okay so, guy at work, who i find out afterwards is famous at this place for being a sex pest, comes up and starts with what i also learn is his favorite opener to conversations where he’s going to be a sex pest, namely: “Do you know where the term ‘blow job’ comes from?”
and here he made his first fatal error. his moment of hubristic sex pesting. because of course i know where the term blow job comes from, i love learning about sex and the history of sexual terms! i know so much about oral sex that i could write a book on it!
his second error: approaching a little autistic freak with what he intended to be an uncomfortable sex question that would make me feel weird and gross. Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I Have Never Misjudged A Man’s Intentions So Incredibly In My Life. because i did not realize he was trying to harass me. because i love talking about sex facts, albeit not usually at work. unless. someone prompts me. my coworkers are the kind of people who are generally online enough to know terms, but not exactly what they mean, and they realized they could ask me a while back and get good answers without the resulting awkwardness because i do not experience shame. i am primed to answer questions like the one he has proposed.
So I Answered It.
and well, really, what happened is that I began answering it, then realized the answer required a bit more context. I mean, you can’t just say “oh, well, the term first appears in writing in the 1940s” without first explaining that ‘blow’ by itself already had sexual connotations for centuries, and then, really, are we talking about the origin of the term or the origin of the act. and well we have a ton of literature and art depicting fellatio throughout human history, did you know a lot of it was men performing it on other men? oh, that reminds me, there are a multitude of latin words for oral sex performed on penises, and hold on let me quote you the entirety of catullus 16 from memory and explain it’s fascinating insights into the roman world of homosexuality-
i do not know how to turn any of this ^ off, by the way. i’m sure some people out there have a switch that disables their infodumping mid-speech. i do not. and i also didn’t realize he wasn’t looking for a real answer until my other coworker explained so hours later. he could not excuse himself from the conversation he started, and i made a conservative man at least 30 years older than me to listen to my catullus recitation. i will sodomize and facefuck you, indeed.
anyway, i think i got a bad grade in being sexually harassed. my pro tip is maybe don’t start with what a very autistic individual will misconstrue as you earnestly asking them to explain sex to you. the special interest shield will cause splashback damage.
Gon, with his whole heart, apologizes to Killua after the Chimera Ant arc.
This whining on the floor scene is not his apology. It is a reaction to Killua bringing up the things that hurt him, after they undoubtedly talked about it, and rubbing salt into Gon’s guilt-ridden wounds. Notice that Gon doesn’t complain or say, “I already said sorry!” He just gets to his knees and apologizes, again. He is owning his mistakes, the ones Killua isn’t yet ready to let go of entirely, and Alluka scolds him for it. Her calling him out is the only reason Killua backtracks and says the most important line that proves a significant scene occurred between them off-screen: “You already apologized.”
In both the anime and the manga, the Japanese clearly says it: もう謝ってもらったし
The “mou” is the “already,” and interestingly enough, it’s put into a list by the use of “shi,” which functions a bit like “and” might: You apologized to me and Alluka is free because of you, by the way, she healed you.
Both Gon’s apology, and Alluka’s freedom, are clearly topics they’ve discussed before. Her ability is not. Why does he suddenly reveal it at this time? Unfortunately, this post isn’t about that; it’s about the apology we didn’t see, and more importantly, the promise we didn’t hear.
How do we know there was a promise?
Ging Freecss told us.
For all his flaws as a father, Ging gave Gon some solid advice about apologizing to one’s friends. There are rules. It’s more than just saying “sorry.” You have to say what you did, and more importantly, make a promise: you promise them what you’ll do next time, and then you keep that promise, no matter what.
It’s so important to Ging that Gon understands this, because even after telling him about Kaito’s ability, he tacks on: 謝り方間違えんなよ！！
It’s not just “don’t mess up your apology (or you'll be sent flying)," it’s “don’t mess up the way you apologize.” The action instead of the noun.
On his way to Kaito, thinking about his apology, we learn that Gon is thinking about Killua too. He tells Leorio that he owes Killua an apology because he said some really terrible things to him when he got all messed up fighting the enemy. Gon is highly aware he hurt his friend. He is not oblivious.
When Gon finally meets Kaito, we see him put his new knowledge of apologies into action. He says sorry, and when Kaito prompts, “What for?” Gon explicitly lays out what’s eating him up, “For not being able to fight alongside you, for not being strong enough. Next time, I’ll protect you!” He carries out the apology as best he can, even inspiring an eavesdropping ant to later own his mistakes to Kaito too.
The scene with Kaito is proof that Gon knows how to apologize to his friends, and that he is serious about making up for his faults. It’s existence is evidence that Gon apologized to Killua and made a promise to him too.
But why didn’t we get to see it? In my opinion, there are two potential reasons.
Reason 1: Togashi wants to leave it to our imagination.
It’s not uncommon for Japanese media to shy away from providing a perfectly polished emotional pay-off. Even in the romance genre, confessions are rarely explicit. The words “I love you!” might come out as, “The moon is beautiful tonight.” We know that Gon and Killua share an intense bond, and Togashi is well aware that people view their relationship through various lenses; to keep the apology and promise hidden, it allows each fan to insert what would make them happiest into the missing scene. It’s not a cop-out so much as a standard of Japanese storytelling. What can you read into the situation from what’s been implied? From the subtle? Between the lines?
It’s true that there might be a "right" answer in Togashi’s mind, but if he’s chosen to be vague intentionally for the sake of keeping fans content, we’ll never know it.
Unless!
Reason 2: Togashi will reveal the promise to us at a later date.
It has happened multiple times throughout the series that an event occurred, but we didn’t learn the details of the event until later. Just as an example off the top of my head, when Gon is knocked out in the final round of the Hunter Exam, Satotz has to tell him what happened after he wakes up. Even in that re-telling of events, another seed of mystery is planted when Gon learns that Hisoka gave up his match after whispering something in Kurapika’s ear. We don’t find out what it was for several more episodes. Togashi has deliberately kept information from readers for the purpose of future storytelling, and this might be one of those moments.
It’s very possible we’ll discover what Gon’s promise was to Killua in the future, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we found out about it from a 3rd party, like Alluka.
So, we know an apology was said and a promise made, but why did they have to separate?
That’s tied to the promises they’ve already made that we do know about.
Back in episode 38 of the anime, when leaving Whale Island, Gon tells Aunt Mito he’ll return after he’s met Ging. In episode 146, Killua tells Alluka he’s going to protect her from their family. As much as they want to stay together, and as much as we the viewers want them to stay together, it’s not the next right thing for them to do. It’s painful, but they need to spend some time apart. The day will come when they can be reunited. Alluka says it, Gon and Killua say it, and the lyrics of the song overlaying their parting say it:
いるよ 傍に 一番近く / I’m here, as close as I can be
今は ただそれだけでいいから / For now, that’s enough
いつかそっと 言いかけた / One day, you told me [about it] quietly,
夢の続きを 聞かせてよ / Let me hear the rest of that dream
The vows they made to each other under the stars are not forgotten. Their separation only feels so long because Togashi’s health has made producing his manga inconsistent. Send him healing vibes, and be reassured that Gon and Killua will meet again. ♡
what does it mean for children to aspire to adulthood, what does it look like when a child is given the expectations of an adult and told to live up to that regardless of whether they really can or should, how does it affect that child when the aesthetics and the authority of adulthood are repeatedly lauded in their presence and pushed on them without a second thought by their guardians, while the process of development into a healthy, well-rounded person is neglected entirely, so that emotions and impulses like grief and anger and devotion and loyalty and loneliness become these foreign, unknowable, and ultimately corrupting forces that enact themselves on this child who has never been taught where to begin approaching any of them. what if a twelve year old boy was gay
Hi yes it’s been a year and I’ve been rewatching hxh and it’s the middle of the night and I may be irrelevant now but I just have to say
Gon was always ready to put his life on the line and sacrifice himself for others
But Killua was the only person to ever put his life on the line and sacrifice himself for Gon
There’s multiple instances of Gon’s self-sacrifice for others, especially in the beginning of the series. But I can’t really think of a time when anyone, besides Killua, did that for Gon. He was the only one.
I think it started in that scene in the York New arc when Nobunaga trapped them and Killua told Gon to run, that he would be the bait so Gon could escape. Then Gon called him dumb for ever suggesting such a thing.
Then in greed island, yk, THAT dodgeball scene.. Gon seemed to accept Killua’s sacrifice for him, and it meant so much to him. Gon even expressed his gratitude to Killua earlier in that arc for joining the game with him, which was also a sacrifice.
And don’t even get me started on the ant and election arc. Really. Y’all know what happens and I won’t be talking about all of Killua’s sacrifices for Gon in them or else this rant would be hours long.
Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living
So tempting to keep embarking on the same self destructive cycle over & over & over again . But at some point you have to put ur foot down w ur own behaviors & be the thing that truly saves u
#this is unfortunately true#it’s not easy to tell yourself Hey Drop It#like you’re your own dog furtively eating pinecones and rocks#but you gotta#sometimes it’s a Hey We’re Not Doing That#you gotta though
'is (ship) taboo/problematic? cause i dont think so but im curious'
what, are you gonna unlike the ship the second you find out? full 180? you like it, don't you? i cant imagine having to be so hypervigilant over shipping being an anti sounds exhausting
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