Too much feeling, not enough words

Rumination (noun): obsessive thinking about an idea, situation, or choice especially when it interferes with normal mental functioning

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

Musings of a mind, desperate for release

While playing a video game and waiting around, I found myself writing down thoughts I have spinning around onto signs in the game. I figured I’d post some of them here, because why not

Every post with the #ThoughtsFromSignposts hashtag is from that

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

For anyone still following me here~

I haven't posted here in a long time and want to renew my presentation whilst preserving the time I spent on this blog as a time capsule. So I have made a new blog for my new writing, at OvercastWords - If you enjoy my writing (and aren't a bot xP) please follow me over there!

[fairydrowning]

"Novembers are for softest sleep when skies are dark and grey. They do not mind the time you keep when night looks much like day. They do not mind the rain that falls so warmly down your cheek. 'Rest easy now' is what they'd say if months knew how to speak."

-Ellis Nightingale

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

Rare sighting

Hi there, I'm back from the grave for a brief moment!

I'm workshopping a poem I'm hoping to submit to my school's Student Art Journal. Please let me know what you think of it's current state!

------------------------------------------------------ Swirling, twisting, turning, blue.

Thoughts of my own contained, thrown, maimed by reminders of the home you became, and the endless, spiteful road

The unknown frightens my best and tightens my chest from its throne, as it manifests the most potent light it may grow

And so before the warm kiss of morning wisps my face, and dawns of all I mourn might break

Keep me with shores that echo your name through all beckons and horrors the untamed world might make

Loving, burning, catalyzing, you.

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

Haiku - Escape

I take one last sip Finding solace in dullness 'Fore the world returns

[tearsoakedarmor]

I wish I remembered what your kisses felt like

[somewhatsomelikepoetry]

You gave up on me after promising me forever

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

World

What a world we live in Where flowers can shine as brightly as lovers' eyes and remind us of them Where raindrops on glass can elicit pure bliss or cause shakiness of breath What a world we live in In which calamity can wreak such havoc ready to strike Awaits as eagerness to prove the existence of love through perfect nights What a world we live in Where existential dread looms just beyond the corner of and purely due to The most incredible, joyous, life-giving things of which there are few What a world I live in Where the exclusive, most intense of thought horridly, ruminating Are of the most loving, destructive, kind evil known to this life I'm living What a world I'll live in Unfortunately, perpetually, begrudgingly, fully I really wish I wouldn't Out of pure spite, resentment, revenge, and memory Of when I thought I couldn't

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

Backwards Reality

Nightmare now attempts to surround me in its warmth and solace Twilight invokes the wonder hidden in my mind and invites me wholeheartedly into its horror Depictions of eternal wallowing, psychopathy, and tragedy all shriek inviting wails At all times does the inviting bellowing of the great and unknown deep warrant abandonment of hatred and worry It's during the daily glimpses of eternity that I know tranquility and peace Dreams are what truly keep me up at night now, in cold sweats Dawn brings about all its known evil and demise, forcing the basking of its tainted bright hue Imaginings and visualizations of love, hope, comfort, and trust all evokes the most potent of fears Never has my body known less control, never has my mind known a more deep threat and doom Than when I'm told that it's okay to be happy

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

Falling / Fallen

Without inhibition, I set myself free to the grasp of a greater The squirming, restless abyss Devoid of stillness, silence, knowing, compassion I flutter between desire and disdain, not knowing which is braver The ever, ever darkness Laughing in lies, truths, purity, contraption Through fear it grows stronger, in love it does the same My gnawing, chosen fate A cosmos of eternity, godlessness, infinite Huddled from space and time, I’ve learned its horrid name My killing, loving mate The boundlessness of forever, stuck, senselessness

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

Voidbound

Endlessness It beckons, sending harrowing shivers through my spine and out with breath. A true end without an end. Existential permanence co-existing with mortality. Especially through seamlessness does its ever-tempting coils approach In its lips I find solace In its warmth I find forgiveness I oft wish myself elsewhere I oft find myself shaking Not for any reality but that known only to me Perhaps this means that it is real. Perhaps this is proof of how far I've strayed It does happen to be where I am, regardless. Enraptured in chaos, devolved in rumination Overwhelming

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

The last place I belong is anywhere known Taken hostage by unspoken wonder and unseen chaos I concede to my co-authored fate of languish and intense melancholy Unable to perceive right from wrong, chosen for ambivalence Dead center in the open ended path of unmistakable linearity Where hope lies subliminally in wait, just below the dirt The only way to dig it up Is to wear the very earth away So start walking

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

Reverie

The ever-etched reveries of who I was embed themselves into the hyperbolic maw of my understanding, removing it's innocence and desire for peace and leaving only it's regret and insecurity attached as torn remains of what once was a part of me. The state of then will not cease its reverberating echoes of the lost and damned, for it failed to exude it's full power then and feels it must before it dies with the light it grew alongside My unfortunate world must pay it's dues for allowing such a parasite to maintain with it's treachery. My ears will never hear the end of it's screams Embedded into the eternal canyons of my forever lie the why behind this nightmare, and it holds true the sanctity and purity of all it once stood for, transmuted into it's now equally potent images of the forgotten and damned. Strength be damned, strength be damned, strength be damned Strength is not a virtue here Nor is faith

[stephenstilwell-deactivated2021]

“Tonight let’s make the gods jealous of our love—even the stars will admire the things we do under the blanketed darkness of the sky.”

— s.s. (stephenstilwell)

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

Without fear, I'll never be But my damndest will I try Through any trials that be had And all tears that go cried Renewal rears its ugly head And redemption finds its mark Between sun's set and sun's rise I will lead myself through the dark

A starry eyed me, after being present for Dermot Kennedy’s performance at Red Rocks last night. A good landmark for the coming of my new phase of life.

[somewhatsomelikepoetry]

What if I never find someone who will love and accept my flaws like you did?

[ruminationsandbrainbugs]

Proof of existence is felt less, here Thusly, my sabotage of myself through pride, slothfulness, fear, and pain all crumble This is what it means to stop time, to pause, to evaluate and appreciate I'm not envious of my later self, when he must act on what we've learned here May he walk and think with the strength of a man Who has nothing to lose And a universe in his eyes

A visitor in the time between times