chair vs dair (or the illusion of blair waldorf ever wanting a pure and simple love)
ok this was asked for, so here's a very, very long post featuring my opinions about what should be a decade old ship war. spoiler warning: if you're a dair fan then... this isn't the post for you. sorry. now that's clear then get comfortable and let's goooo ✨️✨️
I'll try and keep this in some kind of order, so to understand a ship first you have to understand each character. what motivates them to hang out with this person? could they develop true feelings for them? is this just the writers running out of ideas? all very good questions. I'll save the chuck vs dan content for another time, because, as the title of this post implies, I wanna talk about blair.
blair waldorf is many things: schemer, elitist, powerful woman. she is also intelligent, capable, and caring (if she likes you). she watches audrey hepburn movies religiously, isn't actually religious, and adores everything parisian. in s1 blair is incredibly concerned with how everyone perceives her (a trait that doesn't really change until later on) in order to keep her status as queen of constance billard. she is continually threatened by serena's natural charm and status, along with the fact that serena can apparently just take whatever she wants without repercussions. she stays in a fairly loveless relationship with nate because that's what she thinks she should do to secure her future. she is only challenged by chuck, and in doing that he's the first one to see the real blair. by contrast in s1, dan says blair is everything he hates about the ues, and spends most of his time being in love with serena. unlike chuck, he doesn't see there's more to blair than how she's perceived at all, nor does he seem to want to.
blair's preoccupation with status continues throughout the show. in s3 she turns to dan for advice on fitting in with her lower class nyu peers, purely so she can rule over them like in high school. he removes her headband for... some reason, stating that college students don't wear them. in s4 blair decides that she can't be with chuck again until she becomes a powerful woman in her own right. so she gets an internship at w magazine, conveniently along with dan. dan outright says to her that she probably bought the internship. this is the period during which dan later claims he fell in love with her, but he still can't see the real blair and perceives her however he wants to.
her obsession with status comes to a head in s5 when she marries louis, an actual prince (well he wouldn't really have any claim to the throne but that's for another post). she marries him because she again believes that's how to secure her future, and because she made a pact with god to let chuck live during which she promised to marry louis, which makes as much sense as it sounds. all of blair's previous desires of becoming powerful in her own right simply vanish. she tells chuck in s4 that she can't be seen as simply chuck bass' girlfriend, but apparently she can now be seen simply as prince louis' wife mrs grimaldi. or, even more horrifyingly later on, as simply dan humphrey's girlfriend. blair loses all of her motivation and sense of direction and self in s5. her status obsession backfires, and now instead of her being in control she is suddenly at the mercy of everyone else, being told what and who is right for her, and just reacts to everything around her with no idea who she is anymore. her character is completely regressed into nothing resembling the blair we've spent 4 seasons watching.
s5 also gives us dan's book. I know, I know, I said I was focusing on blair, but this is important. dan's book is presented as a satire of everyone he knows, but it's really an excuse for him to destroy everyone in his life under the thin guise of literature. he claims that he and blair had sex, which is weird given that he and blair had only tentatively been friends for about 8 months at the point it's published, and it's unclear exactly when he included that scene. given that dan was dating, and obsessed with, serena for a long time the idea of him changing huge parts of his book because he and blair hung out a couple of times is just odd. he also specifically merges nate and eric together, making nate's character gay, and kills off chuck partway through. this then means that the two real life men who blair has loved in one way or another are no longer threats to him in this fictional world, and his character is the only one that can have blair. this is disturbing, especially having chuck commit suicide, because they're meant to be dan's friends, but again he claims that as it's a satirical take on everything it's justifiable.
the main issue with his fanfiction of a novel, though, is that it's meant to suddenly explain that this whole time he's seen the real blair and loves her for her (again at what point between him dating serena, hooking up with random girls over the summer, having a relationship with his teacher, dating georgina sparks, dating olivia, dating vanessa, almost getting back with serena, sleeping with vanessa again, and almost sleeping with ivy he found the real, true blair I do not know) but we know that's not true. we know that the only person who ever saw the real blair is chuck because she says it. multiple times. nate wanted her to change. louis wanted her to change. dan fell in love with his own fictional version of blair. he saw her through his perfect pedestal lens and tries to turn her into a little housewife who talks about art and obscure old movies or organises her closet all day while she dutifully waits at home for him. she has no drive, no ambition. she exists to fulfil dan's fantasies of her, just like her book counterpart. when dan tells chuck in 4x18 that blair's always scheming with him but that's not the real her is a lie. blair confirms this in 5x22, when, after spending the previous episode publicly humiliating her boyfriend she declares that she doesn't actually know who she is anymore, she schemes with chuck, serena, and nate and openly tells dan that scheming is classic blair. the traits that he tried to change or rewrite or ignore are what make blair blair. there are many aspects to blair's character, that's true, but the aspects that dan tries to find or bring out aren't the real her at all. she admits to being confused about herself, losing her identity, and instead of helping her dan sees this as her true self, even though it clearly isn't.
now, this brings us neatly onto blair's interests. it's established from 1x02 that, as mentioned earlier, blair loves audrey hepburn movies, and judging by her all about eve dream in 3x06 we can infer she also enjoys other old hollywood movies from a similar time period. in 3x09 blair tells chuck that as a surprise she's arranged for them to go to an exhibit of kandinsky's works, which is the first suggestion she likes art. in 3x13 she waits for chuck dressed in lingerie to roleplay the novel anna karenina (even referring to him as vronsky, anna's love in the novel), in 3x21 she tells serena that she and chuck roleplayed the novel wuthering heights, and in 5x24 eleanor mentions that blair has always loved jane austen, which all display that blair enjoys classic literature (also it's worth noting that anna karenina, wuthering heights, and many austen novels feature dark, brooding male leads, who can all be reminiscent of chuck). she likes cyndi lauper as shown in 2x10, and robyn as shown in 4x07, but doesn't know who ray j is when dan inadvertently quotes him in 5x22, suggesting that her taste in more contemporary music doesn't extend to hip-hop or r&b or rap. interestingly, in 4x18 when dan attempts his I know something personal about blair that I bet you don't gotcha by telling chuck that he knows she cries while watching the movie nights of cabiria, chuck isn't at all surprised by this. rather, he's surprised that dan knows this, which shows that once again he already knows this side of blair, and dan's acting like it's some kind of huge revelation. if dan already knew the real her then this shouldn't be such a surprise to him.
prior to s4 there is no suggestion or implication that blair enjoys more obscure old movies, or documentaries about orangutans, or is, in fact, interested in movies at all beyond audrey hepburn and other glamorous 40s/50s hollywood movies or musicals. her randomly becoming a movie buff at the same time she starts talking to dan in 4x11 and afterwards is purely so they can have something, anything, in common. her liking art is more well established, but not to the extent shown in s5 when she seems content to spend literally half of her time at one museum or another, or talk about artists before going to bed. blair and dan's cringeworthy, awkward, and frankly immature salon/coming out party in 5x20 only solidifies that this side of blair has been plucked from thin air, as she is focused on being seen as intellectual and slightly pretentious, which are dan's traits, yes, but not hers. while blair's love of old classic elitism allows her to love an event like cotillion in s1 where she is presented to ues society, at this point it's unclear who blair's trying to impress in society by hosting a pathetically cliché british themed salon in brooklyn, which seems to be attended purely by the kind of faux intellectuals the actual blair would destroy without a second thought, and who's opinions she would view as irrelevant. I digress, though. it's very interesting to me that they didn't actually attempt to make dan and blair bond over literature, which could've been more natural. instead, blair's love of classic literature goes by the wayside and they just make up a whole new side of her that clashes completely with her actual existing characterisation.
now I do want to talk about chuck here. as mentioned previously, blair likes old hollywood movies and mentions in 4x10 that dorota downloaded lots of mgm musicals for her to watch on the plane to france that she was meant to be on. she says to chuck that they could watch them together, because she knows how much he loves cyd charisse. in case you don't know, cyd charisse was an actress and ballet dancer who was in classic movies like silk stockings and the band wagon with fred astaire, and singin' in the rain and brigadoon with gene kelly (given that in 2x25 chuck says he adores blair's stockings, and almost rips them during sex in 4x07, the fact he loves cyd charisse who was literally in a movie called silk stockings is a fun touch). the main point though is that, much like blair's love of audrey hepburn, chuck also likes old hollywood musicals and movies and actors. in 3x09 when blair wakes up from her all about eve dream, before she even says anything he asks if she dreamt of charade again as he knows how terrifying she finds the actor walter matthau, and when she says she was in all about eve he immediately knows that's not an audrey hepburn movie and asks who eve was in her dream, meaning that he knows blair dreams in audrey hepburn movies and he knows the plot of all about eve, which further shows his own interest in old hollywood movies. as I mentioned before, in 3x09 blair says they can go to the kandinsky exhibit together, implying not only that chuck also enjoys art, but that he and blair have the same taste in it. throughout the show chuck quotes literature, telling dan in 2x14 that rufus visitors orphanages is dickensian and quoting shakespeare's hamlet in 5x02, alongside the fact that he does literary sex roleplay with blair, which all show his interest in classic literature. additionally, in 4x14 when chuck is asking blair's advice on how to make raina fall in love with him she tells him to find a common interest, and that they bonded over their mutual love of scheming and burlesque. see how she uses the word mutual, as in they both enjoy scheming separately to each other? this just furthers the fact that dan doesn't know what he's talking about in 4x18 in regards to blair and scheming.
the whole common interests point is a big reason why dan and blair fans claim they should be together, as there's a lot of emphasis on-screen about how they both like art and movies. the reason why there's so much emphasis on-screen is because the writing team literally invented this common interest in s4 so that dan and blair would have something to talk about. if you have to repeatedly include clunky dialogue where characters express their love for something, rather than it being able to be included naturally into a conversation, then that's bad writing. chuck casually quoting shakespeare or blair mentioning wuthering heights roleplay in passing fits, it makes their interests feel more natural and in character, whereas blair saying she went to a zoo everyday in paris to visit at an orangutan (??) so of course she's going to see a documentary about her (???) and what do you know dan's going too so I guess they must keep bumping into each other and watching movies together (????) feels out of nowhere and random. instead of building their friendship from s1 to s4 they insert it randomly and try to make out that they have all of these common interests that just weren't there before. chuck's own interest in the same things as blair isn't shown as obviously, which can lead to viewers missing it if they don't understand the references. but this is far more natural, and makes them feel like genuine equals, rather than episode after episode of "I like this artist" "so do I! I also enjoy [insert random movie here]" "no way haha what are the odds" "wow *banging pots and pans together* look! at! all! our! shared! interests!! who cares about personality when we both want to talk about *checks notes* damien hirst, that's obviously way more important" "exactly!" chuck and blair have many shared interests, more than dan and blair do, but this gets overlooked because we're not reminded of it every 5 minutes.
this leads me onto blair's own perception of, and comments about, what kind of relationship she wants. one line that dan and blair fans love to bring up (even though it's not at all related to them) is when blair says in 3x18 that she wants a pure and simple love like dorota and vanya. now this is immediately post the hotel incident (which I'm not getting into here) so her judgement and perception may be clouded by her anger. it's also irrelevant, because in 3x22 she willingly goes to chuck to get back together with him, and forgives him completely by the time of s4. but dan and blair fans still claim that she wants this, wants something safe and simple and pure and, well, dull. this isn't true, and it's demonstrated multiple times throughout the show. firstly, in s2 she briefly gets back together with nate for a similar reason: she and chuck aren't together and she wants something less dramatic and just simple. she and nate break up fairly quickly, because the whole time she's still obviously in love with chuck, and doesn't really want to be nate archibald's little girlfriend. she goes with him to prom because, surprise surprise, it's what she thinks she should do. go to her high school prom with her high school boyfriend and have her childhood fairytale. except she breaks up with nate at prom because that's the problem: she's moved on from fairytales and her high school relationship should stay there. she's outgrown it, outgrown him, and is bored with the way their relationship is.
secondly, her relationship with louis is again a childhood fairytale come true at first. they have a meet cute in a gallery, he loves her after one date, comes all the way to new york for her, and they get engaged after about a month or less. everything seems to be perfect and easy and simple. except it's not. blair is still in love with chuck, and they even try to run away together once she's pregnant with louis' baby because that's who she actually wants. but of course she loses the baby, and almost loses chuck. as I said earlier she marries louis because, wait for it, she thinks it's the right thing to do to secure her future, even though dan leaks the video of blair saying 5 minutes before she's going to get married that she'll always love chuck and that she loves him more everyday. she tries to pursue her pure simple love though, despite the fact that in 5x03 she tells chuck that her fairytale's far more complicated than she expected (even though she literally learnt that lesson in high school). both nate and louis represent a perfect fantasy, a nice, easy love that requires no work, no hardships. but neither are right for blair, because that's not what she wants from a relationship at all.
thirdly, we have her relationship with dan. they get together when blair is very much going through a lot mentally. she's trying to break up with louis, who revealed himself as some kind of villain who'll make her stay in their fake marriage until he says it can stop (they get divorced after about 2 months though). she's not in a fit state to be with chuck who, after therapy and working on himself and generally being the only sane person in s5, is finally the man of her dreams. dan tells her that he can't be just friends with her because he wants to date her, and blair goes along with this because she literally has no-one else to talk to apparently, and tells chuck that she'll always love him but she's not in love with him in the way he deserves, before going to dan and saying she told chuck he didn't have her heart anymore, which is a complete lie. such a pure, simple start there. during their two month relationship blair belittles dan constantly (telling him to shower or just use deodorant in 5x20 as that's what people from brooklyn do, picking out his clothes and publicly humiliating him in 5x21, also in both 5x20 and 5x19 she very obviously doesn't want to be seen in public with him and complains throughout the met steps scene, not wanting to spend the summer in rome with him in 5x22), dan doesn't trust her interacting with chuck at all, and blair is completely isolated from her family and friends. but it's pure and simple and perfect because blair and dan watch movies and go to museums and there's no drama like with chuck, so clearly it's superior. much like with nate and louis, a pattern emerges and that is that no matter how pure and simple the relationship seems, blair spends it wanting more, and spends it in love with chuck.
blair's stance on what she wants from a relationship is made clear in 4x22 when she tells chuck that people don't write sonnets about being compatible or novels about shared life goals or stimulating conversations, and that the great loves are the crazy ones. in a deleted scene from s5 serena tells louis outright that blair wants dark, she wants twisted, and she wants chuck bass. in 5x24 blair's diary entry states that her new romance (interestingly she doesn't refer to it as a relationship, rather she specifically makes it sound more casual and unimportant) with dan is fun, but she doesn't know if cultural stimulation is enough, and she doesn't think she'll ever love anyone more than she loves chuck (yes, she literally writes in her own diary that she's still in love with chuck while going around lying to everyone else, but tell me again dan about how the real blair doesn't scheme by herself it's all big bad chuck's fault). blair knows that cultural stimulation isn't enough for her because she says it in 4x22. while some people, both real and fictional, might yearn for an easy relationship, blair waldorf isn't one of them. she wants passion and drama, and says in 5x23 that for her the most important things in a relationship are sex, hygiene, earning potential, and trust, in that order. blair's so-called pure and simple relationships don't last because they don't work. she gets bored, or it turns out that it's not simple at all, or, mainly, because she's in still love with chuck. dan and blair fans cling to this idea that blair wants something pure and simple, when the truth is that she only wants chuck. she wants someone who sees every part of her, the light and dark inside, and loves her regardless. she tells cyrus in 4x21 that chuck's the only one who's ever done that.
there's a lot of focus on blair supposedly being lighter and more carefree with dan, and that chuck makes her succumb to darkness like him (again, claiming all of blair's more negative traits are somehow not down to her because she's a good little princess who's never done anything wrong). in 1x18 blair tells serena that she brings out the best in chuck, and in 5x09 chuck says that blair was the lightest thing that ever came into his life. it's not that he turned her dark or wouldn't let her be light, it's that together they found their balance through working their issues out, and having someone who understands them in every way. they didn't have to hide or change, they could just be themselves and be accepted.
speaking of which, I couldn't make this post without also mentioning the sexual sides of both relationships. blair's sexual and provocative side is regularly misunderstood by other characters. she is treated like a pure flower who has no business doing anything sexy or kinky. in 3x01 serena says that chuck's the one who's made blair play sex games over the summer, and when blair responds that it was her idea serena tells her she's wrong. blair's true nature is shown all the way back in 1x07, when chuck dares her to strip at victrola and she does. she let's her guard down and makes that choice herself. she embraces her sexuality wholly and completely, because it's what she wants to do. I made a whole twitter thread about every canon fact we know about blair and chuck's sex life but to give you an idea: she is shown regularly switching positions to be on top (1x07, 1x08, 1x10, 6x01), she's the one who instigates their roleplay (3x01, 3x13), in 3x09 when she arrives at the empire with a surprise chuck asks why she's still dressed and she responds that was yesterday meaning she often shows up naked or in lingerie. it's implied they engage in spanking (3x03 when blair says she already has her bidding paddle and chuck says they can find another use for it), foodplay (also 3x03 she recommends the hot apple cider caramel to chuck and he asks what to pour it on she replies he should surprise her), and orgasm delay/denial (in 4x09 chuck says that he loves to delay her gratification). blair has sex in public, has evident kinks, is regularly shown as the one who initiates sex, and is very vocal in bed. chuck doesn't make her do any of this. he enables her to explore this side of her without judgement so she can find what she enjoys. he matches her, understands her, and knows what she enjoys. he allows her to be kinky and dominant, but also submissive and gentle. once again he's the only person who doesn't want her to change anything about herself. he loves all of her, sex loving blair included.
some dan and blair fans say that chuck and blair's relationship is purely based on sex and nothing else. that they don't have the same emotional connection that dair do. that's, obviously, not true. while they do have sex very frequently, it's able to deepen their emotional connection and make them stronger as a couple. in 3x14 chuck is able to open up about his mother to blair after they have sex, and blair knows that that's what will make chuck confide in her. she understands that with her, sex is more than just physical pleasure for chuck, and that the act of having sex with her changed him completely. it made him fall in love and open up to her, and she with him, so it's always been more than just physical between them. also, there's nothing wrong with them both enjoying sex or having high sex drives. this isn't something that needs to be fixed or changed, as it's not inherently bad or wrong for chair to enjoy sex. all of their kinks, desires, and needs are shown as being consensual, and as things that they both enjoy. there's no implication that either of them have ever made the other uncomfortable during sex or done something the other hasn't enjoyed. in fact, there's no implication that they've ever had bad sex with each other. even when they were having hate sex they were both visibly satisfied and pleased, which further demonstrates their compatibility in every area.
unfortunately, the same statement can't be said for dan and blair. in 5x18 they attempt to have sex for the first time. blair shows up at dan's door in sexy lingerie, but, what do you know, rufus, lily and serena's dad william are all there having brunch! oopsie! this is just another in the long list of ~wacky hijinks~ that blair details as to why they haven't been able to have sex yet. for a whole month. these include dan not having condoms in his nightstand but in his dresser (blair specifically points out she really doesn't want to relive this?? relive what exactly I can't tell, given that he could've just moved to get them??), rufus and lily interrupting (or possibly just existing in their home? it's unclear if they actually interacted) twice, serena using her and blair's shared bathroom 5 times (in 4x08 serena unexpectedly comes and sits next to blair on her bed while chuck's going down on her. if she can have sex with serena literally next to her I don't see why serena being in the bathroom would be a problem??), the housekeeper filling in for dorota not knocking (the only potential real mood killer, but I feel like blair would know how to lock her door by now), and an unfortunate unzipping incident (dan apparently ruins blair's outfit by designer prabal gurung like some kind of wild man). you'd think that's enough cringe comedy but wait, there's more! when we see them try to have sex in dan's room blair's turned off by dan's cabbage patch doll being out, and then there's a car alarm and traffic noise so their attempt is foiled once again. but don't worry, they finally realise they can go to a tiny hotel room to have sex! when you remember that dan spent hours planning the most romantic first time for him and serena in 1x07 his utter lack of effort for blair is... something. anyway, they have sex for the first time and it's, in their own words, "terrible" "mind-numbingly boring" and "the least sexy thing since courtney stodden". instead of having a mature conversation about it, dan and blair, respectively, go and get drunk while whining to nate about it and get drunk at dorota's while asking her for advice (because apparently blair waldorf now needs her housekeeper to tell her that instead of just laying there you can tell your partner what to do... blair. waldorf)
this brings us to the elevator. blair is so drunk that she's swaying and slurring her words, unable to even know if the elevator's moving. dan, while also drunk, seems remarkably more coherent. they only have sex in the elevator because dan insults blair so much, and this continues on from his conversation with nate. at no point does dan take responsibility for why they had such awful sex, he blames it purely on blair time and time again. when they then have sex in an alleyway it's after blair's been drinking even more, while dan seems suspiciously sober as he holds her up and drags her into that alley. for all it's claimed that they have a mature and healthy relationship, their utter lack of communication about this is laughable. they have to get completely drunk to even tolerate having sex with each other, and never have a conversation about what went wrong the first time. also, I've seen dan insulting blair's ability in bed referred to as banter as they're that kind of couple. insulting your girlfriend to her face isn't banter, because he's spent the entire day doing it with nate. not being able to have a conversation with your partner about your sex life and instead getting drunk isn't healthy, it's immature. the elevator sex scene just further demonstrates that while dan and blair might have some common interests, it doesn't make up for all the ways they're clearly incompatible.
dair fans claim that them having an awful first time is more realistic, and compare them to the oc's seth and summer. although yes, in real life, couples' first times can be bad, I don't think that logic applies to dair, much like the seth/summer comparisons. seth and summer were both virgins in high school before their first time. dan and blair were 21-year-olds who both had extensive sexual experience by their first time. they should both know how to navigate a sexual relationship and be able to communicate clearly about it. if 2 teenagers in the oc can have conversations about what does and doesn't work, then surely it would be more realistic for 2 adults who've had multiple serious sexual relationships to be able to do that as well. additionally, the argument that their lack of sexual compatibility isn't as important is completely untrue. it's been well established that sexual compatibility is important for blair, she literally says it in 5x23. blair's sexuality is crucial to her character, so the idea that she could be truly happy in a relationship without it isn't possible. for other characters, maybe, but not for blair.
this brings me to s6. blair finally goes back to being blair again, but with some needed development. she finally starts to act like an adult, while still approaching things in her own way. her relationship with chuck is secure, to the point that they're basically engaged. when she was even vaguely near chuck in s5 dan couldn't handle it, but by contrast when dan moves in with blair temporarily in s6 chuck isn't worried for a second. dan spends a good chunk of the first half of s6 trying to win blair back. but he can't. he never had her. the language that chuck and dan use in 6x05 when referring to their relationships with blair is so important. dan talks about winning her back, as if she's an object and not in charge of her own choices. whereas chuck says that he always wanted blair to choose him, as in she's in complete control of her own choices, while fearing dan was the better man. blair says there's no-one better for her than chuck. 6x05 is such an important episode for chair vs dair because it really shows what those two relationships mean to blair. chuck is everything, he's the one she can find in any crowded room, the one who she always wants, the one who has her heart. meanwhile dan is akin to a minion (she says tasks are for minions or dan humphrey in 6x03), he's helpful for some things but not all, and she doesn't see him in a romantic light anymore. he could be a friend again, sure, but nothing more. she tells him outright that she would rather be with no-one than with him. it doesn't get much clearer than a line like that.
also, s6 again demonstrates the connection that chuck and blair have. in 6x03 when blair becomes exhausted from overworking and wishes that there was someone who could read her mind to organise her fashion show, chuck appears. not only is he the only one who can organise blair's show exactly the way she wants (blair later saying that he reads her like tea leaves, which is a very sweet simile when you remember that tea leaves can obviously only be read by someone who understands them), but he's also the only one who can make her rest. in 6x08 when chuck is briefly spiralling after thinking he and blair can't be together as he can't fulfil his end of their pact (more on that in a minute) blair gives him space, and says she knows he only goes darker if she pushes him. she knows what he needs because their relationship has grown and developed into a place where they are fully aware of what the other needs, and they're mature about it. their connection allows them to work as individuals and as a couple, because they'll always know what the other needs, and what's best for them. their connection goes beyond just being pure and simple, it's deep and complex and real.
dair fans claim that blair's character is regressed in s6, but it's the opposite. as touched on earlier, all throughout the show blair has struggled with her light and dark side, both accepting them herself and having other people accept them. in 6x06 after dan slanders her in his article and says she hasn't grown up from high school (growth, by the way, that he helped stop by enabling her complete lack of drive and ambition in s5, and by dressing her up like a princess at a children's birthday party on the met steps specifically because she was queen of their high school) she realises that she will never be society's perception of good. that her grace kelly and grace jones sides can coexist and are what make her blair. chuck has always accepted her for who she is, but s6 sees blair finally move on from caring so much about how she's perceived and accept herself.
additionally, the pact that she and chuck make isn't an excuse for them not to be together, as dan claims, but rather a way for them both to know that they're in the right place for their relationship to work as adults. blair's drive and ambition to become a powerful woman is back from s4, but this time she has the means to achieve it. while I've seen it said that blair taking over waldorf designs seems random, I feel it demonstrates the parallels between her and chuck, and also concludes her story arc of having eleanor's respect and attention. chair's relationship is at its strongest in s6 because they both know where their relationship is heading, and they know what they have to do to get there. the pact also negates all of the comments that their relationship is based purely on sex, as a central part of it is that they don't kiss or have sex until they achieve their goals. it shows that they're both fully committed to each other and able to have a healthy relationship, with or without sex. they're able to communicate, set boundaries, and be there for each other. their relationship is finally at a point where they are able to trust each other fully, and know that they won't fall into the same traps that their younger selves did.
my final point is simply about friendship compared to a romantic relationship. during s4 watching dan and blair become reluctant friends was interesting, it was a different dynamic for them to have and the idea that they could form a friendship was fun. but that's all it should've been. in 4x18 blair says that kissing dan made her realise just how much she wanted to be with chuck, so the idea that she kisses him again in 4x19 doesn't make sense (she does describe it as the biggest regret of her life, though, which is hilarious). she also explains to serena that she and she and dan have a real connection as they can debate about artists which they apparently can't do with her, but as we know that isn't enough to form a romantic relationship for blair. the connection they have is great for a friendship, but to twist it into being romantic just doesn't work. although she and chuck were friends prior to their romantic relationship, their connection is different. it's deeper. it goes beyond art and cinema, and includes their personalities, their aspirations, and every part of them, including their dark sides. there's so much emphasis on dan and blair liking art and movies, but a lot of what they seem to do is debate or argue about it, instead of enjoying it together. while blair does enjoy being challenged, I doubt that arguments about painters could sustain a long-term relationship for her, as it's not the kind of drama or spark that she wants. just because she and dan had a connection as friends doesn't mean they needed to pursue a romantic relationship.
in the end, for me the chair vs dair argument comes down to one thing: blair doesn't, and never did, love dan. he was her friend during a tumultuous period in her life, but that's all. they didn't have any romantic chemistry, and they were both aware of this. it was very clearly only a plot device, a stepping stone to get from one storyline to the next, and to give blair something to do until she was able to get back with chuck. the idea that they should've ended up together, or be having an affair in the current timeline (when they're both married to other people, living on opposite sides of the world, with children), is absurd. it was made explicitly clear in s6 that dair would never happen again because blair will never be in that place again, and neither will dan. besides, blair doesn't love dan so if you claim to be a fan of hers why would you want to end up with someone she doesn't love? blair doesn't want a pure and simple love, she just purely and simply wants chuck. if dan and blair can move on from their brief relationship in the show, then it's time to move on from it in real life. that's the healthy thing to do, at least.
in 2x22 blair tells serena that it's not a real relationship unless you can hold hands. while she's dating dan, aside from him dragging her up the met steps, they don't hold hands. not once. not when they go out to eat, not at the party for him being shortlisted for an award, not at their coming out party. blair only ever holds his hand to placate him in 5x24, when she's telling him they can put the fact that she doesn't love him behind them (I seriously want to know how she would've suggested they do that). by stark contrast, in s3 we see chuck and blair regularly hold hands while they're dating. they do it as they walk down the street, as they sit in a restaurant, as they do pretty much most things. the fact is that blair doesn't really treat dan like her boyfriend, because that's not what he should be to her. not every friendship needs to become romantic, especially not dan and blair's.
