at the risk of sounding cringe tumblr adult etc etc about deltatune.
this game is so important to me but one of the reasons it's been so impactful is that since undertale, this story has been a part of my life for the past 11 years. that's fucking crazy, that i've kept coming back to continue playing and engaging with the games as i've grown and changed, and yet stayed the same in many ways.
undertale came out in 2015 in my senior year of high school and was a major fandom interest for me, as well as a game i played alongside many good friends. it was a comfort in times when i was struggling with my mental health.
deltarune chapter 1 released while i was in college 3 years later- something new and exciting yet somehow familiar all the same.
chapter 2 came out exactly as i was starting my new job after i'd moved out for the first time across the country at 23. i'd listen to the soundtrack on my pitch black early morning drives as i was still getting used to the roads and scenery here
chapters 3 and 4 came out last year and i was so excited to continue the story.
now chapter 5 is here and SO much of the story and soundtrack calls back to undertale and chapter 1 of deltarune. i'm so grateful i got to experience it all from the beginning and have all of the nostalgia make each chapter so special and comforting to come back to.
i'm now preparing to move back across the country in order to be closer to my family while my dad is declining severely with dementia. i'm doing a really bad job of processing the feelings about the entire situation- i've spent the last couple years shoving down all of the grief and trying to distract myself so i avoid the pain. i'm also dealing with the grief of having to say goodbye to the life i built here and all of the friends and communities i have made deep connections with. i don't want it to be goodbye forever but it has to be for now. i'm dealing with so much uncertainty and anticipatory grief and feeling like things just aren't FAIR.
i'm grateful to the chapter 5 release for sparking creativity and excitement in me again. getting to be a part of something that so many others are excited about again. picking up my instrument and playing along to the soundtrack, scrolling through fanart and looking at other bits of art i've created over the years, including one of my first cross stitch projects of Ralsei's chapter 1 overworld sprite.
more deltarune, different me, but also- same me, still in there. embrace cringe, never kill yourself, be trans, love your life, etc etc etc.
oh right and also i've changed my name over the course of this game. while playing chapter 1 i was still going by my birth name irl, but considering using Quinn...
needless to say, was (and has been!) a jolt to play through a game with a major character named Noelle. but i love that little reindeer girl. she can wear that name for me much better 💕
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