and pulled back out into the street, heading towards the chateau. a silence fell over you both but it didn’t feel awkward with all the alcohol in your system.
“so, you two, uh- you guys okay?” jj questioned, turning his head to look over at you for a moment. “he get too drunk to drive or something?”
“quite frankly, him and his stupid friends were annoying me. i just wanted to go home.” your brain was spinning. you knew your inhibitions were out the window as soon as you were alone with jj and you didn’t feel sick to your stomach like you do when sober. “i told him that kie was getting me.”
“do you need me to drop you off at hers?” he asked.
“no, just take me to my house.”
“yes ma’am.”
you kicked off the heels that were killing your feet for the past few hours and then leaned back in the passenger chair. you looked over at jj, steering with one hand on the wheel. he smelled like ocean salt and weed. you didn’t think there was ever a time where he looked this good before. maybe that was the alcohol talking.
the bruise on his cheekbone had faded to a light purple and the cut was still present on his lip.
“your face is looking better.” you blurted out and you realized how insane you sounded only after the words left your mouth. he probably thought you were ridiculous and all that talk about him “only having eyes for you” was a lie. “i mean like- your bruises, they don’t look as bad as last time i saw you.”
jj scoffed. “thank you?”
you swallowed your embarrassment and decided to make the most out of your intoxication.
“why did you stay in the guest room that night anyway?” you turned your body more towards him. he kept his eyes on the road.
“i dunno.” he shrugged. “i was tired, wanted to go to sleep?” he wasn’t quite sure what exactly you were asking.
“you could’ve slept in my bed.”
“i think you need to remember that you do in fact have a boyfriend, y/n/n.” jj said, partially joking.
you raised your eyebrows, now not understanding what he was trying to say. “so? why are we still talking about him.” your words were slurred here, even you could tell.
“sleeping next to someone like that- that’s like, a whole ‘nother type of intimacy.” the blonde said. “that’s something your boyfriend should be doing with you.” he looked over momentarily to see if you got where he was coming from.
you scoffed. you hoped it was the liquor that was making him sound like an idiot to you. “and you’re saying this like you don’t fuck me behind his back every week?”
“well, yeah-“ he replied. “but sleeping with someone adds like, an emotional layer to it. then it’s physically AND emotionally cheating.” now he really lost you here. “that’s honestly worse than just fucking you.”
he didn’t want to say it, but he’d sleep next to you if you’d ask him to.
your eyebrows raised, your chest tightened. “so is sex not ‘emotional’ to you?” you asked, wondering if the time he took your virginity wasn’t meaningful to him, or the dozens of times he took his time with you, making sure it felt good for you. it was a million times more meaningful to you than whenever you slept with your boyfriend.
he took a moment to answer, trying to find the right words that wouldn’t upset you.
“it depends on who you’re doing it with.”
and you asked yourself in your head, “what the hell was that supposed to mean?” but you didn’t dare to say it out loud.
you bit your cheek, narrowing your eyes on him.
“was it not emotional with me?”
he took his eyes off the road for a moment to look at you. both of your eyes met and you saw something in his that said it was. but he looked forward again.
“i’d answer you, but you’re drunk and i’d want you to remember what i said.”
you huffed and took a vow of silence for the rest of the ride. eventually, he turned into your street and parked in the driveway of your house. jj got out first and walked around to your side, where he opened the door and held out his hand for you to steady yourself and stepped out of the car. you walked barefoot up the front steps and then up the stairs with jj behind you. one hand was carrying your heels and the other was on the small of your back. (just in case you fell down the stairs)
“you didn’t need to come in, jj.” you said, immediately sitting yourself on the bed.
he gently set your heels near your closet door. “wanted to make sure you got in safely. do you need anything else?”
“hmm, can you hand me those makeup wipes?” you pointed at the blue package on your vanity. jj nodded and fetched them for you. you took one out and started sloppily rubbing your cheeks. jj noticed that you were basically just making a mess of your face so he sat in front of you and grabbed the wipe from your hands.
“here.” he ran it gently over the sides of your face, over your nose, over your lips, taking away all of the makeup residue. he was a little too harsh when taking the mascara off.
“jesus j, easy on the eyes.” you flinched.
“sorry.”
you thought about the many times you washed blood off his face and here he was taking off the makeup you painted on to look good for another guy.
once it was all off, he threw the tissue in the bin beside your bed. “that better?” he asked, still across from you.”
“feels like my face can breath again.” you joked.
“i don’t know why you put all that shit on your face.” jj said. he always said that. “you don’t need it.”
and he was serious. he was staring at your bare features with nothing but admiration. in fact, he thought you were prettiest when you were fresh out of the ocean water when you would surf with him.
“oh you’re so cliche.”
but a blush creeped onto your cheeks and you met his eyes that were already staring at yours. and then they flickered down to your lips, then back up to your eyes. then down once again.
he wasn’t slick about it.
you leaned in, feeling his lips connect with yours and he instantly melted into you. his hands crept on to your back as you moved closer into him. one of your hands held onto his bicep and the other moved onto the back of his head, your tongues swiping each other. you pulled his shirt up over his head, only breaking the kiss for a moment and he instinctively did the same with yours, tossing it somewhere on the floor. you pushed him down so that he was laying on your bed and you straddled him. he felt painfully hard under you. his fingers were digging so deep into your hips that you thought he was going to leave a mark.
you were only beginning to deepen the kiss when he turned his head, breaking contact with your lips and holding your hips still. “stop,” he ordered. “we can’t, you’re drunk.”
your hands were rested on his bare chest. “and?” you said. “i know what i want.”
“i’m sorry.” he started to sit up and you slid slightly down his torso and onto his lap. you pouted, but he remained insistent and finally you got off of him, heading towards the bathroom, but first you grabbed a t-shirt to sleep in and a pair of underwear.
“i’m gonna shower.”
“do you want me to stay?” jj asked, still sitting up in the bed, his weight resting on his hands behind him. you couldn’t help but stare at his flexed shoulders and you thought he caught you looking.
“you don’t have to-“
“but do you want me to?”
and then you thought about your boyfriend. what if he saw the twinkie parked in the driveway. sarah and kie usually didn’t drive it, so he would know it was jj. what if he looked at your location and saw that you weren’t at kie’s like you said you would be.
but you really didn’t care when you were this drunk.
you nodded.
an! back from my one year hiatus…. there will be a part 4 to this series hopefully soon! i will also be making a new tag list for anything jj or rafe related so please comment or send a message to be added!
oh he for sure lost in the first HOUR of november. he threw a halloween party at tannyhill and you wore your skimpy costume that you had tried on for him a few days before, asking him if it’s too revealing for you to wear and to your surprise, he said it was perfect. “want everyone to see how pretty my girl is,” he said, pulling the straps of your practically-lingerie costume down over your shoulders. “and i want them to know they can’t have you.” he muttered as he kissed down your collarbone.
on halloween night, he pulled you away from some douchebag dressed in a fireman costume who was trying to hit on you and he immediately took you to the quietness of his room, the music being heard only slightly from outside the walls. “you seein how many guys have been staring at you?” his hands were already finding their way to the zipper at your back, his lips sucking various spots of your neck. “i’ve noticed.” you responded, sarcastically. he fucked you with your costume halfway on, constantly telling you that you’re his girl only as his cock was hitting your g spot perfectly. he finished on your exposed tits and afterwards he found a towel to clean you up with. when you checked the time, you jokingly said that he had already lost no nut november. “no way in hell i was gonna make it 30 days with you constantly in my line of vision,” he said, helping to zip your outfit back up. “and you would’ve been beggin for it tomorrow anyway.” he said. “nuh uh!” you scoffed, shoving his shoulder. (you knew he was right)
warnings! . smoking. fluff. angst if you squint. not proof read.
the first time, you were 14.
you had moved to the outerbanks at the beginning of your 7th grade year, terrified out of your mind. you didn’t know a soul, you didn’t know how people in a beach town behaved, what they wore, how they talked.
but on your very first day at kildare county middle school, you met your people.
jj was the first to talk to you, telling you he liked your t shirt you got from a popular surf shop that you had agonized over, wondering if people would like it. he was the first to make you feel comfortable.
gradually, you started sitting with him in science class, and then you started sitting with him and his friends at lunch. you met john b, kiara, and pope and you were inseparable since.
now it was the middle of your 8th grade year. kiara was throwing her birthday party where half of the middle school seemed to be invited. her circle of friends was much larger at that time due to her being considered in between a pogue and a kook.
the girls had decided to play the classic party game, spin the bottle and mostly everyone at the party gathered around in a crowded circle. it seemed like everybody playing wasn’t the least bit nervous about kissing someone else, but you were picking at the skin of you fingers because you had never been kissed.
you anxiously awaited your turn, watching the bottle intently in case it landed on you, but thankfully, it never did.
and then your turn came around. you nervously spun the bottle, hoping it wouldn’t land on some guy or girl you hardly knew. it did a few rotations, everyone eager to know who you were going to kiss.
the bottle settled on jj directly across from you.
you immediately felt better, knowing that it was one of your friends who would steal your first kiss, but then you chided yourself for even thinking about kissing one of your friends.
jj came across the circle to where you were sitting and grabbed your hands, pulling you to your feet. he didn’t seem nervous at all, but that was just how jj was.
you noticed some of the kook girls staring at the two of you, jealous that it wasn’t them who got to kiss him.
“you can skip me if you don’t wanna kiss me, y’know?” he said, but not in a way that was telling you he didn’t want this. he spoke with a quiet and sweet tone, making sure you were okay. he was always making sure you were okay. he knew this was your first kiss and he didn’t want to take that from you if you weren’t alright with it.
“no, it’s okay.” you shook your head, smiling nervously.
he nodded and then gently placed his hands on both sides of your face before he leaned in.
you closed your eyes and waited for his lips to touch yours.
you always thought you would be clueless during your first kiss, but he made it feel natural.
his lips gently pecked yours, lingering for a few seconds before he pulled away.
you heard ooo’s and ahh’s from the teenagers around you and you couldn’t help the redness that rushed to your face. you were glad it was him.
that night you also kissed two others. one random kook boy who you hardly knew and one girl who was in your english class. the girls never skipped each other because they knew the kisses were meaningless, and those last two kisses were definitely meaningless. but the one with jj felt different. you tried to make yourself think it was because it was your first one. you had also watched jj kiss a few more girls that night. you scolded yourself for feeling a tinge of jealousy.
what you didn’t know was that jj placed himself directly across from you to have a better chance of your spin landing on him.
the second time, you were 16.
you had just discovered the golden cross in a dilapidated church. pope was hacking away at the wood encasing the treasure, pieces of it crashing to the ground.
when you saw the gold shimmer through the wood, your eyes lit up. you couldn’t believe that everything you had gone through had brought you to this moment. you couldn’t believe you actually found what you were looking for.
everyone celebrated with shouts, with cheers saying “we’re gonna be rich!” and with hugs.
your adrenaline was so high, you felt like you were dreaming.
jj took your face in his hands and planted a kiss right on your lips. it happened so fast you could barely comprehend what was happening and when he pulled away, your eyes met his and you saw the excitement on his face. you knew he only kissed you because there was so much to celebrate about that he didn’t know what to do with it.
you watched him hug john b as kie and sarah hugged you. he didn’t have that same look in his eyes when he celebrated with them.
you never mentioned it afterwards.
john b was the only one who saw him kiss you. a few days later, he told jj to just ask you out already.
“everyone knows it j.” john b said.
“knows what?”
“that you’re in love with her.” he said it like it was the most obvious thing ever. “you’ve been crazy about that girl since you were 13, it’s almost embarrassing that you’ve never done anything about it.” they were the only ones in the twinkie together, waiting for the 3 girls to get in the van for another daily adventure.
“she’s like- i don’t know, man.” jj shook his head. “she’d never say yes. i’d rather not fuck our whole relationship up, y’know?” he said with a hint of sarcasm.
john b scoffed.
“you’re saying she’d never say yes but you don’t see the way she looks at you?” he said. “either you’re choosing to ignore it or you’re just flat out stupid.”
the third time, you were 17
jj had shown up at your house in the pouring rain with a bruise forming on his cheek and a cut on his lower lip. the second you saw his face, you knew it was his dad.
“can i stay here tonight?” he asked, as you were already pulling him inside.
you took him to your bathroom and he rolled a joint while you found some rubbing alcohol for the cuts on his face.
he sat on the wall of the bathtub and you sat on the toilet, turning yourself to face him. he lit his joint before you dabbed a cotton pad doused in alcohol on his injuries. he flinched slightly from the pain before he took a hit from his joint, instantly soothing it.
you could’ve killed his dad for what he did. you noticed jj’s eyes were red, probably from tears. he didn’t deserve any of what his dad had put him through.
you fixed him up in silence, not wanting to touch on the subject of what happened between him and his dad.
“you’re making the house smell like weed.” you said, half-jokingly.
“shit, are your parents home?” he asked, getting ready to stub out the joint on the bathtub, but you took it from his fingers and held it to your mouth, taking a long drag and exhaling.
“they never are.” you replied.
you notice his eyes trail down to your lips as you smoked, his breath hitching. it was silent, but there was a tension that was speaking volumes between you two. the fact that he came to your house instead of john b’s was proof enough for how much he felt for you, and anyone with half a brain could see it. but you always wrote it off, not truly believing that he could have any feelings that weren’t strictly platonic towards you.
almost unconsciously, he leaned in. you let him.
his lips touched yours, his hand supporting himself on your knee. he tasted of weed and your cherry rolling papers. he tasted good.
when he pulled away, you were almost frozen, the joint still resting between your fingers, burning away. his eyes were wide with a look of regret and your heart sank.
“im- im sorry, i shouldn’t have-“ he started, realizing his hand was touching your bare leg and immediately taking it off like it was burning him.
“it’s okay,” you handed him the joint. “you’re just- you’re high.”
he cleared his throat.
“i’m sorry.” he uttered again.
later, when you went to bed that night, you wished you had kissed him again, and again. the only thing that played in your mind for the next week was the taste of his lips. but friends couldn’t think of each other like that, right?
you kissed him about a month later.
he asked you to go on a boat ride with him since you two were the only ones in the chateau at the time. you agreed, of course.
you were a little far out from the shore, seemingly being the only two people out at the moment. he had stopped the boat and began rolling a joint as you watched, seated across from him. he was so focused on crafting the joint that he didn’t even notice you staring at him.
you thought about every time he had kissed you, and every time you just shrugged it off. and you thought about the fact that every time you were near him, you wanted him to do it again. but why wouldn’t you just do it? what was the harm?
he looked up only to lick the paper, his eyes meeting yours and a smile playing on his lips.
so you did it.
you leaned in and connected your lips to his. he kissed you back almost immediately and moved his mouth in sync with yours. his hands went to your waist and yours went to his hair.
it was minutes later when you finally pulled away, both out of breath.
“i’ve wanted to kiss you like that since the day i met you.” he said, his hands still on your waist.
“don’t know what was stopping you.” you giggled.
his hand went up to your flushed cheek.
“well i really don’t want anything to stop me again.” he kissed you again.
you came back late at night to find your friends. your cheeks were still read, your hair was a little messy and a barely visible hickey was left on your collar.
everyone knew immediately. and everyone was glad they would never have to witness the mutual pining between you two again.
taglist! (comment or message to be added or removed!) @ifilwtmfc @xcallmetaniax @moondustedlily
in which! you cant stop thinking about the night you lost your virginity to jj…. even though you have a boyfriend
warnings! 18+ smut. cheating. fingering. oral sex (m. recieving) pnv sex. unprotected sex. not proof read.
it had been two months since you lost your virginity to jj and almost a month and a half since you started officially dating your new boyfriend.
he was nice. he took you out to eat once a week, he bought you small gifts, he complimented you and you never argued. but the sex was just…bad. it was always over way too quickly and he never payed any attention to your body or what you wanted. you figured he was just one of those boys who was too scared to go down on a girl, which was fine, but it probably wouldn’t suit you in the long run.
you hadn’t been hanging around your friends very often, usually turning them down to go out with your boyfriend and jj was getting increasingly frustrated with this.
but every time you were around your friends, jj in particular, you couldn’t even look him in the eye. when you talked to him, all you thought about was the way he called you baby when he came on your stomach and the way he made you cum on his face. you felt so completely guilty for these thoughts, but nothing would stop them. you figured the best plan of action was to avoid him. not entirely, but just try not to be around him alone.
but, you did end up alone with jj by mistake one afternoon.
you had just finished surfing with kie as the swell had come in that day. you both planned to stay at the beach a little longer, but you were hungry and didn’t have any food. kie decided to go pick up something from the heyward’s shop and you went back to the chateau to grab a six pack, only to find jj working on his bike, his shirt off and his shorts dirty, probably from engine oil.
you didn’t say anything as you walked up the steps to the porch, but jj noticed you and called out.
“hey, y/n!” he yelled, wiping his hands off on a towel and throwing it on his bike. “thought you were gonna stay at the shore until later?”
you were in your damp bikini top and bottoms and a pair of sandals. you turned around at the sound of his voice and met his gaze.
“yeah..” you said. awkwardly. “i am, i was just grabbing some beers.” you turn back around, pulling open the screen door and stepping inside. once you’re in the kitchen with the refrigerator door cracked, you hear jj come into the château after you.
“what’s going on with you?” he asks, standing in the living room. you shut the refrigerator and look over at him with furrowed brows.
“what do you mean?” you question, although you knew exactly what he meant. you didn’t expect the confrontation to happen now of all times.
“don’t act like you don’t know.” he crosses his arms over his chest. “you’ve been weird around me ever since we..”
you didn’t want to hear him say it.
“jj, i’ve just been hanging around my boyfriend a lot,” you try to defend yourself, hoping he’ll stop questioning you. “i’m sorry i haven’t been talking to you. ‘been busy.”
he nods, biting his lip and looking down at the floor.
“do you regret it?” he asks, looking back up at you.
“what?” you shake your head. “no, i just-“
“you promised you wouldn’t make things weird between us and now you barely even talk to me.” jj said. “you sure i didn’t do something wrong?”
“no jj!” your voice raised slightly. “i-“ you cut yourself off, not knowing what to say. “it’s just that every time i try and talk to you, i think about what we did.” you blurt out, almost making it sound like you both murdered someone and hid the body. you made it sound like a crime, and it pogue rules, it technically was. “i thought that avoiding you was gonna take my mind off it until i got over it.”
he walks closer to the kitchen, tossing his hat somewhere on the counter.
“so you do regret it?” he questions, leaning against the counter and looking straight at you.
you shake your head no.
“i don’t, but it’s kind of wrong of me to think about you while my boyfriend’s fucking me.”
you realized what you said after it had already left your mouth and your eyes widened.
“what’d you say?” he asks, cocking his head a little at your admission, a barely visible smile playing on his lips.
“uh-“
you quickly turn around to open the fridge again, looking for some beers to take and get the hell up out of there.
“no, say it again.” jj pulls your arm, twisting you back around to face him so that your bodies were dangerously close together. your face flushed with embarrassment and your heart was thumping out of your chest.
“jj,” you say, shrugging off his touch. “i really gotta go back to the shore.” you say, but you weren’t moving. jj knew that wasn’t what you really wanted.
“i’m not stopping you.” he pulled back from you and leaned against the counter once again, showing that you had free will to leave, but you still didn’t budge. your feet were glued in place.
you wanted to kiss him so bad and get that ridiculous smile off his lips, but the thought of your boyfriend who did little to please you was the only thing that was keeping you from doing it. you bit the inside of your cheek, nervously. the tension between you two was going to make your head explode.
“he doesn’t fuck you like i do, does he?”
his words were your final straw.
you grabbed both sides of his face and instantly connected you lips with his. he kissed you back without a second thought, wrapping his arms around your waist. he backed you into the refrigerator as his lips moved perfectly with yours.
his fingers trailed down your hips and to your clothed core. he pulled away from the kiss to look at you, silently asking for permission for him to touch you, and you gave it.
still having you against the refrigerator’s surface, he skillfully moved your bikini bottoms to the side as two of his fingers sunk into your entrance. you were embarrassingly soaked already. you fight back a moan as he pulled out of you, just to slide right back in, hitting the spot he knew you needed.
“all this and i’ve barely even touched you?” he mocked, taking his fingers out of you and bringing them to his mouth. he looked you in the eyes as he sucked your slickness from his fingers. your lips were parted as you watched, desperately needing his hands on you again.
he then picked you up, his hands hooked under your thighs. you giggled as he carried you to the bedroom, kicking the door closed.
he gently placed you on the bed and reconnected his lips with yours, his tongue swiping yours. you reached to work on his belt, swiftly undoing it and pulling it off while never breaking the kiss. you slid his shorts down, his boxers barely hiding his desperation for you.
you palm him through the fabric, eliciting a groan from him against your lips that you needed to hear more of.
you sunk to your knees in front of him, yanking his boxers down and allowing his painfully hard cock to spring free. you took him in your hand, pumping a few times before your tongue poked through your lips to lick a long stripe from the base of his shaft to the tip.
he gently grabbed your hair, trying to pull you away, but you licked him again, which loosened his grip.
“you don’t have to-“ his eyes rolled back as you finally took him all in your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks as you sucked his cock. your hands were placed on his knees. the moan you heard from him encouraged you to keep going, although his tip was hitting the back of your throat and you were trying hard not to gag. “fuck- baby, you don’t have to do this.”
you pull him from your mouth, a string of spit connecting your lips with his tip.
“i want to.” you say before taking him in your mouth again. he tries to keep his eyes locked with yours, but his head falls back in pleasure, his fingers lacing into your hair.
you only knew how to do this because your boyfriend showed you. you had to keep your eyes closed the whole time so you could pretend it was jj.
his breathing was getting heavier with each rise and fall of his chest as soft moans and strings of curses fell from his lips. he couldn’t help but thrust his hips forward, forcing his cock farther into your mouth. there were tears brimming your eyes as you tried to focus on pleasuring him.
“fuck- m’not gonna last much longer like this.” he said.
you kept going, desperately wanting to bring him over the edge, but he pulled your hair back, taking you off of him.
“gotta stop you, princess.” he grabbed your hands and helped you up from your knees. you sat on the bed, pouting. he stood over you, brushing your hair out of your face and noticing your change of attitude. “didn’t wanna cum like that.”
as much as you wished you could make him cum by sucking him off, you couldn’t complain now that he was giving you attention.
his hands guided themselves to your waist, where he then told you to turn around so you were now on your hands and knees, your ass facing him. he was still standing as he held your hips from the edge of the bed. you felt his tip at your entrance.
“this okay?” he asked.
you give him a yes, and then you feel him slowly enter you. it felt so much different than when he had been on top of you before. there was a slight pain due to how much deeper he could push into you from this angle, but the pain melted into pleasure within seconds.
he pulled out just to drive himself back into you. his pace was slow until you adjusted to the position, and then he steadily began going faster. his fingers dug into the sides of your ass, pulling you into him with every thrust.
as he went harder, you gripped the sheets and stuffed your face into the mattress under you, trying to keep yourself quiet, but you couldn’t stop the moans that escaped your lips.
“fuck-“ jj cursed under his breath, his grip on you getting even harder. “feel so good, can’t get enough of this pussy”
his words brought you closer and his pace increased. you could feel him getting tenser, his thrusts getting sloppier.
“could have you like this every day if i could- shit.”
you were almost over the edge, the knot in your stomach threatening to undo.
“fuck- m’gonna cum princess” he moaned.
his last thrusts were deep and slow and they led you into perfect ecstasy. you came undone around his cock, moaning into the sheets right in time for him to pull out and finish on your back- your name leaving his mouth with curses and moans.
your body was limp when he cleaned your back with a towel, still in a haze from your orgasm.
“you okay?” he asked, running a hand down the middle of your back, feeling the ridges of your spine.
you nodded and sat up, grabbing your bikini from the floor and slipping it back on.
“kie is gonna kill me.” you say, slipping your sandals on your feet. “she’s not gonna believe any excuse i try to give her.”
“i’ll drive you down there.” jj offered. “i mean- are your legs alright to walk all the way to the shore or-“
you threw his shirt at his face and scoffed at him.
you had agreed to let him drive you to the beach while you fixed your hair in the visor mirror, trying to make yourself look presentable. although the whole way there you could only think about the words he said while he fucked you. you had no idea if he meant it or if it was just a thing he said in the moment. and this definitely wasn’t going to help save your thoughts about your boyfriend.
a/n: don’t know if i will write a part 3 to this, but requests are open for any jj or rafe fic!
tag list! (comment or message to be added or removed!)
in which! you have a date coming up and you still haven’t lost your virginity, so you go to your best friend in the hopes he will help you out and save you from embarrassment
warnings! smut. loss of virginity. oral sex (f. receiving) pnv sex. unprotected sex.
part 2
you find jj at the chateau, laying in a hammock on the porch with his shirt off and a joint between his fingers. you could smell the scent of weed before you even made it to the door and jj gave you a smile when he noticed you.
“hey, j.” you greeted, now standing in front of the bench. “you busy?”
“what’s it look like?” he took a long drag from the joint and exhaled. you couldn’t help but grin at his glazed over eyes and his genuine, high smile.
you glanced into the screen door, looking for john b, or anyone else, but couldn’t see well from the smoky haze.
“anyone home?”
he shakes his head no.
“kie and pope are working, think john b’s out with sarah.” he says. “why? you okay?” his eyes soften and you notice his look of concern.
“yeah,” you smile, “everything’s fine, just need to uh- talk to you.” you had no idea how you were gonna go through with this without making it incredibly awkward. you already felt sick to your stomach at the thought of him rejecting you and never seeing you the same way after this.
jj nods and stubs out his joint. he stands up and opens the screen door, motioning for you to enter first.
“after you.”
you smile and step inside, but you soon begin to feel ill at the fact that you were really going to ask him this. you wanted this to happen, but you were terribly nervous.
you lead him to his room and close the door behind you. he sits on the edge of the bed and you follow, sitting crisss cross, facing him.
“you sure everything’s fine?” he asks, obviously questioning the fact that you wanted to speak to him in his room, and that you were silent.
“i told you about that guy i’ve been talking to for a few weeks, yeah?” you start, not wanting to make eye contact with the boy.
“yeah.” he nods.
you try not to pick at the skin of your fingernails.
“okay, well, he asked me out.” you say. “the date’s tomorrow.”
he furrows his eyebrows in question, noticing that you sounded kind of disappointed about something that was supposed to be good.
“well that’s a good thing, right?” he scoffed. “i mean, i cant remember the last time you went on a date.”
“shut up.” you nudge him. “yeah, it’s a good thing… i like him- i think.”
“alright, well, that’s all you wanted to tell me?” he asks. “you don’t need dating advice right? because i can’t help you in that department.”
you fight a smile at his remark and shake your head no.
“okay, here’s the thing.” you sigh before you force out your next words, absolutely dreading his reaction. “i don’t know if he’ll wanna sleep with me eventually, and, well he’s kind of experienced with girls and all that, and i’m kind of…. not.” you cringe at your choice of words, already regretting coming to jj out of embarrassment. you glance at him momentarily and he seems to be studying you, waiting for you to keep talking. “what i mean is, like-“ you sighed. you knew you sounded like a complete idiot, but you didn’t want to back out now.
“you know i’m a virgin, right?” you didn’t even want to look at him after the words came out of your mouth.
he smiled a little.
“i, uh, i figured.” he scratched the back of his head awkwardly and cleared his throat.
“don’t be a dick.” you shove him once again and he chuckles, which allows you to lighten up just slightly. “i’m saying that i don’t know what i’m doing - y’know, with guys and all that. i don’t want to embarrass myself in front of him.”
“so you want… sex advice? from me?” he asks, raising his eyebrows with suspicion.
you nervously bite the inside of your cheek and your face grows hot.
“well, i thought maybe a little more hands on.” you said before you could even stop yourself. you knew you had to just come out and say it or you would’ve backed out and nothing would ever come of this situation. you searched his face for a reaction.
he looked confused, but he didn’t seem whole heartedly against the idea. the silence between you both was becoming awkward and you felt the need to explain yourself, hopefully making the situation sound less like you were coming on to him and more like a friend just asking for help.
“i mean like, because you’re a guy and all, you would know what guys like best, i guess?” you said, as you watched him cross his arms over his chest and lean against the headboard of the bed. “and i was thinking about the fact that i’m going on a date for the first time since freshman year and now there’s a very high chance that i’ll sleep with him in the coming weeks, and it just- i don’t know, the idea of losing my virginity to someone i’ve known for a month didn’t really sound good to me.” you we’re rambling at this point to try and defend your case. “i would rather do it with someone i know, and trust.”
“you want me to take your virginity?” he asked, blatantly. “that’s what you came here for?”
you nod, probably chewing a hole into your cheek now.
“if it’s too weird for you, you don’t have to do it at all, it’s okay.” you said. “you were just the only person i felt like i could ask without it being awkward.”
“no, no,” his expression softens and he shakes his head, pulling his arms from his chest and taking his back off the headboard. “i’ll do it.”
“really?” your eyes light up because you expected this to go far south.
“yeah, no big deal.” he shrugs, even though in his head he knew it was a huge deal. he was going to be your first time and if he screwed it up, there was no telling what would happen between you two. “but, this won’t change anything between us right?” he asked. “like i just don’t want it to be awkward afterwards.”
“i swear.” you said, although you didn’t entirely know if that was the truth. “you’re just helping me out, right?”
“alright.” he responds. “you, uh, you wanna do this now or..?” he clears his throat again, visibly getting nervous, but your fears seemed to be disappearing now that you knew he wasn’t against the idea.
“the sooner, the better.” you said.
jj gets up from the bed and flips the lock on the door on the off chance someone were to come home.
“just a warning though,” you start, “i’ll definitely be really bad at this compared to the other girls you’ve been with.”
“that’s all right, you gotta learn somewhere.” he says, walking back to you and stopping right in front of where you were sitting on the bed. your heart started to race as the reality of what you were about to do started setting in. he sits down next to you and you could smell salt water and weed on his skin. “i’m gonna start with kissing you, is that okay?” you searches your face for confirmation and you nod, giving him the okay. “and you’ll tell me if i’m taking things too fast or if you wanna stop, right?”
you giggle a little at his attention to the matter.
“yes jj.”
you see a very slight smile appear on his lips before he slowly leaned in and connected them with yours. he tasted like weed but in the most perfect way as he skillfully moved his lips in sync with yours. his tongue softly swiped your bottom lip at the same time his hands found their way to the sides of your face and he held you there gently. you took him touching you as a sign to occupy your own hands with his body as you brought your hands around his back, feeling his bare skin.
his kisses started leading down your chin, and further down onto your neck where he connected his lips with your skin. you shivered at the new feeling of someone kissing your neck as he went lower still, reaching your collarbone. he pulled away and tugged at the him of your shirt, asking for more access to your body and he helped you out of the fabric.
“you doin okay?” he asks.
“totally fine.”
he connects his lips to your collar again as he carefully lays you down onto your back. he fights the urge not to leave any hickeys on you, knowing you had a date tomorrow.
you scoot your body up until you’re in the middle of the bed so that he can easily get on top of you. he continues kissing your body, getting lower and lower and with each passing second, you could feel yourself getting hotter and your arousal getting stronger. his mouth reached the waistband of your jean shorts and he looked up your for permission to take them off. you nodded and he unbuttoned them before sliding them down your legs and tossing them somewhere on the floor.
jj kissed the curve of your hipbone and you mindlessly rolled your core up towards his mouth, to which you could feel him smirk against your skin at your neediness.
“i’ll get there princess.” he said against the space under your bellybutton. you practically lost your breath at his words and your cheeks flushed out of embarrassment.
he continued kissing you even lower, placing his lips over clothed core and hooking a finger underneath the hem of your bikini bottoms.
“can i take these off?” he asked.
“please.” you nod, almost sounding too desperate.
he pulls your bottoms down your legs, leaving you exposed to him. the first time anyone had seen you like this, and you were thankful it was jj and not some random boy who didn’t know the first thing about you.
“you still alright?”
“jj,” you giggle. “i’ll tell you if somethings wrong, okay?”
“just being courteous.” he joked.
he brought his hand to your now bare core and used his thumb to swipe a line from your entrance up to your clit, making you whine from just one touch. he spreads your wetness around your clit, his pants growing tighter at the sight of your arousal. as he rubs painfully slow circles, he searches your face for signs of enjoyment, but your eyes were shut tight and your lips were parted, quiet whimpers leaving your mouth.
“just relax, okay?” he said, to which you nod eagerly. you were totally not relaxed at all. in fact you were amped on adrenaline from the way he kissed you.
and then before you could register what was happening, you felt something new touching you. you opened your eyes and looked down at jj’s face in between your thighs, seeing his tongue swirling over your clit. it felt better than any time you had ever touched yourself. his eyes met yours for a second and you wondered why you never asked him to do this any sooner even though you pictured him going down on you many times before
your hands found their way to his blonde locks, your fingers tangling into his hair as you threw your head back on the pillow.
“oh my god, jj” you moaned, to which he picked up the pace a little. he gripped your thighs firmly, holding them apart, occasionally rubbing circles into your skin with his thumbs to relax you.
his lips wrapped around your clit and he sucked, making you jolt your hips up in pleasure at the new sensation. your legs were trembling under his grip and jj didn’t think he could get any harder, but he was, in fact, getting harder by the minute.
“jj,” you moaned his name, “please don’t stop!” you were pulling his hair tighter, trying not to be too loud in case anyone were to come home, but it was impossible to keep your mouth shut with the way he was eating your pussy. “feels so good” you cried.
your hips were rocking back and forth, rolling in the same rhythm as his tongue, practically riding his face. he knew you were close based on the fact that your moans were getting closer together and your legs were shaking harder. he suddenly switched the direction of his tongue, now going side to side and occasionally sucking on your clit, swallowing your juices.
your back was arched off the bed, your hands flying to the sheets for something to hold on to as your high approached in small waves. you moved one hand to cover your mouth, trying to stifle your moans, but jj immediately reached up to your arm and pulled it from your face, not stopping his movements.
“need to hear you cum” he said against your clit before harshly sucking on it.
“fuck” you moaned, his words alone almost leading you over the edge.
he snuck two fingers into your entrance and slowly moved them against the sweet spot inside you. the mixture of his mouth expertly lapping at your clit and his fingers pushing into you had you coming undone.
“fuck- don’t stop- please- don’t st-“ you couldn’t even get the last words out as you felt yourself completely lose control. you didn’t know how loud you were moaning because all of your senses had faltered as the tidal wave of ecstasy crashed over you.
he kept licking until you had fully ridden out your orgasm, and even then, he continued, his grip still tight on your legs as they trembled. you pushed his head away from the overstimulation and then lay limp, your chest rising and falling as you came down, your eyes still closed.
“need a second?” he asked, mockingly, his hands running up your torso and to your still covered breasts. he felt your nipples harden under your bikini top and he desperately wanted to get you out of it.
you wrap your arms around his back and pull him on top of you, connecting your lips with his again. he immediately kisses you back and reaches behind you to undo your top, which quickly comes off and jj’s eyes land on your breasts. he takes them both in his hands and leans over you to suck your nipple, making you shiver.
you occupy your own hands with his belt, fumbling with the clasp until it’s undone and pulling it through the loops.
he pulls himself away from your tits and starts undoing the zipper before his eyes meet yours.
“you sure you’re okay with this?” he asks.
“i wouldn’t be fully naked in front of you right now if i wasn’t.” you joke.
he gets up from the bed to take his shorts off and look around the room, presumably for a condom.
“john b’s gotta have some around here, hold on.” he says, opening up the top drawer of the dresser and rummaging through the pairs of socks and underwear.
“you don’t have to, jay.” you say, but he doesn’t listen, still looking inside the dresser for any small, silver packages. “i’m on birth control.”
he turns around cocks his head at you.
“what?” you question. “makes my periods lighter.” you shrug.
“i’m still pulling out though.” he says before he walks back to the edge of the bed and slides his boxers off, revealing his achingly hard cock. you visibly got nervous at his length, swallowing the saliva in your mouth. jj notices the redness in your face and gets into the bed, pushing hair out of your face with his fingers. “i’ll stop if it’s too much, just tell me.” you nod, anxiously and he positions himself on top of you, stroking his cock a few times before you feel his tip at your entrance. his eyes meet yours for confirmation and you give him a nod.
his cock slowly pushes into you, not even an inch as he doesn’t want to hurt you. you shut your eyes hard, preparing for it to hurt, but you feel barely any pain. he kisses your neck and pushes himself in a little farther.
“this feel okay?” he asks against your skin.
“feels good, j.” your hands find their way to his back again.
once he bottoms out, you feel a slight pressure at your cervix before he slowly starts moving, giving you time to adjust to the feeling.
you hear jj moan in your ear from the painfully slow strokes he was taking, trying to keep himself from going too fast for you. his cock rubbed against your g-spot and you kiss the area in between his collar and neck.
“i’m okay jj.” you reassure him. “faster, please.”
he picks up the pace and continues kissing your neck. your nails dig into the skin of his back.
“you feel so good” he moans. “doin’ so good for me- fuck.” he didn’t even realize what he was saying, but you enjoyed the hell out of it. his praises added to the pleasure of him inside you.
he was going fast enough now that you could hear your skin hitting against each others as your hips connected. every thrust was stroking your sweet spot and you were pretty sure you were leaving scratches on his back, but jj felt too good to even notice.
he leaned back a little so that all his weight was on his knees and his back was straight as he grabbed one of your legs for support and used his other hand to rub your clit at the same time he was fucking you. the double stimulation illicited a loud moan from you that encouraged jj to keep going, almost nearing his end.
his thrusts were getting sloppier and his breathing was heavier but he wanted to make you finish before him. your chest heaved, feeling the new sensation of him filling you up at the same time as his fingers worked on your clit. the pressure was building up and you knew you were close. you suddenly pulled him against you so that your chests were pressed against each others.
“fuck- jj” you moaned. “m’so close.”
his heavy breathing sounded like heaven to you as he started to fuck you even harder, his cock sliding perfectly in and out of you.
“sweetheart” he moaned into your neck. “m’not gonna last much longer.”
almost immediately after he said those words, you felt the band in your stomach snap as you came around his cock, squeezing and pulling him deeper inside you. you cried out his name as he fucked you through your second orgasm.
“fuck, baby-“ he pulled out of you and stroked his cock that was slick with your wetness. you watched his face contort in pleasure, his eyes barely open and his lips parted, his eyebrows furrowed. his cum shot onto your stomach and tits.
he tried not to stare too long at the mess he made of you, realizing almost as soon as he finished that this was a one time thing he may never get you like this again.
he got out of the bed and grabbed a shirt of the floor, which he cleaned you up with and tossed it.
“you okay?” he asked again.
you rolled your eyes.
“how many times are you gonna ask that?” you scoffed. “i liked it, j. don’t know how my date’s gonna top that.” you joked.
then, jj remembered that this was all practice for you to go and have sex with another guy and he suddenly felt sick. he pulled his boxers back on and picked up your articles of clothing from the floor and tossed them to you.
the truth is, you didn’t even want to go on that date anymore. not after the way jj took care of you.
“hey, jj!” a voice, john b’s, ripped through the chateau and both of your eyes widened, looking at each other with panic. “you home?”
you swiftly put your bottoms and shorts back on in under 30 seconds and shrugged yourself into your flimsy shirt while jj was putting his belt back on. you quickly exited john b’s room before he could see where you both came from and you nervously greeted him in the living room to see that sarah and kie were home as well.
“heyy, jb.” jj said, awkwardly.
“what have you two been doing all day?” john b asks.
kiara walked over to the kitchen to grab a beer and when she turned around, she noticed the marks on jj’s back. she paused in her steps.
“jj, what’s with all the scratches on your ba-“ and then she realized. her face contorted in disgust. “ewwww, are you guys fucking serious?”
your face grows hot with embarrassment and you wanted to dig a whole to die in, but john b seems barely faced as he walked past you, saying something near you.
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