Sooo, umm, I've been thinking for a whole month and days, besides checking my phone, obviously, I've tried, you know, to do more productive things that help me more, besides drawing, lately I've had a terrible urge to just..write! Not because it might lead me anywhere, but I don't have many people to talk to, I don't like AI that much, and I definitely won't use that damn ChatGPT just to think for once, all types of AI are almost always programmed to agree with you, or to obey, so I don't use it to feel less lonely, that's something I really want to learn by myself without being exactly talking to someone, it's just, i feel like a goddamn burden when I talk to people, joking is fine and all that, but, serious talks get something awkward out of me, all my life rn feels like really lonely, with this I mean that all this time in my life, i have been avoiding that loneliness, rejecting it away from me, and a year ago or so, i really got interested about things around the world, thinking about it, feeling a fear, of the world that constantly points the finger to each other, i know i'm rambling, but this is important to me, REALLY important, so know i think that just maybe, maybe no one around me wants to hear me yapping about that, and somehow, the people actually from time to time proves it in weird ways, i dont know, they just start going quiet and when they do it or they don't do questions or they get uncomfortable or they just go and start talking to someone else when im finished talking, i know they arent supossed to be waiting for me to just talk about normal stuff like a normal fucking person, this whole thing is just, taking out of me what just feels heavy rn, usually, i just do drawings, i dont do vlogs or anything that includes things like that, i do drawings for FUN, for expressing myself, but my point is, i feel like an outsider of my own freaking life, I don't even like to use the word "Depressed" to describe how depressed I am sometimes that I don't like to get out of bed or do basic things like take a shower, depressed is a word that i usually use for jokes! And I know very well how heavy this topic maybe is, but i just want to relieve myself of the feeling of no one really listening to me, i feel like a weirdo in the people at school, my house, the streets, that no one really likes what i like, and i understand, i just want to do some friends, but outside of tumblr and my profile here? Its hard, real hard
