TW: DV, mental health, drug use
Alright, now that I've gotten my warnings out of the way you can see where this might be going. Hi friends, I'm back. I've missed this blog and my followers.
From February 2022 to April 2024 I was in the worst possible spot in my life. I got into a relationship with a textbook narcissist (I found this out later in the game) and it ruined my life. It's a good enough story to write a series of books about. Everything was taken from me. He ruined my safe space, broke all of my furniture, broke my tv, tore my household apart, stole every paycheck I got, stole my medication, smoked meth he bought with my money in my mothers house, disrespected my mother in the worst ways he could think of that day, all around be a disgusting nuisance. It's over now, he's gone but I have my horror stories. He kept me sleep deprived. FOR TWO YEARS. This has caused my mental and physical health to completely plummet. He took EVERYTHING.
Due to all of this, I was forced to neglect my needs in exchange for becoming a slave to a person who just wanted a place to stay. I've gained a significant amount of my weight back. The last time I checked I was above 200lbs again. It's caused an all out war in my brain over this and I'm finding it impossible to help myself again.
I'm 26 now and I'm absolutely lost. My whole identity was taken and now I feel misplaced on top of mourning my old healthy happy self. The core part of my life where my brain was supposed to fully develop happened when I was actively enduring severe trauma and abuse. The fun part is that now that I AM 26, I've lost all health coverage too. I've had to ration anti-convulsants/mood stabilizers and ADHD medication. I've been without a cognitive behavioral therapist since July and it's getting worse. On top of this my chronic pain from RA is getting worse. I couldn't afford insurance even if its life or death. I recently fell down my stairs and smashed my right temple into the wall and I've been a little "off" ever since. Can't do much about that atm so I'm hoping it'll sort itself out.
It's been an uphill battle. Every move I make is wrong no matter how much I ask for help. Those who do try to help me are just as confused. It's a whole gigantic mess and it's just causing a full downward spiral. I've heavily relied on false dopamine hits to get me through. Binge eating included. I'm struggling but I'm still able to tape myself together each day and be mildly productive.
I'm writing this post to give myself the "still standing award" and to let it be known I am indeed still standing. I miss this blog, I miss my old self, I miss being happy and all around having my shit together.
I'm absolutely fine with sharing my story and I'd absolutely love to write a book for those who are in a similar situation. I'm always here to share advice, what I did to get out, or any questions on what happened. I know I'm not the only one and I've had people irl reach out to me. No question is off the table.
Anyways sad post over. TL;DR I'm alive just getting a little chunky again and I'm trying to pick up my pieces.
baratheonpilled
jbbartram-illu
izzy806
dededos
