The worst thing that ever happened to LGBT+ discussions was the attempt at creating rigid definitions for diverse experiences that often exist on a sliding scale, or are fluid. Some lesbians experience attraction to men. Some gay men, who were forced to marry women for their own safety, did really love their wives. Some people are man and woman at the same time. Your gender identity and sexual orientation can change over time. In the 70s it was common knowledge that bi women could also be lesbians. Some people defy categorization just by their existence. Some people choose to reject categorization.
I saw on reddit a post of a girl who was asking for romantic advice that made me wish post like this one were plastered all around the place. Her trans friend confessed he had romantic feelings for her, and she was in love with him before he came out as trans, but since she was a lesbian she "couldn't date him anymore", and was asking for ways to deal with heartbreak and move on, while I wanted to rip my hair off. Guys. Labels are supposed to help you find community and further your understanding of yourself, not to impose limits on what you can and cannot do. You can't let your labels define who you can and cannot date, as if they were a divine and unchangable sentence. Sometime you fall in love and that's it. You don't have to redefine your whole identity. You can love one man and still feel that lesbian is the label that fits you better, or even most of the time. No amount of "I can't love him, I'm straight" has ever erased a crush. I don't understand why the reverse should work.











