How An Experience With Failure Can Provide Hope Through The Journey Of A Dream-Chasing Life
I have watched celebrities live the good life through social media. They always look perfect in body shape while being swaddled in luxuries. And so, so happy. Why wouldn’t they? They are living the dream life for a living after all. They don’t need to set time aside for what they love. I shake my head every time I hear a complaint about that kind of lifestyle. I know specific circumstances cause them misery we don’t know about. All the same, I would still gladly switch day jobs and cash amounts just to demonstrate I can live a comfortable life and not complain about it. Way better than being poor and stuck in a building working the 9-to-5 before finally getting your free time to work on your dream goals!
I know everyone is grinding to get by. I know they also wish they could live that life. It is human nature to feel this mesh of feelings that people might interpret as different forms of attitudes. I would lie in bed and wallow in self-destructive thoughts. I would forget God’s existence when being so distracted with daily tasks. I had to work hard to rewire my thinking with the help of a therapist. I worked on self-care, exercising, and mindfulness meditation to get to the peaceful state I am today.
I hyper focus on lots of dreams, but the big dream in this story is acting. I never thought I would reach Hollywood-level success, but if it got me out of the 9-to-5 slavery, I would be so grateful.
Last year, I developed the urge to pursue acting instead of just dreaming about it. I took some classes in acting techniques, helped to put together a local theater group, made an acting resume, and have begun to audition for a variety of acting jobs.
In the past, I felt really hurt when I couldn’t book gigs, even with callbacks (although anyone in the industry would know there’s a million reasons that may have nothing to do with talent as to why they picked someone else). But today, things are different. I was confident in myself. I was not ashamed nor shy nor practicing negative self-talk. I was positive. I gave myself time to practice with a newfound sense of self-worth. I rewired my brain to make the best out of the auditioning experience. I have never auditioned for multiple streams of entertainment before, but whether or not I booked anything, I was so glad I had the opportunity to do so. Like the particular experience I will describe below.
I hopped online to look for acting gigs in different places, including local theaters. I suddenly found an audition posting for the weekend, which was 3 days later. I’ve suddenly begun to feel the way I always felt: nervous, shaky, heart pounding, needing to stop what I was doing. It was overwhelming. And this would usually last for a good half hour until I forgot about the posting.
Unlike the university play audition I spotted a couple weeks before this one, I didn’t quit and leave the page feeling like I was incapable of even trying. I decided I was going to audition for this new opportunity this time. It was a casting call for the Charlie and The Chocolate Factory musical play. I thought I could play one of the kids’ moms. I screenshot the casting call page with my phone, and downloaded the audition instructions and character sheet. There was going to be a cold read for select characters during callbacks on Sunday, but on Friday and Saturday, all auditioners needed to follow a choreographed dance scene and sing their own choice of a theatrical musical song. I picked the song “Over The Rainbow” by Judy Garland from The Wizard of Oz. I made this choice because the Internet said this song qualified as a theatrical musical song. I also thought it would be the easiest song for me to learn before the audition day.
Keep this in mind. I’ve never auditioned for a musical before, so I wasn’t sure how things worked. Even so, I wanted to have fun with it. I was determined to do my best with what I got. I spent the next three days practicing the song to perfect my vocals and work on some TPR movements for specific moments. I was on fire about the song because I had taken some singing lessons a while back that showed me a better way to take breaths, which bettered my singing voice.
I was used to singing and acting in front of people, but it still made me really nervous to do it in front of the casting team. (This made anyone nervous, of course.) I sang in front of neighbors and my own family members to get used to singing in front of people to ensure I’d be okay when I sang in front of the casting crew. When I sang for them, I told myself that it was okay if people were watching. I’ve recently learned that it’s actually better to accept that people are watching you or that you are being recorded than trying to find a way to pretend that nothing around you exists. I don’t know why, but studies have shown that this method is better for your health and performance. I can tell you that that advice works because when I stood on that stage and began singing the song, I was mostly okay, which was not something I expected to be. In the past, my voice would crack and my brain would go blank.
When I entered that community theater downtown, everything looked beautiful. The professionalism was Hollywood-level compared to what I was used to. I had never set foot in another theater other than the ones in high schools, including the one I helped put together (we didn’t have our own building). It seemed intimidating, but everyone running the theater was so nice, I felt welcomed and comfortable right away.
Waiting for instructions and the auditioning process to begin as we sat in the audience seats… I didn’t like the alienated silence.I built up the courage to walk up to multiple people with a friendly face and asked them who they were auditioning for to break the ice and admitted that I was nervous as much as I was excited about the chance to be in the play. Talking about your fears takes the power away from them. And it truly did. I just hope those folks I chatted with felt the same way.
The most beautifully memorable thing about the experience was sitting in the back behind the curtains, quietly hanging out with other people waiting to audition. Something about the red walls and red carpeted floors and floral bathrooms made it feel like a much fancier place. My thoughts wandered about shooting a movie in that area. How fun it must be to be able to go to different locations and act as different people in a different world with different situations before coming back as yourself with the chance to explore and travel.
During our wait for the singing portion of the musical play audition, a mother and her teen son sat next to me and my husband. We talked a lot about our theatrical and musical experience, what we would be signing, the role we were auditioning for, and our nerves. The kid was a 17 year old who was auditioning for Mike Teavee, which was funny to me because I was auditioning to be his or Charlie’s mother. He told me he was signing a musical portion from the existing play musical he saw online (something I didn’t know about). I felt a hundred times better about how the evening was going to go.
While getting ready before taking off for that theater, I dressed in a brown knitted dress with a green torn sweater and blue gym shoes. I was trying to mimic the way the mother dressed to help the director see me in the role. I also used a green pen on my application for extra memorization. I don’t think they noticed my intentions with those things.
After I did the singing and took a deep vocal breath of relief backstage, I sat down, waited two hours for the dancing portion of the evening while I played on my phone. When the children climbed the stage and the adults dominated the halls between the audience seats to engage in the practice round, I thought the dancing was going to be a piece of cake… until the choreographer started to demonstrate the routine she wanted us to do. A lot of us got a little nervous, which was comforting because it meant I wasn’t alone. As best we could, we danced the routine several times with some flaws here and there. Funny enough, the imperfections made the audition a lot funner. Some people were called back for two more rounds of dancing.
Then finally, the casting crew announced they’d contact us for callbacks and acceptance/rejections of roles through phone and social media before we left the theater for the night. Out of the theater, on the sidewalk, on my way home, I repeated, “I DID IT!”
I gathered all my strength to audition for a musical, and it turned out to be the funnest audition I’ve ever been to! I couldn’t believe it. I was determined to not let those evening hours feel like a waste of time if I was not picked for a role. I wanted it to be a positive experience and it was.
So I was okay with being rejected, which is the hardest thing a person could go through. Was I upset? Of course I was. But then I remembered everything that happened before that made me smile. And so instead, I smiled.
Let me tell you this: I don’t want to forget this experience. That is why I think it is a great idea to write this story. It might sound like I’m a loser highlighting a failure that makes me look foolish, but trust me when I tell you that it makes me look brave and awesome. I know that it makes me look the opposite. Plus, remember, part of the purpose of writing this story involves learning not not to care what other people think. Think about it. What would have happened in my crazy head if I put all my energy into the rejection? I’d lose a day trying to accurately analyze why they didn’t like me. That doesn’t do anyone any good.
This story serves as a message to dreamers everywhere to make the best of their journey, focus on their goals, and not let anything knock them down. Are you currently going through inconveniences? This is the part where you stand up tall and strong, still believing you are good enough, and keep going.