Sleepy dragons ramble as they drift-

Welcome to my lair of dreamy thoughts and written words. My main blog is @neko-nae

[scholarlysunflower]

hello again-- i fell off the "write everyday because it's good for you" wagon and instead have been reading, and doing yoga and trying not to wish for death, and endless nebula of darkness and void space cosmic light exploding over in over in the reaction of night, this black goes on inside my head this pulsing of "should i be here" "is there a point" "can i really do anything to change the world" so i just float through, sipping coffee and reading Dracula and hoping that it's enough for now--

[scholarlysunflower]

I feel trapped. Like I'm one of the few that's scared to death of where things are going in our world so I want to renew people's love for reading, but I also worry I'm too weak and small to do anything. Being an empath, it takes so little for me to be overwhelmed. I take on everyone's emotions, even when they're perfectly ignoring them themselves. But the world is fucked and without the desire to read and learn and be educated, I fear for where the planet is headed. Am I even able to change it? I feel like an idiot and don't know what to do..

[scholarlysunflower]

day eight

as a kid, I was excellent at mathematics & decided 7 was my lucky number due to it’s being prime, a number that did not fit or divide evenly with anything, as it was for me with friends– i’ve skipped day seven and find it interesting that with time, i’m now drawn more to 8, the infinite purpose and divinity found in the ability to continue on despite the odds, a finite existence turned mystical as the lion of Strength closes his mouth and does not speak his needs this day– the wispy spider whispers in my ear the secrets to eternity, this obtuse circling of a star that has long passed i wonder what my purpose is– i wish i was not so aggressive with you, my need for your improvement haunts me as i want to be held and comforted as i’ve never known, a feeling i’ve tasted and long for deeply– us humans are not taught to love ourselves, to really nurture our own hearts & minds, to know what is is we seek to the furthest reaches of the galaxies, we settle, don’t question, don’t find & i want more–

[scholarlysunflower]

day six

backwards progress like the clock has lost it's purpose & decided to join the circus fuck it-- the effort has been perilous and i thought it would be alright just to hear your voice and feel your love and remember what we were working for but i'm stressed and nervous and what if i was wrong and we can't do this and it's just a solo road ahead until the landscape becomes smoother i just don't know-- i want to believe it's going to work out, but i'm expending energy on it that i don't have to expend worrying when i dragged myself through the grocery store after work and bought yarn, the simplest of tasks were the most soul-wrenchingly exhausting & i want to go to bed-- is this what we need? would you be better without me? would i be better without you? it hurts me to even ask since i'd like to believe i know what love feels like but then maybe i'm not a good example-- there's this place in my head far away, my higher self lives there in this magic forest, Totoro and i could be kindred spirits of thick, moist forest air that rejuvenates the soul just to smell the abundance, the lust for everything & want for nothing-- i'd like to say things are getting easier but i don't know much these days--

[scholarlysunflower]

day five

a light-headed easiness is my breath, finding footing and security in the simple act of breathing in & out-- i am figuring out what feels good, natural like the length of leg-hair that grows with steadfast vibrancy, a thickness i accept like the curves of my thighs, touching-- your words bring nurturing comfort, this feeling of acceptance & patience in your arms, distant while i caress my own heart with sweet nothings, knowing full well we're both worth it--

[pegasus-astrology]

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband | Moon in Leo (via pegasus-astrology)

[scholarlysunflower]

day four

scattered thoughts but run ning non- stop breathe-- yoga s t r e t c h, b r e a t h e b e    h e r e, finally figuring out how to focus on what i have, not the lack-- waking up to your comments & feel a jolt, the remembrance of what i'm working for, or what could be once i learn me--

REBLOG IF YOU ARE A WRITER ON TUMBLR

IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT KIND OF WRITER YOU ARE YOU CAN BE WRITING: POEMS, FANFICS, IDK NORMAL FICS, NOVELS, SHORT STORIES, IDK ANYTHING!! JUST REBLOG!!!

[scholarlysunflower]

day three

my eye lids are crack ed flaking, an abundance of tears leaving so frequently a multitude at once, i know for sure the end is nigh but i charlie brown drag, puff puff, no pass and clean, straighten in hopes of piecing together the in- side while at it-- self-reflection looms as i stare steadily in the mirror, spray, wipe, but i know you have much to learn & i can weather my demons or just flush them, if only soul depth could be explained as simply as wiping away the cat hair from the bathroom sink--

[scholarlysunflower]

day two

utter exhaustion upon awaking, soft patter of rain falling gently against my window as i toss and roll for comfort, covers pulled up over head to block out the indistinct gray of a cloud-filled sky-- this indescribable need to run away, to recluse like Dracula in his cobwebbed castle, empty & alone, to discover what I really need-- i like nature-filled silence, frog croaks over the thrumming of steady showers and delicate moth wings tasting the air, landing on my skin to taste me too-- we can do this-- i can do this-- alone

[scholarlysunflower]

day one

replays over and o v e r hearing your voice, & feeling alone-- this insane loop of "break" playing on repeat, this promise of love forever if only we survive the s p a c e --

[scholarlysunflower]

mother moon–

your radiance glimmers like fireflies between blankets of jealous clouds, fighting for your affections,

but you don’t mind–

that scandalous smile as you part the suitors, your brilliant figure dances free to light up the night no fear–

[1000drawings]

Early Morning   by Amidstsilence

[spatialll-deactivated20201125]

[scholarlysunflower]

the spirals are in my head consuming my thoughts

this never-ending loop of pain of hopelessness, despite the many steps to find the end, self-

d e s t r u c t–

–LNM (8.3.2017)

[scholarlysunflower]

this cycle of dirty laundry spinning & s p i n n i n g without getting clean, words that could clear cloudy skies but have no effect on you, except to show how hard life has been, this perpetual dick-measuring contest of how hard life is without answering the fucking questions-- I just want space to relate, space to be allowed to be good to you without hearing about how others have wronged you-- space to be together and grow-- -LNM (8.3.2017)

[scholarlysunflower]

cravings

waking up i crave you deep within the caverns of crystal rose quartz, the jagged love stone built to protect the mush i n s i d e-- --LNM (7.11.2017)