softie

I honestly reblog or post anything I like so yeah, it's a mess.

[konoko]

[randomness-fullfilled]

I have watched 400+ dramas/series since 2013. I was 13. It became an escape for me from reality. The year my life took turn for the worst. Since then nothing has gotten better and it only has gotten worse.

All these years somehow I expected life to somehow work out at the end. I haven’t really had a dream, no ambition, I didn’t know what to do with my life. I just believed If I work hard, I’ll get a job. If I truly love someone, they’ll never leave. If I love someone, I’ll convince my parents anyhow because they will understand all my life I did everything just for them. I live just for them.

But honestly, it doesn’t work out and nothing is truly in your hands. You can do nothing if your hands are tied. Maybe I didn’t have a dream because I knew it will only shatter and hurt me back.

Now, I finally got a dream. Nothing too fancy. Get a good job, marry the person I love, take care of my parents and just live a good little peaceful life.

But realizing how different your reality is, it hurts.

I am scared of my future, I am scared of waking up tomorrow because I don’t know what tragedies will strike me again.

I have nothing to look forward to and that really scares me.

[randomness-fullfilled]

When will this tunnel end?

[randomness-fullfilled]

So…

You ended up leaving too?

[vexheart]

[randomness-fullfilled]

One thing I know is to never do too much of anything.

Never try too much.

Never beg too much.

Never cry too much.

Never love too much.

[randomness-fullfilled]

I just exist.

I don’t really feel like I am important anywhere or to anyone.

Though I tried to become someone worthy of importance, it just never happened.

I was always the kid who was chosen the last.

If I didn’t go to a party, no one noticed.

If my work had to let go of employees, I know I’d be the first one to go.

No one ever came and greeted me first.

I was always the one confessing my love first, always pouring in all my efforts and never really being a priority or worthy of time.

I tried my best to be important somewhere but I guess I was always supposed to be a side character who is never noticed.

No one called out my name because they needed me.

Maybe that’s why I am an only child because if I had any siblings I know I wouldn’t be the favorite one.

So I just exist.

[randomness-fullfilled]

Will I ever find someone who will return the same love and energy that I pour into them?

[3m0g1rlyyy]

am i just the problem? am i a bad person?

[randomness-fullfilled]

Having parents who emotionally understand you is a blessing.

Mine disregard my feelings and emotions as if they don’t exist.

[randomness-fullfilled]

Anyone can fall in love, but not everyone succeeds in it.

[randomness-fullfilled]

In shadows deep, where silence lies,

I wish that death would close my eyes.

An end to burdens I cannot bear,

The whispers cold, the vacant stare.

A family freed from shame I bring,

No more the reason gossip sings.

The one I love would feel no pain,

From all the heartache, from this strain.

For in that rest, my mind would cease,

These racing thoughts might find their peace.

And maybe then, the hurt would end,

No more to break, no more to bend.

[randomness-fullfilled]

Future seems a bit colorful now that you are in it.

[randomness-fullfilled]

I finally got a job! I really hope this works out for me…

[randomness-fullfilled]

You know what really breaks your heart?

It’s when you stop calling first, texting first, making plans because you want to give them a chance to do the same.

But you know they won’t and you know very well that this is where you two will drift apart.

[randomness-fullfilled]

It’s so weird how people you talked to most of the time just suddenly end up becoming too busy for you?

[randomness-fullfilled]

I got way too indulged in my delusion, I know that you just take me as your friend but here I was selfishly enjoying every moment I got to spend with you, checking my mobile to see if you have texted, making plans with you, getting excited even if I get a glimpse of you because you made me forget about life even if it was for a while.

And now that you seem to have gotten bored of me and no longer wanting to give me your time, I am realizing that I have become a fool again and that maybe it was just all in my mind, maybe I was making myself believe that you might feel the same way for me.

And I knew this was going to happen, then why was I so stupid for letting this happen again? Why was I so stupid for putting my walls down for you that I built for years? Why am I letting someone in when I know for sure they will hurt me? Why am I being so dumb and naive?