Introdouching @rosesandlace - Tumblr Blog

weirdmageddon

psychic: *reads my mind* my mind:

josieandthepussycatsofficial

gayjimothy

a scientist and an icon

starcrossedcherik

But how can you leave out the line where our girl says “You didnt really think I was in love with you?”

Shit was iconic

gayjimothy

here you go:

koobaxion-deactivated20220403

Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.

Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.

So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.

So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).

Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”

This may be the funniest thing I have ever read. There are actual tears coming out of my face.

bimbocracy

Men think it’s ruder for a woman to say “don’t interrupt me” than it is for them to interrupt her in the first place

theadhdfiles-deactivated2020060

No, we think that it’s equally rude that you think just because you are a woman, that that excuses you from being rude.

bimbocracy

Aww, it’s baby’s first sentence. Next step is a coherent one.

imjustabagofbags

mybloodisstillalive-deactivated

superpagangirl

help-mywife

help, my wife got wine drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”

reactingtosomething

The Collector

theycallmebecca

I’ve seen this several times but I haven’t seen it posted with Zoe’s retweet

cosmoshoe-deactivated20190908

she only needs one more before she becomes unstoppable

lenarr-blog1

When the swamp about to be lit

blextrophy

icecoldorangejuice

5:38am

adhdheather

to remember how many feet there are in a mile, u just gotta use 5 tomatoes

five to-mate-oes sounds like five, two, eight, 0 and there’s 5280 feet in a mile

inoffizielles-deutschland

To remember how many meters there are in a kilometre you just remember “1000” because the system of measurement in the rest of the world wasn’t invented by a drunk mathematician rolling dice.