Okay the last one was a trip and I need to take you guys on this journey with me. So, understand the way our business center is set up we have only two windows and two registers, both in a pretty tight space, right next to the front doors of the store so it’s all a very tight area. BC is only open from 10-6, with just two people running it. Some days we only have one person running it, so the bookkeepers (my team) run the other till so the BC partner can go on lunch and take their breaks. We also have a gas station, and the gas attendant also needs a lunch and breaks, so one of the BC partners runs that from 10-11 in the morning and 5:30-6:30 at night.
Now I try to take my lunch before BC has to run the gas break so that if the remaining partner needs help I can be back in time to flip and till and hop on the register.
Well last night I came back from lunch a little late and partner X had already left. I open the door to BC to get his till and partner Y looks at me with like huge “help me” eyes. So I slow down as I’m taking the till out and listen.
Our store, like most stores now, has a curbside function that you order through either our website or app. I listen as this gentleman tells Y that he had used this website to order his groceries. He had typed in “honey” into the search function and presumably scrolled through the options until he found something promising. A container of whipped honey!
So he gets his groceries and has two containers of this “whipped honey”. He dips his finger into one to taste it, but is shocked that it doesn’t taste very good. He thinks maybe just that one is bad for some reason, so he takes a spoonful from the other container and adds it to his coffee. Presumably he drinks all of it. But now he doesn’t feel good! He gets sick and has to miss work!
I lean over to partner Y and whisper “is this guy fucking serious” and she nods without looking at me.
He demands to know what we’re going to do about this.
Then manager Z shows up and the guy begins to repeat his story. Manager Z takes the offending product and says “It says ‘for dehydrated hair’ right here on the label.”
The guy says “well who reads labels!”
I take the till and run quickly back to my office so I don’t start laughing. Luckily there is a window between my office and BC for me to listen through, so I lean to the side of it to keep listening in.
The guy says “Well I talked to my attorney and he said I should sue you guys, because the search function pulls that up under the search for honey and it’s not food. Now I’m not that kinda guy, but what if someone elderly purchased that thinking it was food and ate it and it killed them.”
Z says, in a tired voice, “I can take your name and phone number and file your complaint with corporate but this will have to go through them.”
The guy says “you can’t do anything else? I got sick and had to miss work, you understand.”
Y says “I can give you a refund for the product.”
The guy says “let him take care of this.”
During all of this Y’s line has been steadily growing. Guy refuses to step to the side to deal with his issue of *checks notes* ingesting a hair product because he doesn’t read labels. Y comes to me at the window and says she needs help with the line. I flip a till and head back outside.
Z is attempting to take down Guy’s information, but he just keeps repeating at if it says it has honey in it, it shouldn’t show up in a search for “honey” because it’s a hair product and that his lawyer says he should sue. Z finally says “if that’s what you’re going to do then do so, but I need your phone number.”
I get through three customers by the time Z is done taking this guy’s information.
He reminds us once more that he’s going to sue as he walks out the front door.
“Not a court on this planet,” I say, ringing up an auto tag, “not a single court on this earth is going to side with you for ingesting a product labeled ‘do not invest’. Not a lawyer on earth will touch that case.”
My customer makes a small noise of interest.
“He ate conditioner because it has honey in it.”
My customer bursts into laughter, turns around and tells the person behind them.
“THAT’S what he was mad about??”
Later I typed “honey” into my curbside search function trying to replicate the guy’s search. I tried “honey” “whipped honey” and “pure honey” and never once found hair products through the search. It’s still unclear to me on if he even purchased it through our store. Regardless, I think it takes a special kind of strength to eat deep conditioner and then go tell a bunch of people that you ate conditioner. Or maybe a special kind of stupidity.
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