↳ Prompt: Word prompt: crystal / Dialogue prompt: "How did we end up here?"
Word Count: 1424
Rating: General
Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Castiel and Jimmy Novak Are Twins, Witch Sam Winchester, Shapeshifter Castiel, Familiar Castiel, Dreamwalker Translocation, Background Canonverse Claire Novak/Kaia Nieves
Summary: Sam Winchester, former hunter and practicing witch, had seen a lot of strange things in his life both before and after meeting his familiar and husband, shapeshifter Detective John Castiel Novak. Some cases, however, still had the power to surprise him.
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THE TREES WERE made of metal.
This seemed to be a bit of an odd thing to fixate on, given that he had no idea how he had come to be in this strange grove of unfamiliar trees with leaves that sparkled and glowed in every color of the rainbow like fragments of a prism or a stained glass window, but it was the detail his attention kept returning to. Bronze and gold trunks with curls of silver bark shavings and the occasional flash of spindley copper like new growth stretched out in every direction beneath the canopy of crystal leaves.
"Damn, Toto, we sure ain't in Kansas anymore!"
Sam Winchester bit back the urge to roll his eyes as he turned his attention to his older brother. Dean was crouched down, examining the ground beneath them more than the weird metal trees, which had Sam glancing down as well. The ground, such as it was, appeared to be colorful sand in similar shades as the crystal leaves of the trees, which probably meant it was shattered remnants of leaves that had fallen who knows how long ago. Points for an established ecosystem, then, if far beyond anything he had ever seen or read about.
"Still not a damn dog, Dean," an irritated, smoke-graveled voice huffed from Sam's left. Police Detective John Castiel Novak stepped into Sam's view, momentarily distracting him with the sight of his husband's shapely backside and powerful thighs encased in the black leather pants he usually wore on his days off. A hand extended down and Sam sheepishly met Cas's knowing smirk as he accepted the hand up. "And I'm Sam's familiar, which should really make him Dorothy in this case."
"Pretty sure I'm covering Glinda the Good Witch," Sam piped up dryly, his voice mercifully more steady than he felt. "Which is good since none of us have any convenient ruby slippers to get us home with."
"You're also the only one here who qualifies as a cute animal companion," Dean pointed out, his tone more fond than snarky which was definitely a testament to how long they'd been friends since the disastrous catnapping case where the brothers had met Cas and his twin brother Jimmy. A lot of antihistamines and some dedicated hours of research spent pouring over Sam's and their Uncle Bobby's books to create a potion that would cure Dean's cat allergy had definitely not been wasted as Dean now tended to think of Cas as another brother, albeit an occasionally furry one. "I'm just the dumbass who gets swept along by the storm all the time!"
"Quit flirting with my husband, jerk," Sam said mildly, mostly to hear Dean squawk "bitch!" back at him and get Cas to pout at him like the chaos-inclined cat he was. "How did we end up here?"
"Um," a very unfamiliar voice piped up meekly, drawing three sets of eyes to a thin-faced, willowy girl of about sixteen or seventeen with warm brown skin and thick black hair. "I think that was my fault. I'm sorry!"
"Steady there," Cas said, though it was hard to tell if he was speaking to the girl or to a suddenly very tense Dean. More obviously to the girl, he went on, "How about you tell us what happened and then we'll decide if an apology is even necessary? Helping people with supernatural weirdness is kind of our thing, after all."
"You feel different..." the girl mumbled, studying them with a wary eye. She swallowed, then straightened. "My name is Kaia Nieves. I'm not from this world... but I don't think I'm from your world, either."
"Dimensional shift or multiverse?" Sam asked interestedly. Kaia blinked, then frowned pensively.
"Both?" she said hesitantly, tilting her head to one side. "The place we're in now is technically a dimensional shift, but it's also a multiverse shift because there used to be another me here."
Used to be. Sam exchanged glances with Cas and Dean, his brother relaxing a bit and coming to stand at his shoulder, letting Sam and Cas take point for now. Arranging his expression into one of gentle concern, Sam asked, "What happened to her?"
"She left when the worlds broke open," came the disquieting answer. "All of us got shuffled around, the connections disturbed and distorted, and there was this spear..." She trailed off, rubbing at her chest, then visibly shook herself. "Time moves differently between the worlds, so it's hard to say how long I've been here versus how long I've been gone in my world. I can't contact any of my alternates anymore and I don't know what that means. Before you three showed up, I was trying to reach out to my world's Sam Winchester for help getting home." She offered a tentative, trembling little smile. "He was nice, and even if he couldn't help himself he'd probably know someone who could."
"Fair enough," Dean hummed. At the looks he got, including a surprised and wary one from Kaia, he huffed, "What? Sam's the smartest guy I know, not to mention the only witch I trust unconditionally. Makes sense for you to reach out to him. Not sure about me and Cas, though..."
"Cas is obvious," Sam disagreed. The shapeshifter was bound to him through the familiar bond and their wedding vows which, thanks to Loki's interference, were a lot more involved than a standard human church ceremony. Wither thou goest and all that got a bit more literal when it came to Cas and Sam being able to find each other across the Realms. Apparently that covered alternate dimensions, too. "As for you, the last thing I remember before waking up here was doing the mental hitchhiking thing to help you track down that crooked guy using department resources to hide his illegal human chophouse. Since my mind was already in your body, it stands to reason that your body got dragged along with the rest of me."
"That might be why you all got pulled here physically instead of just me connecting to you," Kaia ventured carefully. "If you were already sharing headspace and I accidentally hijacked your connection..."
"It's the most plausible explanation," Sam agreed, then grimaced and scrubbed a hand over his face. "Unfortunately, the physical relocation without warning means we're here with just what we had on us at the time, no preparation or supplies that we weren't already carrying."
"Which means... what?" Dean asked, frowning.
"We have ourselves, whatever weapons you and I are carrying, and my emergency scrying kit," Cas filled in, shooting a reassuring smile at Kaia when she flinched at the mention of weapons. "So we have at least three able-bodied fighters in case there's' anything dangerous here, and we've got a very basic set of tools for Sam and Kaia to use and hope it's enough to augment the scan for either the Sam of Kaia's world or another Sam who's a bit more prepared for an emergency transdimensional rescue mission."
"What he said," Sam chuckled, feeling a wave of relief at the mention of the scrying kit. He hadn't been sure if Cas was carrying it - they'd been home with Cas standing guard over Sam's body while he did his mental walkabout with Dean, after all - but that definitely gave them at least something to work with.
"I'm really sorry," Kaia said again, ducking her head.
"You got nothing to be sorry for, kid," Dean told her, shaking his head. "You were in trouble, you reached out for help. Ain't nothing wrong with that, and it ain't your fault we weren't properly prepared for a situation like this. You okay?"
"Sorry," Kaia choked out, wiping her eyes. "Sorry, I don't mean to.... You're just a lot nicer than my world's Dean is."
"You sure you don't wanna just skip your world and come back to ours?" Cas asked with a raised eyebrow as Dean clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the curse Sam knew he wanted to growl. The questions provoked a fresh burst of tears from Kaia, but also a small laugh and a headshake.
"I need to get back to my world," she said, sniffling. "The way I got shunted here, my girlfriend probably thinks I'm dead, and I don't want to make Claire suffer that any longer than I have to."
"That's a sentiment we can all get behind," Sam assured her, holding out a hand and smiling when she tentatively took his hand with hers. "Cas? We've got work to do."
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Characters: Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Jack Kline, Uriel (Supernatural), God | Chuck Shurley
Additional Tags: Established Castiel/Sam Winchester, Sastiel Creations Challenge (Supernatural), Temporary Visit To Alternate Universes, Temporary Character Imperilment, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Sam Winchester, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Possible Spoilers For Most Of The Series, Rescue, all the feels, Fixing a Wrong, Castiel’s Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Sam Winchester, Prostitute Sam Winchester, Healing Sex, Sastiel - Freeform
Summary:
Castiel had unintentionally wounded Sam from the very first moment that he had met the magnificent mortal in that dank motel room. Over the passing years, many of the hurts had been intentional. Castiel tried to make amends, but something would inevitably go wrong. Now with Chuck rapidly destroying all of the alternate universes that he had created, Castiel has one last chance to rescue and heal his precious Sam.
But will some borrowed Nephilim grace and a reckless plan be able to save the day? Or will it all end tragically once more?
*****
Written for the Sastiel 15th Anniversary challenge.
Do you plan to participate in the sastiel 15th anniversary event?
Yes
No
Wanna see the results
Voting ended onOct 11, 2023
If you answer yes and you don't produce anything at the end, it's not a problem at all, I'm just trying to have an idea about how much people wanna try this. ^^
A whole week to celebrate all Creature Ships in Supernatural. Whether it is platonic, romantic, familial, or any other kind of relationship is up to you!
When is it?
October 8-14, 2023
What are the prompts?
We went with (mostly) creatures who are humanoid / can make their own relationship decisions for this list, but feel free to branch out if you'd like to!
Sunday, October 8 - Sirens
Monday, October 9 - Angels
Tuesday, October 10 - Tentacles
Wednesday, October 11 - Vampires
Thursday, October 12 - Djinn
Friday, October 13 - Demons
Saturday, October 14 - Other/Dealer’s Choice
How do I participate?
No sign ups are required! Just post any and all Creature ship content and be sure to include #spncreatureshipsweek2023 and tag us @spnrareships in your post. We will reblog everything we see, but if we haven’t reblogged your work within 24 hours please send us an ask.
Reminder: Please review our General Rules, which apply to all events we host. If you have any questions, feel free to send in an Ask!
15 years ago, on October 30th, Sam and Castiel met for the first time. Let's celebrate!
What’s a creations challenge?
It’s to encourage the fandom to create art. Here, we’re doing it to celebrate sastiel. EVERYONE CAN PARTICIPATE!
What kind of art?
Everything you want: writing, drawing, fanvid, graphic etc, etc. Be creative! :)
How does it works?
You have until Octobre 30th 2023 to create something based on the two prompts below (you can choose one of them or use the two, whatever you prefer). You do not post anything before October 30th. Every pieces created for the event will be reblogged here.
What are the prompts?
Word prompt: crystal
Dialogue prompt: "How did we end up here?"
What are the rules?
There is a FAQ here with older asks from previous challenges. Please, check it out.
Do not post your creation before the release date.
Please include the following caption when posting your work: @sastielcreationschallenge | @ your url as a link to your blog
↳ Prompt: insert prompt here
Tag your work with #sastielcc in the first 5 tags.
One final point
Promote the event, share this post, talk with your artists/writers/creators friends about it. The more the merrier. :D
15 years ago, on October 30th, Sam and Castiel met for the first time. Let's celebrate!
What’s a creations challenge?
It’s to encourage the fandom to create art. Here, we’re doing it to celebrate sastiel. EVERYONE CAN PARTICIPATE!
What kind of art?
Everything you want: writing, drawing, fanvid, graphic etc, etc. Be creative! :)
How does it works?
You have until Octobre 30th 2023 to create something based on the two prompts below (you can choose one of them or use the two, whatever you prefer). You do not post anything before October 30th. Every pieces created for the event will be reblogged here.
What are the prompts?
Word prompt: crystal
Dialogue prompt: "How did we end up here?"
What are the rules?
There is a FAQ here with older asks from previous challenges. Please, check it out.
Do not post your creation before the release date.
Please include the following caption when posting your work: @sastielcreationschallenge | @ your url as a link to your blog
↳ Prompt: insert prompt here
Tag your work with #sastielcc in the first 5 tags.
One final point
Promote the event, share this post, talk with your artists/writers/creators friends about it. The more the merrier. :D
We are finally live! Sign-ups for authors and artists are open now for the 2021 round of the Sastiel Big Bang, and we’d love for you to join us. A collection of works about all things Sastiel (or Mishalecki, if you prefer), no trope, setting or AU is off limits! Create anything with Sastiel as the main focus of the work and you’re welcome in this bang.
Click here to sign up!
For Authors we have two categories, a mini bang (any fic between 2k and 10k) and a big bang (any fic over 10,000 words)
For Artists, a Mini Bang requires one piece of art, and a Big Bang requires two.
A full run down of the rules can be found here.
Author sign-ups close on July 28th, Artists sign-ups close on September 17th, fic claims are on September 18th, and posting of final pieces starts on November 10th!
The full schedule can be seen here.
We can’t wait to see you all signing up, please spread the word among your Sastiel loving friends! If you have any questions the the FAQ doesn’t cover, don’t hesitate to ask (the ask box is open), this is a very relaxed atmosphere bang, with a supportive group of fellow participants to engage with. Hope to see you there.
Sam and Castiel didn’t think about it much when Jack’s recent interest in Celtic lore turned into his next big hyper fixation. He would talk about the Loch Ness monsters, selkies, leprechauns and faeries and never shut up. It was like Jack needed to infodump everything at the dinner table, which made Dean sometimes leave to eat in peace in the library, which made Sam mad because he hated mayonnaise stains on the old manuscripts. Which made Cas mad, because he hated it when Sam was getting mad. Cas was the one who didn’t contribute much to the conversations but Sam was engaging a lot with Jack’s preferences and he had a thing to say about almost everything. Everything Jack knew, Sam would know, too, and maybe even more.
They would battle each other in board games like Trivial Pursuit but Jack would fail badly in card games. Jack didn’t have a poker face at all, he wasn’t even able to not show the others his cards.Â
He understood the rules, of course, he did, Jack was a fast and eager learner and when he heard something once he would remember it for the rest of his life. But he just couldn’t control his facial expressions and he hated playing against Sam or Cas. And Dean would beat him in any card game, he was the hustler of the group and used to cheating.Â
When Jack wouldn’t shut up over Samhain and Yule about Celtic mythology, faerie courts, gaelic language and even New Year’s passed with him holding lectures about the possible mating habits of elves, Sam decided they needed a holiday in Scotland. Just him, Cas and Jack and Jack could go do some monster hunting. Dean welcomed the decision so much, he took a ride to Lebanon the same evening to stock up his whiskey stash, also bacon and all the unhealthy stuff Sam would complain about. It’s January 3rd when they land in Inverness, Scotland. Sam is jetlagged, but Cas and Jack seem fine and while Sam takes a long nap in the BnB, Cas and Jack would go outside and roam the area.Â
Jack woke Sam after six hours of coma with the words: “Sam, did you know the novels from Diana Gabaldon take place in the Highlands?”
Of course he knows, he thinks, silently groaning. He read them all and had a tiny crush on Jamie Frasier when he was a teenager.Â
“Is that another hyper fixation incoming?”, he asks and Cas scoffs.
“I’m sorry, my love. I tried to keep him away from the shops but there’s advertising everywhere and he bought two novels.”
Sam raises his eyebrow. Jack is off to his room, because it would maybe trigger some questions about two adult looking men sharing their bedroom with their adult looking son (who sometimes didn’t behave very mature, but that’s another issue).
“You know these novels have a lot of sex in them? The problematic kind?”
Cas peels his way out of his trenchcoat and the red tie with reindeers on it. He received that as a gift from Dean, and even if he’d never admit it, he held Dean high still. No matter what happened between them, Cas was still loyal to a degree that Sam sometimes got a tiny bit jealous.Â
“You’ve read them, you’ll tell him.”
Of course Sam will. He laughs at Cas’s approach to let just Sam handle the situation, but since Cas has proven himself no big help with the whole “Talk” stuff, Sam will do it anyway.
Sam gets up to go to the en suite bathroom, brush his teeth and take a quick shower. He knows Cas followed him and is watching him shower instead of just coming in himself, which Sam would encourage.Â
“Come in”, he says, “Or do you want to creep on me?”Â
“I like watching you.”Â
There’s more rustling of clothes and Sam knows, Cas is undressing and folding his clothes neatly, like he always does.Â
The shower gets hot, then steamy, it’s such a small cabin, not much space to fool around in, but Sam is already eyeing the bed again, and now they’re alone and Jack will be busy reading historical porn with consent issues he can relax a bit more. Since Cas and Sam feel and act like Jack’s dad it also feels like really having a kid around. Sam is always on alert and expects knocking on his door. Also no funny things happen around the bunker anymore, Cas and him rarely find a peaceful moment for themselves.Â
Maybe it’s the fact Sam is indeed a bit pent up and refreshed from his nap, that he doesn’t care much about Jack being away in the next room, when he pulls Cas on his lap in bed, both of them still dripping wet. It doesn’t matter right now. The church bells outside ring and drown Castiel’s moans when he lowers on Sam’s body. In moments like this, Sam thinks he can see the angel’s halo and the shadows of his broken, thin wings on the walls.Â
“Why do you always want to be intimate after a shower? Not practical.”
Sam laughs about Cas’s words, he knows it’s a habit that mostly results in them needing another shower, but when Cas joins him in the bathroom it’s like a reflex he can’t stand against. And Cas is so pliant and also otherworldly appealing, Sam would never reject him.
“Yeah I know, I know.”Â
They’re wrapped in the blanket, no matter of how they ruined it already. Jack knocks out and Cas jerks up.
“Dads! I want to see a Kelpie!”
They look at each other.
“Come in!”, Sam calls out and Jack opens the door.
“Claire saw a Kelpie in book one, I think I want to go see one, too!”
Sam gets up, but keeps the blanket up to his chest and smiles at Jack.Â
“You read that whole novel in under an hour?”
Jack nods eagerly. “Yes. It’s nothing, just 640 pages. I’m half through volume two. Will we go to France next?”
“Do you want to visit Maitre Raymond?”, Sam jokes. But he won’t go any further here, Cas hasn’t read the books, he maybe feels left out.
“No, I want to see the castles! I also have some questions about what happened to Claire when she was with Louis…”Â
“Okay, okay, yes, I got it. We’ll visit France next, but first you want to see a Kelpie. I think we’ll have to spend a night in the Culloden moor, where the battle of Culloden takes place.”
Jack is so excited he doesn’t comment their nakedness or blurts out “did you have sex again?” before he goes to pack his bags.Â
“You really want to sleep in the moor? Is that legal?”, Cas asks, while he gets up to go take another, more cleansing shower.Â
“Anything for our kid.”Â
Sam grins and follows Cas to the shower. The water pressure is great, the temperature boiling hot, as Sam loves it and Cas doesn’t mind.
“Anything for our kid?”, Cas asks, a sheepish smile on his face.Â
Anything for Jack.Â
“And anything for you, too”, Sam adds, kissing Castiel’s shoulder.Â
“I’m happy the way it is”, Cas whispers and leans in Sam’s embrace.Â
Summary: Cas makes an emotional confession to Dean, but The Empty only takes Billie. Being left behind has Cas reassessing how he feels. After Jack senses a presence, Dean heads out with him to check out the lead -- hoping to find someone else besides them who wasn't dusted by Chuck yet. Meanwhile, Sam and Cas's time together in the Bunker is going alright until Sam suddenly falls ill -- Cas's healing failing to help in the way Cas wishes. A difficult choice must be made.
*****
Dean's phone was ringing, sounding so loud in the tense silence.
"Dean," Cas said in a soft voice. "That has to be Sam."
After looking at the phone, Dean stood up and handed it to Cas.
"You can answer it. I gotta get some air. I'll be back."
Cas stared at him in disbelief.
Dean shrugged and turned away from him. He ran his hand against the back of his head as he made his way out of the room.
Cas shook his head and answered the phone. Sam was very likely worried and he really shouldn't keep him waiting.
"Cas? Why are you answering Dean's cell? Are you okay? Is Dean okay?
"Yes, we're both fine. Dean had to step out. He wanted me to take the call."
"Cas, you gotta check on Dean," Sam directed him, sounding urgent. "Everyone's gone. It's just me and Jack here. All the people we wanted to protect… the ones Billie wanted to take out--"
"It was Chuck, Sam," Cas cut in, wanting him to know who they should really be concerned about now. "Billie told us. He's taking out even those who didn't defy death or come from other worlds."
"Seriously? I should have… I wish there was more I could have done. Cas, what happened? Are you sure you're good? You sound different."
"I'm as good as I can be considering our situation. And you did the best you could. There's not much we can do against Chuck now," Cas told him, trying to reassure Sam. "But Billie is gone, Sam. That's one positive development. The Empty took her."
He heard Sam sigh over the phone. "Okay, okay. Can you give the phone to Dean?"
"Of course." Cas said and he started walking down the hallway, heading outside the Bunker where he knew Dean was.
"Jack and I will head back to the Bunker. You two be careful, got it? If Chuck is behind this, we don't want to be next."
"Yes, and you as well, Sam. How is Jack?"
There was a few moments' pause before Sam answered.
"He's alright, well… considering seeing everyone disappear. I wish there was more I can do." Sam said, sounding sad and a little defeated.
"I know, Sam. Jack is taking this hard. He wants to help but he doesn't feel like he can in the way he expected to."
"Yeah. I'll talk to him on the drive back."
"I did try to get through to Jack earlier,” Cas let him know. “I hope some of my words resonated."
"I bet they did. You're a better father to him than I ever could be," Sam told him.
"You are a good father and mentor to Jack, Sam. Do not think otherwise. I have faith in you." Cas told him with emphasis, refusing to allow Sam to doubt himself.
Sam thanked him and Cas handed the phone off to Dean.
Dean gave him a weird look that Cas found hard to decipher. He was well aware that Dean needed to talk to him. Cas didn’t receive much of a response from him after what he had told Dean.Â
Then again, he truly hadn’t expected a reply -- at least one a small part of him wished for. He mostly had made peace that Dean wouldn’t feel the same way as Cas did for him.
Cas could hear that Sam and Dean were arguing. Sam was telling Dean that he should answer his damn phone himself when he called. Especially after Sam saw all the hunters he had hoped to protect disappear, he didn’t need the added worry of his own brother not answering his call.
Dean tried to calm him down, but Cas couldn’t help but agree with Sam. Dean really shouldn’t have left to go outside, leaving his own phone with Cas. With people disappearing, they really had to keep an eye on each other.Â
Cas hadn’t argued with Dean about staying in eyesight. His confession and The Empty not taking him away as expected had completely distracted Cas.Â
Seeming to calm Sam down enough, Dean ended the call, reassuring Sam he and Cas would stick together. That meant if either of them vanished thanks to Chuck -- the other would know about it. Better to know than not to, after all.
The two of them went back inside the Bunker and headed to the kitchen. Dean grabbed a bottle of beer while Cas made himself some hot coffee. Dean raised his eyebrow at him.
“The caffeine will not work on me, but I appreciate the smell of coffee,” Cas told him by way of explanation.Â
He added the French vanilla coffee creamer to the coffee, and Dean quipped that he bought that for Sam as a joke. Dean was sure Sam used the creamer sometimes when Dean wasn’t looking. Cas couldn’t help but smile at the antics between the brothers. There was something comforting about it.Â
“I like the creamer,” Cas remarked. Â
He may only taste the molecules of food and drinks, but luckily, things like the creamer blended with the coffee sort of worked for him. Drinking this hot drink was not as unpleasant as he would have feared.
Once they sat down on opposite sides of the table, Dean gave Cas a meaningful look. He frowned and said, “Look, Cas -- that last thing you said --”
Cas shook his head. “I thought I would die, that The Empty would drag me away per our deal. There’s no need to talk about this.”
“I think we gotta,” Dean insisted. “Look, you’re family, Cas. I love you like a brother,” he said, tone firm. “I’m sorry if-- that’s the truth. That’s how I feel about you.”
Cas nodded, trying not to dwell on the disappointment he felt. A part of him wished The Empty had taken him so he would have avoided Dean’s response completely. That he could have died feeling true happiness at saying the words he’d kept inside. That would have been enough.
“I know,” Cas said tiredly. “I accept how you feel.”
Dean still looked unhappy about it, and a little awkward about this whole talk. “Cas, did you mean you loved me, you know, in that way?” He wanted to know.
“Yes, Dean. That’s what I meant. In a romantic way. But it’s done. We are clear about our feelings.”
Dean let out a breath, looking relieved. “That’s good. Good we got that out. Thanks for understanding. I know it’s gotta hurt like a bitch on your end. You know you deserve someone who feels the same way as you do for me, right? Unrequited love or whatever, man, it sucks hard. You shouldn’t live like that. Promise me you’ll find someone who will love you the way you want.”
“I’m fine, Dean. I have you and Sam and Jack. The family we have formed is more than I ever planned on having. I love all of you more than my brothers and sisters in Heaven. I’m very grateful for the life I have now. But I appreciate your concern,” Cas said, his words genuine.Â
He let out a smile, hoping it was a reassuring one that Dean would accept.
Dean nodded. “Okay. Glad to hear that. I know it’s weird for you being an angel… and well, Chuck pretty much dusted everyone on the planet, but when things are set right and they will be,” Dean declared.Â
He sounded confident their small group could defeat God of all beings -- that being a tall task was an understatement. “--you should make an effort. You deserve to be happy in that way-- to have a significant other or whatever.”
“I will try. I promise.” Cas said. He patted Dean’s hand.
*****
Sam and Jack returned to the Bunker with Sam looking so relieved to see Dean and Cas alive and kicking.
Sam went to hug Dean, embracing him tightly.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm still here," Dean said, but he returned the hug all the same.
Cas smiled at them and then in concern, he went to Jack who had a sad look on his face.
Cas reached out his hand placing it on Jack's shoulder.
"How are you?"
"When we were driving back, we saw no one, Cas. Everyone is gone. Chuck took them all."
Cas sighed and hugged him.
"We'll figure this out. We won't let Chuck win." He said confidently, wanting so much to reassure Jack.
Jack nodded, seeming to take in Cas's words. He pulled out of the embrace and went to sit at the kitchen table. He appeared to be deep in thought.Â
Sam went over to hug Cas, pulling him into an embrace.
"Glad you're still here," Sam told him genuinely. "I was so worried on my way here with Jack that you and Dean would have vanished. And that we'd be returning to an empty bunker."
Cas smiled, knowing how lucky he was since he had been so close to being taken by the Empty.Â
Now that he had escaped that fate, Cas was so grateful to see Jack and Sam again. To be with his family, with those he loved if only for a little while longer.
After all, he didn't know if The Empty would return, changing its mind and deciding on dragging Cas back into The Empty.
"I feel the same, Sam. I'm happy that you weren't taken by Chuck," Cas said to him.Â
He felt at peace when he was with Sam. He always appreciated when Sam showed him affection through one of his hugs.
Then Jack's voice drew their attention toward him.
"Guys, I-- I think I sense a presence. There could be someone out there besides us."
That announcement put Cas on high alert.
"Jack, are you sure?" Sam questioned him. "Can you tell who or what it is?"
Jack shook his head, looking down in disappointment. "I'm sorry. I can only locate where the presence is. We need to go there to see who it could be. But I'm positive of the presence. We have to look into this."
Dean looked curious. "Thought you were powered down? How are you sensing anything?"
Jack shrugged. "I'm not sure. But I can't deny that I feel something out there."
Dean seemed eager as he clapped his hands. "Okay, sounds good to me. I'll head out with Jack to investigate this. You two hold down the fort here."
Sam frowned. "Dean, no. We should all go. We shouldn't split up."
Dean shook his head. "No, it's better someone stays in the Bunker. Don't want to leave the Bunker empty. Maybe you two could go through the books and help that way. Or something. Please, Sam. Stay here," Dean urged at Sam's still upset look.Â
Sam looked like he wanted to say something in response. Cas placed his hand on Sam's arm, hoping to placate him.
"Sam, I think it's a good idea," Cas told him. "It'll be okay. And if Jack and Dean do find this someone, they will bring them back here. We need to be here to prepare a room for the guest. And make sure the warding remains secure. Most likely It won't keep Chuck away, but it will give us some peace of mind we did all we can."
Sam sighed. "Fine. Not happy about having Dean and Jack leave, but I'll stay with Cas. Be careful, alright? The both of you."
Dean looked relieved, seeming grateful for Sam's acceptance.
"I promise, Sam." Jack said.
Dean nodded.
Sam hugged Jack tight, lingering a bit as if he had trouble letting Jack go.Â
After Jack, Dean went over to hug Sam too, clapping him on the back.Â
Dean gave Cas a quick hug. Cas was sure he heard Dean say sorry to him. Cas didn't want to dwell on the reason for the apology. Dean had already apologized and Cas didn't need to hear it again.
He was glad to have time away from Dean. While it was good that they had made their feelings clear, Cas still couldn't fully vanquish the hurt he felt.
Once Dean and Jack left, Sam gave Cas an expectant look. "What happened when The Empty took Billie? How did you get the Empty to come here to the Bunker?"
"Sam-- how do you--?"
"You had this sad expression when you looked at Dean. Something happened-- more than The Empty passing by and taking Billie."
Cas sat down, putting his hands over his face. Sam went to sit down across from him. He started coughing, which had Cas looking at him in concern.
Sam shrugged it off. "I'm good. Throat's a little ticklish, I guess."
He let out another cough, but Cas could see Sam attempting to stop it. Sam turned away from him and took several deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling.
"Sam, perhaps we should discuss this at another time. You should get something for your throat."
Sam shook his head. "No, it's okay. I want to know. I can't wait."
Although as if to appease Cas, Sam went over to a kitchen cabinet and grabbed a cough drop from inside, dropping it in his throat.
Sam sat down across from Cas and gave him a nod, encouraging him to speak.
"When Jack was dying months ago, I made a deal with The Empty to save him. As a part of the deal, I needed to experience a moment of true happiness. At that time, The Empty would take me," Cas told Sam.
Sam nodded. "Did this moment involve Dean?"
Cas looked surprised. "How did you know?"
"Cas, I knew from the beginning something was going on between you two. Even if it at times I began to doubt. Dean had his bad moments. I almost couldn't believe that you put up with how he treated you sometimes. You didn't deserve that, Cas."
"Thank you, Sam. It was difficult at times dealing with Dean. Still, I can't deny how I felt about him. I believed that my true happiness would be confessing my love to him. Confessing how much his presence in my life has changed me. That I could be at peace with just that,” he revealed to Sam.
Though as Cas continued to speak he was doubting what he’d believed would make him truly happy. “I didn't need Dean's response. Sacrificing myself was enough. Saving Dean from Billie was enough."
Cas paused. He sighed, not wishing to continue.
Sam reached out a hand and squeezed Cas's hand.Â
"If I'd known ahead of time, I would have warned you, Cas. I'm sorry. Then again, I wasn't sure since you're not human. Maybe you were the exception for Dean."
Cas returned the pressure. He waved his other hand dismissively.
"It's alright, Sam. I knew Dean would never feel that way about me. Though a small part of me wished otherwise. We talked after he spoke to you on the phone. He told me he loved me like a brother," Cas let Sam know. "I will say now that the moment is gone, The Empty backing out of our deal without an explanation… I wonder if I was looking in the wrong place all along. Maybe I made a mistake," Cas admitted."After all, I have made my share of mistakes. Dean told me I should look elsewhere. That I deserve to have my love returned. But I need to find someone else because it is not Dean."
"Well, Dean's right. Being loved in return especially in a romantic way is better. You deserve it, Cas,” Sam told him, sounding sincere. He gave him a small smile. “I hope you find it. After we finish dealing with Chuck, of course."
Cas smiled. "Yes."
Sam looked like he wanted to say something else.
"There's never a right time, is there?" Sam asked, seemingly to no one.
Cas tilted his head at him, confused.Â
Sam looked uncomfortable, staring down at the table.Â
He looked up at Cas and smiled weakly. "I'm really glad you're here, Cas. Especially now knowing I could have never seen you again. The Empty better not return to take you. But at least if that happens…"
"It won't come back, Sam. The Empty has to be summoned. And if it didn't follow the terms of our deal, then I call the deal null and void. I have no plans to tempt Fate and get The Empty to drag me away into its dominion." Cas said, firm in his tone.
"Yeah, I hope the deal's off too. Still, at least I got this opportunity to say goodbye to you,” said Sam-- the happiness in his voice was hard to miss. “We barely spoke before you and Dean returned to the Bunker to stop Billie. Now we have our chance. And I wanted to say too how much you mean to me. I care about you and I'm happy to have you in my life."
"Thank you, Sam. I know that, but it is good to hear the words. Sometimes I feel I've gone from one failure to another. I’ve failed you too, remember? I brought you back without a soul, broke your Wall --"
"You made up for that. You’ve saved my life," Sam interrupted, his voice earnest. "I've forgiven you, okay? I still forgive you. Don't forget that." Sam told him in no uncertain terms.Â
He reached out and grabbed Cas's hand, interlocking their fingers.
Then Sam frowned and he gripped the edge of the table hard with his other hand.
“That’s weird,” he said in a whisper, more to himself.Â
Cas watched Sam in concern. Something wasn’t right.
Sam pulled his hand away from Cas and he went to stand up. He blinked a few times, looking confused as he appeared to steady himself by placing his hand on the table.
Cas stood up and walked over to Sam. After kneeling down in front of Sam, he put his hand on Sam’s arm.
“Sam, what is it?”
“I was -- I don’t know. All of a sudden, even just sitting, I got dizzy. Like full on kitchen spinning, which makes no sense. I was feeling fine. I don’t think I have an ear infection.”
With a careful eye, Cas peered at Sam. He gave a silent question to Sam as he raised his hand. Sam nodded, allowing Cas to check him over.Â
Cas sat down on the stool beside Sam. He placed his hand on Sam’s forehead, applying a light pressure as he concentrated.
His grace reached out toward Sam, tentative in its touch as it examined Sam from head to toe. Â
“Perhaps you should lie down. I’ll help you get to your room,” Cas offered.
Sam shook his head. “No, that’s okay. I can walk there on my own. But thanks.”
Cas peered at Sam in disbelief. He relented, though Cas was still concerned about him. He had tried to heal Sam, but only partially managed to ease his symptoms. Something wasn’t right. Even with his limited grace, Cas still felt strongly that he should be capable of healing Sam’s dizziness and his coughing.
Scarcely a moment later, Sam coughed loudly this time-- a croaky, painful-sounding cough.
Sam walked slowly to the doorway of the kitchen.Â
Feeling uncertain, Cas nevertheless spoke up. “Sam, it’s okay to ask for assistance. I want to help, so please let me.”
Sighing, Sam turned around to look at Cas. “It’s not about that. I know I’m not feeling well and I can’t do this alone,” he acknowledged.Â
The cough wouldn’t leave him in peace as another round of coughs overtook him and Sam’s body shook with the force of them.
Outside of the kitchen, Sam had his back against the wall and he slid down it and covered his face in his hands.
“Sam, how are you?” Cas asked him softly. He sat down beside Sam.
“I still feel dizzy,” Sam said, looking over at him. “And my chest hurts from the coughing, wherever that came from. I’m too tired to go to my room,” he told Cas.
Worried, Cas placed his hand on Sam’s forehead. “You’re very warm. You have a fever,” he said.
Sam began to shiver, and he sighed in resignation, “Another thing making me feel miserable, great,” he said darkly.
Cas frowned, wishing he could fully heal Sam. He was perplexed that Sam was growing worse. He was sure he’d had partial success in healing Sam before. But it appeared his grace had completely failed. That led Cas to consider that Sam’s condition was not a simple human illness. The frustrating symptoms could have been Chuck’s doing for all he knew. As another attack against them for daring to defy him.
“I’m sorry, Sam,” Cas said with a downcast look.
He helped Sam up off the floor. “Lean on me. We’ll go to your room and hopefully lying down in bed to rest will be a good first step.”
Sam nodded. He didn’t protest when Cas held him around the waist. Sam put his arm around Cas’s shoulders.Â
Cas could feel Sam shivering, trembling against him more acutely through their present close contact.
They made it to Sam’s bedroom eventually -- possibly taking twice as long as normal. Sam’s cough halted him in its tracks and they made several stops so Sam could get the coughing out of his system. Every time, Cas attempted to reach out to Sam with his grace-- wanting badly to soothe Sam’s pains, but each time, his grace wouldn’t work. If Chuck was the architect behind this, then he could be behind Cas’s grace failing. Cas hated that thought.Â
He couldn’t deny the feeling that the cause was something else… it was a sense he couldn’t shake. No, this couldn’t be Chuck. Why would he bother with making Sam sick? Cas imagined Chuck would be watching Jack and Dean more closely while they were out investigating the mysterious presence Jack sensed. He sincerely hoped the pair of them were being careful -- especially since Jack had no powers at his disposal right now.
Without a clear cause yet, Cas focused his attention on making Sam comfortable.
He couldn’t bear to see the pained look on Sam’s face. He rubbed Sam’s back as he fell into another coughing fit.
“You’re okay. Remember to breathe, in and out,” he told Sam in a low voice. He hoped his voice sounded soothing.
“I should get medication for your fever,” Cas decided. He moved to stand up from the chair at Sam’s bedside.
Sam reached out, grabbing Cas’s forearm. “Cas, I think I’m being punished… I wish I didn’t feel this way. I want to make it stop, but it won’t,” he said, but Cas couldn’t understand what Sam was going on about.
Then Cas took a moment to think over Sam’s words. Did Sam mean what he believed?
Sam gave a small laugh that descended into a cough. He laid his head back against the pillow.
“Well, like I said, never the right time. It’s never been the right time. I should just give up ever thinking there’d be a good time. I’m sorry, Cas… you’re still-- you and Dean. It’s too soon… I’ll-- please, tell me to be quiet.”
“I won’t, Sam,” Cas told him firmly. “There is no me and Dean. We were never together, so don’t worry yourself over something that never was. I made a confession to Dean, but it came to nothing. Now I feel grateful that I have been gifted this second chance. That I can still be here, with you, talking to you… that I’m not rotting away in an unwanted sleep in The Empty. Do you understand me?”
“I still think this is a punishment,” Sam insisted, though he sounded weak and unsure.
“It is not,” Cas argued, shaking his head.
He made to leave again, wanting to get medication and other items to help with Sam’s symptoms.
Again, Sam reached out to him, touching his arm to stop him from going.
“Cas, I know you’re not human, so you don’t deal with things the way we do. But you’ve got to still be conflicted,” Sam said, sounding so certain of that. “It’s only been hours since you confessed to Dean when you believed The Empty would take you. That’s not long enough. If he was your moment of true happiness, you can’t brush that off so fast. Even if Dean told you he didn’t feel the same,” Sam told him. Â
“I need water,” Sam announced as he coughed again. His throat had most likely gone dry.
Cas gave him a glass of water, which he had filled earlier while Sam had settled himself into his bed.
“I understand, Sam. You’re right, I do “deal with things” differently. I’m truly alright. I’m relieved that at least Dean and I know where each of us stand. I don’t want to waste my second chance dwelling on an unrequited love. I want someone I can share love with. In how the world is now -- thanks to Chuck’s cruelty -- I prefer to focus on that light at the end of the tunnel and not the dark tunnel itself.”
“Yeah, I have to remember that. Just thinking about being alone -- just you and me, Dean and Jack on this empty planet -- is frightening. And Chuck will probably never back down,” Sam said sadly.
"I believe we can find a solution. Don't lose faith, Sam.” He advised him.Â
"When you say it, I want to believe too," Sam said. He let out a yawn. "I feel so tired. Some sleep should help. The coughing has exhausted the hell out of me."
Cas gripped his shoulder. "I'll get some medication for you. And maybe a damp towel for your fever?"
"Yeah, that sounds great. We can do both. Hoping the medicine will break the fever. But I’m game for the towel idea. Always liked it when I was sick."
“Good. I’ll be back shortly,” Cas assured him. He felt anxious that when he would leave, Sam would grow worse.
He couldn’t help but look back when he was at the doorway. Sam was looking far too pale. While Sam did give Cas a small smile when he noticed that he was staring at him, the smile soon turned into a grimace.Â
Sam put his hand to his brow and settled back down into bed. His head rested firmly on the pillow and he turned away from Cas as if he didn’t want Cas to see him this way. It seemed like Sam was afflicted with a headache.Â
Cas was quick to return to Sam after collecting the things he needed.
Cas placed the towel over Sam’s forehead. Sam smiled at him in gratitude.Â
Eagerly, Sam swallowed the fever-reducing pills and drank the water Cas handed him after. Then, Sam asked him, "How do you know about the towel and the meds?"
Cas nodded, recounting to Sam, "During my time as a human, I looked after an infant who was stricken with fever. I was at a loss about what to do, so I asked Dean for help. For future reference, Dean wrote me a guide on how to treat some illnesses such as the flu, common cold or strep throat. That is, treat them the human way. I did double-check some instructions. Some of them seemed strange."
Sam looked like he wanted to laugh. "Dean was messing with you. Yeah, not surprised. Glad you spotted that."
Cas let out a smile. “Yes. After knowing Dean for so long, I find it wise to err on the side of caution when he offers me advice.”
Sam was in agreement. “Oh yeah. You and me both.”
Another coughing fit overtook Sam at that point, which only increased Cas’s concern for him.
“Is there any blood?” Cas asked him, trying to be gentle about it.
“No, no it’s good. No blood. Just a pain in the -- it only hurts. But luckily no red,” Sam told him quickly.
At Cas’s significant look, Sam relented and gave him the tissue he’d coughed into. Cas didn’t put it past Sam to lie to him about how sick he was -- just so Cas wouldn’t worry too much.
Cas was relieved when Sam was telling the truth. He tossed the used tissue into the wastebasket.
“Perhaps I should call Dean to update him on your well-being?” Cas suggested. “He would want to know.”
“I don’t want Dean to worry. Please don’t call, Cas, please.”
“Alright,” Cas backed down, the pleading tone in Sam’s voice swaying him.Â
Sam looked so miserable. Cas didn’t wish to add more stress for him by having Dean be aware of Sam’s sudden illness.
“Do you want to talk about us? What is it that you wish to say to me, Sam? I won’t allow you to make excuses about it being too soon after my confession to Dean,” Cas was intent on adding in, not allowing Sam to shy away from this conversation. “Chuck may kill us at any moment. We should know how we feel about each other. Or would you rather die missing the chance to tell me what you clearly want to say?”
Sam looked away, seeming uncomfortable with the current topic. He removed the towel from his forehead.
“How are you feeling?” Cas asked him as he watched him set the cooled towel aside on the bed. “Are you still feverish?”
Sam shook his head. “I’m better. Thanks to you. The pills are helping, and the towel felt nice,” he said. “I think you should start first, Cas. I want to hear what you have to say,” Sam told him.Â
Then another cough overtook him and Cas was patient as placed his hand upon Sam’s back as he coughed it out. Cas let out some of his grace, hoping against hope that his healing power would soothe Sam. Perhaps make the pain in his throat hurt less after these repeated coughing episodes.
“Of course. That’s for the best. You should conserve your voice in light of the sore throat,” Cas reasoned.
He was grateful that at least Sam wasn’t attempting to shift the talk to something else.
Cas placed his hand over Sam’s grabbing hold of it in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.
“I appreciate our friendship, Sam. But I will admit there were times I wished that we were more than friends. That sharing more than friendship, perhaps sharing an intimacy would have been welcome. But with Jack and how I worried about him… I knew it would be best if the both of us were united in helping Jack. I feared if we were in a romantic relationship and we broke up, then we would have trouble being there for Jack when he needed us. Our friendship seemed like the safer option. And then, Eileen returned into your life and I didn’t want to spoil your happiness with her,” Cas told him, being honest with him.
“Cas-- I wish I’d known,” Sam said. “But I see it the same way -- I care about Jack and worry about him too. You were right in being careful. Even if a part of me wishes you would have taken the risk. But making sure Jack is okay, that he’s safe, is more important. Always,” Sam said with a nod. “I love you for not taking the risk and hate you for it too,” Sam admitted to him, giving him a weak smile.Â
“If that makes any sense. Having Eileen return was great, but it’s … it’s hard to talk about her now after Chuck killed her. I love her, I do, but Cas -- you and I -- we’ve been through so much together over the years. My feelings for Eileen don’t compare to how I feel for you,” Sam let him know, his tone firm.
He paused then, as if he were waiting for something.Â
“Does your throat hurt?” Cas asked him urgently, Sam’s illness taking priority.
Sam shook his head. “No, not as much as before. I thought I would start coughing after saying all that.”
“I used some of my grace to help, Sam. I wasn’t sure if it would work this time, but perhaps it did,” Cas said, smiling at him.
He was grateful that his power was finally weakening the strength of Sam’s affliction.
“Thanks, Cas,” Sam told him. “Glad your grace is working. Though with your limited supply, I feel bad if you have to strain yourself using what little you have,” Sam admitted, frowning.
Cas laid his hand on Sam’s head, his gesture affectionate as his fingers became entangled with locks of Sam’s hair. Sam’s eyes met his. Cas was pleased to see his eyes light up as he looked at Cas, in silent appreciation at Cas stroking his hair.
“Don’t feel bad, Sam. I won’t hear it. I feel fine, even better now that I’m helping you. I’m happy that I can help you through this illness in some small way.”
Sam nodded, his lips twitching into a smile. “So, does this mean you’re in love with me?” He asked, his words coming out slow, tentative. “Or is it the kind of love that comes from us in this messed up apocalyptic situation? And we’re just clinging to any glimmer of hope, which is acknowledging that we love each other in a romantic way?”
Cas frowned, not liking that Sam was thinking that way. His love for Sam wasn’t brought on by the present world-ending predicament they were in.Â
He took action instead of speaking. He leaned forward and held Sam’s face in his hands, kissing him on the lips -- soft at first, but more passionate as Sam returned the kiss, accepting Cas’s answer.
“What do you believe?” Cas asked Sam, with a raised brow.
“Hmm, that you’re a good kisser,” Sam complimented him, grinning at him.
Cas couldn’t help but smile in return.Â
They broke apart when Sam was holding back a yawn.Â
“You should rest,” Cas advised.Â
Sam looked unhappy about that. “I’m okay.”
Cas begged to differ. He studied Sam’s too pale face, his flushed cheeks and then the beads of sweat causing some strands of hair to stick to his forehead.
“You’ll recover faster when you sleep, Sam. Please. I’ll feel better if you rest,” Cas tried to convince him.
Sam sighed, still looking sadly at Cas. He laid back down on the bed, and Cas placed the towel on Sam’s forehead. He used some of his grace to cool the towel and keep the sweat at bay.
He watched Sam sleep, and though he knew Sam wouldn’t want Cas using his limited grace on him, Cas felt Sam was worth it. Cas reached his hand out, touching Sam on the top of his head. He let out his grace, ensuring that Sam would have a peaceful slumber.
*****
Sam woke up to the sound of Cas’s calming voice saying his name.
He opened up his eyes to see Cas look at him, sorrow in his eyes.
Sam sat up in bed quickly, grabbing the towel from his brow and dropping it on the bed.
“Cas, what is it? What’s wrong?” Sam asked, his worry growing with each word spoken.
Sam couldn't stop the coughs from coming, preventing Cas from responding.
With a look of concern, Cas went to Sam and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Sam saw the blood on the tissue and tried not to panic. He could see that Cas was aware of it as his face fell. Sam breathed hard as the coughs subsided.Â
"Sorry," Sam said in a whisper. His throat felt too dry.
"No need to apologize," Cas told him. "Breathe in and out. That should help. Don't allow your fear to win. You'll be okay. Inhale and exhale," Cas instructed him in a soft voice, rubbing Sam's back in a soothing motion.
Cas mustered up a smile for him. “Sam, I need to tell you that it’s me. It's my fault you're not well. I need to leave Earth so you can be healed.”
“I-- wait…” Sam stopped as he thought over what Cas said and how Cas was going to be dragged off by the Empty when that failed to happen.
“The balance needs to be restored? You were supposed to die, but you avoided that. And I was chosen to take your place? That explains me getting sick out of nowhere.”
Cas nodded. “I’m sorry, Sam. I never wanted this to happen to you,” he apologized to Sam earnestly.Â
Sam shook his head, and he assured Cas he was alright with it. If his sickness meant he could finally tell Cas how he felt about the angel, then it was worth every minute.
“The one bright spot is I will not go to The Empty where all angels and demons go. I’m grateful for that,” Cas said, looking cheered at that good news as he smiled to himself. “I believe my irritating The Empty when Jack woke me up that one time caused The Empty to break our deal. I’m sure that the threat of me being a repeat nuisance helped.”
“Who told you all of this? That it was you staying on Earth causing me to get sick?”
Cas looked uncertain as he took some time to think before he said, “I apologize, Sam. I can’t tell you. But you will find out in the near future, I promise. It's someone who I trust. They will open a portal for me to go through, and I’ll be returning to Heaven.”
Sam raised his eyebrow. “Heaven? Really? Well, beats The Empty. Though I know you aren’t the biggest fan of the place even if it was your home for longer than Earth ever was.”
“Yes, I will choose Heaven over The Empty. Though my time here on Earth has been short compared to the many millennia I’ve lived; I’ve truly felt more at home on Earth, in this Bunker than I ever have in Heaven. But you are worth saving, Sam. If this means I can never return to Earth, then I will accept that,” Cas said, though he sounded glum about the prospect.
“I’ll never see you again?” Sam asked, already dreading the answer.
Cas shook his head. “You will see me again -- Jack and Dean too -- but it won’t be on Earth. To make certain the balance is restored -- so that you live on as you should, as I want you to -- I can’t be on Earth. It’s not ideal, but it's preferable over you dying now from this illness or me heading to The Empty.”
Sam stood up slowly. The dizziness reared its unwanted head as he watched the room spin before his eyes. He gripped the nightstand, closing and then opening his eyes as an attempt to keep the dizziness at bay. Â
He put up his hand to stop Cas from rushing over to assist him. He could do this on his own.
Thankfully, as Sam focused his gaze on Cas, the frustrating dizzy sensation lessened.
“Alright, I’ll make peace with that. If you say you trust this person helping you, then I trust them too. I’ll miss you. I’m glad I got to say goodbye to you… that we know how we feel about each other. It’s a gift I’ll never forget. But, I’ll still miss you,” Sam repeated, sighing in resignation afterwards.
Cas hugged him.
A portal manifested behind Cas -- a bright white light emanating from the slit-shaped opening.
Cas pulled away from Sam and turned around to face the portal.
Sam didn't want Cas to go, but he knew it had to be done. Cas wanted to save him, and Sam accepted that. Honestly, he wasn't ready to die, which would have happened if this sickness had run its course. Sam couldn't imagine leaving Dean and Jack behind. They needed him and he wouldn't want them to watch him die.
"Cas, one last thing…" Sam spoke up, aiming for one last moment with one of his closest friends… and maybe now something more.
Cas turned to face Sam, an expectant look on his face.
Sam approached him and placed his hands on either side of Cas's face, kissing him to the point where he could scarcely breathe.
Cas smiled against his lips, kissing him back.
Sam reluctantly pulled away, gasping for air. His chest was aching badly. This unrelenting illness made it harder for him to breathe. He couldn't hold his breath like he wanted.
With a sad look, Cas reached out to Sam, placing his hand on Sam's neck.
Cas opened his mouth. Sam watched as tendrils of blue-white angel grace flowed out past his lips into Sam's mouth. Sam closed his eyes, feeling the welcome warmth as the grace healed him as it spread throughout his body.
Sam looked at Cas, eyes shining, conveying the gratitude he felt on his face. But they both knew the bittersweet truth why the grace was working now.
Cas was leaving, so the affliction Sam had been burdened with was losing strength.
Then Cas stepped away and Sam felt cold at the loss of his touch.
"I love you, Cas," Sam declared what they both already knew. But it did feel good to say the words.
Cas smiled at him, responding in Enochian with "I love you, too," knowing Sam would understand. Sam had never been more grateful for all those hours studying the Enochian language.Â
Cas turned toward the portal and stepped into the opening. He looked back one last time at Sam, a look of peace upon his face.
Sam nodded, doing his best to give Cas a smile as he left.
Then Cas was gone through the portal, the white light fading away as the opening closed.
Sam's phone started vibrating. He had gotten a text from Dean. Although it turned out to be Jack as Sam read the text. Dean had to be driving at this point.Â
The text said, "Hello Sam -- this is Jack. We're on our way back home. The presence was Michael. We found him in a church. How are you and Cas?"
Sam sighed, knowing the answer to that would be better done via a phone call or in person.
He suddenly was hit with a realization as he stared at Jack's text. The person Cas said he trusted.
Sam could only think of one person Cas would trust so easily. One who could possess-- or who had the potential to possess -- great power. Enough power to find a loophole to save Sam and keep Cas out of The Empty so the balance could be maintained.
It was Jack. It had to be Jack. From the future, of course, as his Jack had been busy with Dean tracking down the presence-- now confirmed as Michael.
Knowing Jack was involved in helping him and Cas gave Sam hope. They would win and Chuck would lose. And Jack would regain the power he'd lost.
Sam couldn't believe he hadn't realized it before when Cas had brought up this trustworthy person. But he was thinking more clearly now.Â
After Cas had left, his symptoms had decreased in intensity until they were completely gone. Like Sam hadn't been afflicted with sickness only moments ago.
Sam couldn't forget Jack doing the impossible all that time ago when he woke Cas up in The Empty. When both Sam and Dean were sure Cas was gone for good.
A feeling of calm settled over Sam as he thought of Cas spending time with Jack. He was happy Cas would be in good company.
Sam Winchester has died an unnatural number of times, but it takes the finality of Hell for Castiel to own the fullness of his discomfort with the idea. The thought of the gentlest Winchester trapped like a bird in the devouring presence of the Prince of Lies himself for all eternity: It seems far from a just punishment for the young man, although his name still reaches Castiel’s ears in curses and mockery among the surviving angels. Despite his great sacrifice, the Winchester boy is not remembered fondly in Heaven. The knowledge leaves Castiel with an unsettled feeling, a disturbance in his grace he has rarely experienced. Not unlike the pain he felt in the aftermath of brother Uriel’s betrayal, it echoes the void left by the departure of the Father. Blasphemy to compare the two perhaps, but there it is.
Still, it is a process to move from this discomfort to action. Truthfully, the task of righting Heaven is a monumentally frustrating one, and one Castiel would not mind leaving on hold for as long as it takes to retrieve Sam, or longer. But there remains the enormity of that mission; for the angel remembers well that he was not alone on his first flight into the infernal realm, on orders from the Father, and that far fewer of his brothers and sisters climbed out of those depths than made the descent. He knows it is unwise to attempt alone and idly wonders who among the seraphim he might ask. Their numbers were already dwindling when Raphael’s war began, and that war has taken many would-be friends, either by betrayal or destruction. Castiel thinks with regret of Anna and Uriel, once faithful comrades in arms although they did not part as friends; and of Balthazar, spared by Lucifer’s second rebellion only to be cut down in Raphael’s pettiness and anger.
Not for the first time, Castiel appreciates how truly alone he is.
What he lacks in numbers, he must make up in strategy. No doubt Crowley will be as happy to be summoned as Castiel is to call, but the demon never could turn down a good bargain. Castiel places hope in the justness of his cause, swallows his distaste, and prepares the spell.
After, safely above ground in Stull, Castiel stands patiently by as Sam draws his first shuddering breaths of clean, Earthly air in eighteen months (or a few hundred years, give or take). The deathly cast of Sam’s skin begins to warm in the early morning sunlight, and his brows unknit themselves as the minutes pass, his body freed at last from pain. Castiel kneels beside him and touches a hand lightly to his forehead, resting his other palm over Sam’s heart. The beat feels strong, and the breaths that raise his chest are unlabored. If there is a shadow of something—different—in the aura of energy around Sam’s form, Castiel chooses to believe it is only an artifact of the years spent in torment, and it will soon pass. Take the win, a voice from within him says, sounding not unlike Dean.
Castiel remains with Sam until he begins to stir, then disappears in a quiet flutter of wings. When he hears Sam’s prayer a short while later, he does not answer.
*****
Castiel is aware of Dean’s arrival in heaven but is neither surprised nor (and perhaps this is the surprising thing) bothered when he does not receive a visit. It is just as well, for Castiel is busy with the happy task of rebuilding Heaven, and of helping to protect those who remain on Earth. There will be time later for reunions. Time is one thing heaven is never short on, not in these redeemed days. Castiel’s thoughts turn to Sam, now the lone Winchester walking the Earth. He sends a prayer to Jack, takes comfort in the reply. Sam will be along in good time; a good long time, it seems.
The angel loses himself in good works, the rhythm of Heaven’s days punctuated by his times of quiet reflection. Jack remains a thought away, a presence so like and yet unlike the Father that Castiel’s daily prayers bring the most solemn happiness he has ever known. Castiel’s greatest joy is the time he spends with the new angels, pure creatures of grace and spirit and light. He has not seen a young angel in millennia, not since he himself was first fledged; he finds himself challenged by their curiosity, bemused by their seemingly boundless energy. Without the dimming shell of a vessel, their grace lights up the heavens around them, and their wings are more magnificent than young Joseph’s coat of many colors. Castiel is reminded of earthly houses of worship, their stained glass backlit by the sun; of rainbows; of nebulae and novas and the sweeping arms of galaxies painting the blackness of space. He teaches them to use their true voices in songs of praise, his mended wings resonating to the chorus of frequencies he has not heard in an epoch, nor thought he ever would again.
Castiel has long since ceased to walk in a vessel, James Novak’s bones now dust returned to dust. He finds he does not miss the human form, the way his alien face haunted every mirrored surface; nor does he miss the constant awareness of all he took from Jimmy and his family, in the name of “Heaven’s work.” Human lives might be too short to spend dwelling over regrets, but Heaven affords an eternity for reflection. And for redemption, Castiel reminds himself.
*****
Sam prays a short while after he enters Heaven; a number of years or a span of days, Castiel is not sure, for time is different here. He does not answer at first, but there is a second prayer, this one carrying with it a vein of uncertainty. The prayer is more a current of emotion than anything else, but Castiel can almost hear Sam’s voice forming English words: Sorry to bother you, Cas.
Castiel reaches out and finds himself present with Sam, who is kneeling to work in a little vegetable  garden that sits behind a small cabin. A richly forested mountain ridge makes up the near horizon on one side; to the other side is grassy meadow as far as the eye can see, and not far beyond it the scent of the ocean. The whickering of horses travels on the breeze from a weathered-looking barn a short distance away.
Castiel contemplates the glow of Sam’s soul around his Heavenly human form, and wonders how he could have overlooked its absence all those years ago.
“Hey, Cas,” Sam says without looking up.
“Sam,” Castiel answers quietly, wondering if Sam hears his true voice as it is, or filtered through his memories of Castiel’s vessel’s—Jimmy’s—vocalizations.
“Dean will be back soon, he’s down at the Roadhouse,” Sam continues, still not looking up from his work. He holds a small trowel in his right hand and makes shallow holes into which he drops seeds with his left, covering them loosely with little mounds of soil. A watering can sits at the end of the garden.
“I’ve missed you, Sam,” Castiel says, kneeling in the dirt beside the garden bed. Sam pauses in his work and glances up at Castiel, then quickly back down again. Something like a smile lights him from within. Castiel retrieves the watering can from the end of the row and settles back to watch Sam, leaning across the bed every few minutes to dampen the finished mounds. Dean finds them there when he returns.
