Wait wait wait what if robert bought himself a ryan gosling body pillow though. Flambae would be LIVID
Flambae stood at the foot of the bed with his hands planted firmly on his hips, glaring at the object Robert was clutching protectively against his chest.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
The object in question was a smiling, shirtless Ryan Gosling nearly six feet tall.
Unfortunately, for Robert, it was not the actual Ryan Gosling.
The late afternoon sun streamed through the bedroom windows, casting a glorious, almost angelic golden light across Ryan Thomas Gosling's perfectly sculpted abs in Robert's arms.
That sight alone made Flambae want to burn the entire place to the ground.
"Get rid of it," he practically hissed.
Robert sat comfortably against the headboard, both arms wrapped around the pillow as if he were protecting a priceless treasure. His shoulders shook with barely contained laughter.
"No," he shook his head for emphasis.
The grin on Robert's face only widened. "He's staying."
Flambae stared at him in disbelief.
The room fell silent for several seconds.
Then Flambae pointed furiously at the pillow.
Robert immediately tightened his grip.
"You wouldn't," Robert said dramatically.
"I absolutely would," Flambae assured him, narrowing his eyes at the thing.
"You can't destroy Ryan."
Robert looked down at the pillow.
Then, deliberately, he slid a hand across Ryan's printed abs.
"You can have him too... if you want, " he could barely get the words out through his laughter.
Flambae made a sound suspiciously close to a growl.
Tiny orange sparks flickered around his fingertips.
Robert's eyes widened, still thoroughly entertained.
"I amm giving you five seconds."
The mattress dipped under Robert’s weight, and he instinctively curled around the pillow, pressing it tighter against his chest.
For a moment, he looked completely incapable of forming words as his flames sputtered out.
Then he pointed at Ryan Gosling's printed face.
"Our bed," Robert corrected.
"Exactly. Ours. Mine and yours. Only."
"Our bed that you refuse to get into."
Robert burst into laughter again, eyes squeezed shut as he doubled over.
Flambae hated that sound.
Not because it was unpleasant.
The problem was that Robert's laugh made it incredibly difficult to stay angry, which was deeply unfair and endlessly irritating.
Flambae crossed his arms.
"I'm not sleeping next to that thing."
He grimaced, shooting a dirty look at Pillow Ryan's dark blue eyes.
Robert carefully adjusted the pillow, as though shielding it from Flambae's laser-focused line of sight.
"Then I guess Ryan and I get the bed all to ourselves."
The temperature in the room immediately rose several degrees.
Robert's smile faltered for the first time.
Flambae's eyes glowed faintly orange.
Small flames crackled back to life around his hands.
Robert quickly shoved the pillow behind him like a human shield.
Robert tried — and failed — to suppress another laugh.
Flambae narrowed his eyes.
Robert raised both hands in solemn surrender.
The flames did not disappear.
He launched himself onto the bed in a single swift motion, reaching for the pillow behind Robert.
Robert scrambled sideways across the mattress, dragging Ryan along with him.
"YOU ARE NOT SETTING RYAN ON FIRE."
The chase that followed was perhaps the dumbest argument either of them had ever had.
Robert managed to slide off the bed, but the moment Flambae caught his ankle, he went down.
Thankfully, Ryan Gosling's incredibly soft printed abs cushioned the impact.
Robert rolled onto his back, sprawled across the floor and laughing so hard tears gathered in the corners of his eyes.
Flambae sat on top of him to keep him from escaping.
The pillow was finally confiscated.
Flambae shot it a murderous glare before hurling it out through the open bedroom door, hoping Beef would eventually destroy it with his tiny, vicious teeth.
Robert didn't even bother checking where it landed.
Flambae pinned both of Robert's wrists to the floor and leaned down until he was hovering over his boyfriend's face.
Robert laughed softly, gradually catching his breath.
"You're the one buying celebrity body pillows."
Robert sighed dramatically, feigning disappointment.
Flambae rolled his eyes so hard it looked painful.
He released Robert's wrists and hauled him effortlessly to his feet.
Robert adjusted his shirt and muttered. "You know, Ryan didn't deserve that."
The mischievous smile was already back.
"I would've done a lot worse if you hadn't stopped me."
He walked to the bedroom door and pulled it shut behind him.
Out in the hallway, the Ryan Gosling body pillow lay abandoned on the floor, only moments away from becoming a needy chihuahua's new favorite bed.
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