Honestly. Now that I think about it, there's two things I'd like to talk about
1. Despite exclusionist insistance we should just stick to one label (usually bisexual,) most mspec lesbian experiences are actually uniquely both (we know this but I wanna say smth about it anyway)
2. Luniaphobia is not just people hating us for our label, but the aforementioned specific experience of being lunian/an mspec lesbian, and that luniaphobia will follow us even if we pick one label.
I had this thought first about mspec lesbians who use the split attraction model. The online lesbian, bisexual, and mspec communities don't just assume aligned attraction, but are actively hostile to anyone who doesn't have that aligned attraction. With the example of someone who is bisexual, attracted to both binary genders, and romantically lesbian, if this person chooses only to identify as a lesbian, the heavy emphasis on repulsion towards men, and not finding them attractive, will likely make them feel like they don't quite belong here. And of course, if they dare express sexual attraction to men, even if they would never date a man because they are not romantically attracted to them, the response is "lesbians can't be romantically OR sexually attracted to men!" "You're the reason men think they can harass us and get us to fuck them," and "being a lesbian isn't just a choice to not date guys, you're just bisexual!" (Which I agree, it is not a choice, but being lesbiromantic and bisexual is not a choice)
So they have the label of being just bisexual put on them, and to avoid that hostility, identify as bisexual. The bisexual community has the same feeling of not quite belonging, because the assumption is a romantic interest in men and women as much as a sexual interest. And when they express that they aren't actually interested in dating a man, they're just attracted to them? The response is "you're not really bi then!" "You're a biphobic invader!" "You're the reason people think bisexuals can pick a side!" "You have internalized biphobia, and look down on m/f relationships as less queer, accept yourself and us," and "you're just a lesbian, then."
Neither community will actually accept someone who is bi and lesbian as one of their own. Even without using the allegedly problematic label of "bi lesbian," they are still bi and a lesbian and are punished accordingly. The only solutions for them to actually be accepted are the biphobic solution of "picking a side" and ignoring their attraction to men, or the lesbophobic solution of being open to relationships with men that they don't want.
It's somewhat similar the other way around - biromantic, but sexually a lesbian. Call yourself a lesbian and express you just don't find guys attractive, but you're willing to date a man, sometimes have crushes on them even, but maybe just not have sex with them, and the results vary. Maybe you're "the reason men think they can date lesbians." Maybe you "clearly have internalized lesbophobia." Maybe "it's probably just comphet." Or maybe you're "just bisexual." Of course. And in the bisexual community, the lack of sexual attraction might not be brought up, but if that translates to not wanting to have sex with men, you're again "faking being bisexual" and "just a lesbian." The solutions to be accepted in either community are again, the biphobic solution of picking a side and ignoring their biromanticism, or the lesbophobic solution of putting out for men.
Exclusionists will claim that we, by using our labels, promote corrective rape, or conversion therapy, or make men think that they can get lesbians, or somehow want to force exclusive lesbians to have sex or relationships with men, but when it comes to split attraction? Telling mspec lesbians that they are just bisexual and wanting them to identify as just bisexual is directly encouraging a lesbian to have sex or relationships with men that they do not want, because to be just bisexual, they would have to stop being lesbians.
I'll reblog this later with an addition for ways other mspec lesbian experiences are unique and even without the label, we will be discriminated against for being mspec and lesbian. I got bored of writing this post but I wanted to put it up and not forget about it.
stormborns
dededos
izzy806
tangentwithtanner
snowghoul
