Iâve seen a couple Aziraphale/Crowley AUs for the prompt âOne of them is the professor that overshares, the other is the professor that wonât tell you anything about their personal life, nobody realizes theyâre together.â And theyâre spectacular and I love them.Â
But I was thinking: AU where theyâre BOTH the oversharer, in slightly different ways, and everyone is still completely oblivious to the fact that theyâre married.
Aziraphale is an English professor who will not tell you anything about his personal life, unless you get him on the subject of his husband, in which case he will talk your ear off for three hours about how sweet and clever Anthony is. (And how beautiful his plants are, and how much effort he puts into taking care of his greenhouse, and which episodes of the Golden Girls he likes bestâŚ) Students in his Shakespeare class could tell you which of Shakespeareâs plays are Anthonyâs favorites, in order, with explanations for each one, although they could not tell you which ones Aziraphale himself likes. They do not know anything about Aziraphaleâs day-to-day life, but they know about a variety of the dates Anthony has taken him on, and what Anthony did for their last anniversary. They know that Anthony used to work as an architect (and then briefly as a nanny). They are all under the impression that âAnthonyâ is some sweet florist.
Crowley, meanwhile, is an astronomy professor who overshares everything, completely at random. (Like heâll drop a detail about his personal life in the middle of telling you how to calculate orbital velocities, and then barrel on with his lecture while youâre trying to process the information that his parents kicked him out of the house for questioning their religion? Was he raised in a cult?) His students are aware that heâs married; he wears a wedding ring and he occasionally says things like â⌠although maybe Iâm not one to talk, given that I proposed to my husband three times before he said yes. A bit of advice: if youâre both pretty sure the world as you know it is about to end, it might not be the right time to propose.â His students are privy to the strangest collection of information about his husband (has been to jail, once nearly died in a burning building, favorite Shakespeare play is Hamlet, loves crepes, the crepes thing and the jail thing might be related but nobodyâs ever been able to figure out the story there), but if they ask him anything directly, he tends to clam up and give monosyllabic answers. His TAs/students whoâve had him for several classes know that he clams up because he gets all blushy when he talks about his husband, and he canât be doing that while trying to intimidate the freshmen, but even then, the most theyâve been able to get out of him is his personal rendition of that John Mulaney âmy wife is a bitch and I love her so muchâ sketch. Which gives them a good idea of the husbandâs personality but is short on identifying information.Â
So as far as 90% of the school is aware, Aziraphale is a sweet, scatterbrained English professor whoâs married to an equally sweet florist, and Crowley is a deeply intimidating astronomy professor married to an equally intimidating person (whose profession they do not know, despite how much else they know about him, leading some of them to believe heâs involved in organized crime).
The students whoâve been with each of them a while know that Aziraphaleâs more of a bastard then he lets on and Crowley is, deep down, very sweet. However, thereâs very little overlap between âEnglish majorsâ and âastronomy majors,â so the students whoâve put together the truth about Aziraphale still tend to accept Crowley at face value, and vice versa.
And then some freshman English major whoâs taking Crowleyâs intro to astronomy for the science credit catches the two of them together in Aziraphaleâs office. At first glance, itâs perfectly innocent- Aziraphaleâs sitting in his desk chair and Crowleyâs looking at something on his computer screen over his shoulder. But then Crowley drapes himself over Aziraphaleâs shoulders in a way that most people donât do with their co-workers. And Aziraphale reaches up like heâs going to brush him off, but instead he cups his cheek in one hand and leans in to kiss him-
And the poor student tries to flee and walks straight into the doorframe. At which point Crowley and Aziraphale notice theyâre being watched and immediately fling themselves to opposite ends of the room. (A few years prior, some of their more homophobic co-workers found out about their relationship and tried to get them fired. The mess was cleared up, but old habits die hard).
Given that suspicious reaction, the student leaves Aziraphaleâs office and immediately tells all their friends that Professor Fell and Professor Crowley are cheating on their spouses⌠with each other.
No one believes them. Itâs ludicrous, after all, theyâre both clearly in love with their husbands, and thereâs no way on earth the two of them would get along with each otherâŚ
And then another student notices them leaving the English building together, glancing carefully over their shoulders to see if anyone notices (old habits die hard). And someone else catches them holding hands at the local coffee shop. And someone else sees them both getting into Crowleyâs car in the staff parking lot at like, 9pm, and where would they be going that late???
And the rumor spirals. The staff find out about it, and they think itâs hilarious. (Someone definitely overhears Professor Nutter saying âI hear youâre cheating on Anthony, you monster,â to Aziraphale, and does not realize that her tone doesnât match her words at all. The rumor spirals further.)Â
Crowley and Aziraphale think itâs hilarious that they are apparently cheating on each other with each other. (Theyâre also a little offended that a bunch of people think they would cheat on each other). They consider trying to keep up the ruse that theyâre cheating, then consider waiting it out and seeing how long itâll take for the school at large to figure out that theyâre married.
Before either of those plans get off the ground, they stumble upon a group of students whoâre clearly gossiping about them while on their way out of work one day. The students stop talking (not quickly enough, Crowley and Aziraphale very clearly heard âhe just sounds so soppy whenever he talks about his husband, I canât believe heâd actually-â). There is a brief staredown.Â
And then Crowley asks, âYou all do realize my first name is Anthony, right?â
