Bring Back The Word “Squick”

daybringersol-deactivated202605

So there's a thing where a bunch of countries have national variants of the rainbow pride flag, right?

Like, they'll combine their nation's flag (or some national symbol) with the rainbow stripes. The Brazilian one haunts me to this day but that's a long story. They're usually done in a quite lazy manner, cause it's not really something you can do super well and not many people try.

But I have just found one that is lazier than the rest! Are you ready to see it?

and made it worse for my personal enjoyment :)

transhumanisticpanspermia

Thank you for your service

absolutely nobody will ever be able to defeat maryland on this. it will always win the competition. it does not matter whether the competition is for the worst or the best localized pride flag. it wins both.

sharkapologists

Shoutout to St. Louis as well, it made me do a double take the first time I saw it

oh that's a nice one!

the colors are a tad weird, but it works well otherwise

kvothe-kingkiller

yall wish you had oregon's flag

yay more state pride flags! I need to go through and import all of these into VGAPride

sopjies

looked up my states flag and

uh oh

its so busy

Busy, but your state definitely remembers the B in LGBT

xteamxeno

Here's Chicago's (at least the one the field museum is selling, I can't find an official one)

That's a pretty good one, I'm not gonna lie.

aro-simp

Guys get ready for Germany

Ugh I'm gonna have to implement that one into VGAPride and the triangles are gonna make it a PAIN

sexyincarnate

Quebec pride flag

#pride flags #happy pride 🌈#happy pride #scheduled pride posts

I'm surprised it's not frencher somehow, but it's decent. And it'll be a pain to put into VGAPride, of course.

sherlocking-out-loud

I haven't seen this circulating here on Tumblr, so I decided to make my own post.

last saturday, in Porto, there was a pride parade going down the street and this old man was standing there, by his front door, waving the portuguese flag. most people on the parade probably thought the same: old person waving the national flag? he's probably protesting against the parade, he's a nationalist of some sort.

then the old man called for that person to come near him. the whole parade stopped. everyone just.. stopped moving. they didn't know what to expect, and most expected the worst. and that person decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and approached the old man. and then... they traded flags, he hugged the person and then he waved the pride flag happily. everyone cheered him.

such a wholesome moment. 🥹❤️🌈

#happy pride #scheduled pride posts #pride month

fuckyeahbiguys

We’ve waited a year to reblog this. Happy Bread Anniversary!

Because it’s important to celebrate the little victories in life.

elveny

Breadiversary!! :D

#bread #baking #make a loaf tomorrow folks #breadiversary

footsteps-on-the-dance-floor

april fools day is actually the most sensible day of the year because it's the only day on which people will read something on the internet and stop for a second to consider whether or not it's actually true

babytarttdoodoo

fanficfanattic

Bless you for sharing news of this holiday with all of us! 🙏🏼

But what are our thoughts on

February 13: Jamie Day

February 14: Valentine’s Day

February 14: Roy Kent’s birthday

I'm trying to figure out a good way to say "you really should actually learn the basics of small talk" with sounding like I'm biased against autistic people.

So here's the thing:

I see a lot of neurodivergent people talk about small talk as this baffling and meaningless waste of time that neurotypicals do for some unknown reason, and as an autistic person in an industry that is extremely based on building relationships and engaging with others, I've actually found a few really key important pieces to small talk.

1. Small talk can make interactions feel less mercenary or transactional. Having even brief exchanges about something beyond the reason that you're interacting can make it feel less like the only goal of the interaction. Especially for relationships that are not fully transactional (e.g., coworkers), this can help build a relationship with them.

2. Small talk can be a way to find commonalities and help bridge cultural or power divides. Recently I was on a call with a couple of Indian colleagues, and while we were waiting for everyone else to join I asked them where they lived in India. They didn't expect that I had heard of it, but I knew it because my dad had traveled there for work every couple months for a year or so, so we could chat about it briefly. Even for a couple of minutes, we were able to connect on this unexpected commonality. If I hadn't had that connection, I would have been able to learn about somewhere, helping narrow the privilege gap of them being expected to know more about where I live than I am about where they live.

3. Small talk can show knowledge about a person, which both builds connections and indicates that you see their life as important enough to remember about. The stereotypical "How's the wife?/How are the kids?" shows that you know the person has a wife/kids and have enough interest in their life to even ask.

4. Small talk can ease tension and reduce pressure from others, especially in a professional setting if more junior members are expected to speak. Especially for junior staff members, it can be difficult to be the first person to talk and break the silence, so engaging in small talk beforehand allows for a lower-pressure transition from silence to whatever the presentation is about.

5. Small talk provides a low-risk way to identify commonalities. While conversations about religion, politics, etc. may lead to tension or discomfort, even if they bring out commonalities, small talk is specifically structured to minimize tension while still providing the opportunity to learn more about each other. A conversation about the weather can reveal that you both like hiking when it's nice out; a conversation about the weekend can reveal that you both have family in the same state.

Small talk in many cases is signaling, a way to indicate certain things to people. It's a more indirect version of it than many autistic people like, but it is one.

But, you cry, I don't know how to do small talk!

Small talk actually has some pretty clear guidelines, even if they are often unspoken.

You are generally always safe starting with a question.

Weather, traffic/travel, and non-political events are generally a safe bet, because those are commonalities even if you are in different locations. "It was so nice out here this weekend. What's the weather like near you?" "I got stuck in that big traffic mess on my way here. Did you get caught in that?"

If you have some knowledge about that person, use that to inform further questions. I knew my coworkers lived in India, so I asked where in India. If I had just known that they didn't live in the same country as me, I could have asked where they lived.

Let them offer information about their family before you ask about it. Family can be complicated, and if you wait for them to offer that will indicate what sort of information they are comfortable sharing. You can then mirror their language (e.g., if they mention a wife then you can ask how their wife is doing, if they mention a partner then you can ask how the partner is doing). If "how are they doing" feels too personal, language like "what are they up to these days?" can be a bit more neutral and feel less invasive. If you're really not sure, feel free to avoid questions about family altogether.

When asking about where someone is from, don't ask "where are you from originally?" unless you know for a fact that they are not from where you are. Instead, you can ask things like, "Did you grow up around here?" which is a more neutral phrasing. This is especially common for the area where I live where a huge percentage of people are transplants (including me) and so people who actually grew up in the area are a bit of a rarity.

Politics, religion, and money are generally not good starting points for small talk

Weather, traffic/commutes, non-political events, and weekends/time off are generally safe bets

So here’s the thing. Small talk 99% of the time comes in 3 varieties:

1. NT person trying to trick me into asking questions so they can talk about something, e.g., they want to talk about what they did this weekend so they ask me about my weekend. In figuring out an appropriate response to “what did you do this weekend?” (pro tip: honest replies such as “nothing” or “recovered from spending last week dealing with you fuckers” are not accepted) I have now exhausted my social energy and will not remember to hit my cue and ask them about THEIR weekend, thus violating The Neurotypical Code™️. Why can’t they just drop by my office and say “OMG I HAD A CRAZY WEEKEND!” and tell me about it? Because apparently The Neurotypical Code™️ decrees that’s rude.

2. NT folks expecting me to lie. (This often overlaps with #1, because finding a response that NTs like often requires, at the very least, lies of omission.) In case you fell off the turnip truck yesterday, I will explicitly state that many NDs do not (or even cannot) lie. Personally, even though I know The Neurotypical Code™️ demands I say something about their baby/dog/house/event/whatever being the best/most interesting ever, I cannot make it come out of my mouth. I understand The Neurotypical Code™️ labels this a Skill Issue and does not address the apparent contradiction between “small talk means we’re friends!” and “lying is good, actually.”

3. Small Talk accidentally encounters a good topic, so I have lost 2h of my day without noticing and will have to make that work up instead of going home on time.

So yeah I DO think it is reasonable to expect NTs to either meet me in the middle or fuck off.

prismatic-bell

Your problem is not being ND.

It's the fact that your contempt and hostility bleeds through every word here. You hate people. Okay. Fine. But don't pretend it's NTs trying to "trick" you by trying to connect with you.

And incidentally? The fact you think you're expected to lie says a lot more about you than it does about the people talking to you. I have, in fact, routinely said "nothing much" or "caught up on sleep" or "I vegged, last week was an absolute bear" to my coworkers more than once. You know the most common response I get?

"Oh, man. Me too."

Nobody expects you to think their son's new dog is the most important thing of all time. They would, however, like you to acknowledge you are a human being speaking to a human being. "Oh wow, he's so cute/look at those ears/what a good boy!/part pittie? Hey, make sure he gets chipped. It's the quickest way to get an escape artist back in the house. I'm gonna go ahead and get going, but it was great to see your pictures!" It's important to them, and here's the fun cheat code: when you actually take an interest, even a passing one, your coworkers will return the favor. I know barely anything about my coworkers because I work in a pretty solitary environment, but I do say hi and bring them baked goods sometimes, and they're always stopping by my station to ask what I'm crocheting while my machine's running. I show them a photo or concept sketch, tell them if it's for a friend/family member or on commission, and thank them when they say it looks great.

This is a part of community building. "Meet me halfway" means you have to reach halfway too.

#autism #rz.txt #adhd #audhd #the neurotypical code™️#neurotypical code #long post #it’s been pointed out that I can’t possibly have a roster of who is ND and who is NT in the office #and that’s correct #I’m generalizing and probably making assumptions in some cases #but early in my adjacent job #the former boss told me ‘I only hire people on the spectrum you’ll fit right in’#was it an hr violation? probably #nobody cared he had tenure

I don’t hate people. I mean, I have specific people that I hate. I think everyone does. But I have a “work husband” and “work friends” and whatever. I’m not sure what you’re imagining about my life, but my contempt and hostility is for The Neurotypical Code™️, not the concept of interpersonal connection.

I’m sorry, you can gussy it up, but I can’t parse it as anything but NTs tricking me into asking what they want me to ask. “Nothing” as a response to “what did you do [time period]?” gets “aww, surely you did SOMETHING fun?” because The Neurotypical Code™️ has mysterious rules about balancing how much each person talks, so I have to give a “good” answer or they can’t talk about the half-marathon they ran and the funny thing that happened at dinner afterward.

I have had work-friends tell me “so-and-so-you-don’t-know-well is upset you didn’t ask about X after she asked you,” like we’re in kindergarten. I have had my old BOSS tell me to remember to reciprocate small talk questions. (I am not front-facing; small talk is not part of my job description I was failing at.) And I do try, but again, threading that needle of not lying but not telling the truth is WORK. I don’t always have anything left to remember my cues with. People largely don’t accept that.

NTs in my new office (where, as my prev tags stated, old hiring practices have left about half the seats filled with NDs) tend to spread out their visits more, and they come right in and start the conversation with what they want to talk about. They have learned that cornering somebody is not the way to have an enjoyable conversation. And I don’t always get them or care about their specific drama or even remember who they ARE, but doing the call-and-response where the onus is not on me to come up with a “correct” answer is ORDERS OF MAGNITUDE less stressful. And they get the validation or attention or encouragement or connection they wanted! Everybody wins! (Except when it turns into #3 above, losing 2h to chatting.)

But most people stick with that “I have to ask you first before I talk about myself or it’s rude” Neurotypical Code™️ bullshit. I assume you will object to me characterizing that as them not caring whether I’m comfortable. But again, I don’t know how else to parse that. I don’t read social cues well, obviously, but if someone stammered and um-er-ahhed and never seemed to have a good answer when I asked about their weekend, I feel like even I would grok that I shouldn’t ask about their weekend? Eventually?

And yes, I’ve learned to lie without lying. I can dodge “OMG isn’t she the cutest baby you’ve ever seen?” with “she has your nose” or “I love that outfit” or whatever true thing I can find, because no, that is not the cutest baby, but my wife trained that social hack into me. I don’t like it, because it still feels like lying, but I do it. I don’t understand why people would phrase things that way if they didn’t want you to lie and agree. I was always told “don’t ask a question you don’t want an answer to.”

(P.S., it’s often uncomfortable when they “return the favor,” because I cannot always read the cues of when I am supposed to stop talking, either, and they are bound by The Neurotypical Code™️ not to make it more clear, because that would be “rude.” I read an article when I was 8 or 9 that said conversation had two parts: talking about yourself and waiting to talk about yourself. That sounded horrible to me, so I vowed to talk about myself as little as possible, until people got mad about that, too. Still haven’t found the sweet spot.)

But also… I don’t understand why I can’t just love people because they do their job and that means I can do mine. That’s way more important to me as a trust exercise – and when you know you can trust people, you have REAL conversations instead of “small talk.”

I'm trying to figure out a good way to say "you really should actually learn the basics of small talk" with sounding like I'm biased against autistic people.

So here's the thing:

I see a lot of neurodivergent people talk about small talk as this baffling and meaningless waste of time that neurotypicals do for some unknown reason, and as an autistic person in an industry that is extremely based on building relationships and engaging with others, I've actually found a few really key important pieces to small talk.

1. Small talk can make interactions feel less mercenary or transactional. Having even brief exchanges about something beyond the reason that you're interacting can make it feel less like the only goal of the interaction. Especially for relationships that are not fully transactional (e.g., coworkers), this can help build a relationship with them.

2. Small talk can be a way to find commonalities and help bridge cultural or power divides. Recently I was on a call with a couple of Indian colleagues, and while we were waiting for everyone else to join I asked them where they lived in India. They didn't expect that I had heard of it, but I knew it because my dad had traveled there for work every couple months for a year or so, so we could chat about it briefly. Even for a couple of minutes, we were able to connect on this unexpected commonality. If I hadn't had that connection, I would have been able to learn about somewhere, helping narrow the privilege gap of them being expected to know more about where I live than I am about where they live.

3. Small talk can show knowledge about a person, which both builds connections and indicates that you see their life as important enough to remember about. The stereotypical "How's the wife?/How are the kids?" shows that you know the person has a wife/kids and have enough interest in their life to even ask.

4. Small talk can ease tension and reduce pressure from others, especially in a professional setting if more junior members are expected to speak. Especially for junior staff members, it can be difficult to be the first person to talk and break the silence, so engaging in small talk beforehand allows for a lower-pressure transition from silence to whatever the presentation is about.

5. Small talk provides a low-risk way to identify commonalities. While conversations about religion, politics, etc. may lead to tension or discomfort, even if they bring out commonalities, small talk is specifically structured to minimize tension while still providing the opportunity to learn more about each other. A conversation about the weather can reveal that you both like hiking when it's nice out; a conversation about the weekend can reveal that you both have family in the same state.

Small talk in many cases is signaling, a way to indicate certain things to people. It's a more indirect version of it than many autistic people like, but it is one.

But, you cry, I don't know how to do small talk!

Small talk actually has some pretty clear guidelines, even if they are often unspoken.

You are generally always safe starting with a question.

Weather, traffic/travel, and non-political events are generally a safe bet, because those are commonalities even if you are in different locations. "It was so nice out here this weekend. What's the weather like near you?" "I got stuck in that big traffic mess on my way here. Did you get caught in that?"

If you have some knowledge about that person, use that to inform further questions. I knew my coworkers lived in India, so I asked where in India. If I had just known that they didn't live in the same country as me, I could have asked where they lived.

Let them offer information about their family before you ask about it. Family can be complicated, and if you wait for them to offer that will indicate what sort of information they are comfortable sharing. You can then mirror their language (e.g., if they mention a wife then you can ask how their wife is doing, if they mention a partner then you can ask how the partner is doing). If "how are they doing" feels too personal, language like "what are they up to these days?" can be a bit more neutral and feel less invasive. If you're really not sure, feel free to avoid questions about family altogether.

When asking about where someone is from, don't ask "where are you from originally?" unless you know for a fact that they are not from where you are. Instead, you can ask things like, "Did you grow up around here?" which is a more neutral phrasing. This is especially common for the area where I live where a huge percentage of people are transplants (including me) and so people who actually grew up in the area are a bit of a rarity.

Politics, religion, and money are generally not good starting points for small talk

Weather, traffic/commutes, non-political events, and weekends/time off are generally safe bets

#autism #rz.txt #adhd #audhd #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #my personal blessing is that my new office used to be run by a guy who specifically hired people on the spectrum #so all the normies have had to suck it up and learn better #but most NDs don’t have that luxury #neurotypical code #the neurotypical code™️#the number of people who think i am imagining this is astonishing #do you seriously not have people who spend half the day moving from office to office to gossip?#do you not have a kitchen/breakroom where they lie in wait?

So here’s the thing. Small talk 99% of the time comes in 3 varieties:

1. NT person trying to trick me into asking questions so they can talk about something, e.g., they want to talk about what they did this weekend so they ask me about my weekend. In figuring out an appropriate response to “what did you do this weekend?” (pro tip: honest replies such as “nothing” or “recovered from spending last week dealing with you fuckers” are not accepted) I have now exhausted my social energy and will not remember to hit my cue and ask them about THEIR weekend, thus violating The Neurotypical Code™️. Why can’t they just drop by my office and say “OMG I HAD A CRAZY WEEKEND!” and tell me about it? Because apparently The Neurotypical Code™️ decrees that’s rude.

2. NT folks expecting me to lie. (This often overlaps with #1, because finding a response that NTs like often requires, at the very least, lies of omission.) In case you fell off the turnip truck yesterday, I will explicitly state that many NDs do not (or even cannot) lie. Personally, even though I know The Neurotypical Code™️ demands I say something about their baby/dog/house/event/whatever being the best/most interesting ever, I cannot make it come out of my mouth. I understand The Neurotypical Code™️ labels this a Skill Issue and does not address the apparent contradiction between “small talk means we’re friends!” and “lying is good, actually.”

3. Small Talk accidentally encounters a good topic, so I have lost 2h of my day without noticing and will have to make that work up instead of going home on time.

So yeah I DO think it is reasonable to expect NTs to either meet me in the middle or fuck off.

Game idea: you've got a series of spells you can use, which you cast by typing them.

But enemy bosses can attack your keyboard. Your "E" key is disabled. FIREBALL is out. ICE9? Also out. Guess they're getting hit with SUMMON FROG.

The bosses can also drop traps on your keys. So if N is trapped, you can cast SUMMON FROG, but the N-trap will go off and you'll take damage.

An advanced late game spell is THESAURUS, which lets you reanalyze a spell. Can't do SUMMON NIGHT WOLF because your N key is broken? THESAURUS it and now it's CREATE DARK DOG.

Another enemy attack would be putting a counter on your keys. So if they put a 1 on your R, you can cast "FIREBALL" but "CIRCLE OF TERROR" is right out.

The two can be combined: a trapped counter only goes off if you type more than the counter. So a trapped 2 on your S means "HEAL SELF" is fine but "TRANSFORM SELF TO SERPENT" will activate the trap and you'll take damage.

One late game boss attacks you by cutting your keyboard in half, and which half works alternates between turns. You gotta figure out which spells you can use that turn.

You could do some fun gimmick-fights. Like a boss sweeps your keyboard off the table and makes you play scrabble instead: you have to spell spells to cast them.

Or wheel of fortune, where you have to get enough money to be able to buy vowels before you can cast spells with vowels in them. The puzzle on the board is a spell the boss is going to cast against you, so it's also a fight against time. If you correctly guess too many letters, they'll solve and you'll get hit with the spell.

I think the way it works is that you fight some mooks and then a boss, and each boss has a new spell they can cast against you.

But you can cast any spell you've seen used against you, so like you start with merely FIREBALL but the first boss hits you with HIGH JUMP, and now you can use that ability out of battle, cause it's a metroidvania of course, and now new areas are accessible.

But bosses can use "forbidden" spells against you, and they do it by typing words you can't.

Like the viking boss hits you with a OÄNDLIG FJÄRIL and you don't have that letter.

(later you can upgrade your keyboard to get access to some forbidden letters, but at great cost: you must sacrifice a letter to gain it, and you don't get to pick which letter the keyboard surgeon will take)

#ted lasso #roy kent #headcanon accepted

Obviously I'd want to title it Mavis Beacon Teaches Witchcraft but, you know, laws.

#I died

fangirl-k8ee-ladyknight

Can we talk about how Roy was 100% the person who came up with and choreographed the good bye dance for Beard and Ted in the final episode?

And the reason they lose their shit so hard when the coaches praise them for it is because they all got up and practiced the choreography at four am for a week to keep Ted and Beard in the dark about it and they’re all exhausted 😴

flagellant

cultural christians are some of my least favorite fucking people. "putting aside religion temporarily (or forever haha wink wink)" just say you don't know what Taoism or the Bear Dance is and shut up

flagellant

you are not against organized religion you are against Americanized evangelical Christianity. you are not against organized religion you just think all religion is bad because you had a bad experience with Christianity. join the club. it's 2024 everyone has religious trauma but it's time to own up to the fact that your opinions about religion are racist as fuck and you should read the fucking vedas about it or something because this is soooo tiring