Where to find me outside of tumblr: Dreamwidth | AO3 | Pillowfort | LiveJournal | ff.net | goodreads | tarot/witchy instagram | Etsy | chibis.net | Fandom Twitter
Some Things I Like and Even Reblog: ...slowly becoming a Zhu Yilong blog and very much enjoying the ride
Legacy description from rensrendition (because I'm sentimental that way): ~~Vet~~Teacher~~Theatre fan~~~~Old enough to know better~~~~Young enough not to care~~~~If this world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.~~ -Rita Mae Brown
OK, this was from February 10th, but awwwww. My blog had a birthday. ^_^
Also just thought I'd shake this blog out again... for nearly the same reason I did it before.
*sigh*
My other blog ( @eirenical ) has been shadowbanned. So, it's still there, I can still use it to post and to reblog things, but:
I can't reply to posts or to replies on posts.
I can't receive or send messages.
Any activity I have on another post won't show up in the notifications. (So if I reblog a post with tags, you won't know that unless you see it on my blog, and if I like a post... nope. No one will know but me.)
I can receive asks but can't respond to them unless I publish them as a post, and you won't get a notification that I did, even if I post it.
I can't send asks.
I can't @ anyone and I'm pretty sure no one can @ me.
My original posts don't show up in the tags, even ones I made in the past that did show up in the tags. (So if you see something I've made on my blog and you like it, reblogs are a thousand times more appreciated now than they even usually are or no one will see any of my stuff. ☹)
You cannot search for my blog in search.
So effectively, as far as tumblr is concerned, I'm invisible.
I've been excommunicated.
That means if you're trying to reach me, you won't be able to do it on my main blog, or if you do, I won't be able to respond. When I'm on my computer, I'll try to keep this blog open in another tab, so you can message me here or send me an ask here. I also have a few other ways to contact me listed at the top of my main blog. If you'd like my Discord, for example, feel free to ask.
Hopefully this will be fixed soon, because I'm sure it was a glitch, just like the last time, but so far it's been days and I've heard nothing from my support request beyond the automated message. Keep your fingers crossed for me, everyone. OTZ
I posted this a week ago, about a week into being shadowbanned, so it never got into the tags. So since at this point, it's looking like it's taking 6 months to a year to get UNshadowbanned, I thought I'd repost from this blog, so it has a shot at getting into the tags at least?
I don't know if anyone remembers that modern au threesome snippet I wrote a while back, but I finally started writing the larger fic that was the backstory for that ficlet, and thought I'd share. Enjoy? ^_^
*
The strains of Stravinsky's Firebird rang out from the depths of the covers. Li Lianhua paused in the act of pouring himself a cup of tea to listen. Moments later, he was back at his bedside, digging through the crumpled bedding to find his phone. He stared at it as the music played in the background, hesitating over answering until the music hit the crescendo that indicated the phone was nearing the end of its ringing. He slid the answer button upwards and put the phone to his ear.
"…A-Mian."
"Xiangyi. I was beginning to think you wouldn't answer."
Li Lianhua moved back over to the small kitchen counter and resumed pouring his tea. It would be too strong now, bitter on his tongue, but that was appropriate enough for this conversation. "I nearly didn't."
A soft breathy laugh filled his ear, bringing back with it memories of hushed conversations in the wings, racing through the halls under stages, midnight dances in darkened rehearsal rooms… things that Li Lianhua had done his best to forget. That part of his life was over now, had been over for nearly ten years. And A-Mian belonged to that life, not this one. He sighed. "A-Mian, why did you call?"
"Do you remember my friend's son?"
A-Mian had had many friends back then, her circle as wide as the world and full of admirers. But Li Lianhua remembered this friend and remembered this son. How could he forget? "The one who raked me over the coals, convinced I wasn't good enough for his beloved auntie?"
"That would be the one."
Li Lianhua moved to perch on the couch, cradling his cup of tea carefully in one hand as he blew on it. Silence filled the air between them, but it was a waiting silence, filled with tension. It wasn't like A-Mian to meander her way through a conversation like this. She had somewhere she needed to get to, some reason for her to break the routine of their three phone calls a year to reach out a week sooner. Li Lianhua raised his tea cup to his lips and took a slow sip, savoring the bitter brew as it went down.
It wasn't half so bitter as the words A-Mian finally spoke.
"He says your accident wasn't an accident. He says Di Feisheng wasn't responsible. He says he has proof."
A pause.
"He wants to meet and show you in person."
Li Lianhua downed the rest of his tea in one gulp, barely feeling it as it scalded his tongue and palette on the way down. He swallowed one more time, breathing ragged, his heart already beating double time as the metallic taste of adrenaline flooded the back of his throat to do battle with the bitter tea.
He hung up.
Ignoring the phone as The Firebird took up its call once more, Li Lianhua turned to place the tea cup on the counter… and that was all it took.
One wrong move.
One inch too far into a twist he should have known better than to make.
One too many reminders at a time that was already too full of them.
The first cramp raced up his left leg and settled into his hip. The second started in his lower back and fanned out and down, faster than he could do anything about. Inch by painful inch, Li Lianhua got himself straightened out, sliding to the floor on his back between the two benches—a mistake, that was a mistake, fuck that hurt—and forcing himself to breathe through the pain of muscles tightening past their ability to bear all the way up and down his legs and back. He lost himself in it then, fighting his body, fighting the pain, every drawn breath cramping his muscles further, every sob, every choked scream, every slam of his head against the hard floor making it worse, worse, worse.
—A-Mian was screaming. Somewhere beyond the narrow band of vision left to him, she was screaming, crying, begging, and around her people were answering her screams with their own, chaos all around him, and he couldn't see her, but he could hear her—
STOP
—for one beautiful, breathless moment, he'd been flying, suspended in time, in space, and it was glorious, as beautiful as he'd known it would be, until—
STOP
With one last desperate heave, Li Lianhua got himself braced against the couches enough to flip himself over onto his knees. He could move. He had to move. His bones were intact, his spine healed enough to move his legs once more, he was not a shattered mess of hubris and failure splattered all over the ground. Slowly he forced himself into motion, each fraction of distance paid for in burning fire and chills racking his body.
He was never so grateful to have built his tiny home as tiny as he had as he was in moments like this. Even so, the journey back to his bed took ages, broken up by his body failing him over and over and over, spilling him onto the floor in a sobbing heap just when he reached his destination. The bed wasn't more than two feet off the ground, but it might as well have been twenty for all Li Lianhua could reach it.
He lost time, then, drifting between the burning, aching cramp of misfiring signals up and down his legs and back, and the sharper, deeper pain of the shattered bones in his memory. It wasn't until much, much later that something cold and wet pressed into the crook of his neck accompanied by a short whine finally broke through the cycle. It had been early afternoon when A-Mian called, but the sun was so low in the sky now that it cast long shadows through the windows like bars, imprisoning him in the cage of his own body.
Another short whine, this time accompanied by the most beautiful sound that Li Lianhua had ever heard—the rattle of pills in a bottle. He turned his hand up, and Huli Jing dropped the bottle of muscle relaxants into his waiting palm, then returned with a small bottle of water just as he finally got the cap off and gratefully shoved two pills into his mouth.
He shouldn't let himself fall asleep on the floor. He absolutely shouldn't let himself fall asleep face down. He'd be twisted into a permanent pretzel by morning. Huli Jing lay down next to him, soft snuffles and urgent whines filling his ears to block out A-main's screaming, though the last time it had been real was ten years prior.
Between Huli Jing's concern and encouragement and his own sheer cussedness, Li Lianhua finally got his traitorous body to cooperate long enough to heave himself up into the bed and onto his back. He had a bad moment then, every muscle screaming at being forced into movement, but he resolutely closed his eyes and began working his way down the muscle groups from his head to his feet, deliberately working to relax them as his body fought him with every breath. But the muscle relaxers worked fast, kicking in just in time for the upper muscle groups to unclench enough to allow him to breathe more easily. And with breath came more relaxation, and with relaxation, the beginnings of surcease from pain. And with that first hint of relief, his body finally let him flee in the only way he could.
He didn't wake until a full day later… to find someone thoroughly unexpected at his bedside.
For round 2 of the WIP guessing game, how about finger/fingers? With “desperate” as a back up? (And let’s say MLC or DMBJ again for fandoms!)
Thank you, @bbcphile! Again, I went with DMBJ because I'm pretty sure you've read everything MLCB that I've written thus far. Wu Xie has woken up in Yucun Biji time with no memory of anything between TLT2 time and now. This is shortly after he wakes up. ^_^
Wu Xie traced each one of them, fingers barely skimming flesh as they wandered over this changed body. Some scars were puckered, ugly things, pulling at the flesh around them in permanent disfigurements. Others were light, barely visible, but clear to the touch of fingers which had never known them. But it was the scars on his arm that finally dropped him to sit on the edge of the bathtub, the shaking in his hands spreading to the rest of his body.
Seventeen.
He counted them twice.
Three times.
All neatly in a row on his left inner arm. All precisely placed where the knife would have landed if held in his right hand.
He'd carved these wounds himself.
Why… why would he have done that?
If anyone else would like to send a word (+/- a fandom), feel free, but please send it to this blog (rensrendition).
OK, this was from February 10th, but awwwww. My blog had a birthday. ^_^
Also just thought I'd shake this blog out again... for nearly the same reason I did it before.
*sigh*
My other blog ( @eirenical ) has been shadowbanned. So, it's still there, I can still use it to post and to reblog things, but:
I can't reply to posts or to replies on posts.
I can't receive or send messages.
Any activity I have on another post won't show up in the notifications. (So if I reblog a post with tags, you won't know that unless you see it on my blog, and if I like a post... nope. No one will know but me.)
I can receive asks but can't respond to them unless I publish them as a post, and you won't get a notification that I did, even if I post it.
I can't send asks.
I can't @ anyone and I'm pretty sure no one can @ me.
My original posts don't show up in the tags, even ones I made in the past that did show up in the tags. (So if you see something I've made on my blog and you like it, reblogs are a thousand times more appreciated now than they even usually are or no one will see any of my stuff. ☹)
You cannot search for my blog in search.
So effectively, as far as tumblr is concerned, I'm invisible.
I've been excommunicated.
That means if you're trying to reach me, you won't be able to do it on my main blog, or if you do, I won't be able to respond. When I'm on my computer, I'll try to keep this blog open in another tab, so you can message me here or send me an ask here. I also have a few other ways to contact me listed at the top of my main blog. If you'd like my Discord, for example, feel free to ask.
Hopefully this will be fixed soon, because I'm sure it was a glitch, just like the last time, but so far it's been days and I've heard nothing from my support request beyond the automated message. Keep your fingers crossed for me, everyone. OTZ
I guess I never really left but I’m putting my scans hat back on. Letting myself just… not clean everything was very liberating. So what I’ve decided to clean will be very inconsistent, but I’m looking into more fonts so hopefully that’ll be better. I think what I did clean looks very good though, and it’s only sfx that I haven’t cleaned
Since there's been a lot of fandom history on my dash tonight, I want to tell you about something I've referenced before, and which always gets funny notes in my inbox whenever I do:
The day fandom collectively lost its shit after logging into Delicious and finding it was like, a horrible mix between MySpace and Reddit.
Like AO3, it's a story of fandom using a space that wasn't intended for fandom, and then being utterly destroyed when that space decided to adopt hostile policies.
Delicious was a social bookmarking site, which was basically a way for users to save content from around the web. This was during a time when browsers were notoriously awful, and saving bookmarks locally was guaranteed to end in you losing everything because Firefox updated and did something weird, or Internet Explorer just randomly shat the bed and reinstalled itself when you weren't looking. And it was superior to browser bookmarks, because it had tags and organisational structures that were set by each, individual user.
And it happened to be perfect for fandom, because at the time we were primarily using LiveJournal, another site that didn't want us, and was actively trying to push us out. Delicious was used in two primary ways:
Readers of fic would use it to save the ones they liked, often using their account to curate reclists.
Community owners would use it to organise posts to the community.
Free LJ accounts only allowed so many tags, and even paid accounts often didn't have enough for large communities. Roleplay was huge on LJ, and users would often want tags for all their characters so they could find old threads. Some megafandoms with huge ensemble casts would very quickly run out of tags on their communities, especially if they tagged for content creators, tropes, kinks, etc. With Delicious' tag system, it was a perfect site for both of these purposes.
And then one day, without warning, we all logged in to do our thing, and it was a completely different site. Tale as old as time, Yahoo! bought it, decided it wasn't profitable enough, and decided to rebuild it from the ground up without any warning. They got rid of the tag system entirely, and I don't think anyone ever truly figured out how the new site was meant to be used.
But fandom was utterly and truly in a mass panic, because this backbone of how so many things were run just evaporated. Ever wonder why AO3 has the tag system it does? It was built by the same people who used Delicious. Before AO3, fandom had collectively decided that the information AO3 displays on fic headers was what should always be displayed. People would have to build their own headers, but they always included the same general gist of fandom, characters, pairing, rating, word count, warnings, kinks, and summary. You could browse a stranger's Delicious account, and would have a reasonable certainty of seeing these same, or very similar prefixes in their tag system.
So. Fandom is panicking. Entire communities are un-searchable, reclists are broken, people have lost years of bookmarked fic, and we were all scrambling to find something that worked like Delicious, or build something like it, but it had happened so abruptly that there wans't time to really coordinate.
Then, from the shadows came Maciej Cegłowski, aka Pinboard Guy. (Not to be confused with Pinterest.) Pinboard Guy had heard that Delicious had shat the bed, because fandom wasn't the only group that used the site, and weren't the only people who lost their bookmarks, but we were certainly being very loud and obnoxious about it. Pinboard Guy reached out to fandom on the whole, with a glorious gift. He had his own Delicious clone, that he built from the ground up and maintained for better privacy and security, and he sold accounts. At the time, it was around a $5 one-time fee, with a structure that increased the fee by a fractional amount for each new account. Basically, as server load increased, so did server costs, and this is how he managed to keep up with that.
He also understood that by its nature, fandom is very social, where his site was very asocial.
So he asked, what does fandom need? And someone opened up a Gdoc, and a lot of people put together a very well-written and organised (and enormous) list of ways in which fandom used social bookmarking. How we needed prefixes, and bundles, and a way to discover other accounts, along with detailled explanations of why. A lot of work was put into this, which was basically a fandom manifesto explaining to an outsider everything he would need to know to rebuild Delicious. For a lot of us, we didn't expect anything, but just being humoured was validating.
And then this man implemented these features for us. When you go into your account, you can tick a box that says you're part of fandom, and it will open up an entirely separate part of the site, that he built, just for us. He didn't have to do this. But he did it anyway. He's changed the pricing model since then, and it's now a yearly fee instead of one-time, because Pinboard is still run by Pinboard Guy, and no one else. No ads, no sponsors. Just Maciej Cegłowski and his ancient-ass code that still looks like the internet did in 2009.
And then, a few years down the line, like the fucking baller he is, Cegłowski bought Delicious and shut it down. Just killed it dead.
Not a lot of people within use Pinboard anymore, because AO3 also serves the first reason people used it: bookmarking fic. Allowing for external bookmarks meant that the reclist people didn't need to rely on a service that might not always be friendly to us. And then, well. LiveJournal kicked fandom out through a series of hostile policy changes, and Dreamwidth failed to take off, so we no longer really needed that community archive aspect.
But 2009 was a rough year for fandom, because it was the year fandom pretty much everything changed. While we gained a huge, centralised archive that wasn't the Pit of Voles that FFN is, we lost that centralisation when fandom fled LiveJournal for this fucking hellsite. Some of us vainly tried to make Dreamwidth happen, and clung to it in the desperate hope that Tumblr would fail and people would miss journals and communities, but it never happened.
And I'm telling you. When this Post+ thing finally drives fandom off this site, I'm gonna be torn between sitting back and laughing because it's the same shit all over again, and collapsing into utter despair because I am too goddamn old to learn how to use another site that isn't built for the way fandom likes to shove square pegs into round holes to make sites suit our needs.
In my foolishness I asked, "Could you make me a list of those features? I'll take a look, maybe some of it is easy to implement."
Maciej himself talked about this experience and how unique of a community fandom was. You can see his transcript of it here:
In my foolishness I asked, "Could you make me a list of those features? I'll take a look, maybe some of it is easy to implement."
Oh yes, they could make make a list.
I had summoned a very friendly Balrog.
For three days, I watched this collaborative Google doc grow and grow before my eyes. It ended up being fifty-two pages long. I want to show you some of the highlights.
At times, there were so many people editing the document at that it tucked its tail between its legs and went into a panicked ‘read only’ mode. Even the mighty engineers at Google couldn’t cope with the sustained attention of fandom.
-
Having worked at large tech companies, where getting a spec written requires shedding tears of blood in a room full of people whose only goal seems to be to thwart you, and waiting weeks for them to finish, I could not believe what I was seeing.
It was like a mirror world to YouTube comments, where several dozen anonymous people had come together in love and harmony to write a complex, logically coherent document, based on a single tweet.
I'm at a failure to understand why anyone would not stan Feuilly. Like. This man has literally never done anything wrong in his life. There is no choice but to stan.
Part of the reason Shen Wei is so pained by Zhao Yunlan being blinded is that not only does he have to deal with his soulmate having a major injury, he also has to be tortured by all the blind puns the fool makes. Imagine having to face the love of your life not being able to see anymore, and it takes him all of five minutes to decided to be a funny bitch about it.
YES, IT IS. I GOT IT BACK THIS MORNING. I'M SO EXCITED I COULD CRY.
...did cry. I absolutely did cry. XD
Tumblr's explanation? It was a GLITCH.
...a GLITCH.
That lasted almost 7 DAYS. The FUCK???
Anyway. YES. I HAVE RETURNED FROM EXILE AND AM CURRENTLY DELETING ALL 23,000+ OF MY DRAFTS (100... posts... at a time... OTZ) AND IT FEELS VERY GOOD. XD
So, if anyone's looking for me, you'll find me back over at my ACTUAL blog, @eirenical. See you there! ^_______________^
Hiii *waves* Since my computer died it's been a while since I did any videos, but I'm back with this crack/humor thing from TLT1. This edit has been an exper...
I’m reblogging again because I did it myself and added pictures for those who have trouble learning from the video.
First take a standard rectangular piece of paper (I used one from a small notebook which I ripped out then cut the holes off)
Then fold in half touching the shorter side to the opposite shorter side.
Fold again making the new shorter side touch the other new shorter side
I did this one more time, but this time I unfolded it right after to get back to where it was only folded twice. It should have left a crease in the paper.
Using this crease, fold the corners up alongside it to look like this
This are also going to be unfolded, but this time you’re going to push in alongside the triangular folds you just made and undid.
Doing this once will result in this
Hold tight because tumblr won’t let me add more pictures. I’ll reblog will the rest of the instructions
Thanatos knows that I hecking love cute origami, and moths, so really, what was I supposed to do, scroll past and not take the opportunity to make butterfly and moth page markers???
Wow, TERFs went real quick from "It's not fair to let Lauryl Hubbard compete in a women's Olympic event because she's ~aCtUaLlY a MaN~ and therefore stronger than her competitors" before she competed, to "Oh, well obviously she just failed on purpose to make trans women seem non-threatening to sport, so they can now sneak in and take over!" after she came in last in her event.
I know this has been touched on in previous posts, but the similarities to antisemitism and transmisogyny in terms of shifting conspiracy theories in which the targets of abuse can do no right and are always deemed to be insidious is absolutely fucking terrifying, and I'm so sorry trans Jewish ladies have to put up with this on two fronts. Everybody—trans, Jewish, both, neither—should be very scared about the implications of what we're seeing with these unending conspiracy theories where the implications are very much that the targets of the abuse are always evil, and therefore should cease to exist.
1) I'm Jewish
2) I didn't bring Jewish people into this; TERFs did when they started sharing conspiracy theories that "trans ideology" was a plot being funded by Jewish billionaires, and sharing transphobic, antisemitic shit by Nazis like Keith Woods. So yeah, I'm gonna point out the glaring overlap between TERFs and antisemites
ANYWAY PLEASE STFU AND HAVE A HORRIBLE DAY!
they did the exact same narrative shift years ago with fallon fox and it was part of why she was forced into retirement. she had an "unfair advantage" while she was undefeated, but as soon as she lost a fight, the narrative became that she took a dive to escape the harrassment, which made people harrass her even more
You guys are absolutely out of your fucking minds. Saying males have a biological advantage over females is not a fucking conspiracy theory holy shit. Fallon Fox lied about his sex and was fighting biological women, nearly cracked her skull open and then went to Twitter to harass and belittle the woman he beat.
Radical feminists don't fucking believe that trans ideology was funded by Jewish people, where the fuck did you even get that from? You realize some of the pioneers of feminism are literally Jewish women? Y'all will lie about everything and never even question each other. I have never seen such a load of shit lmfao
"Radical feminists don't fucking believe that trans ideology was funded by Jewish people, where the fuck did you even get that from?"
From the writings of radical feminists (I can't fit the text in most image descriptions, but I have links for most if needed).
Jennifer Bilek:
(Keith Woods is a literal Nazi who does media collaborations with infamous white nationalist Richard Spencer; David Icke is a well-known Holocaust denier who also perpetuates the conspiracy theory that Jews are lizard people who secretly control the world)
Magdalen Berns:
(Soros, in particular, is frequently named by right-wingers and Nazis as an anti-Jewish dog whistle)
Helen Joyce:
Recently wrote a book called Trans in which she argues, like Bilek, that a group of predominantly Jewish billionaires and millionaires* (Soros again, Jennifer Prtizker, and Martine Rothblatt) "have shaped the global agenda" on trans issues, with the secret intent of accruing power and harming women and children. This invokes, not only the Soros dogwhistle, but also the classic antisemitic canard of blood libel, in which Jews are accused of sacrificing children).
*I'll also note that Jon Stryker—the only non-Jewish billionaire on Joyce's list—is frequently presumed to be Jewish by neo-Nazis, and they often use Bilek's writing on Jews and "the transgender lobby" as their reason for labelling him as such.
Joyce has also cited and endorsed Bilek's views on social media:
*I'll also note that Jon Stryker—the only non-Jewish billionaire on Joyce's list—is frequently presumed to be Jewish by neo-Nazis, and they often use Bilek's writing on Jews and "the transgender lobby" as their reason for labelling him as such.
Janice Turner and WeAreFairCop:
Both Turner and the Gender Critical group WeAreFairCop have made statements reminiscent of the blood libel canard, Turner with her article entitled "Children Sacrificed to Appease Trans Lobby," and WeAreFairCop with their tweet referring to British transgender youth advocacy group Mermaids a "blood cult," a term which has been historically levelled at Jews in tandem with accusations of blood libel.
Oh, and the time WeAreFairCop justified citing Breitbart, despite accusations that they were pro-Nazi, because "[we] can't find however any non-Nazi outlet reporting on [trans people being a threat to women]":
Speaking of WeAreFairCop, let's look at it's co-founder:
Sarah Phillimore:
Using Jewish people as rhetorical props, comparing trans rights to the Holocaust, and then comparing a trans Jewish person to the Nazis when they took issue with this, and saying it was tragic for the murdered relatives of said trans Jewish person that their descendent got to "live and grow and sow the seeds for exactly the kind of regime which... engineered their deaths." And then... defended that position.
So, back to your comments...
"I have never seen such a load of shit lmfao..."
I mean... me neither, but the "load of shit" I'm seeing is the beliefs of your peers, who are unapologetically and blatantly using antisemitic talking points to incite bigotry against trans people.
So no, I'm not lying. And I fact-check, because I'm a fucking librarian. Incidentally, if you want more complete sources on this topic, I've got them:
Antisemitism Meets Transphobia: White nationalists and anti-trans feminists use the same conspiracies to target trans and Jewish folks
Gender critical feminism is bigotry, just like antisemitism
Transphobia and Antisemitism
Receipts on antisemitism in the gender critical movement
In conclusion, either you're the liar, or you've got your head so far up your own ass that you didn't even notice your own movement is crawling with Nazi apologists and people using antisemitic dogwhistles. Either way, as a Jewish woman, I'd feel a million times safer hanging out with trans ladies than I ever would being around people like you.
