Just your humble local barista/aquarist, she/her. Ask me about sharks (and rays) :D Blog is whatever I feel like, from memes to fandom to politics/social justice. Profile pic is from the Drawfee ep "Scooby-Doo Drawing Challenge" on Youtube. I block blank blogs on sight, pls add literally anything if you're a real person.
Is there Anything Better in cat wrangling than meeting The Cat Who Will Not Be Pet, putting in copious work for several hours to Achieve Pets, meeting the cat again several MONTHS later for only the second time, and immediately being allowed to pet again?
unreasonably amused by the idea of passenger princess ilya on vacation with shane
obviously shane hired a travel agent to create The Optimum Vacation, but he also studied and approved everything and also has custody of all important documents just because it makes HIM feel better and in control
meanwhile ilya?? straight elevator music. where are they going? unclear. when's the flight? not his concern. how long are they staying? who's to say. where's his passport? his husband has both of theirs.
his job is look pretty and "he asked for no mayonnaise" and that is IT
Sorry to hijack your post OP, but I couldn't help be inspired by @ufckinpussygohomegohomeur45yrold tags about their travel mishaps while I was sitting in my doctor's waiting room.
Nicole is working international passport control today. She likes it. Contrary to some of her colleagues, sheās not bothered by some of the peopleās broken English or French, she enjoys the challenge. Besides, Nicole is a bit of a language nut, and sheās learning Spanish, Korean and Swedish on the evil owl app. Just the basics, of course, but enough to light up peopleās faces when theyāre greeted in their native language.
Currently sheās getting a lot of people from the 594 from Thailand and the 475 from Windhoek. There are also a few European flights but those are from Spain and Greece so itās mostly returning Canadian tourists.
She finishes with a Thai student coming back from visiting his family and looks up to her next customer.
She manages to get out a professional ānextā even though the man approaching her booth is wildly attractive. Like could be a movie star attractive. Heās tall and even through the black hoodie heās wearing against the airportās overly chilled air she can tell heās broad-shouldered and built. Heās got a wild mop of honey-colored curls, messy from a long flight but still attractive, and just gorgeous features.
āHello, sir,ā she greets him and if sheās a little bit friendlier than usual, well. Nicole is only human and she might be married but sheās not blind.
He looks up from where heās been fiddling around with his phone.
āOh, hi.ā Thereās a slight accent to his voice that sounds eastern European.
His hand goes to his pocket and Nicole is always a little annoyed at people who donāt have their passport readyābecause people know they have to show their passport, so why not be prepared instead of holding up the line?āwhen she watches his eyes go wide and mutter a curse under his breath. He keeps patting down his pockets and now Nicole really gets annoyed because how does anyone lose their passport between going through security at their starting destination and getting to their final destination?
āSo, this is very embarrassing,ā he says with a slightly embarrassed smile thatās still charming, āand I am very sorry, but I think my husband has my passport.ā
Nicole looks behind him but thereās no husband, just two young women standing next in line.
The guy makes a face. āAh no, he is Canadian citizen, so he probably already is through customs.ā
Well, things were really going too smoothly. Nicole tries hard not to roll her eyes because the man in front of her looks honestly chagrined.
āOkay,ā Nicole says, going into problem solving mode. āIf you can call him to come to the passport control exit, we can arrange for someone to bring your passport. I canāt let you through without it.ā
He nods quickly. āOf course. I will call him.ā
He puts his phone to his ear and even from where Nicole is sitting she can hear the automated voice announce that the person he is trying to call is not available.
āBlyat,ā the guy says again. He adds a āfuckā for good measure. āOkay, maybe you can call for him on the announcement thingy?ā The guy says. āHis name is Shane.ā He cringes a bit. āHollander.ā
Nicole stares at him.
Nicole isnāt really into hockey, but she is still Canadian and Shane Hollander is something like Canadian hockey Jesus. He brought the Cup back to Canada, to Montreal specifically, after a sixteen year drought, three, no four different times now, and his admittedly very pretty face is on every billboard. It was a whole thing when he left Montreal a year ago, after he famously got outed and then got married to his husband, Russian rival hockey player Roza-something.
Who must be the guy standing in front of her now.
Nicole canāt stop staring. Her friend Shannon got Ryan Gosling twice already, which is just unfair. Nicoleās never had someone actually famous come through her booth. Certainly not someone whose husband all of her cousins venerate like a saint.
āI know, I know,ā Russian hockey player Roza-something says quickly, āSounds insane but look.ā
He does something on his phone, then holds it up to her. The Google search bar reads Shane Hollander husband and there are pictures of Shane Hollander with the guy currently standing in front of Nicole. Google informs her that his name is Ilya Rozanov.
āOkay, Mr. Rozanov,ā Nicole starts, aiming for professional as if itās completely normal to deal with a passport mix-up for the most famous couple in hockey, and doesnāt get further, because behind her thereās a really loud, āHoly shit Ilya Rozanov!ā
Contrary to Nicoleās lukewarm interest in hockey, her colleague Dave is an absolute hockey fan. He has a Montreal Metros mug at his station.
Rozanov looks up. āYes,ā he says pleased. āThatās me.ā
And then Dave is there, ignoring all regulations, as he squeezes into Nicoleās booth and says, āThis is so unprofessional, but could I get a selfie?ā
āOf course,ā Rozanov says magnanimously, and then Dave leaves the station and actually walks up to Rozanov for a bro-hug selfie.
Nicole doesnāt have the heart to scold him, because Dave has been gloomy after his girlfriend broke up with him and this is the first time sheās seen him really smile in two weeks.
Daveās very exuberant excitement and his anti-regulation behavior attracts everyone elseās attention, and then two guys from security come over and of course they also want a picture.
Nicole worries about the other people in the queue being annoyed at Rozanov holding up the line, but in a blatant violation of the no pictures rule at customs, everyone has their phones out and is taking pictures. She wonders if everyone just knows Rozanov or if theyāre just taking pictures because heās obviously famous. Or handsome, going by how the two young women are giggling.
āOkay, Dave, how about you sort Mr. Rozanovās passport situation and I keep going here?ā Nicole says after theyāve taken several pictures and Rozanov has recorded a message for Daveās beer league.
āOh, yeah yeah,ā Dave says and waves Rozanov off to the side. Heās beaming like Christmas just came early.
Theyāre not entirely out of earshot, so while Nicole processes the two young women from Spain who are doing an exchange semester at McGill, she hears bits and pieces of the conversation between Rozanov and Dave.
At first itās about the passport situation and tracking down Shane Hollander, then it changes to hockey.
āMan, his OT goal in game three against Colorado was sick! And you know, we were all kinda mad when he left the Metros at first, but like, we get it now, and we still love him, the front office really screwed him over.ā
āYes, Shane is second best hockey player, and yes, Metros management has shit for brains.ā
Then the conversation turns to their vacation.
āThis was on hike. I want to be lazy on vacation, but no, Shane says hiking is Canadian so if I want to become Canadian I need to hike on vacation.ā
āThatās true,ā Dave says earnestly.
āIt is ridiculous. But view was nice.ā
Nicole looks over once and apparently Rozanov is showing pictures. The group has so grown with two more security people having joined them.
āThe food was so good, though I donāt think hotel calculates what two hockey players can eat from buffet.ā
āYeah, but itās the off-season.ā
āShane still needs to work out, remember? Also was second honeymoonā¦ā
The groupās laughter rings loudly through the arrivals hall.
Nicole quickly deals with a business woman who travels regularly from Thailand and has the process down to an incredibly efficient science.
Ilya Rozanov is now complaining, very lovingly, about his husbandās caution.
āSo much sunscreen, Shane is obsessed!ā
āYeah, itās because of the moles, right?ā
Nicole looks up just in time to see Rozanovās betrayed expression. āNot you too!ā
āSkin cancer prevention is important!ā Dave says.
āYou Canadians and your prevention. The team doctor checks me out all the time.ā
āYeah, but is he a dermatologist?ā Susan from security chimes in and Rozanov mutters something incomprehensible.
Nicole welcomes two Norwegian exchange students to the country, then gets caught up in a family of five from the Windhoek flight. The children are absolutely adorable even though they do slow down the process a bit.
When she looks over the next time, there are even more people around Rozanov who are cooing at something on his phone.
āSheās adorable,ā Paul from security says while Dave says, āfuck, I want a dog.ā
āAnya is the cutest,ā Rozanov says, sounding like a proud parent. Huh. Nicole thought she wouldāve heard if Hollander had a kid, but maybe she missed it.
āWhat do you do with her when youāre on the road though?ā Susan asks.
āShort trips she goes to hotel,ā Rozanov says and Nicole clicks the wrong button, because what? āYou know, nice dog hotel. But long trips, Shaneās parents take her.ā
A dog. Well, that makes more sense. Nicole manages to input the information correctly now and hands the passports back to the Windhoek flight family.
āThey would take her all the time but they still work and Yuna is always busy,ā Rozanov continues.
āOh my god, I canāt imagine having Yuna Hollander as my mother in law. Isnāt that super intimidating?ā Dave sounds intimidated just saying Yuna Hollanderās name.
āWas at first,ā Rozanov says, ābut she is the best.ā
āI wish my son-in-law said that about me,ā the elderly lady who just walked up to Nicoleās station says, clearly having listened to the conversation.
Nicole laughs and takes her passport.
It takes two more people before thereās a commotion and a group of three airport employees, two security guys, and a woman from admin come running down the lane behind the stations.
āRozanov. Whereās Rozanov?ā
Everyone points to Rozanov and his own security guard posse and once again everyone waiting in line gets their phones out.
Nicole focuses on processing the elderly lady from Thailand, here to visit her daughter and her son-in-law who apparently does not speak as fondly of her as hockey super star Ilya Rozanov speaks of his mother-in-law.
And her husband thinks her work is so boring. Heās going to sing a different tune after today. Maybe she should ask Rozanov for a selfie before he leaves.
She gets the chance when Ilya Rozanov gets back into her line.
āStill need to go through right?ā His smile is very disarming.
āAbsolutely,ā Nicole says and takes his passport. āAnd next timeā¦ā
Rozanov laughs. āI keep telling Shane, during the season, I cross the border so many times, but he does not trust me on vacation. Now the tables have turned, yes?ā Rozanov winks at her.
Nicole feels a little faint. Itās the only reason why sheād possibly forget her professional training and says, āIndeed. Would you mind taking a picture? My husband, heās a big hockey fan.ā
āOf course!ā Then Rozanovās eyes narrow. āMontreal?ā
āVancouver,ā Nicole says. āItās where heās from. But I know he thinks your husband is the best player in the league.ā
Rozanov shakes his head. āIs very wrong, Shane is second best player. Letās do a video, we need to correct his mistake.ā
And thatās how Nicole ends up with a twenty second video where sheās squished into the frame with Ilya Rozanov, who smells much better than anyone has the right to after a transatlantic flight, where Rozanov tells her husband that Shane Hollander, Canadian hockey Jesus, is in fact only the second best player in the league because he, Ilya Rozanov, is of course the best.
āBut you were smart enough to marry wonderful wife, so youāre not entirely hopeless,ā is how Rozanov ends the video, and Nicole thinks sheās never met such a charming asshole in her entire life.
(thinking about maybe writing Shane's side of it and putting it on ao3, but I really don't know enough about first class travel lol)
Everywhere I go I'm reminded how much the desire to punish homelessness and migration and other Undesirablenesses make society markedly worse for everyone
like why is the park locked after 5pm so I can't go and sit under a tree after work? to punish rough sleepers for the terrible crime of being homeless and alive
why do I have to buy a drink, beg for a code and fuck around with an awkward keypad for 5 minutes in order to take a piss? because fuck homeless people
why do I need to provide proof of address and photo ID to do everything? because we had to create a really hostile environment for migrants
why can't you sit anywhere? well because god forbid people sleep when they're pushed out of shelter. can't risk that.
every day governments, councils and businesses make your life worse as a side effect of making vulnerable people's lives WAY worse. if you're ok with that you're a fucking idiot and if you're in favour of it you're a vindictive cunt cause again literally the ONLY payoff for your life getting worse is other people's lives getting worser.
So my dad was the assistant music editor on Tarzan, and idk if it was Bring Your Kid to Work Day or something but one day he did just that so there I was, this incredibly small 1st grader, in an absolutely cavernous recording studio with a full orchestra and a giant screen playing the scene they were taping the score for, and my little brain couldn't handle the big music and the big movie happening all at once so I started crying and it was the first time music ever brought me to tears and it was too much to take in so we stepped out of the studio and ran directly into Phil Collins, who looked to me very much like my dad, and in my delicate emotional state I became immediately convinced that my dad had been copied and nobody had told me so I started crying harder, and Phil Collins said something that was probably meant to be calming but it was with a British accent so I thought there was a copy of my dad in every country and I absolutely lost it at the notion that other kids would get to have my dad, and my dad ended up having to carry me back to the car.
So.
Sorry for crying very loudly at you Phil Collins, your work on Tarzan was so moving it triggered my first emotional breakdown.
Pride Flag but for people who think Pride should be a respectable SFW event free of sexual debauchery and provocative clothing. Differs from the Gilbert Baker Design in that its colors are sampled from this image of Reverand Lovejoy's Wife screaming "Won't someone please think of the children"
Apparently my stepdad and I are fucking psychically linked because ?? every single time he makes chili for dinner I get a migraine. Without fail. And it became like a ha ha running joke because it happened so many times but now Iām living 3 hours away from my parents and I just texted my mom and
one Leverage detail that i think is overlooked is that Hardison canonically attends the Oscars every year since he was 15. and in the flashback, heās clearly in the very front row when heās applauding as Halle Berry wins Best Actress (which wouldāve been 2002, when she became the first Black woman to win the Academy Award for Best Actress). it even seems like he actually talked to Halle Berry since he says "I told you this was your night" while applauding. so basically heās had a front row seat at the Oscars since age 15 and mingled with stars and evidently has never been caught, and itās only briefly mentioned once as a throwaway joke. heās that good and heās been that good since he was literally a teenager. his side quests are legendary. and now i desperately need to see him bring some of the team to the Oscars as his plus-ones.
a rather unfortunate hobby of mine is recreating undertale/deltarune songs so that i can replace the melody with megalovania. i dont know why i do this
[ID: A bunch of Undertale tracks with their instruments set to play Megalovania (Once Upon a Time, mus_st_him, Death by Glamour, Your Best Friend, Temmie Village, Start Menu, and Power of "NEO") with tags reading "#I think this might be illegal actually op #go to undertale jail" and a pic of OP's avatar in Papyrus' shed, and a comment by @cherub-investigation0802 reading "Okay now Im curious of what the inverse is like" with Megalovania set to play Fallen Down. /End ID]
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