tags: fluff (angst if you squint), friends to lovers, emotionally constipated kakashi, jealousy, kind of oblivious reader, no cheating, gai is a wingman
synopsis: kakashi would never intentionally do anything to derail your new relationship. itโs not his fault comparisons are easily done. how can one steal oneโs girlfriend by simply existing?
or in which kakashi tries his hardest to keep burying his feelings but jealousy is harder to keep in check.
a/n: what was supposed to be a quick hc turned into a 4.5k fic that took me two months to finish. please.
masterlist
when he learnt you found a boyfriend, kakashi ignored gaiโs pointed, totally not discreet, stare. the one that screamed โrevolt against this injustice and declare the flame of your love before it is too late!โ
truth was, heโd almost even felt relieved. it comforted the quiet certitude that he would not be good enough โ that you, anyone, deserved better than a man haunted by his past. he could finally kill that flicker of hope that he selfishly harbored in spite of all this.
but he couldnโt, as it turned out. days bled into months, and with them, hope rotted into ache.
he even met the guy, once. at one of ankoโs get-together night he only agreed to go because she mentioned you would pass by. she forgot to add he would too.
โah, kakashi hatake, right?โ the man had gripped his hand firmly with a gentle smile. โy/n talks a lot about you.โ
his heart stopped. โoh.โ
your boyfriend laughed, warm. โnothing bad, donโt worry.โ but that was the furthest thing from his mind. โyou seem to be a formidable shinobi, and an even more formidable friend. itโs nice to finally meet you in person.โ
his throat was dry when he answered. โlikewise.โ
he hated himself for the resentment he couldnโt shake off. your boyfriend was a good person. he made you laugh. made you happy.
so kakashi ignored that foolish flicker whenever heโd hear you got into a fight with your lover. it was often because of the missions, the shinobi way of life that your civilian partner could not grasp fully. sometimes over more trivial things.
but it didnโt matter.
heโd be a good friend.
โyou seem distracted,โ the grey-haired ninja remarked the next month during a mission, catching your hazed gaze lost in the campfire youโd just set up.
โsorry,โ even your voice sounded weird, all tangled. โlot of stuff to think about.โ
a shiver rippled across your shoulder. kakashi was on his feet in the blink of an eye, nonchalant as he approached you quietly.
โit wasnโt a reproach,โ he softly dropped the blanket heโd bought on the roadโ knowing how sensitive you were to the cold โ on you. โjust know iโm here if you want to talk.โ
your lips parted in surprise. then you swiftly grabbed the blanket and tossed half over his knees.
โiโโ you scoffed as words ran dry on your tongue.
frustration etched itself in a deep frown as you found yourself unable to begin expressing the void that haunted you.
you shook your head in defeat โiโm bad atโฆ saying things out loud.โ
he knew.
but heโd been by your side long enough to have a pretty good idea of what was going on. โyour parentโs anniversary was last week.โ
not a question. your head whipped around, eyes wide in shock. โhow do youโฆ?โ
how couldnโt he.
he still vividly remembered the hole in his chest as he witnessed, jaw clenched, powerless, your collapse in the hokageโs office when he broke the news of your parentsโ death. youโd just return from a mission with him โ that was the last time he saw you so carefree and enamoured with life.
he never forgot the date โ years passed yet like clockwork, your smile still dimmed and youโd grow quieter each time the month came up.
โi visited rin and obitoโs graves. thought iโd stop by theirs too.โ the intensity you were staring at him with made his voice falter and he swallowed. โthey were good soldiers. even better people. iโฆ left flowers.โ
he didnโt have time to catch his breath when you knocked it out of him โ the brute force of your body colliding against him, your arms tightening against his shoulders, your chin digging into his muscle.
โoh kakashi,โ your whisper was muffled by the folds of his cloth. โthank you. thank you.โ
it was ridiculous to him that youโd thank him when he knew damn well you spent years honoring his former teammatesโ own grave. not because they mattered to you โ you had never known them much โ but because they mattered to him. he hoped his gesture made you feel as intimately cared for as you made him feel โ immensely less lonely.
โitโs just so hard, sometimes,โ you frowned, throat tied in knots, โto talk about it.โ
hesitant, his arm closed protectively around your body. the effort you were willing to make to confide, vulnerable and hurt, made him all the more desperate to erase the pain in your voice.
โi tried to. with him.โ kakashi stiffened, though he didnโt mean to. โi was on a mission that day and i couldnโt visit, so i asked him to buy flowers for them because bringing flowers is soโโ you swallowed like you could push down the emotions rising, โbut when i came back he told me he forgot. i thoughtโ i thought theyโd think i didnโt care anymoreโโ
a gasp for air made your chest jump and kakashi clenched his hands. he stayed silent, not trusting himself with anything he could say.
โit was stupid but iโ youโ they did receive some in the end. god, kakashi,โ his body shuddered when you buried your face deeper in the collar of his cloak. โsometimes i feel like youโre the only one whoโฆโ
you never finished your sentence.
kakashi never commented.
but from then, terrible as it was, he felt less guilty about his treacherous thoughts on your couple. less guilty about his wishful thinking.
but still, when push came to shove, he remained silent whenever the topic of your boyfriend was brought up.
he thought it was the respectful thing to do.
but of course, one day youโd catch him being too evasive. that happened on the way to your house, after a night out with your group of friends. you had confided a bit during the conversations โ how you still had doubts about the compatibility with his civilian way of life.
kakashi kept his mouth closed the entire time. but now, when it was just the two of you and the moon watching tenderly over the pair of you, you begged for his opinion with pleading eyes.
โi donโt think iโm the best person for you to ask.โ
you stopped, stunned by the answer. even when he didnโt know for sure, he always had a supportive comment or a thoughtful advice to offer โ one thatโd always appease your mind.
โuh? why?โ
he glanced at you sideways. silence stretched as he seemed to carefully pick his words.
โiโm afraid i wonโt be objective.โ
relief relaxed your muscles and you chuckled, shoving his shoulder playfully as you resumed walking.
โgood thing i donโt want objective! i want someone on my side. someone that wants the best for me. someone i trust. like you, kashi,โ you spin around to send him a wide grin, the affection of your statement reflected in your eyes.
there was a flower tucked behind your ear โ one you picked on your way, gasping when catching sight of the unlucky daisy whose stalk had been snapped in half by the force of the wind.
the vision of you made his heart jump a beat.
but kakashi hesitated again as he reached your level. his hands were shoved in his pockets nonchalantly, yet a weird tension simmered underneath his aloof exterior.
โsometimes iโm not sure if i want your best,โ he starts slowly, a deep frown carved between his brows as he looked up to the starry sky. โor if iโm being selfish.โ
your steps faltered โ so did your smile. you hated the guilt in his voice even more than the confusion in your mind. โโฆwhat do you mean?โ
you didnโt realize you were holding your breath until his response knocked it out of your lungs.
โwhat i mean is,โ he set his gaze down on you, so intense you felt your stomach twist. โi canโt give you advices about him that wonโt be coloured by what i want. so i prefer not to say anything.โ
none of you brought up this half-confession again the days after, but that didnโt prevent you from thinking about it non-stop.
the way it made your head spin with possibilities โ what the hell did he want that made him act so distant that night? did kakashi want you? or did he simply dislike your boyfriend? or was it something else entirely?
because if you listened to that treacherous, hopeful call of your heart โ if you read between the lines, kakashi had just admitted he liked you. and that thought โ it invaded your mind, it set your entire soul ablaze, it derailed your pulse the way nothing had before.
not even your boyfriend.
that much became clear when you were eating dinner, in the following days, and your eye caught sight of him cuting small pieces of the last few strawberries you had โ you loved strawberries. your boyfriend put them all in one cup.
you realized, you didnโt even hoped it was for you. you knew heโd eat them all alone. if you asked, of course, heโd share. but it didnโt come naturally.
you didnโt know why that had bothered you so much โ but it felt like a deep weight in your chest, nibbling at your heart; a voice that whispered in the back of your mind โwill you really just settle with being an afterthought?โ
and you only realized why that moment scarred you so deeply when a particular memory of your youth floated to the surface of your consciousness.
โthose rations are the worst, honestly.โ
โyes, y/n, you mentioned. three hundred times already, actually.โ
raidล yawned, ignoring your glare. worst thing was you knew he thought the same thing โ the little protein brown paste that were supposed to feed you for the entire duration of the mission were bland at best, disgusting at worst.
โiโm going to sleep,โ your teammate announced, slipping into a makeshift bed composed mainly of large leaves.
your eyes scanned the edge of the forrest. โkakashi didnโt come back from his scouting round yet. itโs getting late, donโt you think?โ
โwho knows what heโs up to?โ the brown-haired shinobi mumbled. โheโll be fine. you wait if you wish. wake me up if youโre too tired.โ
so you waited, gaze fixated on the darkness before you, ignoring the worry nibbling on your tranquility. what if he got caught? what if he was hurt? what ifโ
โyo.โ
you shrieked, body moving quicker than your mind as it wrapped itself around the person, pinning them to the ground in a taijutsu headlock.
โwell, now you just squished them.โ
you blinked the fog of the night away, taking a second too long to recognise the wild silver hair and the familiar mask.
kakashi didnโt seem too surprised to find your thighs firmly enveloping his waist and your right hand around his throat. you could even bet he was amused by your fright. his own arm was blocking your other hand โ which held a kunai that threatened to plunge into his chest. his fingers burned the skin of your wrist.
โare you crazy?โ you whispered, promptly freeing him from your hold. a sudden coldness made you all the more aware of the feeling of his body under yours.
your heart raced. adrenaline, probably.
kakashi sat up when you shifted out of his lap, but his eyes locked on the grass surrounding you. you followed his gaze.
โwhatโsโฆโ
strawberries were pouring from his pouch, some even scattered and indeed squished on the ground. no doubt because of you.
โi saw some on my way,โ one hand rose to scratch his grey hair, his detached voice concealing something.
the corners of your lips had stretched into a wide grin before you realized. you saw those bushes on the way too. they were miles away.
โoh my god, kakashi,โ your eyes sparkled with untamed excitement. โi could marry you right here.โ
you missed the way he froze entirely โ too busy picking up his pouch, a water jutsu splashing the fruits until they were ready to melt under your tongue.
you hummed in appreciation, shoving a few berries in his hands and diverting your gaze to offer him privacy while uncovering his face.
you had no doubt this little impromptu detour was spurred by your constant complaining about the rations, but you were fumbling under the weight of gratefulness, unable to find the right words.
โyou know, i love strawberries,โ you finally decided to say instead, your shoulder almost brushing his. โmy parents used to pack me some in all my lunch boxes at the academy.โ
you met kakashiโs gentle look, and warmth spread in your chest. how lucky were you to have someone like him
โi know.โ
the rumors of your break-up only reached kakashiโs ears shortly after it reached gaiโs. the energetic man had sprinted to his friend โ challenging him to a duel.
โand if i remember well, my dear rival, it is my turn to pick!โ
there was something too sparkly about his grin that kakashi noticed too late, once they were already stepping inside the yamanako flower shop.
โwhat are we doing here, gai?โ
โi challenge you to a flower arrangement duel!โ
โโฆno.โ
gai gripped his friend by the collar before he could walk out. โkakashi! you must compete against me! if you do, i will offer you a secret piece of information of great value to you.
the grey-haired couldnโt believe such childish bargaining had worked on him but his curiosity was piqued.
ten minutes after, he was holding a small, simple bouquet to inoichiโs face. the shop owner was already busy examining gaiโs composition with raised brows โ colours clashing, wild leaves fighting off delicate petals, thorns threatening to rip the wrapping paper.
gai gripped the man, whispering something in his ear. inoichiโs gaze snapped to kakashi and he nodded.
โiโd say i can not compare two beautiful works,โ he coughed a bit, avoiding kakashiโs doubtful look. โas a florist and a friend, i can not decide between you two.โ
โoh no! how will we set the winner!โ gai gasped dramatically. โwe mustโโ
โyou do know i just saw you say something to change inoichiโs mind?โ
โโfind someone else. oh my, is that y/n i see? letโs ask her!โ
once again, the grey-haired ninja found himself dragged in the street by gai, but this time his senses were more alert, eyes scanning around him to spot you.
โoh i forgot to tell you the information, kakashi. y/n is single again!โ not giving him the time to process his words, gai used all his strength to shove his friend in your direction.
except, gai was objectively very strong. his friendโs body came crashing on his target, sending the both of them on the ground. the copy ninja barely caught himself on his forearms to avoid crushing you with his weight. his nose brushed against yours.
you blinked.
โkakashi?โ
a storm of thoughts swarmed his mind, yet one tamed the others.
you looked absolutely beautiful.
also, this position was widely inappropriate.
and you broke up with your boyfriend.
shooting an apology, he wasted no time grabbing gently your hand and effortlessly hoisting you up.
โwhat are those flowers for?โ you smiled once you were back on your feet, and he suddenly remembered what brought him here and what his other hand was still gripping tightly.
โuh, itโs notโ gaiโโ he turned around to seek help but his friend was nowhere to be seen. only the chatter of the small shops nearby gave signs of life. the street where the two of you were standing was, in fact, desert.
of course.
the scheme he had been roped into was starting to make sense now.
โoh, those are my favourites!โ you suddenly exclaimed, fingers brushing said flowers. โi havenโt seen them in forever.โ
and kakashi stood there, dumbfounded, as he realized he already knew that. and that was probably why he even, unconsciously, gravitated towards those ones in the first place. because every fiber of his being seemed unable not to be wired to think of you. you, you, you, always you.
clearing his throat, the man ignored the fumbling sensation invading his body โ focusing instead on the softness of your smile, the shine of your gaze as it rose from the bouquet to him.
โyou should take them.โ
your eyes widened in surprise, but you were quick to deflect with a sheepish laugh. โoh, noโ i mean, if theyโre meant for someoneโโ
โah, forgive me,โ kakashi couldnโt help the smile under his mask, a surge of affection soothing his nerves. โi should have made myself clearer. they are meant for you, y/n. please accept them.โ
shit. the pout on your lips as your suppressed a grin made his heart clench.
after long seconds where the man stared down at you expectantly โ wondering why the hell you would refrain from smiling โ you began to squirm under his attention.
โwhy are you giving me flowers, hatake?โ the teasing tone of your question failed to mask your suspicion. or frustration. whatever the reason why you hadnโt grabbed the bouquet yet.
he could feel the curious glances of some civilians passing by, but focused all this attention on deciphering what the look you had right now meant.
โwell,โ he started, and โ because gaiโs voice, y/n is single, was still ringing in his ear like a prayer โ he couldnโt prevent the jealousy curiosity that, unprudently, pushed the words out of his mouth. โiโve heard about yourโฆ separation.โ
he had to pause to make sure he wouldnโt sound too satisfied.
โflowers always cheered you up. i hope they can celebrate a new beginning.โ kakashi hoped he didnโt sound too cheeky.
maybe he did. your face slowly fell, the smile vanishing from your lips. his heart dropped, realizing immediately he chose his answer wrong.
โsoโฆ pity flowers,โ bitterness coated your voice, and you raised your brows in a challenging manner.
his eyes widened. โno. itโs notโโ
โkakashi,โ you interrupted and his lips sealed shut immediately. โdo you know who is the last person to gift me flowers?โ
his mind jumped to the time your hands brushed his as you accepted his congratulatory bouquet โ three months ago, when you passed the exam to become a sensei. youโd train genins starting next graduation.
but then, the face of your boyfriend โ ex-boyfriend โ replaced the memory, and, sour, kakashi chose to remain silent rather than even voice his name out loud.
his arm dropped, the flowers lowering until they hung upside down in his grasp, brushing against his leg.
your frown deepened when you broke the silence. โitโs you, kakashi.โ
the world stopped spinning.
โand the time before that itโs also you. and probably a dozens of time before, too. andโ fuck, this is exactly what happened!โ
your voice shook as it rose, anger boiling with every exasperated thought that spilled from your lips.
โat some point, i realized i kept comparing you twoโ like a horrible, horrible girlfriend, because itโs just impossible not to notice everything he doesnโt know or doesnโt do when you exist!โ
a heavy drop of water crashed on your forehead, and it seemed to shake you out of your monologue. you sighed, running a hand in your hair. rain began falling timidly, making the few passerbyโs flee im search of a shelter.
โโฆsorry.โ
you laughed, one that sounded all too much like disbelief. โout of all the things, you apologize for that? iโm not mad at youโ i mean, i am, but not for that. i hate that youโre never honest with me about what it means to you when you do all these things. even today with those stupid flowersโ sorry, no, theyโre not stupid. youโre stupid. fuck. god, it took me years toโโ
you cut yourself off with a silent gasp, like you were about to reveal a secret, one kakashi really felt like heโd want to hear.
โto what?โ he took a step towards you, ignoring the way the rain grew heavier, soaking his clothes and the paper wrap around his bouquet.
you fled his gaze, your scowl wavering but still holding strong.
โkakashi.โ your eyes blinked furiously to chase off raindrops. โdo you love me?โ
the man always believed hell would break loose if you ever found out what selfish feelings he harboured. but if it did seem like the skies were pouring out, flooding konoha, wind whipping vehemently against the walls and streets roaring with the clash of rain against pavements โ kakashi never felt calmer.
he watched tenderly as your eyes found his, travelling along the sharp lines of his face, the wet strands of his hair dripping with water.
โyes.โ the word came out like it was the easiest thing to say.
you swallowed. rain slid over your face. a beat passed. โsince when?โ
โiโm not sure,โ he admitted slowly, carefully scrutinizing any of your reactions โ any tick of your muscle. โa long time.โ
your brows knitted together and you closed your eyes for a second, like the confession physically pained you.
โwhy didnโt you tell me?โ you pleaded, and your voice wavered under the weight of emotion โ guilt, regret, anger, kakashi couldnโt quite tell.
his heart clenched at the sight. gently, he grabbed your wrist and guided you to walk backwards, the ledge of a shop shielding you poorly from the rain.
your back softly hit the door. kakashi was so close, the bouquet he held with one hand brushed against your leg โ his other hand slowly let go of your wrist. the heat of your skin touching his had made your pulse jump. but it was nothing compared to the intensity with which your longstanding friend was looking down on you, keys to a box of pandore hanging from his lips.
โshame. or cowardice.โ his voice was steady, firm but not harsh, confident but humble โ like he always was.
the hurt and confusion in your eyes called for his most serious, sincere words and that was exactly what he wanted to offer.
โit was never out of a lack of love, y/n. the pain, grief, and regret i have known convinced me good things never last long,โ his eyes held your gaze gently. โi could not bring myself be so selfish as to risk losing or hurting you. you deserve more than a man like me.โ
he avoided your gaze for a fleeting second, his face harsher. โbut i can see that my actions still hurt you. forgive me.โ
the kakashi you knew was a man of few words โ a guarded man, who kept his deepest thoughts and feelings quietly locked inside. you peeked a few times, held your hands over the leeks to help him contain the grief that would sip through the cracks.
but this โ his most open, vulnerable, truthful confession โ you never dreamed of witnessing.
you feared you would never be the same again.
โsometimes, i donโt know if i want your best, or if iโm being selfish,โ you finally mumbled after a long silence, eyes glossy.
kakashi seemed puzzled for a second, even more so when you pointed an accusatory finger at him.
โthatโs what you told me, last time,โ you continued, a deep frown between your brows. โi spent days trying to figure out how the most selfless person i knew could think that of themselves.โ
his eye widened slightly.
โnow i know,โ your frown relaxed, brows quivering upwards instead, painting a saddened expression on your face. โiโm sorry i never realized what was going on in that head of yours.โ
you took a step forward, your head tilting back to keep staring straight into his pupil. it was blown out, tracking your every move more closely than what his calm exterior let out.
you inhaled sharply, ignoring the frenetic beat of your heart. the rain seemed to slow around you, as if to also catch your next words.
โand iโm sorry it took me so long to recognize what i feel,โ you said, and kakashi heard the guilt as much as he read it on your face. he gripped your fingers tighter, like he could erase it.
but then you moved even closer and he physically felt his body freeze โ and time.
soft lips gently pressed against his โ the material of the mask thin, yet it suddenly felt like a wall to kakashi.
the flowers slipped out of his hand, landing on the ground with a quiet thud.
it lasted a second.
one second for a kiss he spent a lifetime desiring and punishing himself for it.
โi love you,โ you murmured, throat tight with emotion, eyes sparkling. โstupidly so. and i want you to be selfish. if accepting my love, and being with me seems selfish to you โ i want you to be the most selfish man on earth.โ
there was a moment of floating, where the pair of you just stood there, on the edge of the city who saw you grow and fall as one. the skies still poured its heart content around you, some raindrops finding their ways to you through the cracks of your shelter.
then a flash of skin โ his two fingers hooked on the fabric of his mask and tore it down โ and in a split second, his lips came crashing onto yours, palm shooting up to cradle the side of your face.
you wasted no time enveloping his face with your hands, kissing kakashi with all the sheer force of the love you stopped denying.
not caring that his hair was still dripping wet, you let your fingers tug run through his hair, swallowing his soft groans like a drunken sailor whoโd not seen a drop of water for months.
โy/n,โ kakashi whispered as you pulled away to catch your breath. โare you surโโ
your lips caught his again and the question died on his tongue as quickly as it was answered. his hand travelled to your waist, gripping it like he would fall otherwise โ and you could have melted right here, right now, if he were not holding onto you so tight as he kissed so desperately.
none of you could tell how much time passed before you finally stepped away from each others. once your minds were clear enough to perceive anything other than the person standing before you, you realized the rain had weakened into a light drizzle, melodious songs from birds announcing the return of the sun before it peeked through the fleeting clouds.
kakashi could not tear his eyes from your face โ maybe out of adoration, maybe out of fear to still read any sign that everything that happened was dream. only when you bent to pick up the forgotten flowers splattered on the ground did he seem to break from his daze
โcโmon. letโs go,โ you grinned, the wet, dirty, squished, yet still radiant bouquet in your arms.
Kakashi had been undeniably thrilled when you squealed an excited 'yes!' at his hesitant offer to live together. He allowed himself excitement in the pitter-patter of his heart as he helped you gather your things, move boxes from your home to your soon-to-be shared one. A warm sensation that settled tentatively in his chest and slowly unfurled into every corner of his body and soon, those of his once cold and empty apartment.
Now Kakashi lay in bed, fidgety and uncharacteristically nervous. Nevertheless, his heart was warm and full in spite of his jittery nerves, content and hopeful. The flickering candlelight at the bedside took over for the fading sun as it tucked itself behind the distant mountains for the night, much like how Kakashi waited ever patiently for his lover. The faint sounds of you in the bathroom, preparing for bed, provided a sweetly unfamiliar domestic noise as his ever watchful eye drifted about his โ your โ bedroom. True, a couple of your belongings had long since snuck in with his over the course of your relationship. But seeing all your little trinkets and toiletries nestled between his like they always belonged had an intimacy, a finality that made the Copy Nin's heart lurch in his chest just a little. Kakashi's house had never quite felt as much like home as it did when you were in it. Now, he could call it that forever.
The first time his ritualistic 'I'm home' was actually answered with a bright 'welcome back!' โ by you in his kitchen, surprising him with dinner โ he was caught so off guard it nearly knocked the breath out of him. When you'd giggled and kissed the surprised look off his face, Kakashi knew he wanted this. You. Every day. It was selfish, but that was something you'd allowed him to feel long ago.
Now he grew warm under your fluffy throw blanket โ a new addition to his shuriken-print sheets. The colours clashed amusingly, but it only reminded him of the light and love you'd brought to his dark, bloodstained life. Perhaps an ill-fitting analogy, Kakashi mused, but he was a romantic literature enthusiast.
The distant rush of water shut off, followed by the soft click of a light switch and your footsteps padding across the hall. Kakashi sat up in bed, almost expectantly. You'd stayed the night with him countless times, followed this same routine with ease. But this time felt so different.
Your eyes met his as soon as you entered the room, giving him a bright smile that he returned weakly. Even over a year into your relationship, it never failed to make him blush just a little at how your eyes lit up when you saw him. Like you wanted him how he wanted you. Like he brought you the same happiness you brought him.
Kakashi watched as you sat at the vanity he never in a million years would've thought would exist in his bedroom. He gazed at you while you did your skincare akin to a dog watching its owner, his non-existent silver tail wagging patiently.
"This is so exciting," you grinned as you patted lotion into your face carefully. You met his eyes through the mirror and he smiled at your giddy reflection. "This is my legal house now and everything! I'm actually gonna live here. With you!" You stood and practically skipped over to the bed, and Kakashi opened his arms for you to settle into on instinct. "With me," he repeated dreamily.
Two content sighs sounded as you crawled under the blanket with him, the butterflies in Kakashi's stomach settling as you relaxed against him. Your arms curled around his waist as you both lay facing each other, his bicep pillowing your head as the other draped over your body. That sweet smile he was so fond of never left your face, mirroring his internal joy in a way that always made him feel so seen, so loved. A comforting companion in his tender emotions where he'd previously only felt vulnerable and alone.
"Does this feel different to you?" Kakashi asked softly, searching your pretty eyes. He almost regretted it when your smile faltered ever so slightly, the faintest crease in your brow that he immediately wanted to soothe away.
"What do you mean?"
He exhaled, looking past your shoulder. His thumb drew mindless patterns against your spine as he tried to put his ever-confusing feelings into words. Having you here in his arms, knowing you'd given him the unspoken promise of forever โ how could he begin to describe how that made him feel?
"Just feels different to all the other times you've been here," Kakashi murmured, meeting your gaze again as you looked at him with a silent go on. "Knowing... you'll be here when I wake up. And every other night from now on." He swallowed nervously. "Feels different. But good different."
You blinked at him for a moment, and then your smile returned. Kakashi couldn't deny his sense of relief.
"It is a good different." Your voice was gentle, sweet, all the things Kakashi loved about you. You snuggled closer to him and he hugged you tight. "Thank you, 'Kashi."
"Mm, whatever for?"
"For letting me be here." You gazed at him earnestly, with such pure affection he almost grew shy. "It means a lot to me that you chose me for this." Kakashi listened incredulously as you continued. "That you continue to choose me. Thanks." You ended with a happy grin, booping the mole on his chin.
You say things he always tries and fails to put into words with such ease. But now you felt the need to thank him? Him?
"Should be thanking you," Kakashi muttered as he nuzzled into your neck, leaving feather-light kisses against your collarbone. You huffed out a laugh that made him smile against your skin. "We're not going back and forth with this," you said before he could go on because you knew exactly how he would.
He scoffed lightly and moved back to look at you. "Quit reading my mind," he teased with a light pinch of your cheek. The squeak he got in response made him chuckle. The laughter, the love, the warmth you gifted him was welcomed readily. Change was daunting, but with you, it felt right.
When the candle was out and your breathing slowed against his chest, Kakashi knew he wanted this every night. Forever was a promise no shinobi could make, but for once, the love he felt was so overwhelming it outweighed the fear of one day losing you. It was inevitable, but just maybe, he could come to a semblance of peace with that.
But that was a thought for later. For now, Kakashi just held you closer and whispered those secret little words that so rarely passed his lips.
anyway god bless big, huge, bear-coded men whoโs whole body can blanket you in the winter to keep you warm and also easily press you hard into the mattress with every push of their heavy hips YEY
Trying to quiet your moans and your f/o doesnโt scold you, they know you get a bit shy, but they do slip their thumb between your lips to open your mouth anyway because theyโll get you to be vocal one way or another
dry humping that gets so intense he canโt help that he comes in his pants but itโs okay he makes it up to you by eating you out until youโve finished at least 3 times
The King of Curses sat upon his throne, and yet you had no issue glaring up at him. As if it were your stare that could cleave. Your hands that could ignite his shrine into blitz and ember.
Bundled in a silk blanket and babbling up at you with eyes as ruby as her father's, your daughter chewed on her thumb. Blissfully oblivious to the tyrant from which she came.
Sukuna refused to hold her.
It was subtle, at first. When she was born, he claimed that it was vital for a baby to stay close to its mother. For warmth, food and comfort.
It had been four weeks, and your husband hadn't so much as grazed her tiny pinkie.
"Why?" You asked, anger blooming in your throat like the flowers he had planted in the gardens for you. He would sully his knees in the soil and his hands in the mud for your benefit, but couldn't bear to hold the life that he had created?
Sukuna's face was hard in a scowl. Each maroon eye glaring into your soul.
A beat of silence.
"I do not want to."
You flared, clinging your baby closer. "Are you ashamed? Ashamed of the life we created?"
"No, damnit womanโ"
"Then why!?"
"Because I will mar her!"
The shrine shook as he shoved himself out of his throne. Standing now. It was at his full height that you recognised the being thousands feared. Four arms, two faces, and a stature that rose from hell.
His glare burned, but it wasn't anger. Face twisted in an emotion you hadn't seen enough from him.
"I willโ hurt her. Is that what you want?"
Vulnerability.
Your daughter startled. Sniffling at the booming voice that rattled the floors. You watched her face squish and her lip quiver, before a broken, hiccuped sob filled the air.
His shoulders sunk. The fight seeping out of him. You watched his eyes swell with many things you'd never seen before.
Guilt, sadness.
Fear.
Rocking your startled baby, you held her close with soft shushes, but her sniffles soon turned into wails. Sukuna's stood frozen, sullen.
You understood, now.
Cradling the small girl, you stepped forward. Up the stairs to the platform of his throne. Even as he took a step back, you persisted.
"Sukuna. . ." You called to him. Soft in the way that only you were capable of being with him.
He almost flinched.
"This child, she's ours. Our daughter, made with love."
You stood right in front of him now. Taking in his wound up muscles and squared shoulders. Looking more like a deer ready to sprint than a father.
A father who feared that his hands were too rough, too evil, to nurture his own child.
"You won't hurt her. Because she's ours." Reaching forward, you held out the sobbing bundle. Watching his face and the several shades of uncertainty it turned.
You had never seen him so. . . frightened.
You pushed past his hesitancy, carefully placing your daughter into a set of his hulking arms. She was tiny compared to him. Seemed he was processing that too.
Aiding his position, you slipped one of your hands to tenderly hold him by the bicep as he, for the first time ever, held his daughter.
His breath was hitched. All of his eyes gaping at the small bundle in his arms. Watching her as if she were the most delicate piece of porcelain.
Your daughter's sobs stirred into sniffles, then hiccups, until. . . silence.
As big, ruby eyes stared up at her father. Taking him in. His face, his warmth.
And then, she beamed a toothless smile.
Sukuna tensed. A shaky breath hitching.
"She'sโ she's smiling. Why is she smiling?"
He quickly looked to you. Brows pinched. Looking lost, looking scared.
You offered him a smile, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. "Because she knows that her father loves her." Tickling her neck, you hummed as she squirmed a bit and giggled, pressing more into him.
He instinctively held her closer. Eyes unblinking.
You watched as Ryomen Sukuna, The King of Curses, melted. His heart swelling as he stared at his daughter. Even bringing one of his fingers closer to her, so that she could grab at it. Hugging around it with that big, bring smile.
His mouth quirked at the corner. Faint, but tender.
"Yeah. . ." He whispered, voice thick with emotion. Centuries worth of affection for his child, his daughter.
"Your father loves you. More than anything. More than life."
ยฉ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐. no plagiarism or ai training authorised. divider: @/cheriisoda. art cred: @/lacquerheadd
๊ฐ ๐ท โธฐย โฆ enjoyed this piece? ย ๊ฑ consider joining my patreon or commissioning me <3 I appreciate all the support!
Kakashi had been undeniably thrilled when you squealed an excited 'yes!' at his hesitant offer to live together. He allowed himself excitement in the pitter-patter of his heart as he helped you gather your things, move boxes from your home to your soon-to-be shared one. A warm sensation that settled tentatively in his chest and slowly unfurled into every corner of his body and soon, those of his once cold and empty apartment.
Now Kakashi lay in bed, fidgety and uncharacteristically nervous. Nevertheless, his heart was warm and full in spite of his jittery nerves, content and hopeful. The flickering candlelight at the bedside took over for the fading sun as it tucked itself behind the distant mountains for the night, much like how Kakashi waited ever patiently for his lover. The faint sounds of you in the bathroom, preparing for bed, provided a sweetly unfamiliar domestic noise as his ever watchful eye drifted about his โ your โ bedroom. True, a couple of your belongings had long since snuck in with his over the course of your relationship. But seeing all your little trinkets and toiletries nestled between his like they always belonged had an intimacy, a finality that made the Copy Nin's heart lurch in his chest just a little. Kakashi's house had never quite felt as much like home as it did when you were in it. Now, he could call it that forever.
The first time his ritualistic 'I'm home' was actually answered with a bright 'welcome back!' โ by you in his kitchen, surprising him with dinner โ he was caught so off guard it nearly knocked the breath out of him. When you'd giggled and kissed the surprised look off his face, Kakashi knew he wanted this. You. Every day. It was selfish, but that was something you'd allowed him to feel long ago.
Now he grew warm under your fluffy throw blanket โ a new addition to his shuriken-print sheets. The colours clashed amusingly, but it only reminded him of the light and love you'd brought to his dark, bloodstained life. Perhaps an ill-fitting analogy, Kakashi mused, but he was a romantic literature enthusiast.
The distant rush of water shut off, followed by the soft click of a light switch and your footsteps padding across the hall. Kakashi sat up in bed, almost expectantly. You'd stayed the night with him countless times, followed this same routine with ease. But this time felt so different.
Your eyes met his as soon as you entered the room, giving him a bright smile that he returned weakly. Even over a year into your relationship, it never failed to make him blush just a little at how your eyes lit up when you saw him. Like you wanted him how he wanted you. Like he brought you the same happiness you brought him.
Kakashi watched as you sat at the vanity he never in a million years would've thought would exist in his bedroom. He gazed at you while you did your skincare akin to a dog watching its owner, his non-existent silver tail wagging patiently.
"This is so exciting," you grinned as you patted lotion into your face carefully. You met his eyes through the mirror and he smiled at your giddy reflection. "This is my legal house now and everything! I'm actually gonna live here. With you!" You stood and practically skipped over to the bed, and Kakashi opened his arms for you to settle into on instinct. "With me," he repeated dreamily.
Two content sighs sounded as you crawled under the blanket with him, the butterflies in Kakashi's stomach settling as you relaxed against him. Your arms curled around his waist as you both lay facing each other, his bicep pillowing your head as the other draped over your body. That sweet smile he was so fond of never left your face, mirroring his internal joy in a way that always made him feel so seen, so loved. A comforting companion in his tender emotions where he'd previously only felt vulnerable and alone.
"Does this feel different to you?" Kakashi asked softly, searching your pretty eyes. He almost regretted it when your smile faltered ever so slightly, the faintest crease in your brow that he immediately wanted to soothe away.
"What do you mean?"
He exhaled, looking past your shoulder. His thumb drew mindless patterns against your spine as he tried to put his ever-confusing feelings into words. Having you here in his arms, knowing you'd given him the unspoken promise of forever โ how could he begin to describe how that made him feel?
"Just feels different to all the other times you've been here," Kakashi murmured, meeting your gaze again as you looked at him with a silent go on. "Knowing... you'll be here when I wake up. And every other night from now on." He swallowed nervously. "Feels different. But good different."
You blinked at him for a moment, and then your smile returned. Kakashi couldn't deny his sense of relief.
"It is a good different." Your voice was gentle, sweet, all the things Kakashi loved about you. You snuggled closer to him and he hugged you tight. "Thank you, 'Kashi."
"Mm, whatever for?"
"For letting me be here." You gazed at him earnestly, with such pure affection he almost grew shy. "It means a lot to me that you chose me for this." Kakashi listened incredulously as you continued. "That you continue to choose me. Thanks." You ended with a happy grin, booping the mole on his chin.
You say things he always tries and fails to put into words with such ease. But now you felt the need to thank him? Him?
"Should be thanking you," Kakashi muttered as he nuzzled into your neck, leaving feather-light kisses against your collarbone. You huffed out a laugh that made him smile against your skin. "We're not going back and forth with this," you said before he could go on because you knew exactly how he would.
He scoffed lightly and moved back to look at you. "Quit reading my mind," he teased with a light pinch of your cheek. The squeak he got in response made him chuckle. The laughter, the love, the warmth you gifted him was welcomed readily. Change was daunting, but with you, it felt right.
When the candle was out and your breathing slowed against his chest, Kakashi knew he wanted this every night. Forever was a promise no shinobi could make, but for once, the love he felt was so overwhelming it outweighed the fear of one day losing you. It was inevitable, but just maybe, he could come to a semblance of peace with that.
But that was a thought for later. For now, Kakashi just held you closer and whispered those secret little words that so rarely passed his lips.
