gonna commit an arson

live fast die young leave a hot body. madi. she/her.

[willgrahamscock]

⚠︎ ! your body has kept the score.

[willgrahamscock]

⚠︎ ! hospital ⚠︎ !

[enki2]

[liminalstrands]

Good news! It gets worse!

I think it's the galactic orbit thing that really did me in

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHARKS HAVE BEEN AROUND THE GALAXY TWICE

[pilgrimattinkercreek1974]

Help

[clarafordahwin]

[probuccalfat]

it’s fucking wild because one day you’re like i guess i’m not dying tragically young and you go to the store and you buy dental floss, ingredients for soup, and a bath mat

[probuccalfat]

it’s this sentiment in practice, in day to day.

[pulpfanfiction]

do you guys ever think about how the Holy Mackerel in tf2 is maybe the best melee weapon in any video game ever?

[pulpfanfiction]

i struggle to think of anything even remotely as funny as hitting someone with a fish in a newspaper while the kill feed counts the number of Fish Smacks this person has taken before loudly announcing that they sadly perished due to FISH KILL!

[morganbritton132]

Me: You know how when you were a kid and you’d wish that you’d get sick or injured in a way that would justify why you didn’t live up to your potential?

Everybody, apparently: No?

[doppelbangin]

Run into a cave and break your ankle so that people have to come find you and they see you lying at the bottom of this beautiful cave and maybe there’s a waterfall and the light from the crystals makes you look really beautiful and they say “Are you okay?” and you say “I think so” and they say “oh my God have you been here alone this whole time with a broken ankle” and you say “it’s okay” and they say “you’re so brave” and you are brave and you look so beautiful surrounded by cave crystals and everyone stands over you and says “oh wow” and “you poor beautiful thing” and “I’m so sorry we let you run into the cave but I’m so glad we found you” and let them carry you home and promise to be your best friends forever and that everything’s their fault and also they named the cave after you and you’re prettier than all of your enemies and your enemies all died of jealousy while you were in the cave.

“How to Respond to Criticism” by Danny M. Lavery for The Toast

[gamemakerm]

seems like plenty of people are lacking the Vitamin

[sexygaywizard]

Things are happening on reddit

[apokalypse-arisen]

[skimble-shanks-the-railway-cat]

You know if I was a full time weaver I would stand ominously over people

[skimble-shanks-the-railway-cat]

LOOMING

[coolhotdad]

my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.

[youstoodmeupforayardsale-mo-blog]

this passed the bechdel test

[lilboreddev-blog]

reblog if your name isn't Amanda.

[thatblackwatchdouche-blog-blog]

2,121,566 people are not Amanda and counting!

We’ll find you Amanda.

[world-heritage-posts]

world heritage post

[catchymemes]

"Genesis", Oil on canvas by Matthew Cornell

[00111010-01010000]

[whereserpentswalk]

Sometimes I forget how alien the world used to be. How our earth used to be entirely diffrent in so many wonderful ways. How we can never see it, but as humans we can understand and know, we can know, we can know.

[hotvampireadjacent]

Big things are happening in Illinois

[pissvortex]

🫡

[paper-mario-wiki]

there's a game which automatically conscripts you into play when you create a tumblr account, and its scoring rubric looks like this

and if too many of the things you want to have sex with are in the pink zone of this triangle you score low.

you have probably seen this game played without realizing it. whenever somebody says "hear me out" they are looking to score more points.

[paper-mario-wiki]

yes, thank you

[girlmostlikely]

This is insane

[the-prophesied-disco-gay]

[seathiing]

Every time I remember this I laugh so hard I cry

[caats]

[scarabesque-returns]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

enough toxic masculinity I'm ready for salubrious mexicanity. I'm ready for a social movement that encourages (esp straight, cis) men to indulge in things that make them more joyful, emotionally healthy, and help them strengthen not core muscles but core compassionate communication skills.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I cannot stress enough that I have a minor speech impediment and voice-to-text decided it was more likely that I said "mexicanity" than "masculinity." I was not in fact alluding to the potential healing benefits of being Mexican. I am however perfectly content with this post being about that instead.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

many thanks to those who thought this post was about gomez addams. from this moment forward, tis

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

glad to see my tags have been greenlit by the studio audience!

#gomez addams--peak masculinity #this is what the machismo ideal looks like #he's short. he worships his tall scary wife. every night is ballroom dancing date night. and he waltzes with such SWAGGER. he is so excited each and every day to wake up and be a husband a father a brother. he encourages all of his family in their interests. he is a friendly and (tries to be a) helpful neighbor. he spends his time swordfighting & loving his family & playing with train sets #peak performance