Guys I promise I'm not a bot, pls don't ban me 🙏🙏🙏
Not today Justin
Mike Driver
tumblr dot com
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Game of Thrones Daily
ojovivo
trying on a metaphor

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JVL
Cosimo Galluzzi

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TVSTRANGERTHINGS
styofa doing anything

shark vs the universe

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One Nice Bug Per Day

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

Janaina Medeiros
sheepfilms

titsay

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@nutsobalanced
Guys I promise I'm not a bot, pls don't ban me 🙏🙏🙏
Robert finds a certain appeal in normality. Probably because it’s always been the hardest thing for him to be.
He can handle iron mantles.
But give him a boyfriend who rubs warm fingers into his back during flare ups, tests the latest recipes on him every day, insists on spoiling his dog with bubble baths and handmade bathrobes, and he doesn’t know how to pilot that.
Except maybe just take pictures of Flambae in the morning.
When his smile lines relax and his hair inks every inch of the pillow.
When he has Beef snuggled under his chin, and his eyes screwed shut, unhappy with sunlight breaching the blinds of his apartment. Their apartment.
“Bob-Bob, don’t take my picture. My hair isn’t done.”
Robert loves his voice in the morning. The way it’s soft and smoked out and crackling with good rest. He squeezes Beef to his chest and half heartedly tries swatting Robert’s phone.
“Yeah, cause you woke up 5 minutes ago. Also, you’re using Beef as a pillow. I AM taking a picture. Let me look at you.”
He likes those pictures the best.
When Flambae finds out about them, confusion knits his brows together
It’s just him.
Singing while getting ready in the bathroom, making shaving cream beards on Beef.
Snoring on Robert’s patchy sofa with drool slipping from his mouth.
Him with the team, mid cackle, mouth smeared with burrito sauce.
Or him in the morning, with his hair an absolute mess and free and getting his smiling face lapped at by that sentient baked potato.
“Why do you only have bad pictures of me?”
He’s playful about it, when he asks Robert. Whiny. Because it kinda scares him. Because he remembers how comfortable he felt in those moments.
And Robert will shrug. And he’ll do what he’s good at. Tell it like it is.
“I don’t know. I like it when you look like you.”
Robert can’t outrightly say ‘I think you’re beautiful and my hands don’t know how to hold beautiful things.’
And Flambae can’t say ‘I think you’re the only person I ever want to look at me’.
But Flambae can make food. And Robert can take pictures. And they’ll know.
This image of selkie Chad confronting Robert but in his seal form has invaded my mind.
Robert opens the door to a giant seal that knocks his door wide open and forces his way in. Robert can recognize it’s Chad. But he can’t even express his shock before said seal just flops onto him.
Chad is so fucking proud of himself. Who needs a dumb human language or human legs to get what he wants? Not Chad that’s who. He’s so smart, he realizes he doesn’t need to say anything to Robert to get the human to understand he’s not allowed out of his sight. And his coat can’t be stolen if he never takes it off.
Said man is wheezing under his impressive form, but who wouldn’t? Chad will get off him in a minute, maybe. So he won’t die.
Chad has decided on a new routine for them and Robert isn’t getting a say in it. It consists of Chad staying with Robert as a seal and Robert isn’t allowed to leave. Robert won’t have any time for others, with his newly returned co-dependent seal. With separation anxiety so bad Chad starts roaring if Robert is out of sight for more than a minute.
Their schedule is mostly hanging out in or around Robert’s cabin, Chad dragging Robert out to the beach so Chad can go swim and be a seal, and Robert bargaining with a nonverbal Chad to let him leave to for something he needs to get done. Chad doesn’t understand what more Robert could need, he hunts plenty of fish for the both of them.
Robert doesn’t want to risk people hurting Chad if they discover him, so he stops inviting people over. Chase still comes over, Chad and Chase fucking hate each other. Chad will just growl and bark while Chase cusses him out. But Robert made it clear he won’t forgive either of them if they hurt the other so it doesn’t go further.
Robert also no longer has a bed frame, Chad broke it when he tried getting on it. Chad thinks it’s much better this way, it saves him the trouble of dragging Robert to the nest he made of stolen blankets for cuddles.
I love this so much. Obsessed with seal!Chad
btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here
only two books I've made so far.
awww the like button turns into a rainbow when you press it! that's so cute...hey staff what's with all the trans women you keep nuking?
i think we should be ridiculing them more for this. you don't get to try and go all "queer website" when your staff likes to go on nuking sprees targeting the trans fem users
would be remiss not to mention that the rainbow notably straight up just removed the trans flag colors from it. like they’re gone. it’s the progress flag minus the trans flag colors.
that’s not the whole flag, now is it
hey staff what the fuck
hey staff don't you think you're being too on-the-nose
HEY STAFF DONT YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING TOO ON-THE-NOSE
grace, who has been alone for five minutes: oh my god. an alien! im not alone anymore! i hope he wants to be friends :)
rocky, coming up on 50 years of solitude, imprinting on grace in ways baby ducklings can only dream of: if you leave me to sleep where i can't watch your heart beat i am blowing up this tunnel with us both in it
free fic idea up for grabs. godspeed
more sillies
Thanks to my friend, Grace and Simon now write love letters to each other in my version
okay so yk that one art trend with the one girl in the cracked anime mask? i thought LOL wouldnt it be funny if grian 🤤🤤🤤 and then i started adding more lines and whaddya know. it was 1 am
Wait wait wait what if robert bought himself a ryan gosling body pillow though. Flambae would be LIVID
Flambae stood at the foot of the bed with his hands planted firmly on his hips, glaring at the object Robert was clutching protectively against his chest.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
The object in question was a smiling, shirtless Ryan Gosling nearly six feet tall.
Unfortunately, for Robert, it was not the actual Ryan Gosling.
Just a body pillow.
The late afternoon sun streamed through the bedroom windows, casting a glorious, almost angelic golden light across Ryan Thomas Gosling's perfectly sculpted abs in Robert's arms.
That sight alone made Flambae want to burn the entire place to the ground.
"Get rid of it," he practically hissed.
Robert sat comfortably against the headboard, both arms wrapped around the pillow as if he were protecting a priceless treasure. His shoulders shook with barely contained laughter.
"No," he shook his head for emphasis.
"Robert."
"No."
"Robert."
The grin on Robert's face only widened. "He's staying."
Flambae stared at him in disbelief.
The room fell silent for several seconds.
Then Flambae pointed furiously at the pillow.
"I will burn it."
Robert immediately tightened his grip.
"You wouldn't," Robert said dramatically.
"I absolutely would," Flambae assured him, narrowing his eyes at the thing.
"You can't destroy Ryan."
"You doubt me?"
Robert looked down at the pillow.
Then back at Flambae.
Then, deliberately, he slid a hand across Ryan's printed abs.
"You can have him too... if you want, " he could barely get the words out through his laughter.
Flambae made a sound suspiciously close to a growl.
Tiny orange sparks flickered around his fingertips.
Robert's eyes widened, still thoroughly entertained.
"Hey."
The sparks intensified.
"Hey."
A small flame appeared.
"Babe."
"I amm giving you five seconds."
The mattress dipped under Robert’s weight, and he instinctively curled around the pillow, pressing it tighter against his chest.
"You're just jealous."
Flambae's jaw dropped.
For a moment, he looked completely incapable of forming words as his flames sputtered out.
Then he pointed at Ryan Gosling's printed face.
"HE IS IN MY BED."
"Our bed," Robert corrected.
"Exactly. Ours. Mine and yours. Only."
"Our bed that you refuse to get into."
"Because he's there!"
Robert burst into laughter again, eyes squeezed shut as he doubled over.
Flambae hated that sound.
Not because it was unpleasant.
Quite the opposite.
The problem was that Robert's laugh made it incredibly difficult to stay angry, which was deeply unfair and endlessly irritating.
Flambae crossed his arms.
"I'm serious."
"So am I."
"I'm not sleeping next to that thing."
He grimaced, shooting a dirty look at Pillow Ryan's dark blue eyes.
Robert carefully adjusted the pillow, as though shielding it from Flambae's laser-focused line of sight.
"Then I guess Ryan and I get the bed all to ourselves."
The temperature in the room immediately rose several degrees.
Robert's smile faltered for the first time.
"Oh."
Flambae's eyes glowed faintly orange.
"Oh no."
Small flames crackled back to life around his hands.
"Take that back."
Robert quickly shoved the pillow behind him like a human shield.
"I was joking."
"Take."
"Joking."
"That."
"Joking!"
"Back."
Robert tried — and failed — to suppress another laugh.
"Fine."
Flambae narrowed his eyes.
Robert raised both hands in solemn surrender.
"Just don't burn him."
The flames did not disappear.
"Bae—"
Flambae lunged.
He launched himself onto the bed in a single swift motion, reaching for the pillow behind Robert.
Robert scrambled sideways across the mattress, dragging Ryan along with him.
"YOU ARE NOT SETTING RYAN ON FIRE."
"Watch me."
The chase that followed was perhaps the dumbest argument either of them had ever had.
Robert managed to slide off the bed, but the moment Flambae caught his ankle, he went down.
Thankfully, Ryan Gosling's incredibly soft printed abs cushioned the impact.
Robert rolled onto his back, sprawled across the floor and laughing so hard tears gathered in the corners of his eyes.
Flambae sat on top of him to keep him from escaping.
The pillow was finally confiscated.
Flambae shot it a murderous glare before hurling it out through the open bedroom door, hoping Beef would eventually destroy it with his tiny, vicious teeth.
Robert didn't even bother checking where it landed.
Flambae pinned both of Robert's wrists to the floor and leaned down until he was hovering over his boyfriend's face.
"I'm still burning it."
"No, you're not."
"I am."
"No."
"I am."
Robert laughed softly, gradually catching his breath.
"You're ridiculous."
"You're the one buying celebrity body pillows."
Robert sighed dramatically, feigning disappointment.
Flambae rolled his eyes so hard it looked painful.
He released Robert's wrists and hauled him effortlessly to his feet.
Robert adjusted his shirt and muttered. "You know, Ryan didn't deserve that."
The mischievous smile was already back.
Flambae snorted.
"I would've done a lot worse if you hadn't stopped me."
He walked to the bedroom door and pulled it shut behind him.
Out in the hallway, the Ryan Gosling body pillow lay abandoned on the floor, only moments away from becoming a needy chihuahua's new favorite bed.
Can we get pregnant Flambae in a similar fashion to the pregnant Sonar story you did a while back? I think it’d be neat.
I decided to merge some ideas from the pregnant!Robert Flambert route (og post, discovery, FttC au merge, cryptic vers) + was inspired by this beautiful prompt of Flambae getting hit with a cryptic pregnancy.
Chad and Robert meet as they do in the original route.
Chad sees a sad little man getting dragged away from the sketchy bar by five men, and decides to make it his business. Said sad little man bites the ear off one of his assailants before Chad can even get a punch in.
Their first date is technically a brawl, followed by the rest of the Z-Team dragging Robert along for their club crawl.
Robert and Chad dance, laugh, and fall into each other's arms.
Through the searing kisses and burning touches, there's talking. Why a man like Robert seems so unbothered by how empty his personal life is, and why he fights like a trapped animal? Why Chad felt the need to step in for a complete stranger?
A pair of brown doe eyes, the other a gleaming yellow, are lost within their connection.
Chad will admit, he was a little reckless that night. But how could he say "Nah, I doubt you have heat-resistant condoms on you" to those sad brown eyes?
Eh, he figures it's okay. SDN medical has all of them on a shit-ton of vaccines and preventatives to prevent accidentally exposure to anything nasty.
Besides, he's infertile. Every doctor he's had since he was able to bleed told him that. His internal fire runs so hot that it destroys nearly all foreign bodies, including what his lovers leave behind.
Speaking of lovers...
Chad brute forces his way into Robert's life via text messaging. There he learns that the man works some sort of engineering job (tank tops and oil stains - very sexy), and that he eats like a child told to pack their own lunch (that is, terribly).
Robert finds tupperware containers of food delivered to his apartment - the lids labelled with "Eat Up Bitch - Chad <3". Robert smiles. He has no idea what the dishes are, but they taste better than anything he can remember eating in a long time. Sometimes the chef is so bold as to knock on the door himself, and barge in to share his bounty and funny videos on his phone on Robert's (now lightly-singed) mattress. Chad has dated introverts in the past, so he's going to make the effort to bring some light to Robert's dark hollow.
But as much as Robert finds himself falling in love affection for the firestarter, he can't let him fall into Shroud's sights.
Robert leaves Chad a voice mail explaining that he's "sorting something out with family" and that he'll get back to him as quickly as possible.
He goes radio silent for months.
"Fuck you too, Robert" Chad thinks to himself. It's better to believe the man lost interest and disappeared rather than the alternatives.
Chad continues as per normal; working with SDN and the Phoenix Programme, going out with Alice and the Z-Team on the weekends, slowly rebuilding his relationship with his family after prison, all that good stuff.
But in terms of his romantic and sensual life, he's haunted by those stupid doe brown eyes. Even when he tries taking a similar set or two home with him to quench his hunger, they linger in his mind's eye.
"Fucking stupid Robert ghosting me like a bitch." He grumbles into his drink as Alice listens, supportive as ever.
What's worse, is that in addition to the mental annoyance, Chad's back has been killing him recently. He can't be getting out of shape already! He lifts and stretches almost every day! Alice thinks he pulled a nerve or some shit that takes longer than normal to heal. He trusts her judgement.
At least until the pain shifts to his lower abdomen.
(*text message chain*) Chad: "Fucking pain moved to my crotch. Hurts like shit." Alice: "Ooof. Best get that checked out Bae. Could be a kidney stone." Chad: "I sure fucking hope not. I've seen photos of those things. Terrifying." Alice: "If it is, just stand in front of Sonar for a bit. They blast the mfs with sonicwaves to break them up." Chad: "Nah, I don't trust his stanky breath. I'mma go to medical and ask for a referal or some shit." Alice: "Good luck boo. Update me!" Chad: "I will." (*Chad goes silent for an hour or two*) Chad: "good news or bad news?" Alice: "Ooo, good first." Chad: "not a kidney stone." Alice: "Bad news?" Chad: (*sends photo of himself exhausted, hair loose, lying in one of the medical bay beds, holding a tiny newborn baby against his chest*) Chad: "bigger" Alice: "YOU FR!?!?!" 🤯 Chad: "I am way too doped up rn to explain. Its been a weird day."
The "Bae-by" (as Alice dubs them) is small but feisty. Tiny tuff of sable-brown hair, and light skin. And once the colour settles, Chad finds himself staring back at the same set of doe brown eyes that have eluded him for months.
"Fucking Bob Bob" he mutters under his breath. He has no dna proof, but the math on point.
If only he can find the bastard.
Chad gets a sudden notification on his phone.
Robert: (*sends photograph of himself lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to multiple machines*) Robert: "I lived, bitch" Chad: "WHAT THE FUCK BOB BOB" Robert: "Talking to the family didn't go as planned, lol" Chad: "send me the hospital address NOW, I am coming to see you" Robert: "simp <3"
Robert about to get punched in the mouth with kisses.
Blazer is mortified that one of the Phoenix Programme's top heroes has been pregnant for most of his time in the field! She's trying to do PR damage control as much as possible. Flambae smugly brags to the rest of the Z-Team that he's now immune from cutting because of this fun fact.
Sonar tries to make a case that "having a surprise baby" counts as cheating the leaderboard. Prism tells him he can try replicating it if he's so sure. Sonar seriously considers it.
Honestly debating what sounds best; Chad having the kid before Robert wanders back into his life, or after Robert starts working at SDN. Either way, this man is shocked and unprepared for his (sorta) Ex's reaction to being a dad.
Chad: "I'm so fucking mad." Alice: "Why?" Chad: "Introduced Bob Bob to the Bae-by." Alice: "He a deadbeat?" Chad: "Worse. He's all in." Chad: (*sends photo of Robert holding the baby, looking at them with a beautifully warm smile on his face*) Chad: "It makes me fucking furious."
No matter what, this relationship starts out with Chad/Flambae being tsundere. Even if there's an entire baby in the mix.
Flambert being different flavors of Supportive GirlDad™
Flambert’s daughter: Am I pretty?
Robert: Of course you’re pretty
Flambae: You’re the prettiest girl in the entire world and it’s not even CLOSE. If I’m a 10, you’re a 12
Robert: You got your beautiful hair from Baba—
Flambae: We already have a designated stick for when we have to start beating the boys off of you
Robert: —and those precious freckles from Dad
Flambae: Or the girls, but then Auntie will have to do the beating because hitting little girls is bad for my hero image
Robert: We also need to remember that your looks aren’t the only important thing about you
Flambae: Did someone say you’re not pretty?
Robert: You’re brave—
Flambae: No seriously, who told you you’re not pretty?
Robert: —and you’re smart—
Flambae: Was it one of those little boys at school??
Robert: —and you’re funny
Flambae: Because those busted little shits have no business talking about you when they’re all FUGLY anyway
Robert: There are so many different things you are, and pretty is just one of them
Flambae: I’m serious, tell me who it was. I’ll drive down to that school right now
Robert: Chad, it’s Saturday, the school is closed
Flambae: I’ll sit and wait all fucking weekend if I have to, someone’s paying for making my baby daughter ASK if she’s pretty
Robert: Okay well can you cook dinner before you leave?
Flambert’s daughter: Can I have ice cream after dinner?
Robert: Yeah, that's fine—
Flambae: You can have ice cream for dinner, because you’re Baba's pretty princess
Robert: Okay, immediately no—
Flambae: Eshgham, she deserves it! Look at her, she's devastated!
Flambert's daughter, entirely unphased by the whole conversation, only asked the question because she was genuinely curious: I want dumplings for dinner and strawberry ice cream after
Robert: That's very reasonable, I'll agree to those terms
Flambert being different flavors of Supportive GirlDad™
Flambert’s daughter: Am I pretty?
Robert: Of course you’re pretty
Flambae: You’re the prettiest girl in the entire world and it’s not even CLOSE. If I’m a 10, you’re a 12
Robert: You got your beautiful hair from Baba—
Flambae: We already have a designated stick for when we have to start beating the boys off of you
Robert: —and those precious freckles from Dad
Flambae: Or the girls, but then Auntie will have to do the beating because hitting little girls is bad for my hero image
Robert: We also need to remember that your looks aren’t the only important thing about you
Flambae: Did someone say you’re not pretty?
Robert: You’re brave—
Flambae: No seriously, who told you you’re not pretty?
Robert: —and you’re smart—
Flambae: Was it one of those little boys at school??
Robert: —and you’re funny
Flambae: Because those busted little shits have no business talking about you when they’re all FUGLY anyway
Robert: There are so many different things you are, and pretty is just one of them
Flambae: I’m serious, tell me who it was. I’ll drive down to that school right now
Robert: Chad, it’s Saturday, the school is closed
Flambae: I’ll sit and wait all fucking weekend if I have to, someone’s paying for making my baby daughter ASK if she’s pretty
Robert: Okay well can you cook dinner before you leave?
Flambert’s daughter: Can I have ice cream after dinner?
Robert: Yeah, that's fine—
Flambae: You can have ice cream for dinner, because you’re Baba's pretty princess
Robert: Okay, immediately no—
Flambae: Eshgham, she deserves it! Look at her, she's devastated!
Flambert's daughter, entirely unphased by the whole conversation, only asked the question because she was genuinely curious: I want dumplings for dinner and strawberry ice cream after
Robert: That's very reasonable, I'll agree to those terms
everyone shut up and look at my mii sonar i made with spite and a mouse
also happy pride month tomodachi life said mpreg rights
In honor of Pride month
May I request some Z team or just Flambert lost at a pride parade (cause this has happened to me and it resulted in me texting my friend: Are you near the people in leashes?) You dont have to do that specific scenario but any flambert at a pride parade will do !
Also happy pride month! -RyGos fan anon🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Omg happy pride month to all my fellow baddies!!! 🥹 Sending you guys the biggest virtual hug <3 You guys are amazing, you are valid, you matter and i love youuu 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️💞