[apoemaday]

Fuck Me Like Fried Potatoes

by Richard Brautigan

Fuck me like fried potatoes on the most beautifully hungry morning of my God-damn life.

[stupidpetface]

[moreglitter]

normalize lying to matt lauer about seeing a clown explode to death in his little clown car

[roy-kent]

me, handing in my essays:

[wyrmwizard]

financial goals: bathtub that’s deep enough for me to be 100% fully submerged; preferably one of those triangle corner ones. Also maybe being debt free but the tub comes first

[wyrmwizard]

me, 8 years old, sitting in the largest bathtub that they have on display in the Home Depot:

[meangirlnurse]

okay but things that are tragically funny in High School Musical 2:

Troy Bolton being weird and passive-aggressive because he thinks his gay classmate, Ryan, is trying to steal his girlfriend 

Ryan not picking up on this heterosexual bullshit and being genuinely baffled when his polite small talk doesn’t get the expected reaction

[sweetlypink1988-blog]

[sweetlypink1988-blog]

COOL PLANET ITEMS SERIES

Tee // Tee

Tee // Tee

Sweatshirt // Sweatshirt

Sweater // Sweatshirt

Hoodie // Hoodie

We all had dreamed to travel in universe !!

[daevite]

me: god i love paranormal shit and urban legends

me, after indulging in aforementioned content:

[weheartfandom]

me @ me

[writing-prompt-s]

Humans start out at birth with milk white blood. The more crimes they commit, the darker their blood becomes. One day, you meet your soulmate. Skip a few years, and things are amazing… Until your soulmate trips, falls, and exposes black blood…

[jq37]

“Dude, I have not paid for music since 2006.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot that was a crime.”

“Me too, tbh.”

-fin-

[utteranonymity-deactivated20150]

Fun little trick I learned in therapy: validation. When someone is upset, don’t try to fix the problem, point out the cause, or tell them it could be worse. Just validate their emotions. Be like, ‘shit yeah man, that sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I’m here for you.’ That’s literally all you have to do to make them feel better. Thank you and goodnight.

[lesserjoke]

Reblog this post with your weirdest ancestor’s name.

I had a great-grandfather named Kermit Dickman.

[wuqs]

why did you start a competition that you’ve already won

[alienmeg-blog]

*signs a legal document with a glitter gel pen*

[just-shower-thoughts]

It is impossible to sing “500 miles” without a Scottish accent.

[ordurebizarre-deactivated201901]

[the-memedaddy]

[shapoodle]

If boy didn’t leave with a pastry I swear to G

[sandersstudies]

GUYS HE GOT HIS COOKIE, EVERYTHING IS OKAY

[clatterbane]

(Story)

[belladonnaforbrunch]

I’M INTERRUPTING YOUR FEED WITH A V IMPORTANT UPDATE

[bloomflowersbloom]

a baby can be born right now at 12:00, on a wednesday, august 24 in new jersey while another baby is also born in the exact same moment but they are born 9:00, on a tuesday, august 23 in california, these babies that are born at the same moment are technically because of time zones, a concept that we created ourselves, born “hours” apart even though really they are born at the same moment just not the same “time”, one will be considered older even though in actuality they are the same

[2thicc2function]

Wtf

[queenconsuelabananahammock]