🦩🌸

all heartbroken I'm here again! heal me lord

[whimsylilou]

[snakes-of-the-undercity]

Not to be repetitive but genuinely sex positivity and sexual liberation only work if everyone realizes that sex isn’t that much of a fucking deal. It is not the be all end all of anything. It isn’t the crux of every coming of age story or the pinnacle of every relationship. It’s literally just a thing some folks do.

Obviously some folks will put significance on their own, personal experiences, or consider it to be like the highest form of intimacy/romance/etc, but also some folks think cooking together is the height of intimacy/romance/connection, some people put that insane amount of significance onto Hollidays or wacky traditions.

Nobody should be pressured to have/not have sex, nobody should be expected to put significant meaning on sex, the only sex folks should be worried about is their own (if they choose to have it) and if someone’s in a legitimate dangerous situation.

TLDR: sex can personally be a big deal for someone, but collectively everyone needs to stop giving a fuck because folks deciding to smoosh booties or deciding not to do that really is not that big a deal and literally doesn’t affect the general population in any meaningful way.

[anistarrose]

instead of "aromantics can still date," take a moment to consider phrases like:

aromantics can do whatever they want forever

aromantics have as much choice in whether to date or not date someone as alloromantic people do

aromantics can have whatever relationship with romance confuses you the most personally

and likewise, instead of "asexuals can still have sex," take a moment to consider phrases like:

asexuals can do whatever they want forever

asexuals have as much choice in whether to have sex or not have sex with someone as allosexual people do

asexuals can have whatever relationship with sex confuses you the most personally

Edit of the variety that I always have to add to posts like these, apparently: This is a post about real-life aromantics and real-life asexuals, not fictional characters. "Aromantics can still date" and "asexuals can still have sex" are things that real aromantics and asexuals get told all the time, regardless of whether we've expressed a desire not to have these things. If your first thought seeing this post was "ah, this must be about shipping a-spec characters," then please reread it again with the knowledge that it's actually about a topic that directly impacts real a-specs in real life. The way fandoms treat a-spec characters does matter, but not more than society's treatment of real a-spec people, and certainly not to the extent that so many people should assume that every post about a-spec issues is actually about shipping!

[aro-ace-culture-is]

this lip balm from trader joes

Amazing

[niiiiiiiijitan]

where. what area. I need this. NOWWW *exhales*

I NEED IT NOWWWWWWWWW-

[hairscare]

the way fandoms are desperate to make all aroace characters romance and sex favorable but then dont do anything remotely similar to any other identity is astounding. hmm i wonder why

PLEASE dont derail this about shipping characters of other identities please let this one post be about an aroace struggle

[crowdrinkingcoffee]

ayyyyyy, shoutout to bunnings stocking a colour called “ace of spades” for giving me this idea

[objectophiliac]

romance isn’t as well-defined (or even consensual) as people make it out to be. you can very much be coerced or forced into a romantic relationship, or even be in a romantic relationship without your knowledge.

unconsensual romance is also used as a tool of correction by many. aromantics are often forced into romantic relationships in an attempt to “fix” them, lesbians are often forced into romantic relationships with men in an attempt to “fix” them, trans people are often forced into romantic relationships in an attempt to “fix” them (usually by trying to make them “return” to cisheterosexuality).

not to mention how men will force women (especially trans women) into romantic relationships simply because they feel entitled to them, and white people will do the exact same thing with racialised people.

i have met so many people who were coerced, manipulated, forced, or threatened into a romantic relationship, yet nobody batted an eye because, if you’re in a romantic relationship, it must be Mutual And Consensual. romance is uniquely good and beneficial to everyone, right? How Can Good Thing™️ Be Bad?

i don’t even think those can be called romantic relationships due to them being unconsensual (akin to how ‘unconsensual sex’ is an oxymoron, that’s called rape), but there’s no word to describe that yet, and they’re unfortunately considered genuine romantic relationships nonetheless.

we need to start making room for discussions about romantic violence (is that a term? well, it is now!).

although most people recognize that violence can occur within romantic relationships, many fail to recognize that romance can BE the violence itself.

[kinokobug]

wait i knew this happened to me but didn’t use this term and always placed the error on myself by saying “i accidentally dated a guy once,” which yes is funnier in a way, but also not an accurate representation of what happened

i’m not aro but i do have a hard time differentiating romantic and platonic love at times, so when i thought i was ace (but apparently just a lesbian) it was even more confusing and i wound up misinterpreting someone’s attraction for platonic interest until all of a sudden he officially asked me out and i felt like i had no good reason to say no (other than “you’re ugly” but that would be mean)

but yeah fuck that guy he tried to do conversion therapy on me

[sweetvinegar]

[possessable]

sex repulsed peopl remember this always

alternatively,

[raqualswonderfunblog]

[spades2diamonds0fficial]

This is sad. Can Tumblr PLEASE GIVE THEM THEIR FLAG COLORS!!!!???

[prideknights]

@staff

[imbeinggaslighted-probably]

@tumblr @staff

[asexualeros]

many people would be happier and feel less broken if we de-centered romantic relationships but idk if queer people are ready for this discussion. simply because if you are traumatized and soft conversion therapy’d out of expressing romantic desire, the idea that romance is not important is traumatic. and then there’s the pervasive family of origin trauma. if your partner fulfills the ache of unconditional love that you never felt growing up, you understandably will want to prioritize that relationship. plus there’s the pervasive sexual shame.

which means that people who are aro and ace kind of have to navigate a soup of other people’s trauma that we trigger by existing, and definitely trigger by taking up space and CERTAINLY trigger by offering observations like this one.

[lunazepotato]

People said that Tumblr isn't a great place to post original art that isn't fanart, but I'm doing it anyway because I haven't got the motivation to draw anything else

Happy pride month lads! 🧡💛🤍💙

from an aroace potato :)

[respectissexy]

There are two basic arguments for shutting the fuck up about cishets at Pride.

First: What if a trans kid asks their parents to show their support by attending Pride with them? What if a lesbian can only attend pride if she gets a ride from someone and the only person willing and able to drive her is her straight brother? What if a bi disabled person can't attend a large outdoor event without hands-on assistance from their straight partner? What if someone just wants to bring their fucking friends? What if, contrary to popular tumblr discourse, most queers don't inhabit perfectly pure social bubbles populated only by other queers? What if it's none of your business?

Second and perhaps more important: If you think you can tell that someone is CIS, let alone HET, by LOOKING at them, you are a cop and an idiot.

[isuggestrespecttranspeople]

Kill the cop in your brain!

[drizzles-in-paradise]

Also, cishet asexual, aromantic, and intersex people belong at pride and should be allowed to be there without being profiled and harassed!

[bloggingboutburgers]

Day 3 of ace week and day I-don't-know-how-many of me trying to best articulate the issues I have with how asexual and aromantic characters are treated in fandom, forever hoping to get the point across

[transtwelvetruther]

Hey so no idea if this is a universal experience but can we please get rid of the idea that HRT will "cure" asexuality, especially for folks on T?

Like, my therapist asked me about my sexual history and I told her I've never had a sex drive/I'm asexual and she told me to start masturbating to prepare for a higher sex drive. When I tell my trans friends I'm asexual, they tell me "just wait until you start T". So many trans folks seem convinced asexuality is just dysphoria talking.

Yes, for some people it might be dysphoria. Yes, some people might "discover" their sex drive on HRT. Sexuality can be fluid, and that's okay.

But asexual trans folks exist babes. Asexuality is not something that's "cured" by testosterone, or transitioning in general.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[redbeardace]

Today's forecast: A strong aroace front will sweep across the country from coast to coast.

[niiiiiiiijitan]

this what one of my grandparents get for implying that me (and my siblings) will all be married someday 😈😈😈😈