Ouro

They/Them | 24 | Minors DNI pls ! | Hollanov/Steddie brainworms

[russianblush]

mr. uh.....landlord

[shanesloverboy]

Wyatt Hayes noticing that notorious ladies man Ilya Rozanov added a fancy ring to his necklace:

[daiiku]

[connorhudsongifs]

HUDSON WILLIAMS as HENRY PARK in YAGA (2026)

[axi-the-tapeworm]

pro-ship and anti-ship is stupid everyone should be pro-block button and anti-harrasment so we can move on its really not that hard

[ilyannarozanova]

Shane Hollander post coming out mic'd up slinging the most cutting, vicious, objectively true comments about his opponents' play styles and hockey prowess, always delivered in his most serious deadpan captain voice that betrays zero personal attachment to the results of whatever scathing advice he's giving out. He never uses players' names either, just numbers. It drives the rest of the league fucking insane.

Some examples of Shane chirps that cause full-on brawls while he skates cleanly away to go chug designer electrolyte saline solution by the bench with his delighted husband:

"Hey Number 56 if you practiced your footwork more you could catch up to me and look me in the eye while calling me slurs"

"Hey 34 your team might have a shot at winning something next year without you so if you want to be a real team player then consider quitting"

"Hey bud, ice is pretty slippery and hurts to fall on so maybe consider learning how to skate before getting on the rink next time"

"Hey 23 I know you'll always be one behind me but you could try a little harder not to take that literally every time we play"

And Ilya's personal all-time favorite that has him giggling and kicking his feet for weeks:

"I'd love to disrupt my usual style and throw something at you that's not objectively true, but all the best chirps already are so I'm out of good options :/"

[russianblush]

ilya: *consent king* shane: please just shut up and fuck me

[ilyasmole]

connor storrie for snl

[aropride]

why is there an upgrade button on gmail. why does twitter want me to scan my palm to get into my account. why is google a chatbot. why does the transit app make a transit app wrapped for me. why does youtube keep shoving its infinitely scrollable shortform content down my throat. why do my doctor and psychiatrist and therapist want to use an ai notetaker during our appointments. why do free trials want my credit card number. why are most scholarship websites just data brokers. how do i make capitalone stop sending me mail. why is my school making its own special chat gpt powered chatbot. why is every third video on instagram an undisclosed ad. why is nothing online real anymore. why is everything so FUCKING STUPID

[gracielufreebush]

Ilya Rozanov is a big, beefy athlete who gets paid millions to violently smash into other men on the ice, and he transforms into a dramatic damsel in distress the moment his husband comes into the room. There is no jar that is opened or trash that is taken to the curb by anyone but Shane.

“Shane, TV remote is all the way over there. Is almost in other time zone. My arms are weak, can you get it please, Shane.”

“Shane!! Shane, I have cut from cardboard! It’s bleeding, Shane, can you do first aid? I think I need mouth to mouth, Shane, I’m fading fast!”

“Shane, I am so thirsty I think my throat is atrophied from being dry.” (Earns a “wow, atrophied, where did you learn that word?” from Shane.)

“Shane, I’m getting sick, can you rub special cream on my chest? I am losing strength, Shane, I don’t think there is much time.”

*walks in door, first thing he says* “Shane, I almost was stranded today. My car was on E and my big, strong husband was not there to pump gas. I was coasting to gas station on fumes and vibe only, Shane.“

[hudkarma]

Hudson baby I'm so sorry they aren't remembering the sheer cunt that was served that night

but I will always remember

[emziess]

Hudson Williams for Men's Health

[actuallysara]

shane hollander is a jock, a dude, a 200 pounds man, a captain, he's been giving interviews and speeches before he could even walk, he plays in front of thousands and thousands of people and loud af crowds, he's a performer, he's constantly in front of cameras, he's been under scrutiny his whole life, he's an athlete, he breathes-eats-sleeps-shits sport, he swears, he's masculine, his hockey gear is probably putrid, he's a certified mcgymbro™, he only wears athletic stuff, he models, he does commercials, his main personality trait is hockey, he's kissed and hugged by his sweaty teammates in the locker room, he's ripped, he's an asshole, he's sarcastic, he's a bitch, he uses "fuck" every three words, he hires a stylish and a designer because his taste is bro. and he is all that while being neurodivergent too. and a bottom.

[wizardshark]

Where are they now: little German boy

[wizardshark]

[thatoneautisticshark]

Marlelau gets the nickname Big red because well... Clifford. And no one really thinks twice about it, until Russian rookie Ilya is highly confused by this nickname. They show him Clifford the big red dog.

But after this, the name starts to change, just sometimes, in the way nicknames will. Red dog. Big dog. And eventually somehow it lands on Pup, or puppy and doesn't change to much from there.

At some point some poor person is interviewing someone on the team and is like "That was a good okay from Marleau, wasn't it?"

"Oh yeah, great shot from Pup."

Marleau interacting with fans and Ilya is like "Puppy!" And his head snaps up instantly because that is his name.

The internet thinks the Raiders are in some team wide puppy play kink shit.

[assignedilyaoftheday]

your assigned ilya of the day is breasting boobily through the horrors

[themoonandmyman]

We’ve talked at length today about Ilya’s horrific childhood but can we re-centre the unrestrained joy of a man who never truly got to be a child, falling in love with the safest man in the world, who also never truly got to be a kid, and both of them learning to play again? Silly roleplay, doing bits, making inside jokes, wrestling each other and playing video games and chasing each other throughout the cottage with a towel for Butt Whoopin’. Laughing like maniacs. Let’s all live forever..