the belcher family headcanons
(i just started rewatching the show. i haven’t seen past s6 so don’t spoil too important things. but i’ve also seen lots of clips from later episodes, some full later episodes, and the movie).
they are all autistic; with tina, gene, and linda being the most obvious while bob and louise being less obvious. linda’s diagnosed while bob isn’t (he’s in denial of even being autistic), and they’re working on getting their kids diagnosed (though they cannot afford it, so it’s not a priority for them).
bob doesn’t believe he’s autistic (internalized ableism) but he is acutely aware that there is something ‘wrong’/‘off’/different about himself from others. both bob and tina share that same insecurity that everyone else can tell that they don’t quite belong.
this is based off of one line from an episode, but while gene loves doing filthy things (eating tacos on toilet, eating mold, etc.), he cannot stand the sweatiness of hands or the feel of his bare feet on the floor. he washes his hands consistently and he always wears socks. linda carries baby wipes, hand sanitizer, and extra socks for gene in her purse because of one really bad experience.
one of the belcher parents is hispanic. i’m saying bob because gayle gives off eccentric white woman energy. but gene learns all the spanish inappropriate words and bobs like “gene i don’t even know spanish what-”
tina ends up starting an elaborate friend-fiction and fan fiction business in her school. she makes a lot of money writing romantic hypotheticals for her classmates. louise becomes her sales manager (and gets andy and ollie to make fanart for the fics) and gene makes little jingles for them as well.
gene gets dizzy when he watches fireworks for too long due to his sensitivity towards bright, flashing lights. the forth of july and new years eve are difficult for him because he loves the celebration aspect, but has to go inside to prevent himself from panicking. usually bob goes inside afterwards to talk to him and calm him down since bob used to act similar as a kid.
tina and linda both do the dinosaur arms, and linda, gene, and louise do the hand flaps and happy claps. louise and bob both chew on their shirts when they’re stressed (and then immediately changing their shirts because wrinkly, wet t-shirt is an uncomfortable feeling/texture).
this one is based off of a convention panel, but louise is really good at math but doesn’t apply herself at all because she thinks school is pointless. either that or she is really good at learning languages and that she can speak spanish, french, russian, german, swedish, portugeuse, and japanese— all at varying levels of fluency and all learned during different time periods of her life.
^^also based on that same convention, but tina learns taichi martial arts because she thinks it’s cool. she originally does it because of the cute instructor, but then she realizes how nice of an outlet it is.
linda’s the only straight, non-LGBT+ belcher (or is she??) and she is very much like “aww my little babies going to their first pride! love is love, alright!” like the lovable, just cringy, supportive parents are. when the kids come out, none of them know the proper terminology. it’s like: “i’m not a boy! or a girl! i am everything! i’m collecting all of the pronouns like pokemon” or “i would very much like to date multiple people, that way i can admire all the butts.”
during pride month, bob puts up a little bisexual flag as a partial coming out, a partial way to create a safe space, and a partial rainbow capitalist move (something something mr. fischoeder threatens to raise their rent, and the belchers need a break financially), and he tells the kids to get business for the restaurant— the kids interpret that as: gene makes a really bad song like “boys are hot, i like them. gay people. love is love. buy our burgers cuz the gays are great and we support them very much” (or basically that one tiktok audio that goes “fortnite, balls, i’m gay, i like boys, i kidnap autistic kids”), tina puts posters up around school that say “buy one bob’s burger dish, get homosexual validation from an adult who supports gay youth” (which confuses bob when a bunch of children buy burgers and then rub their snotty noses into his apron and suffocate him while muttering “i haven’t had a parental hug in years”), and louise guilt trips and gaslights the elderly into buying from the restaurant or else they’re homophobic assholes (some of them openly are homophobic, to which louise purposely shoves/trips them in response).
^^bob ends up scolding the kids but they make a huge profit. the kids also didn’t technically say anything that wasn’t really true (except for louise but yk). bob pawns the comforting children to linda, who hugs and validates the children while bob grills.
tina definitely watches those magical girl animes like sailor moon. gene watches cartoons and slice of life anime. louise watches studio ghibli movies religiously and her favorite is my neighbor totoro (that green night light thing (kuchi kopi) is def based off of totoro). she also loves death note and definitely supports light and/or L to an uncomfortable degree.
tina is a massive taylor swift fan. her favorite album is fearless and her favorite songs are fifteen, hey stephen, love story, and white horse. she knows all of the lore and will make random references like “this is why you don’t miss someone’s birthday. have you even heard all too well? the moment I knew?” she compares jimmy jr. to romeo in love story and stephen in hey stephen even though she has no competition for him. she’s definitely dramatically slid down her door screaming the lyrics to enchanted before. (jimmy jr. would probably like john mayers music b/c of his dad, and that is tina’s biggest ick about him).
gene vaguely likes red and 1989 (specially sparks fly, new romantics, bejeweled, and starlight) and louise says her favorite album is reputation but it’s actually folklore (specially i did something bad, the last great american dynasty, karma, and peace).
they used to have a christmas tradition for the kids where they can get whatever they can carry in their arms. they stopped doing this after one year where all the kids got the most expensive items ever for no reason.
gene is a zodiac kid who definitely says “venus is in retrograde” and “you’re such a gemini.” louise always makes comments like “of course you’re one of those star losers.” he’s also like “tina, you’re a libra and jimmy jr. is a leo— that’s completely incompatible. the stars don’t lie!”
in a comic it mentions that tina has blue eyes, and the show mentions gene and bob having brown eyes, so i think linda has blue eyes and louise has brown eyes.
gene had a horrific musical theater phase. he learned burn and candy store on his keyboard. in high school he signs up for the theater program. he was one of the few amab people who signed up, so he got a fair amount of leading roles.
the kids full names are: tina ruth belcher, eugene nicholas belcher, and louise ann belcher.
gene doesn’t go to college, instead he pulls a bo burnham (minus the bigotry) and performs musical comedy.
louise takes online college courses to become a business major with a minor in culinary arts so she could run the restaurant.
tina goes to college to become an author. she writes both smutty romance books (pen name is dina capulet maybe?) and childrens pony books (real name of tina belcher) but by different names.
not belcher specific, but their town is the most neurodivergent town in existence: all five of the belchers, teddy, gayle, courtney, jimmy jr, zeke, andy and ollie, just to name a few.
