Maria @rebel--mariee - Tumblr Blog

My best friend My lover My marine My one and only 💍❤️💘

#military couple #marines #marine boyfriend #boyfriend #cute couple

15 March 2018

It seems I forgot to write something for yesterday... whoops

I know I had my laptop opened last night but I literally stared at my screen for five minutes because I couldn’t remember why I opened it in the first place. And this kind of thing seems to be happening a lot. I literally feel like I’m going crazy. There are so many things running through my head that I can grasp onto one idea. Sounds everywhere distract me and it’s weird because it’s become more severe lately. I’ve always had this problem but I was always able to concentrate on the task I was doing. Lately... that hasn’t been the situation. I can’t multitask without feeling lost. And when I do concentrate on one task... I get easily distracted wether it be with something someone else is doing or that I start thinking of stuff I need to do later that day or something I remember from days ago. It’s really irritating.

On top of that... I feel suffocated. I want to go on dates but for some reason, I make excuses not to go. I don’t even know how to describe how I’m feeling cuz crazy is the only word that’s accurate. I need help...

Till tomorrow lovelies~~

#daily blog #life issues #depression #lost #crazy #mad #help me #help

13 March 2018

Today actually wasn’t a bad day at all. A lot was accomplished today which is surprising knowing me. I went to work today all paranoid when I had nothing to worry about. My manager seemed to forget the whole Sunday incident and I actually did a good job at work. I was extremely proud of myself because I got everything I wanted done. School was okay. The lecture was long as always but I’m glad I didn’t take a test today like I had thought. The test isn’t till next class so that gives me time to study for a bit. The highlight of my day was the gym! I went to the gym for the first time in my life which made me the most happiest person in the world! Sadly I went alone... but it was still something I really enjoyed. Can’t wait to go tomorrow! Well that’s it for me today. Till tomorrow lovelies~~

#daily blog #starbucks #accomplished #proud #gym #gymtime

12 March 2018

Another day has gone by. I had to return to school today. I swear Spring break is too short. The dy was pretty boring. Nothing new and exciting. I have been a bit paranoid however. I keep thinking of my little slip up at work yesterday and honestly, it is making me dread going to work tomorrow morning. I really hope my manager doesn't bring it up or else I'm gonna die of embarassment. All I hope for is an easy day of work but I now realize that that is not possiblebecause I suck at doing literally everything. All I know is that I am going to end up pissing someone off... as always. I feel really lonely... but whenever someone asks me to hang out, I have to cancel because I can't seem to go out. I know if I even tell my parents I'm hanging out with friends, theyll just end up saying I can't go... Pathetic right I mean I'm 19 years old and I still ask my parents for permission to go out. Yes, I know some of you will say how they are only trying to protect me but I feel sufficated. I have reached the level of depression where I accept the fact that I am going to die alone. That thought doesn't scare me... but it does make me wanna cry only because I really love the idea of going on fair dates and sitting on the couch watching a cheesy chick flick. I need a boyfriend... or girlfriend at this point. Just someone that can get me out and about. I want to be rebelious and crazy. I want that crazy teenage experience I never had the chance to have... A girl can only dream. Till next time lovelies...

#daily blog #life issues #depressed #love #forever alone #daily struggles #help #paranoid

11 March 2018

I have decided that as of today I will post a daily summary of how my day has been because I have no friends who seem to actually care how my life is and even if they do... they dont seem like it. I hate to make excuses to my daily mess-ups, but today, I had lots of them and I'd like to blame the damn time change. Just thinking about today makes me wanna break down and cry cuz it was just that aweful. Two months ago, I started working at Starbucks... its been a living hell. As much as I wanna like my coworkers, I feel like they all think I'm an idiot cuz Iseem to mees up everthing I do. I barely learned how to do drive thru register on the quick side but drive thru ordering is become more like a fear of mine. I have the worst hearing even if I do blast that headset to the highest volume posible and when I do hear properly, I am super slow at taking orders. But when I'm at the front register, I do just fine... as long as everyoneleaves me alone that is. If there is someone getting coffee for me or ringing up on the register next to me, I can'thelp but feel like I'm not going fast enough. Eventhough I know they are sent there to help me... I feel like I'm not doing a good job. That is exactly what happened today. On top of thst, after my lunch break, I was put on DTO which freaked me out badly. I was taking ages to ring up people and I kept getting help from people but it only made me feel super slow. I also did the most embarassing this which was say "Hi welcome to Steak n Shake" instead of " Hi welcome to Starbucks" I guess my mind just got confused there from all the stress and blurted out the wrong job place seeing as I used to work at Steakn Shake. I felt so embarassed and stupid. I wanted to just dig my grave right then and there. I feared for that to happen since I started working at Starbucks because I knew my stupid sel would confuse the two sooner or later. I could basically feel the giggles from everyone as I would walk passed them. The thing that made everything else worse was that from all that anger at my self, I had to cancel a date I had planned for today. I didn't even have an excuse,,, I just couldn't go... I wanted to go and I was excited to go.. but I jsut couldn't. Now the guy won't even answer my texts... which makes me feel even worse. I don't know why I'm like this... can't I go a day without messups. I just want to be confident in myself for one solid day... but I don't think that is at all possible.

#starbucks #daily blog #stressed #anxiety #depressed #help me

lesbiansandpuns

13 Reasons Why

Don’t watch it. Do not watch this fucked up mess of a show. Listen, I’ve been working in suicide prevention for almost six years, and I grew up in an area that had epidemics of teen suicides. The area is actually so well known that the show-writers and producers met with leading experts in the area on the ways that the media contributes to youth suicides - and then did almost everything they were warned not to do, even going so far as to actually show the suicide on-screen. Many of the experts that they’ve spoken with are expressing grave disappointment with how the show proceeded despite their advice.

If you’re suicidal, if you’re depressed, if you self-harm, and/or if you have any trauma associated with that, please do not watch this show. It was incredibly irresponsibly handled and puts people in very real danger.

deadparrish

reblogging this again because it is insanely triggering and i want you all to be safe

queenoftheimps

that book was the most suicide-glorifying thing i ever laid hands on and i cannot believe it got as popular as it did because it really tries to drop the message of “hey if you die, everyone will realize what a beautiful, tragic figure you are and also that you were RIGHT ALL ALONG and they will regret everything they did to you” and it’s just an awful, dangerous message to send ESPECIALLY to anyone who might be having harmful thought so yes, seconding this message