Trevor Noah: Lost in Translation
Omg this is all day facts of life today 2016
All dressed to the nines and tastefully outspoken.
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@roblarg232
Trevor Noah: Lost in Translation
Omg this is all day facts of life today 2016
All dressed to the nines and tastefully outspoken.
IM LAUGIHNG HARDER THAN EVER RIGHT THIS SECOND
Reblogging this again because Chris just made me realize that sheep are so stupid that I canāt even think like them:
These sheep? They are actually running away from the car.
They are so stupid that theyāre following each other in a circle around the thing they are running from.
SHEEPNADO
sheeple
The Daily Showās Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library Opens Today in New York
This is way better than I imagined.
Mimic Octopus has had enough of Dancing Crabās shenanigans
darn dancing crabs and their jazz crab hands
āHELLO MY BABY HELLO MY H-ā āNOā
i cant control my hand suddenly
[x]
three internet trends i will (regrettably) probably never grow out of:
⢠typing in a cresCENDO TO EXPRESS EXCITEMENT ⢠ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦..unnecessarilyā¦ā¦. longā¦ā¦ā¦.. ellipsisā ⢠puttinfh a typo in eveyr other word to shwo u dont really give a fukc but u actually do
also unnecessary!!!! punctuation marks??????? likeā¦ā¦ ??? what is going on here????? i!! am!!! so!!! excited!!!!
and⢠totally⢠unneeded⢠trademark symbolsā¢
personally I enjoy Random Capitalisation to show things are Very Important
can we also talk about starting a sentence and then kind of justĀ
stating something reblog if you agree
dude this isnāt even a collection of memes, this is a demonstration of internet grammar⦠anyone who says that when you type and communicate on the internet you lose too much inflection to get the real meaning just doesnāt understand internet syntax. the evolution of language in action.
the Rosetta Stone of the twenty first century
Also :) doing :) this :) to express :) bottled :) pain :)
or,,,,,using commas,,,,,, for elipsisā ,,,, bc,,, it sounds better,,, in your head,,,, than periods,,,,,,,
pu t ting sp a ces in your wor ds at r and om time s because w hat the fu ck
Is it just me, or did anyone else read all of these with different tones of voice, volume, and inflection?
yep definetely
in addition, responding to something only with !!!!!!!!!!!!!
because !!!!!!! makes a noise when I read it but if you ask me what that noise is I will just sit there and stare at you for three hours as my brain tries to understand exactly what the fuck to say
Cinematography Iām gay for: the Confident Woman Walk
@allofthefeelings:Ā #Moana#Wonder Woman#weāve found two of the four#where are confident lady walk earth and air?
Furiosa is Earth right?
YOU ARE CORRECT.
SOMEONE UPLOAD THE APPROPRIATE ICON PLEASE!
we need to find the confident lady walk of Air !!!
got it.Ā
Long ago the four nations lived in harmonyā¦.. And still do, because theyāre effing badass.
thisĀ šš¾
Do these straight people just like
Not actually comprehend anything happening right in front of them
this thread is the absolute holy grail of repeated self owns
This thread is making me wet
āI voted for a guy who wants to take rights away from people I love and got backlash for it :(ā
someone finally said it š©ššāļøšø
What I say: āIām touch-starved.ā
What you think I mean: āI need a hug.ā
What I truly mean: āI need someone to platonically lie across me with their full weight, crushing my body and providing deep pressure until my errant soul is reabsorbed into my flesh. Also, a hug would be nice.ā
Iāve had to explain this to people who think itās weird, but when I add,Ā āYou know⦠like catsā¦ā they seem to understand.
I thought this was funnier than I should have
Larissa Waters is an Australian Senator and member of parliament. She just made history by breastfeeding in the senate.
I lost my father to Pokemon Go and I regret so many life decisions. Iām the one who told him about the game. Iām the one who initially encouraged him. What have I done?
Now he starts every phone call with a Pokemon update. He gets all the names wrong and asks me what a Dragonite is called every time he brings up the āfat fighting orange dragonā
Itās gotten so bad heās started watching the anime on Netflix. Help.
Okay adding to this. My dad isnāt great at remembering the names of things. So during our pokemon update phone calls, he says shit like this:
āI have a cool pineapple head now!ā
āI was down to my last stripey ball trying to catch the blue dragon snake. I told him if he ran away I was gonna be so mad.ā
āAnd the gym had one of those big fat orange dragons!ā (he stillĀ canāt remember what a Dragonite is called)
BUT THEN. but then. heās also like, OUTRAGEOUSLY into it now? Heās level 27 and talks about howĀ āthe gym wars are brutal, babe,ā and how long it takes to take down a level 10 gym? (LEVEL T E N)
And a couple weeks ago he called me to talk about the merits of the old-style Gyrados (which he pronounces guy-rad-os sorry I canāt stop him) that has the dragon breath move, versus the new ones that donāt because Niantic made a change. And he has like 6 Gyrados because his work is by a Magikarp nest or something? HOW MANY fucking magikarp do you catch for 6 gyrados? Heās about to evolve two more. H E L P.
and he says shit like,Ā āLearning about individualized values really radicalized my thinking.ā and he means it. Before he evolves ANY pokemon he googles CP estimates and has a pokemon calculator??
This morning he called me because he finally has enough Dratini candy to evolve a fat fighting dragon and wanted to talk about which Dragonair he should evolve. (One with high CP but bad IVs, one with medium-high CP, but okay IVs, and one with the lowest CP of the 3, but A+ IVs) And at this point heās so far beyond my skill with the game (heās been higher-leveled than me for months now) that I donāt even know what to tell him. I literally canāt advise him.
My father is more of a pokemon master than I ever was. The other day he texted me the team rocket theme song.
Team Instinct. I told him I was Team Valor when I first told him about the game and he was like,Ā āOkay Iāll join your team babe!ā
And then idk he forgot?? And when his account crashed after a week he did a Pikachu restart (that should have tipped me off about the impending obession tbh) and he picked Instinct again.
I aināt even mad bruh. He so clearly belongs in Instinct. Heās happy there. Itās his natural habitat. Before work he goes and meets up with some other Instinct people to take the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC. Itās super cute.
My dad will be your Team Instinct dad if you need one
So my dad has always been in the habit of getting to work early. I donāt know wtf he used to do, but now when he gets in early, he goes to the Georgetown Cupcake gym in DC and apparently teams up withĀ āsome friends Iāve never metā to take down the gym for Team Instinct.
Then he goes to work and keeps the game open so he can grab Magikarp every couple minutes. Apparently his work is like ON a friggin nest.
He keeps his Pokemon Go habit a secret at work. Nobody knows. On his lunch break, he says,Ā āhey Iām gonna go for a walkā and goes on a 12-pokestop loop. He makes sure to hit up the local Dratini and Pikachu nests (the presence of which is UNFAIR AF). He also take a few minutes to reinforceĀ āhisā gym, by which point has been under attack a few times.
At work, he keeps his phone on data instead of wifi (he has unlimited data. For some godforsaken reason he went through 30GB/mo BEFORE Pokemon Go.) because that means his avatar jumps around a bit more?? He says he opens and closes the app a few times to reset it and get the GPS connection to reset and nab him a few pokemon.
Apparently he gets about 140 pokeballs a day. And goes through them all.
This got a new batch of notes, so hereās a Dad Update.
He has 114 Pikachu candy. I hate him. Apparently heās watching the anime almost every night. Heās on season 2. I think heās just gonna go through and watch it A L LĀ which is a prospect so terrifying it needs no explanation.
Out of the 6 Gyrados heās evolved, heās kept the top 3. He sent me some screencaps the other day of his current top-contender Magikarp and the pokedex entry, where you can see heās caught 585 of them.
Five hundredĀ eighty five. Who tf has TIME for that??
Apparently he still hasnāt decided which Magikarp to evolve.
He should make level 28 in a day or so.
this dad will truly protect the world from devastation
A 2 week old lemming in a spoon (Source: http://ift.tt/2lmfIsE)
Whatās the most simple thing youāve ever had to explain to a fully competent adult?
That you cannot fax money to someone.
Had someone accidentally fax us some paperwork. They then asked if we would fax it back due to the paperwork being confidentialā¦
I have received a fax in an envelope. like⦠they took the documents, put em in an envelope, then faxed me a picture of the sealed envelope.
When I was a kid, I faxed my dadās satellite office drawings of horses. I had watched my father send so many faxes that I had the process memorized. Except, for some reason I thought that I could fax things to grandma. I put in the numbers for the office every time, but was convinced that the faxes were going to grandma. I also didnāt think to inform my parents that I was doing this.
My dad visited the satellite office (three hour drive) one day and discovered their conference room white board absolutely covered in my drawings. The guys thought it was adorable that I sent drawings and letters to them, and didnāt tell my dad because they knew heād stop me.
Thatās one of the cutest things Iāve ever heard.
I like that this just turned into stories about faxing