Sleuthing For Sale

Foodie, Cat Dad, University Student, Amateur PI Closed RP for Wicked’s Rest.

[kellydays]

It's how they we haze the newbies. Warnin' you off. You get used to it. 'Sides, there're plenty of places in town that are safe enough and plenty of rustic New England charm to go around. [...] Don't think I've tried the chowder, though.

So long as you keep your nose clean, you'll do just fine, kid. [User feels painfully old.] Stay in school.

[rudydoobydoo]

I guess that makes sense, it's probably fun to lean into the spookiness instead of dismissing everything. All this time and no chowder? That and lobster are the first on my list of things to try once I stop being broke.

[causefulmoon]

You're like, so right. It would be funny to watch him crash and burn. It's his own fault he doesn't know how to talk to women, right? He's a grandpa, he should at least have the experience.

It's totally embarrassing.

[rudydoobydoo]

If he's that old and trying to pick up somebody from the bar like that, that means many years of 0 game whatsoever. Embarrassing indeed. He should try to pick up women his own age anyway. I'm sure this town has a bingo hall, he can try there lmao

[themirrorremembers]

okay thank god, i thought i was seeing things...there's more of them? thats it no more beach after curfew i refuse to die by odd pirates thank you, i uh, thats a good thing to know.

oh. lenny the pirate? he could do better. i like Black Eyed Brooks. lets keep that. My daughter told me she heard about him at school and has dubbed him "Clammy' because "clams also live on the beach mom".

i tried to tell Rachel that this guy is a bit much...but shes insisting on Clammy aka Black Eyed Brooks. my theory is shes trying to make it memorable to compete with angela's daughter's ocean themed party from last one. but i feel like this is the wrong approach.

never join a facebook mom group. i wish i didn't know this shit

[rudydoobydoo]

Yeah, a whole crew! They really spared no expense. Clammy is cute! I'm not sure how he'd feel about the name, but it still has to be better then Lenny. Plus I'd be much more willing to hire Clammy the Pirate for a kid's party.

I'd be very curious to know what Clammy says when she tries to hire him. Who knows, maybe he's great with kids after all. Do you think he can make a balloon parrot? I think that would be a big hit. Even so, probably not worth it just to outdo Angela. (Whoever that is)

[dirtypawscleanboots]

That's a good question. I only recently learned about it. Rumor has it, the ghost pirates like to make their way to shore, and that making a deal with them could leave you walking the plank! Argh! If you believe all of that bullshit of course.

[rudydoobydoo]

A deal, eh? It's a good thing I don't like making deals, especially with spooky ghost pirates. Not that I believe it anyway, I mean the whole idea seems ridiculous if you really think about it. Definitely not terrifying. Definitely not looking out my window checking for spectral swashbucklers right now

[highoctanegem]

There are no dumb questions, babe, we know this. Except when the waiters ask me if I'm still eating that Like why are you offending me by assuming I won't be able to finish my Welcome to town! My name is Jade and I can give you a little tour whenever you want. Welcome basket included. It's super stressful being a newbie, you know? I was you.

Spooky foreboding things are this town's bread and butter, so yup. It's new, but you can bet it's gonna end up something fun :) I probably would like, stay clear of it for a while, though, just so they can set up properly.

[rudydoobydoo]

Wow, some much needed positivity. Thanks! I can get used to the spooky vibes with time, I think. I'm Rudy, and a tour would be nice! It seems like there are plenty of really fun and not spooky things to do here. My intrusive thoughts are winning out on getting closer to the ship though

[rudydoobydoo]

What's your favorite scary movie?

The phrasing of your question wants me to say it's Scream for meme value, but if you want my honest answer it has to be John Carpenter's The Thing. Masterpiece from start to finish with much fewer resources than modern filmmakers have.

[incatsclothing]

Are you even allowed to run a business out of a dorm room?

[rudydoobydoo]

I mean, people run businesses out of their houses and apartments, right? I don't see how this is any different. Besides, there's nothing explicitly against it in the university's handbook. Probably because nobody's tried to do it before.

[causefulmoon]

Actually???? That's good. I like that one. It's kind of threatening, and I definitely think he needs to get over himself and not do the angel pick up lines anymore.

Ugh, right? It just happens when you work at a bar, I guess. Some dude was talking to this lady and used that and I gagged. I told him that I'd help him come up with other ones, but now I kind of just want to watch him fall.

[rudydoobydoo]

You should give him terrible ones on purpose, just to see him crash and burn. It can actually be helpful in the long run. Might teach him to be a little more creative than just pre-packaged one liners.

[technowarden]

Ooh! What kind of things do you investigate?

[rudydoobydoo]

Any and everything within reason! Mostly the unexplainable though. DM for more details!

[rudydoobydoo]

What are three things on your bucket list?

See and walk through Huasteca Potosina. I've always heard the nature is amazing, but I haven't been to Mexico since I was a little kid visiting family, so I've never been there.

Act in a movie. I don't even have to star or have any lines. Just being on set and getting to be a part of it all would be enough for me.

Skydiving. I'm big on (relatively safe) adrenaline.

[rudydoobydoo]

With all of the pirate weirdness in town, there are many people who have a lot of questions. Frankly, they seem to be the tip of the iceberg in terms of things people have questions on. That's why I have decided to formally launch my junior private investigation service! Enigmas, Inc. is officially up and running. If you are a UMWR student or faculty member (or really anybody, but jobs off campus will cost more.) with a sneaking suspicion that something isn't 100% as it seems, then please feel free to reach out.

I've gone ahead and attached an image of my 100% official professional business card. Please reach out only if you have a serious business inquiry! I look forward to cracking some cases with you all.

[user attaches the following very professional and serious looking image]

[rudydoobydoo]

What's the best gift you've ever received?

Before I left for college, my dad gave me a ring that's been passed down for the last five generations. It's an item that serves as a conduit that's supposed to enhance the magic abilities of the one wearing it. Being gifted this ring means you're officially an adult and can be trusted to do great things with your abilities. Now I just have to prove it...

It's in great shape for how old it is, plus it still looks really cool! They just don't make them like they used to.

[themirrorremembers]

uhhh listen. in my short six months of being here, I've never seen quite such dedication to a character. That man is just so convincing. I mean seriously, he must have some disney parks character training type shit because that man is an inhumanly amount of weird. good for him!

ha! get it? inhuman amount of weird. javier would've liked that jo

[user backspaces immediately]

any idea if he does birthday parties? a mom in my facebook group "The Real Housemoms of Wicked's Rest" is asking.

I cannot believe I just admitted to being in that horridly named group.

What has motherhood done to me

It is literally just to find the occasional sitter I swear

[rudydoobydoo]

You mean the pirate guy? He's probably with the rest of the actors on the ship, his dedication to the bit is extremely impressive though! Someone told me his name was Lenny? I don't know, in my head I feel like his name would be a lot cooler than that. Like...Black Eyed Brooks or something.

His act seems a little uh...morbid intense for a kid's party. Maybe a superhero would work better? There are tons of people who do that.

[causefulmoon]

I need everyone's best pick-up lines. Now, go. I need to prove this idiot that the stupid 'you fell from heaven,' bullshit is like, so outdated.

[rudydoobydoo]

Are you my appendix? Because I have no idea what you do, but this weird feeling in my gut says I should take you out.

But really, pick up lines are kind of lame and impersonal. Whatever happened to trying to find something pleasantly unique about a person and leading with that? How am I the one being old fashioned about this?

[vivlennox]

Anyone know how to fix an air conditioner unit? My landlord is an asshole and isn’t answering my fucking calls, and the air it’s blowing out is biting me too fucking cold. I’ll take fixing the AC or locating my landlord and locking him in this fucking freezer of an apartment as a solution.

[rudydoobydoo]

Is it a window unit? I'm not exactly a handy guy, but couldn't you unplug it so it stops blowing? Doesn't help with the summer heat, but you could at least get fans until your slumlord landlord decides to actually do his job. Something tells me kidnapping him and locking him in your apartment would violate your lease, so maybe avoid that. Or don't

[castillo-protocol]

It's not typical...Like we don't have a ghost ship that rolls in every summer if that's what you mean. The general weirdness of the event itself? That's normal. Welcome to town!

[rudydoobydoo]

You know, that tracks. I guess I should embrace the weirdness. After all, I'm here for at least the next four years anyways. Every day will just be a new adventure. One that I might not survive

[kadavernagh]

Yes. Such attractions are not very attractive to those over the age of 8. Interest would indicate a marked lack of maturity.

[...] But if the flag is incorrect-- for it must show every foramen-- that must be dealt with. And I cannot find an email address for their "business". So it seems we must approach.

[rudydoobydoo]

Every what now? Listen, I don't even know what a foramen is and I don't think I want to know. But something tells me approaching wouldn't be such a good idea. And by that I mean completely unnecessary. I'm sure all of the foramens (forami??) are exactly where they should be.