an attempt at making sense

hey i write sometimes | he/him todd anderson reincarnated

[robert-and-dave]

in case people didn’t know you can download books for free from ocean of pdf and export them to apple books in like 2 clicks

download your epub as pdf, go to downloads, open it, “open in…”, select books

boom free ebook in page format yw

[robert-and-dave]

as my friends well know i cannot help but write poetry whenever anything happens back home so here’s an unedited poem about the recent win in hungarian politics (by recent i mean literally mere hours ago, I can’t sleep)

Translations:

udvariember - gentleman, technically gender neutral

próbalj meg nem elfeledni, de ne próbálj meg keresni - try not to forget me, but don’t try to find me

Tisza part - bank of the Tisza river (which the winning party is named after)

additional info under the cut

I wrote this using inspiration from Aster Lit’s current edition theme “palimpsest”, or signs of things left behind (this poem will be part of my submission quintet! wish me luck!) so there was a large focus on physical signs of change or disturbance.

The cardboard is part of a protest sign. It’s left blank to show not everything has to be spelled out to spark connection. This image is painted during the early hours of the morning to signify the passing day, as the results were announced at night (you can look up videos of this) and I’m very attached to this idea of hope persisting. I used “udvariember” as it’s mostly used by older people towards young men, but is technically gender neutral and I think connects the two generations. Also, the image of a possibly upper class working young person mixes well with the later image of the lower class working older person. We all want the same thing. The specification of the cardboard being brown and wet, being taken in, is representative of the protesting young people of Hungary’s embrace of immigrants, particularly Roma migrants, which Orbán famously opposed.

The second stanza is again this idea of persisting. Workers, average people, clean up, gather the banisters and whatever else may have dropped. I like this imagery of a shed skin, people dropping defences. The change is like a collective sigh of relief, and in that relief, old growths of hatred slump off.

The third stanza details a couple meeting at night. This is intended to be a queer couple. The silent protest shows they have always been here, but even a short week’s time can change what they are allowed to do. Magyar Péter is vocal about LGBTQ rights whereas Orbán Viktor banned pride events. The line “try not to forget me” is one saying to the other, continue living your life, when you are struggling remember there are others out there like you. “But don’t try to find me” shows a danger which could grow if they pursue the relationship, especially in public, and especially in daytime. I kept most words in this poem gender neutral to show how everyone is affected by the regime.

This couplet is self explanatory I think, no physical trophy will be as potent as the beginning of a new day with hope. Ironic as I’m writing this instead of sleeping. Also a reference to our golden crest on the flag.

Here in this list form stanza the lines bleed into each other, showing how interconnected these wildly different things are, even those who don’t speak the language or do but aren’t in the physical country (like myself), how there is community where we can’t see it. It also represents the passing of days. The river which splits the city in two is the Duna, or Danube for English speakers, and represents unification just like the the two sides of the city which became our one Budapest.

The final couplet is again self explanatory. Hope is difficult to hold alone, but if that heavy hope is propelled by someone and leaving a mark it’s much easier. As said before Tisza is the new leading political party, and also the name of a lovely body of water I went to a lot as a child. It seems inconsequential, but it isn’t if we share that memory. “Skips” gives a childlike quality while also making it jolted, signifying how progress is not linear but it is pushed by people.

[robert-and-dave]

a strange little exploration of gender

The more I think about gender, the less I really “get it”. I do think there is something distinctively male about it, but I don’t know what exactly. And it’s all of it and none of it at the same time. It’s like the slick of a beached whale or salmon whipping through a cupped hand, like the sludge a frog excretes, or like the hissing sound a roach makes when it breathes. It’s persistent, and it’s oozing out of me, and getting all over everyone else. And femininity is just bycatch.

[robert-and-dave]

straight romance is ahhh he doesn’t want me

gay romance is fuck he’s not going to let himself want me because he doesn’t let himself want anything. he could have the entire world but the sin of desire keeps him bound and every time he kisses me he’s gnawing on the chain. there are only three ways this can end, with my ruin, his, or the world’s. can i will myself to sacrifice a race of morality for my selfish needs?

[robert-and-dave]

some days the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning is the prospect of medical transition

now that 2026 has hit i can say that i could potentially get on T next year, by which i mean i will get on T next year because i will fight tooth and nail for it

anyways transitioning saves lives go hug ur trans friends

[robert-and-dave]

have yall ever had a transgender epiphany. like not realising you’re trans but realising something BECAUSE you’re trans??

i’m a writer and i’ve had an idea brewing in my mind for a while but something abt it doesn’t work… so i’ve been racking my brain on what to change when yesterday i thought hm what if my mc was mtf instead of ftm and oh. my. god. the entire plot clicked. not only that but its yuri. it’s like it was made for transfemme lesbians. i am a transmasc gay man so im not sure how well it will translate in my own writing but i am determined to do it justice with just how easily the plot fell together after those tweaks

[robert-and-dave]

i love my OCs

[robert-and-dave]

reading evenings & weekends as a dan and phil fan is… something

“All of this to say: Phil has a problematic relationship to bottoming.”

he’d laugh. dan would sigh. we’d clip.

[robert-and-dave]

in need of some new (this month) and anticipated release recommendations for a reading challenge! can go all the way up until next june in release date

I read mostly queer litfic, classics, and YA that leans towards new adult, but am literally open to anything that tries to convey any sort of message. Nonfiction is perfectly fine. I was considering You Have A New Memory for my July read, but the price tag is just… wow! Most Ardently was also on the list but didn’t make the cut because I didn’t feel like reading Pride & Prejudice first 😭

[robert-and-dave]

sometimes my only motivation for writing is the thought of jack edwards saying a single word about my book

[robert-and-dave]

currently working on a supernatural novel where the mcs don't really know what the supernatural being is or why its their or even what it does and never fully find out, which is all fine and well except for the fact that I don't know either T^T

[robert-and-dave]

reading a restless truth rn and despite my hatred for hawthorne i cannot wait for his book mostly cause him and ross are so blatantly a titanic reference.

they met on a cross-continental ship in the 1910s from wildly different classes and their names are jack and ross. LIKE JACK AND ROSE. GAY TITANIC. i will die on this hill.

[robert-and-dave]

Ugh theres just something about bath scenes -- one character washing the other's hair, just the one wallowing in a tub until all the bubbles dissolve and the water gets cold, both sat together doing nothing, not moving, not talking, not looking at each other. I love bath scenes. So much to be said in such a small confine of space and texture -- just water, and tile, and skin, and skin, and skin

[robert-and-dave]

don’t worry em dash get behind me i’ll protect you

[robert-and-dave]

picked up a classic from the library not expecting anything life-altering only to read the most tragic queer love i’ve ever read in any classic — and its not even one of those romances you read fan fictions about, its practically canon.

“I want someone to sit beside after the day’s pursuit and all its anguish, after its listenings, and its waitings, and its suspicions. After quarreling and reconciliation I need privacy — to be alone with you, to set this hubbub in order.”

Virginia Woolf the woman you were </3

[robert-and-dave]

maybe i’m being overconfident but i did just make an entire plan for HRCYED 2 despite only reading 14 books last year for the sole reason that it starts on my birthday and that felt like fate.

[robert-and-dave]

my all time favourite comment i’ve ever got was on a stream of consciousness poem (if you can call it that) i blurted out onto tiktok after watching i saw the tv glow and being confronted with some strong realisations

a trans woman simply commented “Thank you 🖤” and that is the sole reason that shitty poem is still up with my other shitty poems, because i forget that if im so heavily and easily affected by the media i consume, others might be too, and i owe it to them to allow that to happen

tl;dr never delete your fanfics