no no listen to me. listen to me. the sports is exactly the point. like, if this were a sport where you need to cut weight like MMA or something, sure, there's some calorie restriction going on. but hockey??
the main problem these guys are going to have is that eating enough calories to maintain their muscle mass is both time-consuming and exhausting. there's a reason nhl teams are constantly giving these guys food - it's a full time job to keep them fed.
the average relatively active person needs, we know, about 2000 calories a day. hockey players can burn over 1200 calories in a 90 minute game. and it's actually super complicated for them to consume enough calories that they won't actually pass out on the ice without also having to use the bathroom during a game!! that's why fat stores are so important for hockey players - that and because during a playoffs run it's actually impossible to balance calories-in-calories out and they WILL be losing weight for the duration of the playoff run, so they need weight they can lose without eating their own muscles.
within 30 minutes after a game, a 200lb/90kg pro hockey player should consume 90-120g of carbs and 20-30g of protein or else they will not be able to maintain their performance. for reference, that's a little less than half of what a reasonably active non-athlete of the same weight should be eating in an entire day.
if we want shane to be dysfunctionally controlling about his food, here's what it would realistically look like: weighing his food and stressing about not getting enough grams of protein. forcing himself to eat cold leftover chicken and he doesn't have the patience to heat it up or season it because he's not even hungry and he's so fucking tired but he hasn't hit his macros for today. religiously monitoring his calorie output because he accidentally ran an extra mile this morning and now he has to eat 200 extra calories and he already had a plan to hit 3600 today but now he has to hit 3800 and he needs to calculate mineral and vitamin content into the difference to make sure he has enough fucking zinc to recover from getting hit during a game and NO hayden i can't go out dancing with you tonight are you INSANE do you know how many calories you can burn in one hour of vigorous dancing??
I think the reader's response to this post is probably going to either be "That's incredibly minor" or "Holy shit YES I'M ALSO PROUD", depending on people's personal experiences with academia, but:
Today I am incredibly proud of one of my students.
In the interests of disguising identities, let's call them Ceri. Ceri is one of my third year undergrads (meaning their final year, for anyone unfamiliar with UK uni systems.) They transferred to us last year, and within two weeks I was giving them the contact info to get to Student Services and get themself screened for ADHD; they have some mental health struggles, but I clocked pretty quickly that they STRUGGLE with procrastination, and punctuality, and attending 9am lectures in particular. Naturally, as is the way of my people, it took them a further four months to remember to go to the screening. Lol. Lmao. Rofl, in fact.
But, they did it eventually! Their screening lit up like a Christmas tree at the ADHD section, and they got a free laptop and optional one week extensions and a study support worker named Claire. This has helped tremendously, and although mental health + until-then-unsupported ADHD meant their academic profile had slid sideways somewhat, with the new tools available and a couple of resits they passed the year and hit this year running.
Until, that is, the last fortnight.
Now, I take them for a Habitat Management module that has two assessments: an academic poster presentation before Christmas, and a site-specific management plan in May. Naturally this means we are at that happy point in the year for the poster presentations. I give out the briefs at the start of the year, so they've had them since October; I've also been periodically checking in with them all for weeks, to make sure they don't have any major burning questions. The poster presentation was to pick a species reintroduction project, pull the habitat feasibility study out of it, and then critique that study; Ceri chose to look at the hen harrier reintroductions proposed for the southern UK. All good.
Which brings us nicely to today! Ceri's presentation is scheduled for 2.30. At 11am-1pm, I am lecturing the first years on Biodiversity, while Ceri is learning about environmental impact assessment with a colleague I shall call Aeron. This means we are separately occupied during those same hours.
Nevertheless, Aeron messages me at about 12.
"I think Ceri needs to see you after your lecture," he writes. "They're panicking, I genuinely think they might cry. I'm worried. Are you free at 1?"
I say I am. At 1, I get lunch and sit in the common area; Ceri comes to see me. To my personal shame, imagine all of the following takes place while I stuff my face with potato.
Now: this part is going to be uncomfortably familiar to anyone who has ever tried higher education with ADHD, especially unmedicated. It certainly was for me. All I can say is, I never had the courage to take the step here that Ceri did.
"I have to confess," they said quietly, and Aeron was right, they were fighting back tears. "My mental health has been so, so bad for the last fortnight. I've left it way, way too late. I don't have anything to present."
"Nothing at all?" I asked.
"I've been researching," they said helplessly. "I found loads on the decline of the hen harrier. But it wasn't until last night that I finally found a habitat feasibility study to critique. Generally... I've been burying my head about it, and it just got later and later. I thought I should come in for Aeron's lecture, and I should at least tell you."
This part is a minor thing, right? But honestly, I remember being in the grip of that particular shame spiral. I never did manage to tell my lecturers to their faces. I just avoided. I honestly can't imagine having the courage it took them to come in and tell me this, rather than just staying home and avoiding me.
"I think..." they said hesitantly, "I know I can submit up to a week late, for a capped mark. I think I need to do that, and apply for extenuating circumstances. But then I'll have both Aeron's assignment and yours due at the same time."
Which meant they would crumble under the pressure and likely struggle to pass both; so me, being as noble and heroic as I unarguably am, stopped eating potato and said, "Let's make that plan B."
(It was good potato. I am a hero.)
So, we made plan A: I moved their timeslot to 4.30, giving them three and a half hours. The shining piece of luck in this whole thing was that this was the crunch time assignment - if it had been Aeron's, they'd have had to try and write a 3000 report in that time. But for me, all they had to write was an academic poster, and those things are light on words by design. We found them a Canva template, and then we quickly sketched out a recommended structure based on the brief: if it's habitat feasibility, look at food availability, nesting site availability, and mortality risks in the target release site. Bullet point each. Bullet point how well the study assessed each. Write a quick intro and conclusion. Take notes as you go, and present the poster itself at 4.30.
"You think I should try?" they asked doubtfully, looking like I'd just asked them to go mano-a-mano with a feral badger.
"If you run out of time, so be it," I said. "But your brain is trying to protect you from a non-existent tiger. That's why you've procrastinated - it's been horrible, and you've been shame spiralling, and your brain is trying to shield you from the negative experience; but it's the wrong type of help for this situation! So while you're sitting there working on it, hating life, every time your brain goes 'This is hopeless, I can't do it', you think right back 'Yes I can, it just sucks.' And you carry on. Good?"
"Good," they said. "I'm going to mainline coffee and hole up in the library. Enjoy your potato."
And then, of course, I had to go and watch the other students' presentations, so that was the end of me being any help at all. I spent all afternoon wondering if they were going to manage it, or if I would be getting a message at 4.25 telling me they'd failed, and would have to submit late and hope for an EC.
And Tumblrs
Tumblrs
Let me FUCKING tell you
They turned up at 4.15, fifteen minutes early, wearing a mask of grim, harrowed determination and fuelled by spite and coffee, and they pulled up that poster and started presenting and yes, okay, I'll admit their actual delivery was dramatically unpolished and yes, they forgot to include the taxanomic name for the hen harrier on the poster and yes, fine, I admit that there were more than a few awkward moments where they lost their place in their hastily scribbled notebook but LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU -
They smashed it. It was well-critiqued, it had a map, it had full citations, it had a section on the hen harrier's specific ecology and role in the ecosystem, it had notes on their specific conservation measures. They described case studies they'd read about elsewhere. They answered the questions we threw at them with competence and depth. There was analysis. All that background research they'd done came right to the fore. They were even within the time limit by 15 seconds.
You would never have known they'd produced it in three hours, from a quivering and terrified mess fighting the bodily urge to dehydrate via tear ducts. After they left, the second marker and I looked at each other and went "So that was a 2:1, right?"
I caught up with Aeron downstairs and he was beaming. Apparently Ceri had seen him on their way out, and had gone over to talk to him. Aeron said the difference between the Ceri of this morning and the Ceri of then was like two different people; in four hours, they'd gone from their voice literally breaking as they admitted the problem, ashamed and broken, to being relaxed and happy and smiling.
"I reckon I've passed," they apparently told Aeron, pleased. "Maybe even a 2:2. There's things I wish I'd had the time to do better, but I'll be happy if I passed."
They won't know until late January what they got, because we're not allowed to release marks until 20 term days after hand-in, and the Christmas holidays are about to hit. But I'm really hoping I can be there when they're released.
But mostly, I'm just... insanely proud of them. I cannot tell you how happy I am. And I know, I know, obviously this is not a practice I would want to see them do regularly, or indeed ever again, and it only worked because they were fucking lucky with the assignment format, but like... when life is just punching you in the face, and you hit a breaking point... isn't it nice? That just this once, you pull off a miracle, and it's fixed? The disaster you thought was about to ruin you is gone? To get that relief?
"when people ask how you're doing, they don't really care." most of them do, actually, the amount they care is just directly proportional to how well they know you. you're just mad you can't be the main character of the Twice Daily.
if i am doing shitty and the check out girl asks me, "how are you?" i will say,"man, i've been better." we are strangers to each other. she doesn't need to know my whole life story. she doesn't need to know about my credit score and my hemorrhoids or my uncle in the hospital. she just needs enough to respond "been there, buddy. hey, at least the day is almost over?" and then we part ways. i have been on both sides of thousands of exchanges like this, the only one making you do a little song and dance is you, my friend
feminist killjoy hours again, what the actual fuck is “weird girl literature” and how often do we acquiesce to the latest degrading gendered advertising campaigns
hi it's me, the personal stylist hired by professional hockey player shane hollander. i understand some people have been second-guessing my sartorial choices but in my defense, what would you say if your client (generational talent hockey player shane hollander) was like "i need a look that says i have worked through some of my personal baggage and am ready to maybe go be with, uh, someone" and you were like "oh cool, who" and he was like, "what are you talking about" and you were like "well if you're trying to dress to impress it would help to know what that person likes" and then he (professional two-time stanley cup-winning hockey player shane hollander) was like "nobody! nobody at all. uh, but what should i wear, though?" i would argue that under these conditions, you too would be hard-pressed to come up with something better than a khaki blazer over a plain black t shirt
hayden pike has this hetero-centric idealistic fantasy of finding jackie a friend that is also shane’s spouse. he wants to be a couple of couples. the ‘wives’ hang out and are best friend and the ‘husbands’ hang out.
when women don’t work out, and he’s forced to find shane a boyfriend, it’s still with this idea in his head that shane’s boyfriend will just be an extension of shane like jackie is for him. jackie and shane’s man will be friends. so that hayden doesn’t lose his Shane Time (tm). he’s trying to find shane a man who can be his Wife and jackie’s friend, thus completing their perfect heteronormative group of four. without disrupting existing dynamics.
he can’t fathom shane getting with a Man. a Bro, a Jock, a Man who is a guy who is plainly a guy, ya know. that’s why ilya messes with his head so much. ilya, in hayden’s mind (and in reality, but pike is going to get bitter in his own head), ilya rozanov is better than him in everything. and the crux of it is that ilya gets to have shane. ilya gets to infringe on what hayden thought only he had the special privilege of getting. in hayden’s mind, shane is a prize and ilya won. but also back to the point, ilya is very clearly a man and in a gay relationship with shane. a gay relationship that hayden can’t comfortably assign hetero roles to (he doesn’t—can’t—imagine shane ‘being the girl’ and rozanov messes with both this idea and the fantasy. if shane would just dump him and get with a yoga guy, or a personal trainer, or any number of more ‘acceptable’ gay men, then hayden can have his happy little life and his happy little wife and his happy little second wife(shane) who also has his own happy little wife.
ilya gets along with jackie great, and the kids, but he’s a man who would rather hang out with his boyfriend/husband and ‘the guys’ than sit and be jackie’s little friend who is married to shane. that’s what’s at the core of hayden’s continued dislike of ilya.
"But AI can't do your job. It can help you do your job, but that doesn't mean it's going to save anyone money. Take radiology: there's some evidence that AIs can sometimes identify solid-mass tumors that some radiologists miss, and look, I've got cancer. Thankfully, it's very treatable, but I've got an interest in radiology being as reliable and accurate as possible.
If my Kaiser hospital bought some AI radiology tools and told its radiologists: "Hey folks, here's the deal. Today, you're processing about 100 x-rays per day. From now on, we're going to get an instantaneous second opinion from the AI, and if the AI thinks you've missed a tumor, we want you to go back and have another look, even if that means you're only processing 98 x-rays per day. That's fine, we just care about finding all those tumors."
If that's what they said, I'd be delighted. But no one is investing hundreds of billions in AI companies because they think AI will make radiology more expensive, not even if that also makes radiology more accurate. The market's bet on AI is that an AI salesman will visit the CEO of Kaiser and make this pitch: "Look, you fire 9/10s of your radiologists, saving $20m/year, you give us $10m/year, and you net $10m/year, and the remaining radiologists' job will be to oversee the diagnoses the AI makes at superhuman speed, and somehow remain vigilant as they do so, despite the fact that the AI is usually right, except when it's catastrophically wrong.
"And if the AI misses a tumor, this will be the human radiologist's fault, because they are the 'human in the loop.' It's their signature on the diagnosis."
This is a reverse centaur, and it's a specific kind of reverse-centaur: it's what Dan Davies calls an "accountability sink." The radiologist's job isn't really to oversee the AI's work, it's to take the blame for the AI's mistakes.
This is another key to understanding – and thus deflating – the AI bubble. The AI can't do your job, but an AI salesman can convince your boss to fire you and replace you with an AI that can't do your job. This is key because it helps us build the kinds of coalitions that will be successful in the fight against the AI bubble."
- Cory Doctorow, The Reverse Centaur’s Guide to Criticizing AI
ilya destroying that plate of spaghetti right before this sweet moment is so fucking funny to me. especially since the actor was actually eating the spaghetti
gulf winds | 31K | "I do not," Shane said, which was a lie. "And you should reflect on why you like to make your boyfriend upset so often." "My boyfriend likes to be upset," Ilya said. He was leaning fully over into Shane's space now, his elbow on the center console bearing so much of his weight as he swayed, almost accidentally closer. He was giddy, childish, how had he forgotten how good it felt to be with Shane, just to be next to him and talk – "Is there a rest stop coming up?" Natalya asked from the backseat, and Ilya didn't flinch, exactly, but it was a near thing. He'd almost forgotten she was there.| The best 'Ilya gets stuck with his niece' fic I've read so far. Everyone is messy and complicated and ends up hurting each other. Ilya's niece feels like a real teenager. And of course getting saddled with a teenager completely derails Shane and Ilya's Ottawa plan. Realistic consequences make for great conflict and storytelling. Lovely structure (non-linear narration with different intertwined storylines).
get gone | 11K | Shane tries to grab at the right words. "She's not - it's not that simple. Shane Hollander is me but it's also like - it's a thing people use to sell something. It's like a cardboard cutout of me."| Great story that deals well with Shane's anger, his complicated relationship with his public persona and, last but not least, how and when he and Ilya fight. Also does a good job of showing the less nice side of Yuna Hollander, momager. This author has a superb handle on Shane's characterisation, imo.
It’s Kind of a Funny Story by @flawlessassholes | 31K | Nobody knows if Ilya Rozanov tried to kill himself before the draft. Nobody sane goes first overall. And nobody knows if Shane Hollander is going to survive another mediocre season with the Boston Raiders. Isn’t it funny how a single nick in the ice can change the entire game?| My note for this fic simply says "mental health AU" which probably is very indicative of the gibbering mess I was when I was done reading. Take this as a warning, ok? In this AU both Ilya and Shane have mental health issues, everything is handled very well, as far as I can tell, but I also must say this story hit too close to home for me, so I can't be very objective about it. I also gathered this is inspired by a book, but I've never read it and was able to enjoy this without any prior knowledge, FYI.
System Collapse by @darlingofdots | 7.6K | Shane Hollander has severe food allergies. Fortunately, his teammates don't know that. Unfortunately, his teammates don't know that.| There seems to be a niche (but not too niche) fanon that Shane has severe food allergies and I think this lends itself very well to exploring certain sides of Shane (when it doesn't delve into misery!porn) and when I saw @darlingofdots had written a story about it, I knew it was going to be excellent. Fantastic Hayden and Jackie as supportive friends. Love the story structure too and the way therapy is portrayed here. I really hope the author will write more because there's a few threads that could be explored more.
lotophage by @citrusses | 9.8K | During a game against the Boston Raiders, the Metros’ star center Shane Hollander sustains a concussion. Six months later, he still has no memory of his life before the injury.| This fandom has a thing for amnesia fic, I've read so many stories (most of them excellent) so I honestly didn't think anyone could possibly write one that would put a new spin on the trope, you know? Ha. I was a fool. @citrusses gives us a devastating amnesiac Shane. Superb writing. One of those stories that went straight to my Kindle for future re-reading.
Just a Formality by @catherineland| 12K | AU where Shane and Ilya do not get caught by David in 2017. And for an entire year Shane hasn't been able to come out to his parents. Ilya gets a concussion, and Yuna gets a call.| A lovely Yuna POV.
a pox on all your houses by @the-apocrypha| 20K | Chlamydia?" Ilya has never heard Hollander's voice reach such heights in the absence of a cock. "You have chlamydia?" "I did not get it on purpose," Ilya complains.| The one where Ilya gives Shane chlamydia and it's actually a good thing for their relationship. So funny. Perfect character voices.
Your Flight Has Been Delayed | 25K | Ilya Rozanov is many things—a pain in Shane Hollander’s ass, hockey’s biggest playboy, a better chirper in his second language than most people are in their first, the only player who can challenge Shane for the title of “best of his generation.” But when Shane and Ilya get stuck next to each other on a long-delayed flight to the MLH Awards, Shane realizes something else about him: Ilya Rozanov is hot.| Cute AU with a different first meet. Fun, good character voices. . I've just realised a second chapter has been added since I read this! Exciting. I'll read it soon, but right now I'll just say the first chapter worked perfectly well as a standalone for me.
Farewell Mother Russia | 16K | After a decade of careful hiding, that’s that. Everyone is saying his biggest secret out loud. Ilya Rozanov sucks cock. Ilya Rozanov fucks men. Ilya Rozanov isn’t straight. It doesn’t feel quite as life crushing as he imagined it would. A calmness settles into his body. It reminds him of those minutes right after you break a bone, when the damage is already done and you know there’s nothing you can do but sit with it. It hasn’t even been four years since Russia passed the excessively named Law for the Purpose of Protecting Children from Information Advocating a Denial of Traditional Family Values. He can’t think about that now.| Canon divergence AU in which Ilya is outed. Lovely Ilya POV and exploration of his feelings for his family and country.
Exhibit A by @coffeedrgn87| 6.4K | Ilya Rozanov has photographic evidence that could destroy Shane Hollander's reputation. At least, that's what the internet thinks. Briefly.| Sweet and funny. Good characterisation.
Unusual Expenses | 3K | Once Shane's parents know about his relationship with Ilya, they begin treating him accordingly. Ilya is prepared for this. Until he's not. Or, sometimes love comes in the form of unexpected lectures on the rules regarding taxation of capital gains by foreign nationals residing in Canada. And then Shane picks up the pieces.|
Doing The Work by @bomberqueen17| 3.4K | AN: i know enough about hockey to know there's no way a teenaged rookie from a foreign country would have been left to get his own apartment in his first season. no way, he was in somebody's house. so this is whose house he was in, and what he did there.| Technically this is an AU, but not quite, everything that happens in this fic could have happened in canon, just off-screen/off-page. It's a fantastic vignette about Ilya's rookie year and the vet family who put him up that season. Love OCs when they're done well like here.
Do you think about me? Do you think about us? by @queengoose| 3.3K | Shane knows that the opinion of one eighth grade girl from the Boston suburbs is not the thing that will make or break his career. It would matter exactly the same if she was from Montreal, or Texas, or the moon. Which is to say, not at all. She’s not even a hockey fan. Her opinion and her comment are nothing. It doesn’t feel like it’s nothing, though.| Peak 2014, Shane and Ilya do the ice-bucket challenge. So much fun and perfectly in character for that time in the situationship and the internet era, so to speak. The author had such a stroke of genius.
Unnecessary Roughness | 16K | The problem with Happily Ever After is, well, the After.| Future fic. Ilya and Shane are retired, they have a three-year-old and work full-time on the Irina Foundation (which they have expanded). If I had to sun up the plot, it would be '"Shane has a very bad day". What this fic accomplishes in only 16K is amazing. This has immediately shot up to the top of the best post-retirement focus out there! This is so nuanced and full of details, the characterisation is obviously fantastic, but I just can't get over how much research and world-building had to go into this (world-building is probably the wrong word here but hopefully you can still understand what I mean). And it also tackled hockey culture and hazing so organically in the story.
so cool how advanced the algorithm has become, it literally only takes like a decade or more of spying on all my internet activity and then it can expertly curate a selection of 15-20 youtube videos that i don't really want to watch, and then keep showing me those videos over and over again for a week so i can scroll past them again. the future is now
