If you tell neurodivergent people they need to "get comfortable with being uncomfortable" I am putting gravel in your shoes. No you can't take the gravel out. You have to deal with it. Dealing with it makes you a better person. What do you mean "pointless suffering".
Except, at some point in your life, you are going to get gravel in your shoes. And maybe you'll have to deal with it for a while until you can stop and take your shoe off and rub your foot. And if you can recognize this as a natural consequence of wanting to go on a hike and that not every trail can or should be perfectly smooth and gravel-free or have a bench exactly where you happen to need it, then there will be more trails open to you and you will hike farther on them.
Because you'll learn to kick the rock into the side of your shoe so you're not stepping right on it. Or wear different shoes that will keep rocks out better, or let you remove them more easily. Or sit down on a log or a stump or a (bigger) rock to take your shoe off sooner instead of waiting for a bench.
Ok I think I've tortured the metaphor enough. The point is, building distress tolerance is not about pointless suffering or building "character." It's about recognizing that your own life and relationships will be measurably improved by learning to - sometimes, within reason - adapt to your surroundings rather than demanding that they adapt to you. You are always capable of taking responsibility for yourself. Nobody can take that away from you. Build that strength. Own yourself.
Signed, your ADHD Auntie Jem
