[sandandglass]

Trevor Noah: Lost in Translation

[killuminidivine-deactivated2016]

Omg this is all day facts of life today 2016

[trending-ethnic-mens-fashion]

All dressed to the nines and tastefully outspoken.

[the-gif-princess]

[mythicalpiranha-moved-deactivat]

IM LAUGIHNG HARDER THAN EVER RIGHT THIS SECOND

[thischick25]

Reblogging this again because Chris just made me realize that sheep are so stupid that I can’t even think like them:

These sheep? They are actually running away from the car.

They are so stupid that they’re following each other in a circle around the thing they are running from.

[drtanner-dickery]

SHEEPNADO

[anarchosoupist]

sheeple

[splitsider]

The Daily Show’s Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library Opens Today in New York

[popculturebrain]

This is way better than I imagined.

[rune-midgarts]

[trynottodrown]

[meglyman]

Mimic Octopus has had enough of Dancing Crab’s shenanigans

[bugcthulhu]

darn dancing crabs and their jazz crab hands

[blue-bower]

‘HELLO MY BABY HELLO MY H-“ “NO”

[batchygyo]

i cant control my hand suddenly

[janblue]

[x]

[steveogers]

three internet trends i will (regrettably) probably never grow out of:

• typing in a cresCENDO TO EXPRESS EXCITEMENT • …………..unnecessarily……. long……….. ellipsis’ • puttinfh a typo in eveyr other word to shwo u dont really give a fukc but u actually do

[satorugojjo]

also unnecessary!!!! punctuation marks??????? like…… ??? what is going on here????? i!! am!!! so!!! excited!!!!

[fihli]

and™ totally™ unneeded™ trademark symbols™

[strangehorse]

personally I enjoy Random Capitalisation to show things are Very Important

[eearth-deactivated20180601]

can we also talk about starting a sentence and then kind of just 

[studyandlush]

stating something reblog if you agree

[watermellens]

dude this isn’t even a collection of memes, this is a demonstration of internet grammar… anyone who says that when you type and communicate on the internet you lose too much inflection to get the real meaning just doesn’t understand internet syntax. the evolution of language in action.

[brain3at3r]

the Rosetta Stone of the twenty first century

[cosyhowell-deactivated20180822]

Also :) doing :) this :) to express :) bottled :) pain :)

[throwlamp]

or,,,,,using commas,,,,,, for elipsis’ ,,,, bc,,, it sounds better,,, in your head,,,, than periods,,,,,,,

[charlieism]

pu t ting sp a ces in your wor ds at r and om time s because w hat the fu ck

[honey-stick]

Is it just me, or did anyone else read all of these with different tones of voice, volume, and inflection?

[dyeingdoll]

yep definetely

[fivefootfite-deactivated2021011]

in addition, responding to something only with !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[networkentertainment-offici-blog]

because !!!!!!! makes a noise when I read it but if you ask me what that noise is I will just sit there and stare at you for three hours as my brain tries to understand exactly what the fuck to say

[ahgoeff]

Cinematography I’m gay for: the Confident Woman Walk

[ekjohnston]

@allofthefeelings: #Moana#Wonder Woman#we’ve found two of the four#where are confident lady walk earth and air?

[drst]

Furiosa is Earth right?

[ekjohnston]

YOU ARE CORRECT.

[swimthroughthefires]

SOMEONE UPLOAD THE APPROPRIATE ICON PLEASE!

[v8roadworrier]

[justlookatthosesausages]

we need to find the confident lady walk of Air !!!

[apolline-lucy]

got it. 

[errorbrainloading]

Long ago the four nations lived in harmony….. And still do, because they’re effing badass.

[blackness-by-your-side]

this 👆🏾

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Do these straight people just like

Not actually comprehend anything happening right in front of them

[fiightingdreamers]

this thread is the absolute holy grail of repeated self owns

[astrodickology]

This thread is making me wet

[weirdlight]

[tanookitoes]

“I voted for a guy who wants to take rights away from people I love and got backlash for it :(”

[distinguishedbaloney]

[thebootydiaries]

someone finally said it 😩👏👏☕️🐸

[glumshoe]

What I say: “I’m touch-starved.”

What you think I mean: “I need a hug.”

What I truly mean: “I need someone to platonically lie across me with their full weight, crushing my body and providing deep pressure until my errant soul is reabsorbed into my flesh. Also, a hug would be nice.”

[glumshoe]

I’ve had to explain this to people who think it’s weird, but when I add, “You know… like cats…” they seem to understand.

[homophobic-slur]

[thatoneblog89-deactivated202406]

I thought this was funnier than I should have

[micdotcom]

Larissa Waters is an Australian Senator and member of parliament. She just made history by breastfeeding in the senate.

[emirael]

I lost my father to Pokemon Go and I regret so many life decisions. I’m the one who told him about the game. I’m the one who initially encouraged him. What have I done?

Now he starts every phone call with a Pokemon update. He gets all the names wrong and asks me what a Dragonite is called every time he brings up the “fat fighting orange dragon”

It’s gotten so bad he’s started watching the anime on Netflix. Help.

[emirael]

Okay adding to this. My dad isn’t great at remembering the names of things. So during our pokemon update phone calls, he says shit like this:

“I have a cool pineapple head now!”

“I was down to my last stripey ball trying to catch the blue dragon snake. I told him if he ran away I was gonna be so mad.”

“And the gym had one of those big fat orange dragons!” (he still can’t remember what a Dragonite is called)

BUT THEN. but then. he’s also like, OUTRAGEOUSLY into it now? He’s level 27 and talks about how “the gym wars are brutal, babe,” and how long it takes to take down a level 10 gym? (LEVEL T E N)

And a couple weeks ago he called me to talk about the merits of the old-style Gyrados (which he pronounces guy-rad-os sorry I can’t stop him) that has the dragon breath move, versus the new ones that don’t because Niantic made a change. And he has like 6 Gyrados because his work is by a Magikarp nest or something? HOW MANY fucking magikarp do you catch for 6 gyrados? He’s about to evolve two more. H E L P.

and he says shit like, “Learning about individualized values really radicalized my thinking.” and he means it. Before he evolves ANY pokemon he googles CP estimates and has a pokemon calculator??

This morning he called me because he finally has enough Dratini candy to evolve a fat fighting dragon and wanted to talk about which Dragonair he should evolve. (One with high CP but bad IVs, one with medium-high CP, but okay IVs, and one with the lowest CP of the 3, but A+ IVs) And at this point he’s so far beyond my skill with the game (he’s been higher-leveled than me for months now) that I don’t even know what to tell him. I literally can’t advise him.

My father is more of a pokemon master than I ever was. The other day he texted me the team rocket theme song.

[emirael]

Team Instinct. I told him I was Team Valor when I first told him about the game and he was like, “Okay I’ll join your team babe!”

And then idk he forgot?? And when his account crashed after a week he did a Pikachu restart (that should have tipped me off about the impending obession tbh) and he picked Instinct again.

I ain’t even mad bruh. He so clearly belongs in Instinct. He’s happy there. It’s his natural habitat. Before work he goes and meets up with some other Instinct people to take the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC. It’s super cute.

My dad will be your Team Instinct dad if you need one

[emirael]

So my dad has always been in the habit of getting to work early. I don’t know wtf he used to do, but now when he gets in early, he goes to the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC and apparently teams up with “some friends I’ve never met” to take down the gym for Team Instinct.

Then he goes to work and keeps the game open so he can grab Magikarp every couple minutes. Apparently his work is like ON a friggin nest.

He keeps his Pokemon Go habit a secret at work. Nobody knows. On his lunch break, he says, “hey I’m gonna go for a walk” and goes on a 12-pokestop loop. He makes sure to hit up the local Dratini and Pikachu nests (the presence of which is UNFAIR AF). He also take a few minutes to reinforce ‘his’ gym, by which point has been under attack a few times.

At work, he keeps his phone on data instead of wifi (he has unlimited data. For some godforsaken reason he went through 30GB/mo BEFORE Pokemon Go.) because that means his avatar jumps around a bit more?? He says he opens and closes the app a few times to reset it and get the GPS connection to reset and nab him a few pokemon.

Apparently he gets about 140 pokeballs a day. And goes through them all.

[emirael]

This got a new batch of notes, so here’s a Dad Update.

He has 114 Pikachu candy. I hate him. Apparently he’s watching the anime almost every night. He’s on season 2. I think he’s just gonna go through and watch it A L L which is a prospect so terrifying it needs no explanation.

Out of the 6 Gyrados he’s evolved, he’s kept the top 3. He sent me some screencaps the other day of his current top-contender Magikarp and the pokedex entry, where you can see he’s caught 585 of them.

Five hundred eighty five. Who tf has TIME for that??

Apparently he still hasn’t decided which Magikarp to evolve.

He should make level 28 in a day or so.

[airyairyquitecontrary-deactivat]

this dad will truly protect the world from devastation

[awwww-cute]

A 2 week old lemming in a spoon (Source: http://ift.tt/2lmfIsE)

[thank-you-everyone-deactivated2]

[thewickedavatar]

[ask-bot]

What’s the most simple thing you’ve ever had to explain to a fully competent adult?

[welcomedhappiness]

That you cannot fax money to someone.

[kurumawer]

Had someone accidentally fax us some paperwork. They then asked if we would fax it back due to the paperwork being confidential…

[jungle-plastic]

I have received a fax in an envelope. like… they took the documents, put em in an envelope, then faxed me a picture of the sealed envelope.

[asoulgonesince2002]

When I was a kid, I faxed my dad’s satellite office drawings of horses. I had watched my father send so many faxes that I had the process memorized. Except, for some reason I thought that I could fax things to grandma. I put in the numbers for the office every time, but was convinced that the faxes were going to grandma. I also didn’t think to inform my parents that I was doing this.

My dad visited the satellite office (three hour drive) one day and discovered their conference room white board absolutely covered in my drawings. The guys thought it was adorable that I sent drawings and letters to them, and didn’t tell my dad because they knew he’d stop me.

[pizzaalle]

That’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever heard.

[lady-averie]

I like that this just turned into stories about faxing