drowned in the wave

[sailedanocean]

EASILY INFLUENCED

as humans we do things for validation.

if we crave the attention of another enough we are easily influenced into doing things we wouldn’t do just for their validation.

it might not even be validation.

as humans we do things just to spend time with another.

if we crave the presence of another enough we are easily influence into doing things we wouldn’t do just to spend time with them.

it’s a never ending loop. toxicity is craved. and being easily influenced allows this cycle to continue over and over again.

[sailedanocean]

SECRETS

i used to be able to talk, i could talk about what was happening and i’d let people listen and care

but that’s changed

everything’s just kept a secret. i feel undeserving of care. i don’t think i should be listened to.

i don’t want anyone to be there for me, even when i need it most.

[sailedanocean]

LOST

i’ve never been so lost.

i feel like i’m walking this continues road, it’s completely straight and there’s no side road or obstructions.

but somehow i manage to get lost.

obstructions appear out of no where and side roads open up.

it’s eerie to think about, that no matter what you just can’t seem to get back on the path.

like a never ending game of hide and seek, continually seeking the unfindable.

[sailedanocean]

TAKING CARE

my whole life i’ve been taking care of people

and that’s what i just do. it’s what i’ve always done

i enjoy it

it secretly heals a part inside of me

a part that needed someone to take care of me.

sometimes all i want is someone to take care of me, to pause for a moment and to be able to breathe.

[sailedanocean]

it’s so hard feeling unwanted, like your presence is a burden to someone. when you feel like someone isn’t giving you the same energy back. it drains you and it consumes you entirely. you spend your days filled with this feeling, like it’s a physical weight dragging you down.

[sailedanocean]

CHOSEN

everyone has a choice and can make someone chosen.

in a field of flowers they’re all beautiful. but if they were all to be picked, one would be there till the end. not because it’s dead or ugly, but because it’s just not meant to be chosen.

believing that you’re just not the type of person that people choose to fall in love with hurts.

i genuinely don’t believe the fact that someone could fall in love with me. the concept is so barren. it isn’t because i’m : a bad person, ugly or anything like that. i do know i’ve got true intentions. and i don’t even mean any of this in a sad way, i just don’t quite think i’m someone you choose to fall in love with.

[sailedanocean]

SATELLITE

a satellite orbits a planet or a star. just how the earth orbits the sun.

there’s a gravitational pull between the earth/star and the satellite. this pull needs to be perfectly balanced to prevent the satellite flying away.

this is how relationships work. both platonic and romantic.

you build a connection to someone and for that connection to be maintained the push and pull needs to be balanced. when one puts in more energy than the other, there’s an imbalance causing the relationship to break down. the amount of push you give out needs to equal the pull you’re getting.

and when you have this perfect balance where you don’t find yourself flying away -

you stay in your satellites orbit.

[sailedanocean]

TRUTH

the truth is such a weird and complex concept.

sometimes the true words only come out when you’re alone. sometimes even that’s a lie. sometimes you keep the truth as a secret, even to yourself because you know that living the lie is easier.

but at what point does living the lie get harder than the truth?

[sailedanocean]

ROUTINE

i get that people crave routine - they like the stability and certainty of a routine. and a routine does help me sometimes but whenever i fall into a a repeating cycle i finding myself crawling to get out of it.

it gets draining and exhausting.

but i guess that may just be because i haven’t found the right routine for me.

[sailedanocean]

ever wonder what must one have done to feel such pain

[sailedanocean]

ever get so lonely that even your own company scares you?

[sailedanocean]

EMPTY DAYS

it’s the empty days that are the most draining. the days where there’s no emotions or thoughts and everything just seems empty. like you can see smiles you can see happiness and you can see joy but you still feel empty.

its like you know exactly how you should be feeling - but you just don’t feel that way. and no matter what you do or say you just can’t shift that notion aside. it just stays there lingering for a while- like some sort of dark cloud hovering over you. but these days aren’t without some hope. because you’ve felt them before. empty days aren’t a rare phenomenon that happen once in a blue moon but rather like a rainy day - you can feel and see when they are coming and they happen often. and you know there’s hope because the empty days do disappear after a while.

but the feelings still linger, an empty day is never a distant memory.

[sailedanocean]

SOUL TIES

it’s so weird how you can grow so connected to a person. like humans have the ability to create this sort of a soul tie to other humans, its not some physical tie where you’re tied together with a rope but an emotional tie. where when you’re separated or feel distance (doesn’t have to be physically) you feel an ache or a yearning to close that gap again.

sometimes that gap becomes so great that a fear develops, a fear of closing the gap and what will happen when the tie is retied- you know that you’ll become dependent on that human again and you know you won’t be able to cope without their support.

and that’s scary as fuck .

it’s terrifying to think about that tie. but the worst is when you feel that gap and you know right now in this exact moment you can’t close that gap and you need to learn to cope alone.