my friend's discord server has a "proof of touch grass" channel where they post pics of them doing regular activities outdoors/in public. i think many online spaces could benefit from such a thing

pixel skylines

Kaledo Art
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

roma★
Three Goblin Art

Discoholic 🪩

blake kathryn
YOU ARE THE REASON
hello vonnie

PR's Tumblrdome
Acquired Stardust
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ellievsbear
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Not today Justin

★
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Jules of Nature
Keni
seen from Italy

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@savethegryphons
my friend's discord server has a "proof of touch grass" channel where they post pics of them doing regular activities outdoors/in public. i think many online spaces could benefit from such a thing
"You fools, my sword is forged from hate! None of you soft weaklings could wield it, there is no hate in your-" The villain and heroes could only gawp as the quietest and kindest of the hero's party stepped up, grabbed the sword, and the blade suddenly expanded to five times the old size.
"Do not mistake kindness for docility" she said softly, effortlessly holding the massive blade aloft. "Just because I can love deeper than you've ever imagined, doesn't mean there's no hate in my heart."
She approached the restrained man slowly "I wish I lived in a world with nothing to hate. But people like you. You who define your whole life around your hatred, you see, you're poison."
Only 5' tall she still managed to tower above the kneeling tyrant as she stood just a foot away. Speaking barely above a whisper, but with an unwavering resolve "Your hatred festers inside you and oozes out in violent acts. You terrorized this town. You've burned many more to the ground. For no other reason than your dedication to hatred. Entire bloodlines stolen from this earth by your vile hatred."
Her grip on the enchanted sword tightened, and it grew larger still "You, I have it in my heart to hate" spitting the final word with just as much force as she swung her shoulder. Letting the blade clatter to the floor beside his severed head
i bet the really basic ass knights made « go on more quests » their new years resolution like every year ugh
sending people wikipedia articles is my favorite form of humor. one time a long time friend of mine asked why i was using a different name and acting different i sent him the wikipedia page for DID. ryder just asked me why its 108 degrees in nevada right now and i sent him the wikipedia page for global warming and the season of summer.
i see you all in the tags going “this is so funny” you better not steal my fucking bit. im copyrighting this joke
Plagiarism - Wikipedia
you cant do this to me
Unintended consequences - Wikipedia
Self-fulfilling prophecy - Wikipedia
My cartoon for this weekend’s Guardian books.
p.s. my latest book cartoons collection is Revenge of the Librarians: tomgauld.com/comic-books-v2
I feel seen. And mocked. And understood.
Art by Kyra P.
sex appeal is a type of charisma but charisma is not a synonym for sexy. a character can be charismatic without being fuckable. i don’t like that these words seem to get used interchangeably a lot, especially in the d&d stat sense.
I kinda like the idea I’ve seen of replacing the D&D stat with “Presence.” Not as snappy a word, but it captures what it does way better.
you gotta include this photo
ağlıycam
This is it. The internet has come full circle. You can all go home now. We’re done.
FOLKS, PLEASE…DO YOUSELVES A BIG BIG FAVOR AND STOP USING TURBOTAX! IT IS USELESS NOW!!!
THE IRS website will let you fill out and file your return THERE ON THE IRS SITE. You pay like $12 for the actual electronic filing process, and THAT’s IT!
Unless you have tremendous amounts of Schedule D stock shit, TurboTax is NOTHING BUT A RIPOFF!!!
The IRS website is EXCELLENT. They allow you to look up your past returns, and have every bit of information you MIGHT POSSIBLY NEED!
FUCK TURBOTAX!
LIBERATE YOURSELF FROM IT!!!!!!!
Actually, with Free File it’s FREE
No $12 fee
That’s the point of free
If you make less than an income threshold you get to file for FREE using various softwares that are REQUIRED to be and stay free or they lose the license to work with the IRS as part of the Free File program
If you make more than that threshold you can file for FREE using the Free File Fillable Forms where you type in numbers and click “do the math” and the website does all your math for you
Also fuck turbotax, I’m not even allowed to use it because it’s inaccurate enough that I’d get fired since Congress mandated all IRS employees’ taxes need to be PERFECT as a condition of employment
Here’s a list of free tax filing services, straight from the IRS website:
It tells you how much their income threshold is and if they’ll free file for you at the state level.
DO NOT PAY TO FILE YOUR TAXES IF YOU DO NOT HAVE TO.
So I did Free File yesterday, and I don’t think people realize how broad the eligibility is - it goes all the way up to $41,000 or less a year in adjusted gross income. (There are also even more generous eligibility standards for seniors and veterans, so you should check those out if you qualify). Odds are pretty good that you are among the 42% of Americans who fit into that bucket.
So screw the predatory TurboTaxes of the world and save yourself a couple hundred bucks a year.
so if there’s one single trope i’m always down to fight it’s the animal bride (folklore motif 402??) which a lot of you are probably familiar with as the selkie - the fisherman either falls in love, steals her skin to trap her on land/gain power over her, or they fall in love and THEN he steals her skin to keep her from leaving, and either way she spends a lot of time gazing sadly out to sea and then she or her child finds the skin and never returns again. and that’s awful on a whole lot of levels - it’s not love, it’s control.
BUT. but the thing is. you how selkies/seal women was a pretty common variation of this? another really popular one was swans.
i just want you to think about that for a moment. swans. like…I get it, they’re pretty, graceful birds, certainly it’s easy to imagine them magically becoming pretty graceful ladies? but have you ever fought a swan. swans are awful. swans are the devil’s geese. imagine seeing a pretty magic lady and being absolutely enchanted by her, and stealing her magic feather cloak, and then you go up and say ‘hey i’m in love with you, let me make you my queen, it will be great, we’ll be so happy’ and she just looks at you for a moment and…
you know i was going to say maybe she just shouts for her sisters and suddenly you’re realizing you’ve made a terrible terrible mistake bc you’re surrounded by big fucking birds who are all hissing. but honestly if this swan lady is as aggressively down to brawl as any other generally unhappy swan, then she’d straight up fuck you up on her own. she’d just deck you roundhouse, honestly. you don’t fuck with swans. why does this trope exist
okay but consider this: a woman walks to the park every day and feeds the swans and watches them paddle gracefully around the lake, sighing to see how beautifully they swim.
finally one day, a swan comes up to her and says ‘why don’t you come and swim with us? you always sigh so wistfully to see us on the water, and you would be most welcome to join our company, for you have always been a true friend to our kind’
and the woman says, ‘i can’t swim’
and the swan says, ‘we’ll teach you’
and the woman says, ‘literally i can’t swim, my husband stole my sealskin and should i venture into deep water i would surely drown’
and the swan says ‘your husband fucking WHAT’
the next morning the woman’s front yard looks like this.
and neither the woman nor her husband are ever heard from again, though for very different reasons.
@elodieunderglass
tagged for imaginary swans doing the lord’s work
A++, two thumbs up.
It may also interest someone to know that swans can projectile poop.
I know a real-world mama swan who got shot in the wing and walked four miles overland to get back to her babies and dad swan, with her broken wing bleeding and dragging the whole way. She just kept going. Don’t mess with lady swans.
Also? Swans don’t have a lot of obvious physical markings that divide the males from females. So some idiot might be like, “damn, that’s a sexy bird, I wanna marry her” and then like. It’s a dude swan. You just transformed thirty pounds of angry aggressive bird into 200+ pounds of angry aggressive adult man, who will totally kick your butt. (Also I’m pretty sure that if you turned a lady swan into a human, you would not get a willowy little 5′0″ girl. You’d probably have a 6-foot amazon with biceps the size of your head. Swans are heavy birds and it takes a LOT of muscle to get them into the air. They are among the baddest bitches in the bird kingdom)
And when a swan decides to beat you up, it is not with fancy martial arts. Swans are brawlers. They have bone clubs built into their wing joints specifically for beating people up. A human swan is gonna come at you screaming and spitting and just keep punching you in the face until you regret every decision you have made ever in your life and also some of the ones your parents made too.
I want a movie where the swan is either played by The Rock or Gwendoline Christie and the screaming brawls are the centerpiece.
The sorcerer’s eyes scan the lake greedily. He’s been coming here for months, dreaming. Waiting.
Choosing.
And now it’s time.
“That one,” he tells the two men he hired earlier this morning, pointing one long, ring-adorned finger at the most beautiful swan. “Bring her to me.”
The henchmen don’t ask questions. He paid them specifically so they wouldn’t ask questions.
Even so, henchmen A glances at henchman B from the corner of his eye.
“Dude,” he says when they’re far enough way from the cackling sorcerer that they won’t be overheard, “why the hell does he want a swan?”
Henchman B shrugs. “What do these sorcerer types ever want?”
They near the water’s edge. “Okay, but,” Henchman A says, “he’s not going to try and fuck it, right? Because I’m sort of uncomfortable with beastiality–”
“Oh my god,” henchman B groans. “Just grab the swan.”
It takes a bit of cursing, flailing, and begrudging team work to grab the swan. When they finally manage to tuck her wings against her sides and grab hold of her neck to prevent her from biting she goes limp, making the strangest, saddest sound that the henchmen have ever heard.
“It’s okay,” Henchman A tells her bracingly, feet squelching as they haul her from the muddy lake’s edge to the sorcerer. “He’s probably not into beastiality. Very few people are.”
Henchmen B coughs and averts his eyes. “Uh, yeah. Right. Hey, you don’t think this was too easy? I mean, the other swans are just…watching. Us.”
Henchman A glances over his shoulder. Sure enough, floating on the lake are about two dozen swans, all curving their elegant necks so they can watch the fate of the swan hanging in between them. Rather than seeming alarmed, they seem…amused?
Henchman A looks away. “Nah, I’m sure it’s fine.”
The sorcerer jumps from foot to foot when they approach, clapping his hands together. “Good, good! Now just hold her there, hold her!”
The henchmen watch as the sorcerer visibly reigns himself in, breathing deeply. He begins to mutter in tongues for a very long time, an awkwardly long time. The henchmen glance at each other with their eyebrows raised. Sorcerers, man.
Suddenly the sorcerer’s head snaps up, eyes glowing a blazing black. He points his bejeweled finger at the swan who has remained suspiciously limp between them and hisses a short, ominous phrase.
Henchman A fights not to scream as a bolt of blue lightning flies at them. Henchman B drops his side of the swan and Henchman A follows suit just in time. The bolt strikes the swan and there’s a blinding flash as the sorcerer begins to cackle again.
“Behold!” he screams to the sky. “My bride!”
The spots clear from the henchmen’s eyes and they gape at the swan. Or rather where the swan should be. Instead there’s a woman there, crumpled on the ground, in a white, soft dress that’s already muddy.
She slowly lifts her head, her face pointed towards Henchman A. Her eyes snap open to reveal a swan’s eyes, a deep unending black that looks… not right on a human.
“Oh what the fuck,” Henchman A says.
The swan woman levers herself up. And up. And up. And up until she towers over them. There are thick cords of muscle at eye level, thick arms and a broad chest that lead to a very strong neck . Most of her body is hidden by her dress, but it doesn’t take a genius to guess that she’s built like a fucking tank.
She is very, very swan-like, henchman A realizes.
“Oh what the fuck,” henchman B says.
The woman smiles, showing off white, small teeth. “Welcome to the thunderdome, gentleman.”
Her fist feels like steel when it connects with Henchman A’s face and he thinks he hears his cheek break. He falls to the ground hard and doesn’t even try to stay conscious after a hit like that. The last thing he hears is what sounds like laughter from the direction of the lake.
Henchman B tries to run, but the swan woman is fast. She grabs the back of his collar and slings him to the ground, hissing and spitting. She hikes up her dress, showing built calves, and brings her heel slicing down onto his stomach. He reaches and chokes at the same time, moving belatedly to cover his head.
He needn’t bother. The swan woman seems to be done with him.
The sorcerer’s still standing in the spot from which he cast the spell, mouth agape. “B-but, you– you’re a swan? Wha–”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” the swan woman says. Her voice is scratchy and growls like she’s swallowed glass. It sounds a bit like the hissing merriment happening on the lake. “I’m not a swan. I’m your wife.” She cracks her knuckles. “And it’s time for our honeymoon.”
The sorcerer picks up his robes and flees into the forest. The swan woman is fine with that. The swan who’d had to deal with this last week said that its more fun when they run.
She’s not surprised to find that he’s right.
wait, this version is better!
How DARE you leave this in the notes
By Czeck writer Karel Čapek, inventor of the term ‘robot’ as well!
This is one of my husband’s favorite short stories. He quotes it from memory. I’m pretty sure he can recite the entire thing from memory.
This is a tremendously impactful short story and every time I see it, it serves as an excellent reboot button for my state of mind.
I diagnose you with Chicago
Instant serotonin with a baby emu
There's a labyrinth. In the middle of it, a minotaur is making waffles.
Minotaur in his kitchen